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Part 2

Celestia was stunned. She still didn’t really believe this was true, but what really scared her was that she wasn’t completely sure it was false, either. And that meant that there was a possibility that... no. This was illogical and impossible. Discord might be the Lord of Chaos, but she was one of the most orderly creatures on the planet (save for Twilight Sparkle, of course). Still feeling rather agitated, she levitated Paper Cut up and trotted slowly out of the room.

“Sister, what are you doing?”

She turned. “Oh! Luna! Long story. Paper Cut fainted and I’m taking him to the infirmary.”

Trotting alongside her, Luna smirked. “Fainted? Pray tell, what could possibly excite him so at a tax meeting? Papers growing teeth, no doubt?”

“Ha ha,” Celestia said, clenching her jaw. “It’s not important.”

Luna’s face became less cheeky and she came to a sudden stop. “Sister, are you alright? Your behavior is more than a little strange.”

“It’s not important,” Celestia repeated weakly.

“Sister. If you are upset you should talk about it. I read that in one of those advice magazines.”

“Oh alright- I suppose you were going to find out at some point anyways- actually you’re not because nothing is happening- but-“ She was mercifully interrupted as they arrived at the infirmary, where she levitated Paper Cut over to some confused medics. Miserably, she turned back to an expectant Luna. “Luna, I- was doing taxes with Paper Cut when Discord decided to show up with some- ah- big news,” she said finally.

“And?” Luna asked.

“He- showed up with- with an egg which he claimed was laid by him and sired by... me. He said I was going to be a father.”

Shock filled Luna’s eyes, and then dawning comprehension. “But ‘Tia, that means... I’m going to be an aunt!” She let out an uncharacteristic shriek and did a flip in the air.

Celestia stared. “Luna, you already are an aunt- Cadence, remember?”

“Oh, right, but this is different. Besides, how exactly is Cadence related to us? I do not think it was ever clearly explained to me.” Luna said.

“Luna.” Celestia said slowly, fighting the urge to scream. “I know you missed a lot of the advancements in what we call ‘science’ while you were... ahem... absent, but surely you can realize some basic biological reasons why I cannot possibly be a father?!”

“What are you saying? Oh...,” Luna said. “Are you saying that you cannot be the sire because you are a mare?”

“Yes! Yes I am! Now that you’ve accepted reality, we can both see that this is one big not-so-funny joke and-“ Celestia’s shrill outburst was interrupted by her sister.

“Celestia- I cannot believe you!” Luna said angrily. “You really think you cannot be the father just because you are female? Really? Get with times! I left those backwards attitudes on the moon! And ponies say I am the one that is ‘old-fashioned’!” With that, the younger Alicorn turned up her muzzle and trotted away. “I refuse to associate with intolerant ponies like you!” she called out as she left.

Celestia sighed. “I never should have let her read Cosmare.”

Still, the idea of discussing something that was bothering you- even if it did come from one of those cursed magazines- wasn’t too bad a concept. Celestia felt she was going to lose her mind if she didn’t find somepony who would acknowledge that she was the sane one in this situation, and it was Luna and Discord who were flat-out wrong. But who to talk to? A name flashed in her mind. Of course! If there was one pony who would look at things rationally.... Feeling heartened, she lit up her horn and teleported with a POP to a castle on the outskirts of Ponyville.

“Princess Celestia!” The purple Alicorn was frantic when her mentor showed up unannounced in the throne room. “I had no idea you were coming- not that I’m not happy to see you- I am! But I’m just surprised- you weren’t in the schedule-“ at this she pulled out a long scroll- “which is obviously my fault- I didn’t write you in- and I’m so, so sorry about it- I would’ve cleaned up- a royal visit-“

“Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said gently. “You don’t have to anything special for me. After all, we are equals now.”

“Right, right,” Twilight said nervously.

“Well, Twilight Sparkle, I, uh, was wondering if if I could discuss something with you?” Celestia said, smiling weakly.

“Oh- of course!” Twilight answered quickly. “Is the fate of Equestria at risk? Should I gather up the Element Bearers?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” Celestia said. “It’s just- I wanted your... thoughts on something. Advice, I guess. You are the Princess of Friendship, after all.”

“You want MY advice?” Twilight said incredulously, the grin spreading across her face reminiscent of the smiles Celestia had so adored in her fillyhood. “I’d be honored, Princess!”

“Then- uh- you should probably sit down,” Celestia said, settling herself down gracefully on Pinkie Pie’s throne and waiting for Twilight to take to her own.

Twilight glanced up at her, curiosity evident on her face.

Celestia decided to break things gently. “Well, Twilight Sparkle, you are aware that Discord and I are dating now?” Wait, are we still? Did we break up? Sadly, romance didn’t get easier as you approached your fifteenth century.

