When the Mane 6 fail horribly at throwing Princess Celestias' birthday party, they get at each others' throats. When they get at each others' throats, Princess Celestia gets very upset at them, and when the Mane 6 upset Princess Celestia, they find themselves role-playing as each other for a day as punishment for such collective disharmony. Will they all gain the epiphany Princess Celestia hopes they'll get, or will Ponyvilles' collective eyebrows rise so high that they'll cause irreversable damage to everyponys' faces?
Chapters (10)
seems good just remember to make a new paragraph for every new speaker and you should be fine
I like the premise and so far it seems interesting, just uh...the speech thing...yeah, that's the only problem.
Hmmm... a very interesting concept, although said concept hasn't taken off yet. I agree with Sully48, more spacing is needed or else your audience is going to lose track of whose who in the big old bally wally of text walls! Don't be afraid to stretch it out!
Again, you have an interesting concept, even if it hasn't arisen yet. Keep at it!
Excellent concept and i look forward to more. Personaly, i think you over did it with the descriptions, it was a little too flowerly and wordy for my tastes, but then again i am coming into this as someone who knows exactly who the mane 6 are and as such doesnt need descriptions, so feel free to carry on. Also, as mentioned above, you'll want to be putting each spoken part in its own paragraph, its just good practice and makes it easy to read.
This is a very interesting concept, and I love the picture. You should keep an eye out for creating a new paragraph everytime a new speaker is talking. You should also create a new paragraph when you address a new topic or idea; remember, nopony likes a wall of text. It makes your story kind of hard to read and follow. Some of the descriptions are a little too flowery and repetitive, but it is a solid concept. Perhaps you should get an editor or proof reader; either way, I can't wait to see more of this, it seems like a very good and entertaining story with a really decent start. Hope that helps, and sorry if you feel like I'm nitpicking; I'm not trying to be mean, just to help you out.
1214048
Yeah, after refreshing the page and seeing everyone else had said that, I felt a bit redundant
1213565
New paragraph for each new speaker, good advice! Thanks!
1213598
You mean the the text crammed together? Got it! Thanks!
1213613
Thanks for the encouraging words! However, how do you know when to start a new paragraph? Is it instinctual? Can there be too many paragraphs? I must know. Once again, thanks!
1213618
Hmm, you do have a point about the characters being well-known already. I put the descriptions in for future habit of describing characters to give the reader a feel for how they look, but I guess it's redundant here!
Just to be sure, a paragraph for each time somepony speaks? Interesting.
Thanks for the critique!
1213667
I have been told I'm being heavy with the descriptions, though, yeah, and the formatting issues. Thanks for the critique, and keep an eye out for more!
No worries! Critiques are always important. About the new paragraph every time a new speaker is introduced, I honestly found it to be a good way of bringing in a new "voice." That's just me, though.
Thanks for the critiques, everyone, and I'll keep an eye out for more corrections that need to be made.
New speaker, new paragraph.
1214059
Part of it will just sound natural to you, and part will come from un-written law. 'New paragraph for each new speaker' is certainly a good way to look at it, and in doing so you'll be freeing yourself up some space to write in what's going on around said speaker!
One good way to get a hang of it is to read a bunch of different stories and try to get a handle on how they do it! I read TONS of stories before I attempted to write one myself.
Oh, and to answer your question about if you can have too many paragraphs, well it all depends! In a long dialog chain between two characters, its okay to have something like....
"I will never give in!"
"You will submit!"
"Never!"
"Then I will break your spirit!"
Something like that, where you clearly know that there are only two characters, is acceptable. You know that the first speaker responded to the second speaker in the third paragraph!
However...
"I will never give in!"
"You will submit!"
"I only came here for the booze!"
Who the hell is that third guy?
When you try something like that with three characters, its hard to keep track of whose who! Since your working with all six girls at once, try this!
"Well, I was just adding a little Rainbow Splash to this party!" The speedster replied cheekily.
"But it has to be perfect for Princess Celestia!" Replied Twilight. She used her hoof to rub her forehead: her headache was growing by the second.
Timidly, Fluttershy tried to voice her opinion. "I... um, think its fine... i-if that's okay with you...?" She then hid herself behind her pink mane, fearing what the response would be.
Descriptions! They're your friend, so abuse the hell out of them
You had a good handle of it during the story, so keep it up! It helps to keep things in line, helps the readers to remember whose talking, and it can really add to the story if you use it wisely!
