The elements of metal

by sykko

A most metal wedding

Author's Note:

Okay for this chapter I'm using color coding for the rounds of singing that Chrysalis, Cadance and Twilight do.

This represents Chrysalis' singing
This represents Cadance's singing
This repesnts Twilight's singing

Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight and Thrasher were sitting under a tree on the outskirts of Ponyville having a picnic while they discussed a possible new name for their band.

"Ah dun see what was wrong with Mystic Princess.", AJ said taking a bite of a sandwich.

"We were thinking of changing that name from the beginning.", Rainbow replied, "I think we should call ourselves Rainbow Dash and the Awesomes."

"Leave it tuh th' rhythm guitarist to put her name first.", Applejack snarked.

"At least ponies can see me when I perform.", Rainbow snapped back.

The two mares shoved their faces against, snorting and nickering in annoyance and anger.

"Why don't you just fuck?, Thrasher said cracking open a beer, "Between your constant bickering, the little scrap you had at the running of the leaves and now, it's obvious you two have pent up frustrations for each other." She downed the beer and cracked open another one.

"Though I wouldn't use such crude terminology, I'd have to agree with Thrasher.", Rarity said, "The two of you need to get rid of some frustrations." She dug around in her saddlebags. "I've got some coupons in here somewhere for a discount from anything in my back room."

"Oh come off it Rares!", Rainbow exclaimed, "It's the second worst kept secret that you and Fluttershy are looking to start a herd."

"What's the first worst kept secret?", Twilight asked.

"That Lyra and Bonbon are more than just roommates.", the six other mares said as one.

"What's the third worst kept secret?", Twilight asked unsure she really wanted to hear the answer.

"That Rarity really, really is into those sexy Neighponeese comics. You know the ones where it shows ponies rutting with only those little black rectangles over their junk.", Rainbow said with a snort, "What is a common line from them? Anata wa kawaii! Notice me senpai! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She rolled on the ground, holding her sides as she laughed

"Speaking of secrets everypony knows.", Fluttershy said, "Well it's not really a secret, but everypony knows that Thrasher and Twilight have been dating."

"They also have fun trysts on their date nights.", Rarity said.

Thrasher choked as she laughed with a mouthful of beer. "You hear that sweet cheeks?", she said nudging Twilight, "Apparently we're dating and nopony decided to tell us, also...", she did her best Rarity impression, "...we're having 'trysts'." She fell on her back with snorting laughter.

"If Thrasher and Twilight were dating, she'd tell me, her second bestest cousin.", Pinkie said with a slight grumpy look on her face.

"So if y'all aren't dating, what are y'all really doing?", Applejack said, not masking her intentions to hear some gossip.

"Applejack!", Rarity scolded, "You know that a lady neither tells nor brags."

"You're right, Rarity.", Thrasher said, "A lady neither tells nor brags. But seeing as I'm no lady..." The other five mares leaned to hear the story in all its juicy and saucy bits.

"Don't you dare!", Twilight shouted, grabbing an empty beer can and bouncing it off Thrasher's head.

"Ow! So that's how it feels. Eh, not gonna stop me either way" Thrasher threw an empty can playfully at Twilight.

Twilight turned away, crossing her forelegs with a "harrumph!"

"Oh come on, don't be like that.", Thrasher said nudging Twilight's back, "You said it yourself, we aren't dating and just having fun."

Twilight gave a soft grumble.

The other five mares leaned in even closer. "Oooo, this is really juicy.", Rarity said, "A lover's spat."

Twilight turned glaring lightning bolts at the other mares. She opened her mouth to shout at them when a gold-embossed envelope appeared above her head and fell to the ground. She picked it up with her magic, opened it and pulled out the letter. She gave a loud gasp, "Oh my Celestia! This is the worst news ever!"

"What is it sugar dumplin'?", Applejack asked, "Somepony die?"

"Worse!", Twilight said, her mane becoming slightly frazzled, "My brother, Shining Armor is getting married! To some pony named Princess Mi Amore Cadenza...tomorrow!"

"That's hardly bad news, darling.", Rarity said, "You're brother getting married is great news. To nobility no less."

"No, this is terrible news!", Twilight said on the verge of a full on category three Twilighting, "We don't keep secrets from each other! Especially nothing this big! He's supposed to be my BBBFF!" The other six mares looked at her with "Huh?!" expressions on their faces. "My big brother best friend forever." The six gave "Ah." expressions. She began hyperventilating while grinding her teeth.