Twilight interrupted her train of thought. “Of course I know, Princess. It was all over the Neigh York Post and the Daily Mare. I wrote strongly worded letters to them of course, saying that they were interfering in your private life and anyways everypony knows they aren’t reputable newspapers because they publish so much rubbish-“

“Er- right, but that’s not what’s important here. My main point is that-“ Celestia took a deep breath- “Discord recently informed me that he has laid an egg, and has claimed me as the father, and I- am not sure how to react.” She finally glanced at Twilight. Twilight was staring at her in shock, her eyes wider than Celestia had ever seen, her mouth hanging open.

Celestia laughed in relief. “Yes, this whole thing sounds insane, doesn’t it? That’s exactly what I thought, too.”

Finally Twilight spoke. “Princess Celestia- no! It’s not insane- it’s wonderful news! I’m so happy for you- you were an amazing teacher to me, and I’m sure you’ll be an amazing father, too!”

“WHAT?” Celestia yelled. “Twilight Sparkle, you are the most logical pony I know. Surely you realize such a thing would be impossible? The whole idea is preposterous!”

“Princess,” Twilight said earnestly “I learned from my friend Pinkie Pie that we can’t understand everything, and there are wonderful things in this world that we just have to believe in! And it’s wonderful that you’re going to be a father, even if I can’t understand how it works!” Her eye twitched momentarily at those last few words, but her smile remained.

“Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia hissed, all semblance of calm gone. “This is not like that at all. Just think for a moment, how such a thing could ever happen? How could I, a mare, father an egg, with Discord, a stalli- well, a male draconequus? How would that even work?!”

Twilight blushed. “Umm, Princess Celestia?” she squeaked. “I know you said that we’re equals, and that you aren’t my teacher anymore, but umm, I don’t really feel comfortable discussing the... intimate details of your life with you.”

“Oh... I didn’t mean.. of course!” Celestia mumbled. She could feel her face burning at least five different shades of crimson. Curse this white hide! “I- uh- just remembered something I have to do- farewell!” She trotted briskly out of the doors and hung her head in shame and dejection.

Staring at the floor in embarrassment as she left the castle, she bumped into something.

“Oh, hello, Princess Celestia!” a voice chirped cheerfully.

Celestia looked up in surprise. “Oh, hello, Pinkie Pie,” she said flatly.

Pinkie grinned. “Great to see you, your Highness,” she said, bowing clumsily. “I smell that you sat on my throne. Don’t worry, I don’t mind!”

“I- smell?”

“Yeah, I smeared frosting all over it. I can smell it all over you. And you smell great!”

“Wonderful.” Celestia said tersely.

“Princess,” Pinkie said. “Is something wrong? Because usually when I see you you’re all happy because Twilight learned a friendship lesson? But now you’re all.. bleh!” She rolled her eyes back and stuck out her tongue.

“It’s kind of you to inquire, Pinkie Pie, but I’m... fine. Just a bit upset. And I doubt that you- of all ponies- could help.”

“Me? Of all ponies?!” Pinkie yelled in offense. “Of course I can help! My special talent is cheering ponies up! My SPECIAL TALENT,” she yelled, gesticulating to her flank.

Celestia sighed. “Fine. Discord just told me that I’m going to be a father.”

Pinkie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers. “A father? But Princess... you’re a mare!”

Celestia stared at her with shock and delight. “Yes, Pinkie Pie, you’re right!” She scooped Pinkie up in her front legs and hugged her before setting her down again.

“Yes,” Pinkie said seriously, pacing in a circle. “Only a stallion can become a father. Which means-“ she paused. She jumped up. “Oh I get it! You’re a stallion!”

“WHAT?!”

“Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!” Pinkie shrieked, jumping up and down. “Am I the first pony you told? Don’t worry, I accept you for who you are, Princess- or should I call you Prince?”

“Pinkie Pie,” Celestia said sternly. “I am most certainly not a stallion. And even if I did identify as such- which to be absolutely clear I do not- it still would not change the underlying biological issues with me ‘fathering’ anything.”

Pinkie looked at her earnestly. “Prince Celestia, you don’t have to hide yourself from me- I accept you. In fact, now that I think about it, it totally makes sense that you would be a stallion. I mean you represent the sun, and something about it seems masculine, you know? And you and Luna are sisters, but she’s all short and slender, and you’re all tall and broad. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”

“I am feminine and beautiful!” Celestia howled in offense.

“You’re whatever you say you are, Prince, and you shouldn’t hide that. In fact, you should tell everypony in Ponyville that you’re a stallion- we’re a really accepting town! I know! I’ll throw you a coming-out party! It’s my favorite kind of party except for Gummy’s birthday party, and his after-birthday party, oh and all my friends’ birthdays, of course....”

“Pinkie Pie.” Celestia called out weakly.

Pinkie Pie continued to hop towards the balloon store in excitement.

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