I really like your terse style of writing, limiting it to the interesting parts while skipping ahead if a scene would be uninteresting. I also enjoyed that in your previous story.
Am I right in the assumption that you are not a native speaker? Neither am I, but a few sentences seem to be constructed oddly. For example: "And I was glad I could be there for her, even though I wasn’t the one who’d she prefer." I would have written: "[...], even though I wasn't the one (who) she'd have preferred".
Another example: "At first I was wondering what was Mrs. Lemon thinking about, [...]." I would have written: "At first I was wondering what Mrs. Lemon was thinking about, [...]."
Other than that, there's a lot of run-on sentences / comma splices and generally incorrect punctuation. So, if you are looking for a proof reader, I could probably do that for a while.
I’m so worried I feel like either Lemon is gonna make a pass at Anon and he will say no and it will lead to Scribble finding out or he’s just gonna walk in on them and she’s gonna throw Anon under the bus, or even worse she gets him too drunk to say no then blames him
10714575 Thanks pal! ...I'm really not a native speaker, although I'd very much like if I could get to the point that no one recognizes it, that's why I really appreciate you correcting me there :) If you're serious about helping with the overall correcture of this story, it would be very kind of you. I just don't really have a way to repay you afterwards... 😅
I think I was afraid that if I erase the “distance”, I won’t have anyone to look up to anymore...
What does he mean?
...But I wondered why didn’t they just tell me to stay away from their bedroom or something. Then again, I knew how much my mistress likes nature, so that might have been the real reason why she prefers a blanket under the trees over her own bed. I probably would have too...
I get the feeling that Papyrus is cheating on his wife. I could be completely off though.
I really like your terse style of writing, limiting it to the interesting parts while skipping ahead if a scene would be uninteresting.
I also enjoyed that in your previous story.
Am I right in the assumption that you are not a native speaker? Neither am I, but a few sentences seem to be constructed oddly.
For example: "And I was glad I could be there for her, even though I wasn’t the one who’d she prefer."
I would have written: "[...], even though I wasn't the one (who) she'd have preferred".
Another example: "At first I was wondering what was Mrs. Lemon thinking about, [...]."
I would have written: "At first I was wondering what Mrs. Lemon was thinking about, [...]."
Other than that, there's a lot of run-on sentences / comma splices and generally incorrect punctuation.
So, if you are looking for a proof reader, I could probably do that for a while.
10713917
ooh-
that actually sounds seemingly accurate re-reading this story
I’m so worried I feel like either Lemon is gonna make a pass at Anon and he will say no and it will lead to Scribble finding out or he’s just gonna walk in on them and she’s gonna throw Anon under the bus, or even worse she gets him too drunk to say no then blames him
10714575
Thanks pal!
...I'm really not a native speaker, although I'd very much like if I could get to the point that no one recognizes it, that's why I really appreciate you correcting me there :)
If you're serious about helping with the overall correcture of this story, it would be very kind of you. I just don't really have a way to repay you afterwards... 😅
What does he mean?
What does that have to do with anything?
На выпивку у него есть время а на жену нету времени:)