"Calm down sugar plum.", Applejack said gently laying a hoof on Twilight's wither, "Ah'm sure he's been busy, otherwise he woulda written you. Right girls?" The other mares nodded their heads as they spoke in agreement.

"No!", Twilight snapped, "We never kept secrets from each other! And now he's getting married?! To some mare I've never heard of before! This 'Mi Amore Cadenza'!" She gave a sad sigh as she looked to Canterlot. She began breaking out in song: When I was a filly/I thought it was rather silly/to see how many other ponies I could meet
I had book to read/vocal lessons was all I thought I would need
Other ponies I didn't know I would need to make a band complete
But there was colt I care for/knew he would be there for me
My big brother best friend/my big brother best friend...forever
We never had a fight/taught me how to fly a kite/he taught me how to rock out with my...well you know
Her voice became a warbling screech
I miss you so bad! Oh how I miss you! My big brother best friend forverrrrr!

Thrasher gave a burp. "Wow! Here I thought I was fucked up. You're wanting to get rutted by your big brother. When you finally see a therapist, between your anxiety, weird phobias, spitting pure spaghetti when you get freaked out and now this, he's going to make so much money, he can retire Mareui."

Twilight glared at Thrasher. "That's it, you're cut off for a month!"

Thrasher shrugged, "Eh. I still have my hoof, so not a total loss. Besides we all know it won't be long before you come back looking for some sweet, sweet candy." She smacked her own flank to emphasize the point.

"Ah'll bet ya twenty bits she won't last a week before she comes looking for Thrasher to scratch that itch.", Applejack whispered to Rainbow.

"I'd say she won't last three days.", Rainbow whispered back.

"I'll bet one day.", Rarity whispered. When the other two mares looked at her blinking, she retorted, "Just because I'm a lady doesn't mean I can't look to get in on some action."

Pinkie pulled out a chalkboard with the bets written on it and put on a green visor. "Alright, I got Applejack down for a week, Rainbow Dash down for three days and Rarity down for a day! Anypony else want to make a bet?"

"I bet she won't last the day.", Fluttershy whispered meekly.

"Ugh!", Twilight exclaimed flinging Pinkie's chalkboard with her magic and flopping on her back, "I hate you all."

"Hey!", Pinkie snapped, "You know chalkboards don't grow on trees...in Ponyville!"

The other six mares blinked at Pinkie, none of them wanted to even ask.

Rarity took the letter in her magic reading it. "Ooo, look her girls! It says we're all invited!", her voice became sing-songy, "You know what that means?", she took in an excited breath, "I get to plan the decorations!"

"An' Ah get tuh cook th' food!", AJ replied.

"And that means we get to play the reception!", RD said exitedly.

Thrasher grinned giddily, "The best part of any wedding reception, free booze!"

Twilight pressed her hooves into her face and groaned.

The next day all seven mares were on the train to Canterlot. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie chatted in excited tones, while Twilight stared out the window in a sour mood.

Thrasher sat next to Twilight, a concerned look on her face. "What's the matter babe? Still upset about the crap we gave you yesterday?", she asked, passing her a beer.

Twilight looked down at the beer before cracking it open and taking a sip. "No.", she halfheartedly replied, "I'm past that.", she nuzzled into Thrasher's neck and sighed, "Shining Armor is getting married to some mare I've never heard of before and he didn't bother to even write all this time that he was marrying this Mi Amore whoever." She grumbled as she took another swallow of beer.

"Well I know two things that will make you feel better, even if it's just a little bit.", Thrasher said, "The first is smacking this My Sharona Cabana upside her head and the other..." She leaned over and whispered in Twilight's ear.

Twilight smirked, downed the beer, tossed the empty in a nearby trashcan, then she and Thrasher made their way to the bathroom.

The other mares passed sack of bits to Rarity. "Thanks for your business girls.", she said stuffing the bits in her saddlebags.

As the train chugged down the tracks at the edge of Canterlot, two royal guards uncrossed their spears letting it pass as the train went through a raspberry-colored dome shield.

"Tell me how we're supposed to stop a train moving at speed on the tracks.", the first guard whispered to the second.

