From Canterlot With Love

by MrSuffix

Chapter One: A 'Chance' Meeting

Chapter 1: A 'Chance' Meeting

Fancy Pants reclined in the guilded carriage, pulled by four of Celestia's guard, a small smile gracing his muzzle as he fastened the last of two immaculately polished gold cufflinks around his fetlock. Fillydelphia had long since faded in the coach's rear window, replaced by the golden glow of dawn.

"We'll be arriving in Canterlot in just a few minutes, sir." One of the guards stated, loudly enough to be heard over the wind whistling through the open viewports.

"Thank you, sergeant." Fancy Pants replied politely, even though this information was far from new to him - in his line of work, a stallion often traveled to the far reaches of Equestria, and knew exactly how long it took for one of the Princesses' carriages to convey a single pony between each city.

Make that one pony, he thought wryly, and one particularly heavy piece of baggage.

As the sun rose, so did Canterlot's residents, and all marked the passage of Fancy Pants' carriage as it touched down on the streets, heading towards the castle at a gallop. Some ponies turned to whisper to one another as they passed, and Fancy Pants could read his name on some of their lips. There was no doubt that Canterlot's most important citizen was being rushed to the castle, but why? Briefly the ivory unicorn mused on what it would be like to be as ironically in the dark as the vast majority of Celestia's subjects were - to be oblivious to the schemes of mad ponies that went on in their midst, to be unaware of just how tenuous the Sun and Moon Princesses' control of Equestria's borders actually was.

The palace gates swung aside as Fancy Pants' carriage passed into the courtyard, and a row of royal guards greeted him. The coach rolled to a stop and a unicorn held the door open so the celebrity could disembark. He stood at the foot of the castle's ivory steps. At the top, sparkling mane flowing in an ethereal wind nopony else could feel, stood Princess Celestia. A step to the left and forward of her was the Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, his 'on-duty' face stern and composed. He met Fancy Pants' eyes and flicked his left lid ever-so-slightly in what might have been an abbreviated wink.

Fancy Pants sank into a bow, his horn nearly scraping the ground. "Princess Celestia."

"Fancy Pants." The princess intoned, her voice neutral. It was no secret among the inner circle that Celestia, while holding no particular ill will towards Fancy Pants, generally disliked the necessity of his employment. The Sun Monarch prefered upright dealings, facing problems head-on, rather than 'skulking in the shadows' and 'trickery'. Nevertheless, the fact remained that many problems required the subtle touch of subterfuge. Whenever possible, the older alicorn would delegate such responsibilites to Princess Luna, whom had a much greater talent for them. "I trust your mission was successful?" As she spoke, she descended and moved to the back of the wagon, Fancy Pants falling into step beside her, opposite Shining Armor.

"Indeed it was, your majesty." Fancy Pants turned to face her, his back to the carriage. "I recovered the False Elements," and here he aimed a kick at the back of the wagon, just to the left of the wheel, "and took the pony responsible for commissioning them into custody.”

As the hoof connected with the wood and metal of the wagon's carapace, an unseen catch was loosed, and the bottom section of the wall fell away, forming a ramp, which the pony in question, all four legs shackled together, an iron muzzle over his mouth, wings chained securely against his sides, tumbled down. He landed with a thud and a muffled exclamation. Painfully, he raised his head, eyes streaming as they adjusted to the sudden sunlight. What he saw when they did gave him no comfort.

“Snake Eyes.” Celestia's eyes narrowed, and the orange pegasus began to tremble. “You have commited crimes against the nation of Equestria and her people. I hearby decree that you shall be imprisioned until such time as a trial can be arranged, and you will then be tried by a jury of peers and sentenced as they see fit.” She turned her head towards Shining Armor. “Take him away.”

“Right away, your majesty.” Shining nodded to the closest guards, who looped a spear beneath the criminal's front legs and lifted him between them, dragging him up the steps and toward the dungeon. The fat pegasus struggled against them, but Shining pressed his silvery horn against the miscreant's forehead, and he went limp. Another one of the guards extracted a bag, containing the False Elements, from a hidden compartment beneath one of the carriage seats.

“Unfortunately, Fancy Pants, your report will have to wait.” The alicorn's tone left no doubt as to the sincerity of her statement. “I have an important guest to welcome to the Castle this morning.” Celestia turned away from him, “Princess Luna will meet you in her tower. She has another assignment for you.”

