A Mangled, Scrambled, Slice of Life(That Was Overcooked, to Boot!)

by SpectralUnicorn

Worm Buckin'

The new day was conjured up by Celestia, which meant that everypony would be living a collective day in each others’ hooves. One of which was particularly unable to meet the demands of the mares’ daily life she was imitating. Fluttershy was around animals often, yes, but she was more like a mother. She was certainly not the rough n’ tumble farm mare her friend Applejack was. She was also unaccustomed to rising with the sun, especially after sneaking into Applejacks’ room to prepare for the day.

The rooster cawed not long after the sun rose. The fake Applejack ignored it, deep in her slumber, under the covers. What she couldn’t ignore, however, was the farm filly bouncing up and down on her stomach, creaking and straining the wooden, hoof-made bed. “Giddup, Applejack!” yelled the yellow filly. “Giddup giddup giddup giddup giddup giddup giddu-” Not Applejack groaned loudly in response, echoing throughout the wooden, hoof-made bedroom. “Aww, come ooonnn, Applejack,” the farm foal whined.

The covers let out a more subdued groan. The red-haired filly frowned, then pulled the covers off with her teeth. “Applejack!” the filly whined again, but was silent at what she saw.
“Uuugghghhhghhggh…” the false Applejack replied. “Uughh, oh! Howdy, there, Apple Bloom!” Not Applejack was still groggy.
Apple Bloom was confused. “Uh, Fluttershah? Why are you sleeping in Applejacks’ room?” The imposter Applejack now had to sell herself as legitimate.
“Apple Bloom, Ah am , uhm, your sister!” Not-Apple-Blooms’-sister insisted.
Apple Bloom decided to play along. “Oh, oh! Sorry, I didn’t recognahze ya, sis! Ah have a question, though.”
“What is it, um, little sis?” asked Not Applejack.
“Where’s Applejack?” Apple Bloom demanded, now asking sternly.

Imitation Applejack shifted her eyes across the room. She couldn’t outright tell her what was going on, but she could probably hint, she thought. “Well, maybe, um, we could… mozy on over to Twili-”
“Why would we need Twilight to find Applejack?” Apple Bloom inquired. She didn’t get the hint.
“Sh-shouldn’t we g-get workin’?” Imitation Applejack tried to shift the focus quickly.
“Alrighty then!” said Apple Bloom in excitement,changing her tune. She thought it would at least be fun to work with somepony else, especially Fluttershy. She then darted down to Sweet Apples’ Acres to get to work on the apple trees. Fake Applejack tried to fly down the stairs to wake herself up, but then she remembered: her wings were tied to her sides! Of course! It was all a part of the illusion. She opted to trot down to the Acres.

When the disguised Pegasus got to the field, she found Apple Bloom, and her red, older brother, Big Macintosh, talking to each other, the latter with a profoundly confused expression fixed to his face. Apple Bloom then pointed towards the imposter, then acknowledged her herself. “So Applejack,” the yellow-coated foal said. “Ready to buck some apples?”
“N-naw, I-Ah couldn’t” Fluttershy imitated, “I-Ah mean, not before you n’ Big Macintosh.” Looking inquisitive for a moment, Apple Bloom replied “Okay, then!”

Galloping several feet away from the tree of her choice, Apple Bloom readied herself. She then galloped as fast as her filly legs would carry her, then, at the last moment, she turned around, jumped into the air, and extended her hind legs at the tree she took aim at. Both hooves connected, and Apple Bloom was rewarded with only four apples. “Awwwww!” Apple Bloom moaned. “Ah wanted to knock down more than that.”

“Jus’ keep at it, sis.” Big Mac reassured her. It was his turn. In a form much unlike his diminutive sister, Big Macs’ form of getting the apples down was to walk up to an apple tree, turn around, and buck the tree hard in its midsection. The turnout was much greater, one might even say, a bushel of apples. Big Macintosh smiled with a tranquil pride emitting from him.