"Shut up!", the second guard whispered back, "This is a cushy assignment, so don't fuck it up for me."

As the train pulled up to the station, a contingent of guards were waiting for it. As the seven mares clambered out of the car, Twilight heard a familiar voice call out to her, "Twily!"

Twilight hugged her brother then glared at him, "You're getting married?! And you didn't bother even to tell me?! Who exactly is this Mi Amore Cadenza?! I thought you were dating Cadance!"

Shining Armor leaned his head back stunned at the reaction of his sister. "Twily, Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance."

Twilight gave a gasp that was both happy and shocked. "Well that still doesn't excuse you from not writing me before yesterday."

"I'm sorry I didn't write, but Canterlot has been on lock down because there has been a threat made against Cadance.", Shining said, "I've been under orders to keep a shield up over the city for months and haven't had time to write."

"Still want to smack this bitch upside her head?", Thrasher muttered to Twilight.

Twilight glared momentarily at Thrasher before Shining Armor directed the seven mares to a waiting carriage.

The carriage pulled up to the castle and all the ponies inside climbed out, making their way inside. As the group made their way across on of the sky bridges, a voice called out "Shining Armor!" Twilight and Shining smiled seeing Cadance saunter up.

Twilight sprinted over to her former foalsitter and did a funny little dance as she recited a little rhyme, "Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" She ended the dance shaking her rump.

"Perfect blackmail!", Thrasher snickered.

Cadance looked down her snout at Twilight and raised an eyebrow while giving a half scoff. "So anyways Shining Armor, I've got some plans for changes to the weddings." She shoved past Twilight as she walked past Twilight, dragging Shining with her.

"But but..." Twilight sputtered. Her voice began to crack, "She didn't forget about me did she?"

"It's pob'ly jus' nerves sugar.", Applejack said.

"Like Applejack said, darling.", Rarity spoke up, "Between the biggest wedding of the year and the threats, she's probably just stressed out."

The other mares spoke in agreement, except for Thrasher who looked over her shoulder and sneered at the stuck up princess who had just nearly made Twilight cry. She downed a beer, crushed the can and hucked the empty over shoulder.

The empty can bounced off the back of Cadance's head, who looked over her shoulder, glared at Thrasher and gave a soft growl.

Twilight wasn't content. She knew something wasn't right and she would prove it.

As the mares split up to do their different things, Twilight drug Thrasher with her to spy on Cadance.

"Just say the word and I'll snap that cunt's horn off and jam it up her ponut.", Thrasher said, "Nopony makes someone I care about cry except for me."

"Not until I get some proof.", Twilight said as she shushed Thrasher.

The two mares peeked in the kitchen where Applejack was making apple fritters and apple dumplings. Twilight braced herself as Cadance walked in.

Cadance looked down at the food the Applejack had laid out with a sour expression. "I guess this will do.", she said with a snotty tone as she poked at the food with a hoof.

"Y'all not find finer food than this here!", Applejack said proudly, gesturing to the fritters and dumplings, "Go ahead an' take a taste." She passed Cadance a fritter.

Cadance took a bite and her face screwed up in disgust. Once Applejack turned away, she spit the mouthful out.

Applejack turned to the cake she was decorating and showed it off to Cadance proudly.

"I guess this will have to do.", Cadance said in a disgusted tone.

"Now something for yer nerves", Applejack said pulling out a joint from her stetson, "Sour apple, perfect fer whatever ails ya." She bagged up some fritters and dumplings, passing them along with the joint to Cadance. "Now doncha worry yer pretty little head 'bout nothin'. Ya jus' focus on gettin' ready fer the weddin'."

Cadance gave a sneer as she took the things Applejack has passed her in a green telekinetic field. Walking out the door, she dropped the bag and joint in a trashcan.

"The Cadance I know would never be this rude to anypony!", Twilight whispered angrily as she snuck through the kitchen.

Thrasher downed another beer and hucked the empty over her shoulder with a burp, then followed Twilight.

Cadance glared at Thrasher, the mare had bounced another empty can off her head.

Twilight and Thrasher peeked through the door in the ballroom where Rarity was showing Cadance the decorations.

Cadance levitated one of the tablecloths and gave a scoff. "So pedestrian.", she snarked rudely before throwing the tablecloth on the floor, "If you're going to do it, then do it right."

Rarity gather the tablecloth up with an awkward chuckle, "But of course. The bride is always right."