“Of course, my liege.”

__

Fancy Pants climbed the long marble staircase to Princess Luna's tower, his breath catching a little as he ascended. He had been in Fillydelphia masquerading as a simple jeweler for a couple weeks, but he could admit to himself that lack of physical exertion had little to do with his labored halations. When he reached the apex, he took a moment to compose himself before knocking thrice on the heavy oak door.

“Enter,” Intoned an unmistakable voice, bringing the faintest of smiles to the stallion's lips. The door was wreathed in a dusk-blue aura, and it swung ajar.

Princess Luna sat on her haunches near the fully transparent, nearly two story wall, gazing out past the reaches of Canterlot, towards Ponyville, to the southwest. The sun had not yet reached its zenith, and thus did not yet cast any light directly into the chamber. Fancy Pants had often wondered how the princess was able to sleep during the day with such a grandiose window admitting illumination, but she seemed to manage just fine, and to pry further simply to satisfy his curiosity would be quite rude.

“Fancy Pants.” The smile that graced Luna's lips, unlike her sister's, was genuine. She crossed the room with a flap of her wings and landed just a few feet from him, her starry mane flowing behind her as she touched down. He bowed. “Do cease your pleasantries, my friend, we have no company to impress here.” The princess chastised playfully, her tone light.

“Mi'lady, it would be quite improper to neglect showing you the deference afforded by your station, even in private as we are.” Fancy Pants allowed a bit of that playfulness to creep into his voice as well. “We wouldn't want any spies getting the wrong impression.”

Luna's eyes sparkled, though her face remained stoic. “It does my heart good to see you well, my friend. I would ask about the result of your mission, but I observed your arrival from the balcony.” She took a step closer, and it looked as if she were about to say something, then changed her mind. “I... did worry for you when you did not return last week.”

Fancy Pants was ready for this. “Yes, unfortunately Snake Eyes had already hired another jeweler to fit mounts for the False Elements. I was forced to improvise, and after that incident our portly pegasus friend was less inclined towards trust – I had to persuade him, which took longer than expected.” The pony spy glanced out the window, taking note of the long dawn shadows sprawled across the balcony. “During that time I was under close observation, and could send no report.”

I missed you too, your highness.

“I understand. In any case, no doubt you performed admirably, as you always have.”

“Always, your majesty. I've had excellent motivation these last few years.” His heart froze for a second, and he backpedaled, “At no point has the security of Equestria seemed more important than now.” He finished and stood tall, hoping the crack in his voice had merely been his imagination.

A bit of the light in Luna's eyes dimmed, though they still shone like pools of starlight. “Speaking on the subject of Equestrian security, we have a new mission for you,” She said, slipping back into the royal vernacular, “Our sister is entertaining a guest from Ponyville. We have reason to believe that this pony is in danger, though beyond that, we can do little more than speculate. We wish for you to spend as much time as possible with her, and protect her, if necessary. It is imperative that you do not reveal your nature or objective to her – rather, frame it as a chance meeting and blossoming friendship, perhaps even a - ” she paused, just briefly enough for Fancy Pants to notice, and her cheeks colored slightly, “a very close friend.”

“Of course, your majesty. I'll be on my way at once.” The air seemed to be getting uncomfortably hot, and Fancy Pants had the sudden urge to flee the room. “I'll bring Fleur de Lis with me, that should allay suspicion.”

Though Luna showed no emotion on her face, Fancy Pants could have sworn he saw the fur on the back of her neck rise. “If you think it best.” Her tone was carefully neutral. “Keep in mind the dangers of involving civilians in such operations.”

“You needn't worry about that.” Fancy Pants chuckled. “I can always trust Fleur to be one thing – affluent. It won't be hard to bump into this target in the marketplace.” At Luna's silence, he rushed to change the subject. “What is the guest's name?”

__

It hadn't been difficult to convince Fleur to go shopping – he had dropped a hint that with less than a month left before Hearth's Warming Eve, she would be left behind by her peers who were already picking out their winter corsets, and she was off and running. Flighty Fleur, as he affectionately thought of her, was an aquaintance who clearly desired to be much more. Fancy Pants had no doubt this was due more to his standing with the princess and Canterlot's elite than any actual interest in him as a pony, but for today's purposes it mattered very little.

