The elements of metal

by sykko

The brawl at the Gala

On the day of the Grand Rockin' Gala Twilight and her six friends gathered in front of Carousel Topic. Rarity quickly ushered them all inside. She passed out new outfits she had made for them, well except for Thrasher who didn't want one, so Rarity instead passed the her a small box containing new piercings she has hoof crafted.

As the six mares went into the dressing rooms, Thrasher slipped on an Iron Mare Tee-shirt and an old blue jean vest covered in patches and pins. She looked in a nearby mirror, adjusted the extension in her mane, then began clipping the new piercings Rarity had made. She turned her head side-to-side admiring the piercings, especially the gold hoop in her lip with silver ball. She smiled at her reflection until the creak of the dressing room doors were heard, she went back to her usual glower and cracked open a beer.

The six mares stood in front of mirrors admiring and showing off their new outfits. Fluttershy wore a flowing black dress, a black lace choker around her neck with a silver rabbit skull charm hanging from it, a pair of platinum hoops in her ears and a simple silver stud in her nose. Twilight wore a red faux-leather jacket, black corset, spiked hooflets and amethyst studs in her ears. Pinkie wore a black jumpsuit with a kabuki mask and a spike collar, a single steel hoop in her lip. Applejack wore a grey canvas body suit, black leg sleeves with safety pins and a steel stud in her tongue. Rainbow Dash wore a black vinyl body suit covered in traps and buckles, three gold hoops in an eyebrow. Rarity wore a flowing, elaborate crimson dress with matching red lace collar and a red veil.

"Uh, Rares?", Applejack asked, "We all agreed to get piercings. Where are yers?"

Rarity responded by raising her eyebrows a couple of times.

"Ooooh...kay!", Twilight said slightly taken aback, "*ahem* Let's go outside and get the carriage ready."

Stepping outside, Twilight laid several planks of wood and pieces of wrought iron fencing in a small pile. Casting a spell, the wood and wrought iron formed into a pony skull-shaped carriage with twisted black iron spikes.

A few minutes later Spike came up, texting on his phone. He was wearing a crushed velvet track suit, bronze sunglasses ]and a braided gold chain. "Lookin' good ladies! Are we ready to go?" Fluttershy gave a soft whistle and two puppies scampered up. Twilight cast a spell, transforming them into dire wolves.

As Applejack went to hitch the dire wolves to the carriage, Opalescence scampered across the yard. With a hiss and a growl, she sprinted off with the two dire wolves in hot pursuit.

"Great! Now how are we supposed to get to the Gala now?!", Rainbow exclaimed.

Rarity walked over to a group of young stallions, batted her eyes and wiggled her flank slightly. "Excuse me. I'd hate to bother you strapping, handsome stallions, but, could you help my friends and I?", she asked with honeyed words.

The stallions blushed with embarrassment as Applejack hitched them to the carriage until Rarity placed broad-rimmed helmets on their heads.

As the seven mares climbed into the carriage, Spike climbed up on the seat. Grabbing the reins, he cracked them shouting "Giddy up!"

"Hey, watch it chump!", one of the stallions shouted.

Spike rubbed the back of his head, chuckling. "Sorry."

The carriage took off with a lurch as they began rolling towards Canterlot.

As the carriage began pulling up to the castle, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie and Twilight began to sing: At the Gala, at the Gala! In the garden I'm going to play bass for them all! All the critters! All the birdies! I'm going to slap and pop and they'll all groove with me! At the Gala! At the Gala! I will sell to them all! Sour apple and purple sticky fuzz and green apple! All the stoned ponies will buy my food and I will make lots of money and set up new customers for the farm! At the Gala! At the Gala! All the royals and the agents! I will play my tasty licks! I will melt faces and set up new contracts! At the Gala! At the Gala! Been dreamin'! Been waitin'! To perform with the Wonderbolts. We'll do daring tricks and play crunchy licks! They'll shower us with groupies! At the Gala! At the Gala! It's the best concert! All it was missing was a junglist named Pinkie! All the ponies will groove and mosh in the pit! At the Gala! At the Gala! Where the princesses will be! I'll sing a power ballad while they play squealing solos! At the Gala! At the Gala!

"I didn't bring enough beer.", Thrasher said as she watched the six singing mares while cracking open another can.

As the carriage pulled to a stop, the seven mares climbed out. They presented their tickets at the door and Spike showed off his manager's pass. Entering into the castle, the eight all went their separate ways.

