In the low hills of Cumberland County, a disfunctional group lies in hiding, following the words of the Solar Queen. Will they be corraled into a better future, or will they lead themselves off the path? Is there even a difference anymore?
Greetings on Bastille Day, as I finally get a look at this story in its published form.
This is a kind of story I've been awaiting for a while, one which adopts the perspective of not just the "antagonist" faction, but of the collaborators, those who are on uneven standing from every direction; regarded largely as assets by command, ignored at best by the "protagonist" faction, and primarily detested as traitors by their group of origin.
What I found to be a wise decision in the prologue was to keep the fantastical elements at a distance, allowing the readers time to ease themselves into a recognisably human world, which the Equestrian elements are slowly creeping into.
A tiny, vibrant piece of candy sullied by lead, oozing its ichor.
Difficult as it is to write about a war between humans and magical pastel-coloured ponies without the silliness coming to the forefront, I love it when prose makes clever turns of phrase such as this.
If I had a nitpick, it's that so far Frank Crane remains somewhat opaque as a lead character, though not for lack of effort in the story's opening. Surprisingly for a story that once had actual military people writing for it, Spectrum has often struggled with portraying "macho" bravado in a manner that doesn't come off as overdone or juvenile. Here, I really felt the rapport between Frank and Thomas - and having been granted a little insight into how Dissonance shall progress, I hope this good streak of character interplay will continue in future.
All in all, good job, this reads much like a military thriller should read, focusing on the "human" elements without getting bogged down in tech specs. And yet on that note, the presence of such little details, like the Solar Empire's crystal-tech, or their advanced medicine blessing their citizens with an eerily youthful appearance, show to me how much attention was paid to Spectrum.
10332231 Hello Vox. Thank you for checking this out. I heard there are quite a few nice concerts that happen on Bastille Day, so I'm happy for you.
What I found to be a wise decision in the prologue was to keep the fantastical elements at a distance, allowing the readers time to ease themselves into a recognisably human world
I'll admit to experimenting a bit with narration. The prologue was narrated as I usually would, focusing on the characters that were there. Chapter 1 I went a bit more into the head of the character that we were following. Chapter 2 is turning into quite the behemoth (for reasons I will keep quiet about until it is published). I might turn the dial down a bit, if the Prologue turned out a better read.
If I had a nitpick, it's that so far Frank Crane remains somewhat opaque as a lead character
Thank you for pointing that out. I promise you, there will be plenty of opportunities to pick apart what makes Crane's brain work, and there will be two very significant additions to the cast of characters that will help with that (I'm really looking forward to one of them). But that'll come in due time.
But I think the perspective your point gives is important. I've read many portrayals of "macho" characters that, indeed, feel juvenile. I hope to circumvent that by having the very crux of this story pick apart all the walls that bravado usually puts around us.
You tell me if it works, I want to hear criticism so I can make the necessary adjustments to make this story the best it can be (everyone can be a victim of tunnel-vision, after all). And feel free not to mince words; I'd rather adapt to harsh, but fair criticism than sit in an ivory tower stroking 'my precious'.
On a direct note to you, a fair warning: I was pointed your way for some details about Spectrum. Expect some pesky questions... soon. He he.
10350288 A fellow contrarian! (though I'm nowhere near as fiery as I once was)
Looking forward to the balancing act that will be handling these guys. Their... moral quandary aside, it's intriguing how they can stand against pretty much their whole planet on an issue like this. I just had to dip my fingers on it.
Greetings on Bastille Day, as I finally get a look at this story in its published form.
This is a kind of story I've been awaiting for a while, one which adopts the perspective of not just the "antagonist" faction, but of the collaborators, those who are on uneven standing from every direction; regarded largely as assets by command, ignored at best by the "protagonist" faction, and primarily detested as traitors by their group of origin.
What I found to be a wise decision in the prologue was to keep the fantastical elements at a distance, allowing the readers time to ease themselves into a recognisably human world, which the Equestrian elements are slowly creeping into.
Difficult as it is to write about a war between humans and magical pastel-coloured ponies without the silliness coming to the forefront, I love it when prose makes clever turns of phrase such as this.
If I had a nitpick, it's that so far Frank Crane remains somewhat opaque as a lead character, though not for lack of effort in the story's opening. Surprisingly for a story that once had actual military people writing for it, Spectrum has often struggled with portraying "macho" bravado in a manner that doesn't come off as overdone or juvenile. Here, I really felt the rapport between Frank and Thomas - and having been granted a little insight into how Dissonance shall progress, I hope this good streak of character interplay will continue in future.
All in all, good job, this reads much like a military thriller should read, focusing on the "human" elements without getting bogged down in tech specs. And yet on that note, the presence of such little details, like the Solar Empire's crystal-tech, or their advanced medicine blessing their citizens with an eerily youthful appearance, show to me how much attention was paid to Spectrum.
I'll be looking forward to more.
10332231
Hello Vox. Thank you for checking this out. I heard there are quite a few nice concerts that happen on Bastille Day, so I'm happy for you.
I'll admit to experimenting a bit with narration. The prologue was narrated as I usually would, focusing on the characters that were there. Chapter 1 I went a bit more into the head of the character that we were following. Chapter 2 is turning into quite the behemoth (for reasons I will keep quiet about until it is published). I might turn the dial down a bit, if the Prologue turned out a better read.
Thank you for pointing that out. I promise you, there will be plenty of opportunities to pick apart what makes Crane's brain work, and there will be two very significant additions to the cast of characters that will help with that (I'm really looking forward to one of them). But that'll come in due time.
But I think the perspective your point gives is important. I've read many portrayals of "macho" characters that, indeed, feel juvenile. I hope to circumvent that by having the very crux of this story pick apart all the walls that bravado usually puts around us.
You tell me if it works, I want to hear criticism so I can make the necessary adjustments to make this story the best it can be (everyone can be a victim of tunnel-vision, after all). And feel free not to mince words; I'd rather adapt to harsh, but fair criticism than sit in an ivory tower stroking 'my precious'.
On a direct note to you, a fair warning: I was pointed your way for some details about Spectrum. Expect some pesky questions... soon. He he.
10350288
A fellow contrarian! (though I'm nowhere near as fiery as I once was)
Looking forward to the balancing act that will be handling these guys. Their... moral quandary aside, it's intriguing how they can stand against pretty much their whole planet on an issue like this. I just had to dip my fingers on it.
I hope you enjoy reading!