Twilight glared at Cadance, "Cadance would never act like...like...like..."

"Like a cunt?", Thrasher whispered.

"Exactly!", Twilight whispered back.

As the two slunk off, Thrasher drained another beer and hurled the empty at Cadance.

As another empty bounced off the back of her head, Cadance turned and snarled at Thrasher, "I'll get you, you little bitch." She walked out one of the side doors.

"I'll catch up with you in a minute.", Thrasher called out to Twilight, "I need to find a toilet. You know what they say, you don't buy beer, you only rent it." As she turned the corner, she froze mid-step looking up at a pony/bug hybrid, only one word came out of her mouth, "Fuck."

"You you have been most bothersome you little-" A can bounced off the pony/bug hybrid's head interrupting its pontification, "Will you cut that out?!"

Thrasher shrugged. "I'm out of ideas, guess I'm fucked."

"Oh indeed you are little pony!", the pony/bug hybrid cackled glaring maliciously down at Thrasher. Green magic magic lit in its horn, wrapping the mare in a circle of green fire.

In a flash Thrasher found herself in a dungeon cell with. "No!", she shouted pounding on the door, "I can't go to jail again!" She looked around the cell. "When they finally let me out in the yard, I'm going to find the biggest, baddest bitch and bite her hoof off!"

Twilight continued to spy on Cadance as she treated the rest of her friends rudely. She refused to groove to Fluttershy's tasty bass licks, she snapped Pinkie's records in half on her turntable rig, she tipped over Rainbow's amp stack. The mare looked around noticing that Thrasher hadn't returned from the bathroom yet. "Where could she be?" She checked all the places Thrasher could be, she wasn't in any of the bathrooms, the bars in the ballrooms were untouched, Celestia's liquor cabinet was untouched, the castle's marijuana stashes were still fully stocked, she found her in none of the places where she could have passed out.

As Twilight continued to pass through the castle halls looking for Thrasher, she caught sight of Luna muttering to herself. "Princess Luna!", Twilight called out, "Something weird is going on. Cadance is acting completely rude and I can't find Thrasher anywhere."

Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "It is unlike Cadance to act unrighteous. You continue to investigate, I'll go check on something while I look for your friend."

Twilight nodded as she galloped away. Sneaking up to Shining's door she opened it a crack and peaked in. She froze in place watching the scene unfold.

Shining Armor fiddled with the sash across the chest of his red dress uniform. Cadance walked over annoyed and adjusted the sash, "Here let me! You're completely useless without my help."

"It's fine Cady.", Shining said, "I can handle-AH!" He winced in pain, placing a hoof to his head.

"Aw, still having headaches?", Cadance said coldly, "Here let me help you with that." Liting the magic in her horn, she fired a beam of green energy at Shining's head, causing his eyes to go crossed. "There all better, Now come along."

"Yes dear.", Shining said monotonically.

Twilight gave a soft gasp and ran off, she had to tell Celestia, Luna, her friends, somepony what was going on. Barreling through the hallways, she came to a screeching halt seeing five of her friends wearing flowing dresses. "Uh, what going on?"

"Haven't you heard, darling?", Rarity asked, "Princess Cadance has asked us to be her bride's maids!"

"Can't you see what's going on?!", Twilight asked in a near panicking state, "Cadance isn't acting like herself! Applejack, she threw out the food and joint you gave her! Rarity, she treated your decorations like they were garbage! Pinkie, she snapped your records in half! Fluttershy, she refused to groove to your bass licks! She acts like she doesn't know me! And has anypony seen Thrasher?"

Relax sugarcube before ya give yerself a stroke.", Applejack said, "She's pob'ly jus' stressed out, this here bein' her big day an' all."

"Besides we probably weren't giving her our best.", Fluttershy said demurely, "Like Applejack said, she's probably just stressed out. Sometimes when ponies are stressed out, they lash out."

"As far as Thrasher is concerned, she probably broke into one of the bars in that ballrooms and drank herself unconscious.", Rainbow said, "She'll probably turn up after the wedding."

"Has everypony gone crazy?!", Twilight shouted, running her hooves through her mane.

"Probably!", Pinkie chirped, "You have definitely gone loco in the coco. Don't worry about about Thrasher, I'll help you find her after the wedding. I'm the second best at finding her."