Now, it was Not-Applejacks’ turn. She gulped heavily. How could you possibly even think of hurting this poor, defenseless creature, she thought to herself. But she was Applejack, she thought. Applejack did this for a living, that monster! Oh no, Applejack isn’t a monster, Fluttershy scolded herself again. B-bu-but…but-“Hey Applejack, are ya gonna buck a tree?” Apple Bloom cut in. “Or maybe you ain’t even Applejack!” No time to think now, Fluttershy realized. They were going to get bored and call the police!

She galloped to the tree of her choosing, then ground to a halt in front of it. Big Mac and Apple Bloom exchanged a look of doubt. Imposter Applejack meekly turned around, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then, with all the strength her body could muster, she launched her hooves into the trees’ lower façade. The real farming ponies looked on thoughtfully. Fluttershy opened one eye to look at the damage she caused.

It turns out that buckng was all for naught, unless a lone, fallen worm can magically produce apples. Big Mac and Apple Bloom looked at their sisters’ replacement; they were not amused. “Weeeeellllllll, howdy everypony!” An elderly green mare on a walker was slowly making her way over to the Apples and Fluttershy, greeting them all the while, and saving the phony Applejack from this awkward situation. Despite Fluttershy not being Applejack, she knew this was her relative, Granny Smith.

When Granny Smith finally made her way over to the three tree buckers, she observed the spoils. She started with Fluttershy. “Hmmmm,” Granny said, observing the worm with much focus. “Applejack,” Granny said to Fluttershy, whom apparently passed for a convincing Applejack in her grandmothers’ eyes. “This pile just ain’t like what you usually bring in!” Granny Smith noted. The fake granddaughters’ eyes became dinner saucers. “It’s even better than ever!” Everyponys’ mouth went agape. Even the worm looked up to make sure it heard the old farm mare right. “Yup, I’ve raked in some apples in mah time,” Granny started, “But this here’s the mother lode!” Fake Applejack smiled back at the two ponies with working vision, their mouths still agape.

“Yessirie!” Smith continued, “We can buy me a new walker with all these apples!” She evidently forgot to check the other two piles. “Why, we can buy that purple friend of yours some cals…clium!”
“Um, well,” the fraudulent Applejack began. “my friend don’t need no calcium. Why would she-”
“Oh, you know,” Granny continued, ignoring her fake granddaughter entirely, “I once knew a feller named ‘Cleum.’ Cleum!” The three were slightly taken aback by the appearance of this story that came from nowhere. “Now, this pony, he was one dumbass hillfilly, bless his inbred heart!” the white-haired mare said thoughtfully, if somewhat insensitively towards donkeys. “Now, Cleums’ family was infamous for its’ inbreedin’, but that colt wasn’t to be outdone! Nope, this idiot was conceived…while his parents were still in the womb!” Granny Smith was getting more jovial, while the three ponies listening were getting more uncomfortable. After a short, strong bout of laughter, Granny Smith seemed to wrap up her story. “Heh heh, needless to say, this kid liked to dine on cardboard-”

Apple Bloom raised her hoof, and Granny Smith abruptly ended her story.
“Yes, Big Mac?” she said.
The filly paused for a second to take that in, then asked “Can we please go to the bathroom?”
“Um, all of us?” asked an off-put Fluttershy. Apple Bloom put a hoof in her moth to silence her.
“Ah don’t see why not.” the elderly mare agreed. “Just be back in time for supper. This Cleum feller did all kinds of stupid things that you ought to know about.”
“Thanks Granny Smith!” Apple Bloom said, galloping past her grandmother.
“Certainly! Bye, Big Mac!” Big Mac followed Apple Bloom. “Bye Apple Bloom!” Fluttershy was hot on Big Macs’ tail. “Bye, Rarity!”

Back at the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres, the three Apples were recovering from Granny Smiths’ sudden inbred story. Just then, Apple Bloom hatched a way to have fun with her ‘sister’. “Hey, Applejack?” the filly asked.
“Uh, yeah, sis?” Fluttershy replied.
“We won’t ask if you’re really Applejack anymore if you take us all out for beer.”

Comments

[pahnazd]

Haha, confusing Granny is best Granny

And beer? For Apple Bloom? That sly filly... unless it's alcohol free or something. Hey, do they even have beer in Equestria? Maybe they'll just abuse their own cider reserves

Either way, this is getting better by the chapter! Can't wait for more