Thrasher made her way across the floor and stopped at the open bar. Dropping the beer she was holding, her eyes went wide taking in shelves upon shelves of alcohol on the the wall. "Sweet mother of..." She began to dance and sing, At the Gala! At the Gala! I find the open bar! Beer and liquor and gin and tequila and mescal of every kind! Tonight I'm hitting the reset button! At the Gala! At the Gala!

The bartender walks up behind the bar. "What'll ya have?"

"I'll start with a bucket of whiskey sour."

Applejack set up her stand filled with various apple treats along with baggies and jars of various strains of marijuana. She set up a box of matches and a stack of business cards, before she started calling out in a loud voice, "Get yer smoke and grub on here! Ah got th' cure fer what ails ya! Purple sticky fuzz! Ponyville green! Green apple! Sour apple! If'n y'all get th' munchies, ah got apple pies, apple fritters, caramel apple and baked apples!"

Soarin walks up to Applejacks cart, looking over her merchandise. "I'll take a joint of Ponyville green and an apple pie."

"That'll be twenty-five bits!", Applejack said happily. After receiving the bits, she passed Soarin the pie and joint, she picked up a match lighting the joint for him. Passing him a business card, she said, "Jus' remember Sweet Apple Acres has all yer needs fer ya. We also do deliveries." Applejack smiled to herself as she dropped the bits into a strong box.

Fluttershy made her way to one of the royal gardens seeing all the animals. "Hello friends.", she said sitting down and plugging in her bass, "I hope you're ready for some tasty grooves." Taking the bass in her wings, she began to slap a smooth groove. The animals scattered. "Oh my! I guess they don't like smooth grooves."

Twilight walked up to Celestia and Luna standing at the top of the stairs. "Princesses.", she said with a slight curtsy.

"Ah Twilight!", Celestia said with a bright smile, "Welcome to the Grand Rockin' Gala."

"If you'll excuse me sister.", Luna said, "I need to go to the little filly's room and powder my nose."

"Of course Luna.", Celestia said, "Do you mind taking over for Luna until she gets back, Twilight?"

"Of course not princess!", Twilight said with an excited smile, "I'm hoping I can get a power ballad with you and Princess Luna."

"Welcome to the Gala!", Celestia said in a chipper tone as she shook hooves with a noble, "Of course Twilight. We can after...Welcome to the Gala!"

Twilight rolled her eyes in disappointment as she stood next to Celestia.

Pinkie walked across the dance floor. The band on the stage played a depressing song with tryhard lyrics about butterfly wings. Ponies on the dance floor had the bangs on their manes swept across their faces, wearing too much eyeliner as they danced a strange, shuffling side-to-side dance while occasionally nodding their heads and stopping occasionally to take a drag from cigarettes. "Yeesh!", she said, "No wonder all these ponies look so sad. If all I had to listen to was this depressing music, I think I'd slash my own fetlocks."

Pinkie jumped up on stage, plugging in her turntables and keyboard. "Alright you mothers! Get ready to mosh!", she shouted. She began sampling as she starting her junglist scratching.

"Hey!", one of the band members on the stage shouted unplugging Pinkie's rig, "We only do songs about how our souls are black pits of blackness!" They shoved Pinkie off the stage. "Alright, our next song is titled 'I slash my fetlocks to fill my inkwell so I can write in my journal'."

Rarity spotted across the room the famous producer Blueblood. "He's perfect! I hope I can get him to back my side project, the Defpones." She walked up to Blueblood, "Excuse me good sir, My name is Rarity, guitarist for Ponies Against the Machine, though we're thinking of changing our name and owner of Carousel Topic. Could I interest you in backing my side project?"

Blueblood turned his nose up with a snort.

"Rude!", Rarity exclaimed to herself in a sing-songy tone.

Rainbow saw the Wonderbolts sitting at a table and she began sperging, "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" She cleared her throat to regain her composure. "Play it cool Rainbow Dash.", she said to herself, "Just show them your awesome talent and they'll ask you to join." She walked over to the table where they were sitting. "Oh hi! Spitfire, right?"

Spitfire turned to face Rainbow and raised an eyebrow. "How can I help ya kid?"

Rainbow went to sperge out again, but stopped herself. "My name's Rainbow Dash! I'm the best flyer and guitarist in Equestria. I was hoping I could try out for you and maybe you'd let me join."

The other Wonderbolts started to snicker, but Spitfire shushed them with a gesture. "Sure kid, show me whacha got.", she said leaning back in her chair with a smirk.

