Hey there! I’m back to give my thoughts and opinions once more!

I want to start by saying that this chapter was not boring, and easily held my attention for its entirety. I felt anticipation for whatever horrible fate would befall the guards, as well as a strong feeling of dread when they were brutally murdered, which was only enhanced by the prince’s desire to go to Canterlot. All in all, it is a really strong chapter.

That being said, I wish it had happened sooner. If chapter five were to be removed entirely and replaced with this chapter than the overall story would be greatly enhanced. That feeling of dread would stick with all the following chapters leading up to nightmare night. When Celestia and Luna get the report of only strange noises in Clopford, it only makes that dread worse as the readers know something the sisters don’t. Now whenever the characters do anything it’s overshadowed by what the reader knows.

Something that I’m beginning to realize and be impressed by is your ability to quickly introduce compelling characters. The classic veteran and rookie guard duo, the first one being laid back and the other uncertain and nervous. The guilty farmer who didn’t want anyone to get hurt, especially his friend. Even the wife has some character, being disgusted by the other’s appearance, and regretful of her actions, despite supposedly not feeling anything. It all serves to remind the reader that the world is much larger than just the main characters and the ones they know.

Just be careful though, if you place too much focus on characters who get killed off almost immediately than you potentially lose out on more important character development.

That’s all for now, so I’ll see you again in the next chapter!

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Hey there! Glad to still have you onboard. Apologies again for all the lackluster chapters. Over time and with your help, I've seen more of this story's key flaws and flaws within my own writing style that should be addressed. If ever I get the energy to re-work my old stories from the ground up, I'll strongly consider what you've said about this one.

As for this chapter, this was one of the more fun ones for me to write of the early ones. I really enjoyed writing the farmer's discomfort and him trying to hide his intentions while still trying to subtly get the guards to leave. For instance, something you may or may not have picked up on:

“Mind if we come in?”

The beige pony rubbed his neck for a moment before smiling and nodding. “Of course not.” He said quietly, backing up and gesturing to welcome the guards into his home.

One thing that some people will do when lying is using body language that doesn't match with their words. Here, the farmer nods when asked if he minds them coming in rather than shaking his head. It's probably more obvious than I think, and knowing your ability to pick up on stuff, you probably already knew, but I felt like pointing it out regardless ^_^

As for your suggestion of this chapter being placed earlier in the story, I can see the benefits therein. However, I contend that chapter five is more necessary than you think. In it, we get to: a) Learn that Scribble is alive and is now a vampire. b) Get introduced to the Prince and his character through her eyes. c) Get hints at the prince's plans and his history with Celestia. I could probably establish some of these facts later on down the line, but the reveal with Scribble loses some of its effect if we don't get to experience it with her when she first wakes up.

At any rate, I agree with you on the fact that having chapter 8 take place earlier would help up the suspense and cushion some of the less eventful slice of life chapters leading up to the main plot. Many of those chapters could have been re-worked or cut entirely to make things flow better and layer in major plot points going on in the background without bogging them down.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, the next chapter is the worst offender of these. Even after writing it, I thought that it might be best to cut it out and skip ahead to Nightmare Night, but I was still under the lense of 'things are happening with these characters, and I like these characters, therefore it must be interesting,' which is not a good lense to have. I need to get better about layering in character moments and slice of life while still having interesting plot points going on, or have the scene serve more character development if the characters are the focus that chapter.

Hope you decide to stick around, even through the chapters that aren't quite as good as those like chapter 8 and the first one. I really think the positives of my writing style that you've pointed out get to shine in this story, even if there are parts that were best edited out and streamlined. Ah well, hindsight is twenty twenty. I had a lot of fun writing this story, so I still love every bit of it, flaws and all.

See you next chapter!