"Come on girls, we don't want to be late for the rehearsal.", Rarity said.

As Twilight watched her five friends walk off she plopped down on her haunches. Maybe she was going crazy. Maybe in all her stress she had pushed herself into a paranoid delusion. No! If she was capable of questioning her own sanity, she wasn't crazy yet. With renewed vigor, she pulled herself to her hooves and charged off to where the wedding rehearsal was going on, determination burning in her eyes. Bursting through the doors, she pointed an accusatory hoof at Cadance, "Stop this madness!"

All the ponies in the room gasped in shock.

"I don't know what happened to the Cadance I grew up with!", Twilight shouted angrily, "But she has become most unrighteous and is a totally evil cunt!"

Twilight's five friends, Shining Armor and Celestia glared at the lavender unicorn mare. Cadance fell into Shining's arms with dramatic crying, when she saw all the ponies glaring at Twilight, she sneered.

Celestia took an angry step towards her student. "You had better explain yourself."

"I saw Cadance treating my friends rudely. I saw her casting some kind of evil spell on my brother! She probably foalnapped Thrasher and has her tied up somewhere!"

Shining Armor placed his bride to be down gently on her hooves and stalked dangerously over to his sister. "Twilight.", he growled angrily, "What you saw was Cadance treating my migraines since I've been keeping this shield up over Canterlot to protect it since the threat." He took a stomping step forward. "As for how she treated your friends, she's been stressed out beyond belief because she's not only had to take care of all the planning for the wedding, but also the palace security because I wasn't able to take care of it myself."

Twilight flattened her ears against her head as she backed down from her angry brother, her hooves trembling in fear.

"Darling!", Rarity scolded, "How incredibly rude and insanely jealous you're being."

"You don't even care that all Cadance has talked about is gaining you as her sister-in-law!", Shining shouted, "Considering the way acting, consider yourself uninvited from our wedding."

Cadance quailed as she squeezed out crocodile tears. "I blame myself! I should have been a much better foalsitter and taught her how to be more righteous!" She threw herself on the floor sobbing dramatically.

Shining glared at Twilight before turning to comfort his fiance.

Tears filled Twilight's eyes as she flopped onto her haunches. Her voice cracked as she tried to talk, she instead consigned herself to flop on her belly and sob silently.

Celestia sighed, "Alright, I guess this take is ruined. Let's break for lunch and try again in an hour."

Twilight continued to sob to herself as her friends walked past. "Such an uncouth display!", Rarity snipped. "Unbecomin' and rude!", Applejack said dejectedly. "Totally uncool!", Rainbow tsked. "Super jelly!", Pinkie said. "I'm just...I'm just disappointed.", Fluttershy angrily. "Spoiled brat!", Shining Armor snarled.

Celestia loomed over student, clicking her tongue disappointingly. "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." Those words hurt Twilight worse than any blade ever could. "I blame myself. I should have taught you better. What you did is most unrighteous. You have a lot to think about." With that, the diarch of the sun walked out, slamming the door behind her, leaving a miserable Twilight alone in the room.

Twilight covered her face with her hooves and wept bitterly. "M-maybe I have gone crazy." Rising to her hooves, she pranced about as she spoke mockingly to herself, "Oh don't mind the crazy and jealous mare who just called her soon to be sister-in-law an evil cunt!" With an angry shout, she slammed her hoof into the wall and slumped back to her haunches. "Maybe the ponies with the white coats and butterfly nets will come soon and haul me off." Twilight turned hearing the doors open behind her, she froze in place seeing Cadance. "C-Cadance! Let me apologize for how I acted."

Cadance sneered down at Twilight. When she spoke, the voice that came out wasn't Cadance's, "You insufferable brat! You're constant snooping have nearly undone my plans. I must dispose of you too." Green magic lit in her horn and a circle of green flames surrounded the lavender mare.

Twilight screamed in fright as she pawed at the floor with her hooves as she was pulled down through the floor. She found herself landing hard in a cave filled with gem growths. The unicorn mare stared up at one of the crystalline columns seeing a pony/bug hybrid, its black carapace seemed to gleam, a twisted and gnarled horn grew from its head, a pair of long fangs hung in its mouth, a black crown with green highlights, seemingly made from carapace rested atop the creature's head, its green eyes glared maliciously as it cackled.