Rainbow squeed before taking a deep breath and hooking up her guitar to a nearby amp. She began flying, doing barrel rolls and loop-de-loops while playing licks with heavy crunch. Finishing her playing, she landed, panting for breath.

"Not bad kid.", Spitfire said, "Keep practicing and one day you can try out." She picked up a nearby quill and signed her autograph on Rainbow's neck. "Hey, is that Ten Bit's granddaughter at the bar?", she asked turning. Spit began slowly flapping away.

"She's one of my band mates.", Rainbow said feebly.

"Line 'em up!", Thrasher said to the bartender. After he set up several shot glasses on the bar and filled them with whiskey, she slammed them down one by one.

Spitfire landed next to Thrasher. "Wow kid, you can put 'em away."

Thrasher looked drunkenly at Spitfire.

"Bartender, two shots of tequila." After receiving the two shot glasses of tequila, she slammed on down and turned to Thrasher, "You ever do a wing shot?"

Thrasher raised en eyebrow intrigued.

Fleetfoot walked up to the bar. "Um, Spitfire?"

"Don't worry, I'm just a tease and never give it up, besides it's not every day we meet the family of metal royalty.", Spitfire said. She hopped up on the bar and angled her wing to Thrasher's lips. Picking the shot glass of tequila, she poured it down one her flight feathers.

Thrasher opened her mouth and let the tequila pour in.

Fluttershy was feeling frustrated as none of the animals would groove out to her tasty bass licks. She paused hearing some whistling in five notes. "Oh my! That sounds like a scrub jay." Picking up the amp in her hoof, she played out five notes on her bass with her wings. The five notes whistled again. "It's grooving with me." She played out the five notes again on her bass and began walking around the bush. She paused seeing a groundskeeper goat whistling out five notes. "Um...you're not a scrub jay."

"Nope.", the goat said, "I just love whistling while I work." He whistled out the five notes again.

Fluttershy ground her teeth in frustration.

Twilight was standing next to Celestia helping her greet guests when Luna walked up rubber-legged and wiping the corner of her mouth with a hoof.

"Have fun with the groupie?", Celestia asked.

Luna smiled.

"What?!", Twilight exclaimed, "You were skeeving on a groupie?!"

"Yes we were.", Luna replied.

Twilight sputtered.

"Twilight, groupies are like ketchup packets.", Celestia said, "You use them and then when you're done, you toss them aside."

"Isn't a little...pervy?", Twilight asked.

"Groupies only want to get with us because we're famous. Is it wrong for them to want to use us sexually because we're famous?", Luna asked.

"But isn't it at least a little wrong?", Twilight asked.

"Let's put it like this, since you became a famous singer, have other ponies offered you gifts, food or booze because you were famous?", Celestia asked.

"Well...yes."

"And did you take any of them?"

"Only if I was hungry or thirsty.", Twilight replied.

"And in turn those ponies could brag that someone who was famous at their food or drank their booze.", Celestia said, "It's the same with groupies. You're feeling horny and they get to brag that they had sex with somepony famous. Both parties get what they want in the end, just never tell them you love them or try to date them, it always ends with you getting stalked."

Twilight mused as a tall, leggy mare walked up. "Oh my Celestia! It's the princesses!", the leggy mare said, "I love you both and will do anything for backstage passes...anything!"

"If you'll excuse us Twilight.", Celestia said.

Twilight gaped as the princesses walked off with the leggy mare between them.

Rarity continued walking alongside Blueblood, trying to get him to listen about her side project while he continued to snub her. She gritted her teeth in frustration and considered smashing him over the head with her guitar. Taking a breath she calmed herself and went on talking to him about possibly backing the Defpones.

Applejack stood at her stand sighing in bored frustration. Other than the one sale, business had been incredibly slow. Each time she tried to convince a passer by to try some of her wares, they would just snub her and continue to walk off, making her grumble under her breath in further frustration. A light bulb went off in her head, sticking out a hoof, sticking out a hoof, she tripped a passerby causing him to fall into her stand.
"Y'all touched, y'all by it!", she said helping the stallion up.

After dusting himself off, the stallion called for the guards. When they arrived, he said, "This mare tripped me in an attempt to force me to buy her goods."

Applejack laughed sheepishly as the guards looked her and her stand over. "Distributor's license.", one guard demanded.

Applejack quickly fumbled through her saddlebags and pulled out her distributor's license. "Ah think y'all'll find evr'ything in order.", she said sweating.