Back on the subject of paragraphs, its okay to have a lot of them if you have plenty of characters in a scene, and its okay to have plenty of them if there are only two! What ISN'T normally okay is to have descriptionless paragraphs during dialog chains involving multiple characters, as it makes it hard to keep track of whose talking! Some times Applejack's accent just isn't enough
.
Again, don't worry about having too many paragraphs! Size really doesn't matter unless the reader is looking at a wall of text and supposed to pick individual characters out of it!
Hope this helps you
1214140
When i started writing that, there was only one other comment above me. Whoops. Redundant statment is redundant.
good so far but yeah, new paragraph for new speakers
1214255
Apologies. Can a character that was already introduced start off the paragraph?
I guess that's a faux-pas in writing?
1214263
Very in-depth. Thank you. I'll keep this paragraph advice in mind.
*reads story description*
Welp, I hope its the second option. Because when ponies just learn their lesson, there becomes less room for funny
I think that Celestia's furious reaction was a bit ooc, but apart from that this chapter was good.
Epic hilarity will surely ensue, can't wait for that
Good improvement over the last chapter! It was much easier to tell who was who this time, thus making it easier to enjoy the role-playing. Also, good call with the 'casting'. Applejack is the new Twilight Sparkle... should be interesting!
1219355
I was briefly thinking of them daring each other, but that would lean too close to my inspiration for this fanfic. 
Or at least the concept. 
Yeah, in hindsight, Celestia was mostly there to get the ball rolling.
1221023
Thanks for following my story, ManlyDerp. I'm glad to see you're so interested by the story!
Cheers!
How will Twilight and Applejack act there part if they don't have wings (Twilight) and a horn (Applejack)?
Haha, confusing Granny is best Granny
And beer? For Apple Bloom? That sly filly... unless it's alcohol free or something. Hey, do they even have beer in Equestria? Maybe they'll just abuse their own cider reserves
Either way, this is getting better by the chapter! Can't wait for more
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... 
.... 
this is getting better with each chapter
Ah Derpy, don't you ever change
On the other note, poor Twi. Let's hope she knows some good quick healing spells.
Couldn't Twilight just cast the butterfly wing spell she cast on Rarity in "Sonic Rainboom"?
1268202
Really glad to see you're into the story!
1269485
...the wings were too butterfly-ish...and un-Rainbow...
I'll get Twilight to explain in the chapter. Pinkie Pie Promise!
1272805
OK maybe not Twilight and I guess Rarity wouldn't want them due to her... experience with them?
And so it begins
LAUGH MY FRICKIN BUTT OFF, a Carousel Pancake House. LOL talk about bad role-playing, I guess poor Pinkie Pie can't get her role straight (but that's just fine with me
). Really nice piece of work here man. Now back into more reading
HA, poor Applebloom, she gets the punishment while every
. MAN, why didn't I read this sooner?!?
onepony ditches her and leaves to grab treatsAgain nice chapter with Twilight thrown in. I can see the scene being played out as a cartoon and it would worked out well. once again very nice job.
Twilightdash save everypony/dragon from eating T.N.T pancakes
The read begins!
1297226
I dunno, I thought it was rather uncanny. I mean, isn't Rarity always slathering her clothes in sugary liquids? I mean, it's just common sense!
Seriously, though, glad you're so entertained! Warms my heart!
Entertaining, I liked the confusion and panic and such but I cant help but wonder if Celestia could have gone about it an entirely different way, instead of a punishment making it a competition or something but either way a fun read.
Everypony is out of character for real
Ah this is so hectic and I love it. I'm half expecting Celestia to be in fact Chrysalis who wanted to play a giant prank as a weird way of making them pay for defeating the changelings... Or not. I dunno. Can't brain anymore.
Geez, whats going to happen, Does Celestia have been reduced to do low-end daily chores or does she have to "role-play" as Spike? Man, you got my head twisted around here man. Good chapter dude
Words can not describe the level of interest the cover picture gave me. Read later #610
i1244.photobucket.com/albums/gg571/bronyman/Reaction%20Faces/Gifs/tumblr_mbe39h7iEN1r8cgcr.gif
1401820
Thank you! I found it rather apt myself.
1401857
Good thing you've read enough fanfics to see where this is going.
This story is seriously more and more absurd the further it progresses
Leaves me to wonder what else will you come up with
1405864
Sadly, chapter ten is where it ends. But don't worry! I've got some ideas for new stories.
1408948
Oh right, it was marked as Incomplete when I wrote my comment
1411439
That's okay, I was tired & forgot to mark it. No worries.
Given that Fake Flushy has a horn AND wings, she must look like an alicorn (though a little cheapened).