So, I am interested in the story, but you need a proof reader. Your tenses are mixed up, especially at the beginning, and there are lots of small mistakes. The little things add up, and this became a chore to read through even though I am interested in the story. Also, there is an instance where you use Cadence's name when Cadence is talking about Celestia.
10717504 I have Grammarly to try and eliminate as many of the errors as possible. Back when I first got active, I had friends willing to help with proofreading, but now I'm only just getting back into the swing of things. I'd appreciate any help, and I'm thankful for your critique.
10717798 Oh, silly me. Honestly, I had forgotten about him. Maybe he'll make a cameo later. Crash the party or something. Maybe he just stopped showing up after Fluttershy left the world. I don't know yet.
10718084 I do have a desire to write for the world someday. This is a great place to get some practice, and judging by my track record, I tend to tell good stories. I need to improve my Grammar. Maybe I should start a Patreon and see if my readers are willing to help me keep the premium going.
So, I am interested in the story, but you need a proof reader. Your tenses are mixed up, especially at the beginning, and there are lots of small mistakes. The little things add up, and this became a chore to read through even though I am interested in the story. Also, there is an instance where you use Cadence's name when Cadence is talking about Celestia.
10717504
I have Grammarly to try and eliminate as many of the errors as possible. Back when I first got active, I had friends willing to help with proofreading, but now I'm only just getting back into the swing of things. I'd appreciate any help, and I'm thankful for your critique.
Interesting, I wanna see where this goes
10717678
Were you able to read this okay? I just got a premium Grammarly to improve the writing.
where did the chaos noodle go?
Err who to the who what now?
no. no. no. bad writer. naughty.
10717776
Thank you for pointing those errors out. Didn't I describe Spike found a mate and chose to live with his new family?
10717791
spike is not the chaos noodle, that is discord . .
10717798
Oh, silly me. Honestly, I had forgotten about him. Maybe he'll make a cameo later. Crash the party or something. Maybe he just stopped showing up after Fluttershy left the world. I don't know yet.
10717688
I got the jist of it, but improving on your grammar is always a great in together. It will help you out your story a lot
10718084
I do have a desire to write for the world someday. This is a great place to get some practice, and judging by my track record, I tend to tell good stories. I need to improve my Grammar. Maybe I should start a Patreon and see if my readers are willing to help me keep the premium going.
All in all, I like this story so far, and looking forward to see more. :)
10719185
Looking forward to writing more.