Two and a Half Liars

by Tirimsil

Hello Sailors

Spike struggled to follow the wide purple behind skipping weightlessly ten pony-lengths ahead of him. "Twilight!" he rasped. "When the heck did you get so spry?! Wait up!"

Twilight paused mid-step, her tail bristling, and looked back at him with a scowl. "Hey!" she objected. "I've carted your scaly butt all over Ponyville for years!"

The little dragon caught up to her and leaned against her flank with one hand, fanning himself in her shade. "You're really excited... for someone else's boat trip, Twi..." he wheezed.

He collapsed as Twilight began skipping in place. "Spike, do you realize this is a very rare occasion?!"

"... A boat trip...?"

"No!" Twilight honked. "Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie together! Usually, if three or more of us do something, all six of us go! I want to see its effect on their relationship!!"

Spike paused on one knee, halfway rising, and stared evenly at her.

"... a-and also hear about all the cool stuff they saw or did in the Seaward Shoals, of course!" Twilight added. "I've only read about it... It was all I could do not to spoil it for them! I'm not treating my friends as a science experiment look, shut up, c'mon!"

"You've only read about most things -- eyagh!" Spike yelped as she seized him and set him on her back, speeding off again. "S-stop bouncing so muuuuch!" he squeaked.

---

A pony and a dragon stood still on the train station platform, with only the wind for company.

Twilight stood tall and straight, with a beaming smile on her face, blinking the dust out of her eyes. With an elbow, she bumped Spike without moving the rest of her.

Spike yelped and re-straightened his back, his hands behind him, holding parchment and a quill. He opened the corner of his mouth and mumbled. "How long do we have to wait. My feet hurt."

"As long as it takes," Twilight answered without losing her smile. Her ears pricked at the sound of a horn. "Oh, there it is!! It's here it's here it's here." Soon, the clackety-clack of train treads joined the horn, and the train became visible around a distant hill. Spike glanced sidelong at Twilight's hooves, slightly, impatiently shuffling against the wood.

The two stood silently, wardens of nothing, as the train approached and slowed. They began glancing through the windows as soon as the motion blur had abated enough to permit. "Don't see 'em," Spike commented. "You sure this is the right train?"

"Do I ever pick the wrong train?"

"Well..." Spike began -- but before he could list off Twilight's public transport embarrassments, the doors hissed and opened, and he faithfully forced himself back into an illusion of perk.

Three furious, water-logged, grimy ponies stood at the door, glaring at the floor.

They attempted to exit at once, and swiftly began struggling with one another and growling. "Get offa me," someone said. "Move your big self," another called. "That's my nose," a third roared.

After a struggle, all three popped out of the door at once. Applejack turned west towards the farm. Rarity turned east towards her home. Pinkie, looking every which way, leapt onto the train, slipped halfway back off, and scrambled back up.

"Hmph," the three grunted in unison. Pinkie vanished over the train and the other two stomped off.

Twilight's wide smile and bright eyes remained frozen in time for a few seconds, until they had all disappeared and the train had left.

"... I'll ask Rarity about that 'effect on their relationship'," Spike sighed, walking off towards the park district.

"I'll come with," Twilight relented, and followed him with her head low and her mouth sad.

Comments

[Tirimsil]

Hello, I don't know how old this comment will be when I finally submit the story, but THIS IS / WAS REALLY HARD TO WRITE.

It wasn't until I tried to write this that I realized P.P.O.V. doesn't make any sense - how long were the girls gone? The episode is a bit crowded and can only cover the time from the dock to the boat sinking, and cucumber sandwiches only stay fresh for 6~10 hours. But they had to go to and from the Shoals on a train and Twilight acts like they were gone for a while. Pinkie and Applejack wear fairly consistent clothes across their stories but Rarity doesn't - did they bring multiple sets?

Why do they act like they haven't seen each other's preparations for the trip before they got to the dock (other than "because there wasn't enough time in the episode to address the rest of the trip")? Surely they were on the train over there together. Did you know on my first watch I was so dumb I forgot they went to a different town for the boat trip because that's never explicitly mentioned again after the introductory and the rest plays out much cleaner if it takes place near Ponyville other than that Ponyville y'know isn't by the ocean?

I have attempted to address these and other issues in this adaptation.