He saw the white unicorn mare coming from about a block away, supporting no less than six bags with her magic. A fluffy white cat was nestled in a saddle carrier laid across her back. On her immaculately groomed flank glistened three perfect diamonds that formed her cutie mark. She was talking quickly to herself as she walked, clearly distracted, offering Fancy Pants the perfect opportunity. Quickly detaching himself from Fleur, he stepped out into the road and into her path.

The resulting collision sent bags flying everywhere. In a moment of inspiration, Fancy Pants twisted his head so one covered his face as it fell. Fleur hurried to his side and pulled it off almost as soon as it came to rest on his horn. He flashed the young mare his most alluring smile. She gasped.

“Fancy Pants!” She breathed, barely above a whisper.

The stallion in question clambered to his feet, brushing himself off. “I say, that's one way to make an introduction.” He pointed his muzzle skyward, instinctively know Fleur would follow suit.

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, I didn't see you there,” the mare seemed contrite but distracted, “it's just that I've got so many bags, and I was trying to get back to my suite at the castle and-”

That cleared up any doubt in Fancy Pants' mind. “You're staying at the castle?” He inquired, in his best 'intrigued' voice.

The mare was busy picking up her scattered purchases, trying to be polite and efficient at the same time. “The Princess invited me to stay in one of her suites.”

“You know the Princess?”

Fleur lifted one of the bags, inspecting it while gauging Fancypants' reaction out of the corner of her eye. She picked up on his interest (as intended). “Hmm, a pony with expensive tastes, I see?”

“Oh, it's for an esemble I'm making for a friend. Her birthday is in a few days.” The violet-maned unicorn took the proffered bag from Fleur, then deposited her wide-eyed pet into another. She started off down the road, calling over her shoulder, “Again, I am really sorry I bumped into you.”

“I'm not.” Fancy Pants replied, bringing her up short in mid-step. He chuckled inwardly as she looked back at him with wide blue eyes. “You are obviously somepony worth bumping into!” The mare's mouth hung open slightly, clearly taken aback by his sudden attention. Fancy Pants felt a slight pressure on his back as Fleur leaned over him, hooves under her chin, but he paid little heed to her. “Listen, I have a VIP box reserved at the Wonderbolt's Derby this afternoon. Would you,” he feigned considering his words carefully, they had been prepared long before this moment, “would you be so kind as to join me and a few of my companions there?”

The unicorn's shock doubled. “Me?” She managed.

“But of course, my dear.” Fancy Pants encouraged smoothly.

His target was at quite a loss, fumbling words for a few moments before squeaking out a protracted, “Sure”.

Gotcha. Fancy Pants trotted past his new, thoroughly stunned, acquaintance. “We'd love to see you there, um...” He waited for her to supply the name he already knew.

“Rarity.”

“Rarity.” Fancy Pants smiled as he walked away, Fleur hurrying to catch up to him. His target was on her way back to her room, and would likely remain there until the Derby. That would give him time to run an important errand.

“Fleur, will you be all right if I leave you here? I have a meeting with an old friend of mine that I have no desire to be late for.”

“But of course, my dear.” Fleur mimicked, looking a little disappointed, though she wouldn't dare refuse his suggestion. Fancy Pants wondered if she would even bat an eye if he revealed what he truly did for a living. He excused himself with a bow, leaving the pink unicorn to brave the marketplace on her own.

__

During his very brief breaks from constant duties as Captain of Celestia's Royal Guard, Shining Armor liked to take short walks in the castle gardens with a small picnic lunch. The enclosed sanctuary was quiet, even during the day, cut off from the bustle of the city and the echoing halls of the palace, its own little paradise. Shining liked to sit by a small pond near the center, a place where he and his little sister, Twilight Sparkle, had often come to play in their younger years, just a stone's throw from the hill where he had first taught her to fly a kite. As he settled down on his haunches, he thought briefly of Twili, gone away to live in Ponyville nearly two years now. He hadn't heard much from her other than the occasional letter Celestia passed on to him, but he knew she was doing well. The kid was brilliant, a natural talent with magic, and strong-willed enough to make the best of any situation. Even though he missed her, he acknowledged that moving away from the castle might be the best thing that had happened to her in her life – she had a home, and friends who cared about her. And who could have guessed bookish Twilight, who ignored other mares her age in favor of study and magical training, would have formed such a strong bond with anypony other than himself? Despite himself, the Captain grinned, remembering the picture Celestia had shown him of his sister and the five mares she had taken on as her best friends. She was happy, and that was all that mattered.