"Welcome to the crystal labyrinth little pony.", Chrysalis cackled, "For generations unicorns greedily mined the gems from underneath Canterlot carving out this maze, few live who know its paths. Soon this will become your grave!" She gave an expression of mock concern, "Don't worry about your little friends, soon enough my brood shall drain the metal from them to fuel the changeling smooth jazz." She threw back her head in raucous laughter.

Twilight rose to her hooves, her face twisting up in rage. Charging up the magic in her horn, she unleashed a beam of destructive energy with a scream. Other laughing images of Chrysalis appeared on more gem formation, with subsequent beam of lavender energy turned them to rubble. A lavender beam destroyed a gem formation revealing a familiar crying pink alicorn. Twilight charged forward roaring, the magic in her horn blazing.

Cadance held up her hooves in desperation. "Twilight! It's me!"

"PROVE IT!", Twilight roared.

Cadance began doing a silly little dance. "Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" She shook her rump finishing the silly dance.

"It's really you!", Twilight exclaimed, running over and hugging Cadance as tears poured down her face.

As Cadance hugged Twilight back, she said, "How did you get down here?"

"Some bug-thing posing as you banished me down here after I accused her of being an evil cunt!", Twilight exclaimed. She gave a scared gasp. "Oh my Celestia! My friends! Princess Celestia! Luna! Shining Armor! They're all in danger!"

"Then we don't have a second to waste!", Cadance exclaimed.

In the castle, Chrysalis still disguised as Cadance stared out a window cackling, Her voice took on a strange distorted and echo-y effect as she began to sing.
I remember I remember-remember all the rejection-rejection but now my vengeance grows

Cadance and Twilight ran through the crystal labyrinth seeking a way out as they began to sing.
Seek me! Call me! YYYYAAAAAAAHHHH!
Sleep brings relief! From the misery of being without you!

Once I was a young nymph who dreamed of the power of metal until they rejected me, now I return with the power of smooth jazz!
Shining Armor you know me! YOU KNOW ME ALL TO WWWWEEEEEELLLLL!
Once I cared about metal, but now I don't care anymore! Today the metal dies and my vengeance shall be complete!
In sorrow I cry out your name! And my voice mirrors my torment! Seek meee!
Celestia! I'll drag you down, smear you name all over the place! I'll laugh when you see my vengeance as metal dies!
For comfort! Call meee! For solace! Seek meee! For completion! Call meee! For the end of...
For today metal ends! Ha-ha-haaaa!

Chrysalis pulls out an alto sax and begins playing a smooth jazz solo. As the door opens, she quickly hides the sax.

"I'm sorry your majesty.", a guard apologizes, "I thought I heard a saxophone in here."

"No saxophone in here.", Chrysalis who was still disguised as Cadance said while giving a nervous smile, "Um...will they be starting another practice of the ceremony soon?"

"Yes your majesty.", the guard replied, "They're about to start again in about ten minutes."

"Thank you, that will be all.", Chrysalis said. After the guard left the room, she wiped her forehead, "Whew! That was a close one!" She straightened up her dress. "Okay time for the blushing bride to return. Heh-heh-heh!"

Cadance and Twilight, with the last push of their strength, leapt up to a ledge and broke through the ceiling into the dungeon. As they clambered out of the hole, they heard a deep voice singing from a nearby cell, opening the slat, they saw Thrasher sitting on the bunk and singing in a basso voice.
Nopony knows the trouble I've seen!
Nopony knows my sorrow!
Nopony knows the trouble I've seen!
Glory! Glory Hallelujah!

Cadance and Twilight looked to each other stunned.

Twilight shrugged, "I didn't know she was a bass."

"One of your friends?"

Twilight nodded.

"Alright, stand back!" Cadance lit the magic in her horn, broke the lock off and slammed door open.

Thrasher looked up from the cot, her face lit up seeing the familiar lavender unicorn mare. "Twilight!", she exclaimed running over and hugged her, "What year is it?! Is all food in pill form?! Have the machines risen up to slaughter all ponykind?!"

Twilight pushed back from the hug. "Thrasher, it's only been a couple of hours."

"Oh.", Thrasher said slightly embarrassed, "When you're on the inside, times moves differently." Looking over she saw Cadance and her face twisted up in anger. "You!", she snarled taking out a keg of beer.