The guard took the license from Applejack's hoof, read it over, passed it back and gave the "I'm watching you" gesture before walking off.

Applejack sighed as she put the license back. She closed up her stand and began heading inside. "Ah think Ah'll go get a drink, if'n Thrasher ain't already found it an' drank it dry."

Pinkie stood by the stage waiting for the band to finish their depressing set. Her head lifted when the band left the stage, but sank again when another band with the same whiny, entitled sound took the stage.

"We're A Hearth's Warming Inside and this is our first single, Crawling in my Fur.", the lead singer said.

Pinkie rolled her eyes and groaned loudly, "Not another whiny band!"

Twilight stood at the top of the stairs greeting the last of the guests. She turned her head seeing Celestia and Luna slipping gum into their mouths as the leggy between them skipped happily with three backstage passes hanging from her neck. After the leggy mare trotted off, Twilight asked, "So was she worth it?"

"Nothing happened.", Celestia said.

"Uh-huh.", Twilight said skeptically.

"No really. We ran into Spike smoking ditchweed with Periwinkle and he helped us by digging up a few passes. We even managed to sell her three copies of our greatest hits albums.", Celestia said, "Though we did have to take a drag of that weak stuff. You know what's the worst about Canterlot ditchweed?"

"The horrible taste.", Luna finished, "That and it has no kick."

Twilight stared blankly as she began to sputter. "Y-y-y...b-b-b...huh?!"

Celestia nudged Twilight with a hoof, "There's a lot you still have to learn about being in a band. Now let's go get a drink so I can wash the taste of ditchweed out of my mouth."

Thrasher and Spitfire were going head-to-head in a shots competition. Slamming down the last shot, Thrasher propped her head on a hoof and groaned.

"W'as th' matter? Can't hole yuh liquor kid?", Spitfire slurred drunkenly.

Thrasher tapped her hoof on the bar. "Line 'me up!"

"Tha's more like it kid!", Spitfire said. She reached out to pick up a shot glass with a hoof, but missed. "Stop spinnin' around you three." She blinked uncoordinated, finally picked up the shot glass and slammed it down. "Hah! Beat tha-" Passing out, she fell backwards off the stool, as soon as she hit the floor, she started snoring loudly.

Rainbow stared at the scene, her jaw hanging open. Fleetfoot nudged her, "Help me get her back to her room."

The band that had been playing walked past Rainbow and the lead singer rudely shoved her. "Oops!", he said in a derogative tone.

Rainbow seeing them walking up to the bar then looking over to Thrasher. "This won't end well."

Please good sir, would you consider backing the Defpones.", Rarity said trying still convince Blueblood as they walked through the main room of the Gala, "You'll find it to be an exemplary band. Clean vocals, good heavy crunch, smooth bass lines and powerful drums."

Blueblood turned to Rarity and said with his nose still up in the air, "Look here madam, I am not interested in you little screamo band."

"Screamo?!", Rarity shouted, her face twisting up in anger, "Screamo?! You think I play that whiny garbage?!" Grabbing her guitar, she plugged it into a nearby amp. "I'll give you something to scream at!" Strumming down hard on the strings, she sent Blueblood flying with a single squealing note. When he tried to pick himself up, she stalked forward and played solo causing his clothes to begin smoking.

Thrasher propped her head on the bar to try and make the world stop spinning so much when she felt somepony bump into her. Lifting her head, she saw the lead singer of the band that was recently up on stage, the bangs of his mane swept at an angle over his eyes and dyed black, she began to snicker.

"Wot's so funny?", the emo singer asked in an obviously fake Trottingham accent.

"A bad imitation of a goth pony.", Thrasher said between snickers.

The emo pony narrowed his eyes at Thrasher. "I know you. You're part of that pretentious band. What are they called? Mystic Princess or something like that. Read the writing on the wall, metal is dead."

Thrasher frowned. "At least I'm sot some cheap imitation of goth. Now go do us all a favor, go cut yourself, write in your journal about how your father bought you neighkes instead some overpriced mall boots, put on your sister's clothes and fuck off."

The emo pony gasped and took a step back. "I'll have you know these aren't my sister's clothes. Anyways, why don't you go back to the neighties, everypony knows metal is dead."

Thrasher gritted her teeth before taking a breath. "No, I won't let these whiny brats ruin my buzz.", she whispered under her breath. She picked up a bottle of beer from the bar and put it to her mouth.

The emo pony flicked the bottom of the beer bottle, causing its content to spill down the front of Thrasher. "Oops! Clumsy me.", he said in a mocking tone. He and some of his band mates high hoofed.

Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow from their respective places around the ballroom. "Oh...", Applejack started. "Shi...", Rainbow continued. "Ipping fiction!", Pinkie finished, then looked at the fourth wall, "What?! Did you expect me to say shit?"

Thrasher stared in disbelief at the beer poured down the front of her, then turned to face the emo pony. "You done fucked up now.", she said through gritted teeth.

The emo pony gave a cocky smirk. "What are you going to..." His words ended as a hoof slammed into his face, causing his eyes to roll up in his head as he hit the floor.

As the four other emo band members rushed her, Thrasher began throwing hooves. AJ, Pinkie and Rainbow rushed over to break up the fight. One of the emo ponies clocked Applejack in the jaw with a hoof.

Applejack staggered away, rubbing her jaw with a hoof and gritted her teeth. "Aw Tartarus naw ya didn't!" She grabbed one of the emo ponies by the head and bounced his face off the bar.

Several guards rushed in to break up the fight, only to get drug into it. Soon the fight began spilling onto the dance floor.

Celestia, Luna and Twilight stared at the bedlam, not only what had spilled over onto the dance floor, but also with Rarity constantly blasting Blueblood against the wall with strums of her guitar. A loud rumbling to their side caused all three to snap their head over simultaneously.

The doors to the ballroom burst open as hundreds of stampeding critters and panicking birds swarmed through the room, with Fluttershy hot on their heels, her bass hoisted over her head like am ancient battle axe. Her eyes had a crazed look as she bellowed, "You will come back here AND GROOVE WITH ME!"

Celestia leaned her head down to Twilight and said, "Now I'm only to say this once..."

"TALLY HO!", Luna shouted as she galloped headlong into the brawl, her head thrown back guffawing.

Rarity intensely played her guitar, keeping Blueblood pinned to the wall with each strum until the strings finally popped. She stood over his body, panting in rage. "Now are you going to call metal screamo again?"

Blueblood shook his head, afraid for his life.

Rarity gave a triumphant harrumph. Looking up she saw the brawl on the dance floor. Hefting the guitar above her head, she charged shouting, "El kabong!"

Twilight tried dragging her friends from the brawl when a hoof collided with her eye. "Really?!", she shouted before leaping headlong into the fray, throwing hooves.

Celestia looked up seeing Luna climbing to the top of the stage rigging. "Oh shi..."

Luna stood on the top of the stage rigging. She waved her hooves in circles before holding them up to her ears. Rearing up in her hind legs, she held her forehooves up over her head shouting, "Oh Yeah!" Leaping from top of the rigging, she crooked her foreleg, slamming into the bedlam below, sending dozens of the ponies crashing to the floor.

Celestia took the momentary distraction to drag a laughing Luna from the fray and shouted to the seven element bearers as dozens more guards began storming in, "Run!"

After escaping from the Grand Rockin' Gala, the nine mares gathered up around a table at Donut Joe's talking, except for Thrasher, who had her head on the table in a drunken stupor.

Twilight, nursing a black eye, looked up to Celestia, "I'm sorry the Gala was ruined, princess."

"Oh Twilight, the emo's had made the Gala a dreadful event for years.", Celestia said, "Besides, I had been looking for an excuse to bar them for years."

Rainbow looked up, holding an ice pack to her lip. "So you're saying that this..."

Thrasher lifted her head up and shouted triumphantly, "WOO! BEST NIGHT EVER! I drank a Wonderbolt under the table and thumped the heads of some emos!" She laid her head back on the table and began to snore.

Twilight gently rubbed Thrasher on her neck as the eight still conscious mares began to laugh.

Author's Note:

This chapter took longer than expected to write as I had problems figuring out the right words for the "At the Gala" parody words.

Thank you all for reading, I hope you all enjoy.

I will try and take all comments and criticisms as constructive.

Comments

[Mystic Sunrise]

Thrasher frowned. "At least I'm sot some cheap imitation of goth. Now go do us all a favor, go cut yourself, write in your journal about how your father bought you neighkes instead some overpriced mall boots, put on your sister's clothes and fuck off."

This right here, sums up 99% of new stuff on this site. Lucky this story isn't one of them.

[sykko]

10350636
Thank you. I was honestly trying to go for funny, while channeling my extreme dislike of emo.

[Armored_Shadow]

Ok, I just found your story today, this is some seriously funny Sh*t!

[sykko]

10351042
Thank you.