Shining's reverie was interrupted by a slight displacement of air behind him, barely perceptible even in the garden's silence. He rolled forward just in time, tucking his body into a tight ball, as an extended hoof ruffled his azure mane. As he uncoiled, spinning to face his attacker, a pair of hooves impacted on his armored chest, knocking him back and off balance.

Fancy Pants lunged forward, not giving Shining Armor a chance to regain his footing, striking with his forelegs in a series of quick punches. Shining parried the first few, then took a jarring blow to the cheek. Rolling with the punch, Armor whipped his back legs around, hitting Fancy Pants in the neck with both knees. The celebrity pony stumbled to the side, and Shining brought his front left hoof down on the back of Fancy Pant's knee, which buckled to the ground. The Captain jerked his head forward and down, bashing his face into Fancy Pants', and knocking him senseless. Shining pinned him before he had a chance to rise.

“Do we really need to continue this, Fance? I haven't got much time left before I have to get back to work, and if we keep this up we'll end up knocking my lunch all over the place.”

“Of course. Forgive me.” Fancy Pants climbed to his hooves and dusted himself off. “I hope I didn't hit you too hard – I would hate to give Cadance reason to come looking for me.”

Shining grinned. “And I would have hated to ruin that jacket – is that Andravida?”

“Calabrese.” Fancy Pants chuckled. “I say, it's hardly sporting that all I have for defense is designer clothing while you get a set of platinum armor.”

“You should have thought of that before you turned your nose up at the offer to join the Guard.” Shining settled down on the grass, opening the picnic basket with his magic and tossing an apple to Fancypants, who caught it with the golden glow from his horn. “We get form AND function in our gear.”

The two sat for awhile in silence, looking out at the sparkling pond as it reflected the midday sunlight, each with his own thoughts for company. Presently, Fancy Pants spoke again.

“How are things between you and the Princess? I've not spoken to her since before you and I last conversed.”

“It's going really well.” Shining's smile was as radiant as Fancy Pants had every seen. “I want to show you something.” Eyes twinkling, he produced from one of the unseen pockets in his armor's chestplate a golden necklace, bound at the front with a clasp that formed the shape of a heart. It was a simple design, polished gold, and yet elegant, finely crafted by the best smith in Canterlot. As Shining Armor turned it in the light, Fancy Pants could make out an inscription on the inside of the band – 'My love eternal for you, S.A.'.

“It can't be...” Fancy Pants grin grew to match Shining's. “You sly griffon! You're finally going to ask her?”

“Next Friday, on our anniversary.” The Captain nodded enthusiastically, replacing the necklace.

“Well, since you have roughly a thirty percent chance of success –“ Fancy Pants was cut off for a moment as Shining shoved him with one hoof, “Let me say I wish you the best. I can't think of a better couple in all of Canterlot... though now that I think about it that really isn't a remarkable achievement.”

“Thanks, Fance. I do have a request, actually – it's kind of a big favor.” At Fancy Pants' questioning look, he added, “Like a 'request this date off from work' favor.”

“I'm listening.”

“I'd like you to be the Best Stallion, Fance.”

A moment of shocked silence passed, punctuated by the splash of a large fish in the middle of the pond.

“Well?” Shining asked, his voice tinged with concern.

Fancy Pants shook his head, breaking into another wide grin. “I don't know what to say.” He looked up and caught his best friend's eye. Brothers in all but blood, he thought. “I'd be honored, Shining Armor, to be your Best Stallion.”

Comments

[redactedandredacted]

Aw man, this is SO SICK. I'm like a filly on Hearth's Warming morning here, man. This is the GREATEST pseudo-James Bond crossover ever. Of all time.

[Shadow_Wolf]

Whoo hoo! I'm loving this

[ELP_CO]

Very well written. Scenery, characters, everything is done excellently. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this.