Cadance snatched the keg from Thrasher, drained it and belched loudly in the mare's face. "If you're gonna hit the champ, you gotta kill the champ!" She crushed the keg against her forehead and tossed it down the hall, before trotting off triumphantly. "Come along! We've got a kingdom to save!"

Thrasher smiled as she followed Cadance down the hallway. "Now her I like!", she said to Twilight.

In the grand hall where the practice ceremony was taking place, one side of the double doors swung open and two bottles of beer sailed through the air, smashing into the face of the false Cadance. All traced back to where they came from to see Twilight and Thrasher bumping hooves.

"Hey fuck face!", Thrasher shouted, "You can't get rid of me so easily!"

Shining Armor growled angrily as he turned to face the two assailants.

"You two explain yourselves!", Celestia snapped.

The other side of the double doors snapped open revealing the real Cadance, causing all ponies in attendance to gasp. Cadance pointed her hoof. "Aunt Celestia! That impostor is the most unrighteous changeling, Queen Chrysalis!"

Chrysalis began laughing as she transformed into her original form.

"You have made a grave error in revealing yourself, bug!", Celestia growled as she pulled out her guitar.

"Oh! You want to duel?", Chrysalis mocked as she pulled out an alto sax, "Behold the power of changeling smooth jazz!"

Squeeling and grinding heavy metal guitar solo went against lilting smooth jazz alto sax solo as Celestia and Chrysalis dueled each other, power from both instruments clashing against each other. Sweat flowed down the foreheads of the two musical duelists, suddenly the strings on Celestia's guitar snapped and she was sent tumbling across the floor, smoke curling up off the instrument.

Chrysalis' eyes went wide with a combination of shock and joy. "Ha-ha-haaa! On this day changeling smooth jazz has defeated Equestrian metal!"

"Th-the elements of metal.", Celestia said weakly, "That's the only thing that can defeat her now."

The seven mares nodded as they galloped off to instrument cabinet where the elements of metal were stored.

"Shining Armor, be a dear and lower the shield.", Chrysalis said stroking the stallion's chin.

Shining Armor's stance went rigid as his face went blank and his eyes went crossed. "Yes dear."

The raspberry-colored shield over Canterlot dropped and the changelings swooped in playing smooth jazz on saxophones, coronets and piccolos. The ponies down below tried to combat the tide of smooth jazz with gangsta rap, country, metal, punk and free form experimental jazz, but found themselves overwhelmed. Octavia and Vinyl, who were visiting Canterlot on that day, found themselves backed into an alleyway with a fluffy pink unicorn mare and a light purple earth pony mare with swirly eyes, wearing a propeller beanie. The four mares pulled out a switchblade, a lead pipe, a length of chain and for some reason the light purple earth pony with the swirly eyes and propeller beanie pulled out a tech nine, holding it sideways. They rushed forward to take on the changelings street-style.

Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie and Thrasher brawled their way through the streets trying to get to the instrument cabinet where six of the elements of metal were being held. When they reached the main doors, a swarm of changelings swooped down on them from above, tackling the mares in a massive dog pile. The pile of changelings flew away in every direction as Rainbow launched herself upwards in a twisting uppercut. Pinkie grabbed Twilight with one hoof and began twisting her tail with the other hoof, sending a barrage of machine gun-like magical blasts clearing the last of the changelings from the front of the building.

The seven mares burst through the doors on the building where the instrument cabinet that held six of the elements of magic was located. They came to a screeching halt seeing hundreds of changelings waiting for them. With a loud belch, Thrasher threw an empty keg, bowling over two dozen changelings. The seven mares didn't hesitate for a second as the changelings swarmed in around them.

Celestia and Cadance were stuck to the floor with green goo, while Shining Armor stood rigid with a blank, crossed-eyed expression. Chrysalis cackled evilly as she played smooth jazz solos on her alto sax, all the while Celestia tried to gnaw her legs off.

The doors on the far end of the room flung open revealing the seven captured mares being lead in by a squadron of changelings. Chrysalis stopped playing to laugh victoriously. "Finally princess, you get to witness the-OW!" An empty beer can bounced off her head, interrupting her triumphant speech. She glared at Thrasher, "Will you stop throwing garbage at me!"

Thrasher pulled out another can of beer. "Fat chance!" She drained it and hurled the empty at Chrysalis, who ducked out of the way.

Chrysalis growled angrily. "Search her!"

After an hour of the changelings searching Thrasher, Chrysalis stared in shock at the confiscated booze. Eighteen cases of beer, five hundred loose cans and bottles of beer, eighty bottles of liquor, fifteen beer kegs and two party balls of light beer. "It's no small wonder you aren't a pickled corpse. No matter. Now behold as I stand victorious while the Canterlot will finally be subjugated with the ultimate changeling smooth jazz song." Putting the sax to her mouth she began playing a song that made everypony feel like their teeth were being drilled.

The seven mares writhed on the floor in agony, Cadance shrieked in pain as she felt like her teeth were being drilled without anesthesia, Celestia furiously gnawed at her legs to get away from the song. Luna dropped from the ceiling, wielding her guitar that resembled an ancient war axe, interrupting the smooth jazz.

"Halt interloper!", Luna shouted, "Thou may hast defeated mine sister, but now thou face my shred!" She and Chrysalis began musically dueling, Equestrian heavy metal shredding versus changeling smooth jazz.

"Hurry!", Luna shouted, "I can't hold her for long!"

Twilight slunk over to Cadance and blasted the goo away with her magic. "Go to him!"

Thrasher closed her eyes, feeling the metal flow and raised a hoof. "Come to me Lucy." In Ponyville the old worn guitar in Thrasher's house shot through the roof and sailed through the air towards Canterlot.

Cadance rushed over to Shining Armor and threw her forelegs around him in a tight embrace. "Come back to me Shiny.", she whispered softly through tears. She touched her horn to his, summoning up the last of her magic to break the changeling queen's spell.

Shining Armor blinked and caught his fiance as she collapsed. "C-Cady? What's going on?"

Cadance pulled Shining in a tighter embrace. "Oh Shiny! You're back!"

Shining Armor looked around the room and growled at Chrysalis. Luna slid backwards across the floor from a blast of smooth jazz, her hooves kicking up sparks. "I can't hold her power back much longer!"

Thrasher hurled Lucy to the couple and Cadance caught it out of the air. She and Shining Armor were covered in black leather with steel spikes. Cadance and Shining Armor summoned the metal from within them. Cadance played out a power chord and a wall of pure shred rushed out from them. Chrysalis' alto sax shattered into pieces as she and her changeling brood were hurled through the air. "I'll get you and your little band too!", Chrysalis shouted as she was hurled into the distance. Cadance and Shining Armor levitated through the air as a sweet shredding solo played. Alighting back on their hooves, Cadance tossed Lucy back to Thrasher. For weeks ponies across Canterlot would be cleaning the remains of squished changelings that had been inside houses and buildings.

A week later the real wedding between Shining and Cadance happened with Celestia officiating. "Do you, Captain Shining Armor take this mare as your wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse?"

"I do."

Celestia turned to Cadance. "Do you Princess Mi Amore Cadanza..."

"Cadance if you please, Auntie Celestia."

"Bitch, don't tell me how to do my job." Celestia cleared her throat and continued, "Do you Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, to take this stallion as your husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse?"

"Then by the powers granted to me by the sun and the laws of Equestria, I pronounce you stallion and wife."

Celestia walked out on the balcony where a massive crowd had gathered. "Mares and gentlestallion, I present to you Prince Shining Armor and Princess...Cadance!" The crowd roared with cheers as Cadance and Shining Armor walked onto the balcony waving.

As the party at the wedding reception went on into the night, Pinkie slid up to the table where Octavia and Vinyl were sitting. "Sooo, who were those two mares that were helping you two fight off the changelings the other day?"

Octavia and Vinyl looked at Pinkie confused. "Pinkie, dearie what are you talking about?", Octavia asked, "We only arrived in town today."

Pinkie rubbed her chin in thought. "Hmm, must've been a cross-dimension confluence."

As mares and stallions danced, drank and whooped for joy, Thrasher and Twilight sat in a quiet corner making out.

Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Shining looked over at Twilight and Thrasher making out. "Huh! I guess Twily's into mares."

"Aaaand the last pony crosses the line!", Celestia, Luna and Cadance said to Shining Armor.

Comments

[Nineveh Orion]

Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Shining looked over at Twilight and Thrasher making out. "Huh! I guess Twily's into mares."

No fucking shit, dumbass!

Not sorry about the language. Metal demands you cuss.