• Member Since 5th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen March 4th

RanOutOfIdeas


Mostly just writing for my own enjoyment. Don't expect any strict quality filters (god knows I need them).

Comments ( 19 )

Hey, don't have time to read this at the moment (I will later) but the art works looks amazing.

Nice šŸ™‚ This is really well written. I look forward to seeing where it goes šŸ™‚

10322860
Looking forward to take you there :)

Greetings on Bastille Day, as I finally get a look at this story in its published form. :pinkiesmile:

This is a kind of story I've been awaiting for a while, one which adopts the perspective of not just the "antagonist" faction, but of the collaborators, those who are on uneven standing from every direction; regarded largely as assets by command, ignored at best by the "protagonist" faction, and primarily detested as traitors by their group of origin.

What I found to be a wise decision in the prologue was to keep the fantastical elements at a distance, allowing the readers time to ease themselves into a recognisably human world, which the Equestrian elements are slowly creeping into.

A tiny, vibrant piece of candy sullied by lead, oozing its ichor.

Difficult as it is to write about a war between humans and magical pastel-coloured ponies without the silliness coming to the forefront, I love it when prose makes clever turns of phrase such as this.
:twilightsmile:

If I had a nitpick, it's that so far Frank Crane remains somewhat opaque as a lead character, though not for lack of effort in the story's opening. Surprisingly for a story that once had actual military people writing for it, Spectrum has often struggled with portraying "macho" bravado in a manner that doesn't come off as overdone or juvenile. Here, I really felt the rapport between Frank and Thomas - and having been granted a little insight into how Dissonance shall progress, I hope this good streak of character interplay will continue in future.

All in all, good job, this reads much like a military thriller should read, focusing on the "human" elements without getting bogged down in tech specs. And yet on that note, the presence of such little details, like the Solar Empire's crystal-tech, or their advanced medicine blessing their citizens with an eerily youthful appearance, show to me how much attention was paid to Spectrum.

I'll be looking forward to more.

10332231
Hello Vox. Thank you for checking this out. I heard there are quite a few nice concerts that happen on Bastille Day, so I'm happy for you.

What I found to be a wise decision in the prologue was to keep the fantastical elements at a distance, allowing the readers time to ease themselves into a recognisably human world

I'll admit to experimenting a bit with narration. The prologue was narrated as I usually would, focusing on the characters that were there. Chapter 1 I went a bit more into the head of the character that we were following. Chapter 2 is turning into quite the behemoth (for reasons I will keep quiet about until it is published). I might turn the dial down a bit, if the Prologue turned out a better read.

If I had a nitpick, it's that so far Frank Crane remains somewhat opaque as a lead character

Thank you for pointing that out. I promise you, there will be plenty of opportunities to pick apart what makes Crane's brain work, and there will be two very significant additions to the cast of characters that will help with that (I'm really looking forward to one of them). But that'll come in due time.

But I think the perspective your point gives is important. I've read many portrayals of "macho" characters that, indeed, feel juvenile. I hope to circumvent that by having the very crux of this story pick apart all the walls that bravado usually puts around us.

You tell me if it works, I want to hear criticism so I can make the necessary adjustments to make this story the best it can be (everyone can be a victim of tunnel-vision, after all). And feel free not to mince words; I'd rather adapt to harsh, but fair criticism than sit in an ivory tower stroking 'my precious'.

On a direct note to you, a fair warning: I was pointed your way for some details about Spectrum. Expect some pesky questions... soon. He he.

10350288
A fellow contrarian! (though I'm nowhere near as fiery as I once was)

Looking forward to the balancing act that will be handling these guys. Their... moral quandary aside, it's intriguing how they can stand against pretty much their whole planet on an issue like this. I just had to dip my fingers on it.

I hope you enjoy reading!

10372880
Scauper's definitely one of the best to write so far. Unfortunately, it might take a while for his side of the story to really come to head.

It's been really fun trying to come up with characters that each have their own reasons to be where they are. I will say, each of them explore a different way a person could 'logic' their way into joining with the PER. Bart's a bit obvious at first, but they all have their own little surprise just waiting to pop out.

Ah, Alice :twilightsmile: Happy to see her appear at last.

Thanks for the kind comment in the author's notes. :pinkiesmile: You're right that piling on the violence in this chapter also went in hand with piling on the introspection.

10414977
Oh man, I almost feel guilty for how fun it was to write combat.

Well, if anything, at least I can say it works for me having a deuteragonist. I did try to distinguish between the introspections (one being more analogical and flowery while the other analytical and grounded). Might help keep it fresh as well.

Yes, it's me again. :twilightsmile: I don't want to make a habit of repeat comments on this stories' chapters, lest it end up a self-serving feedback loop for a ponyfic I already have some behind-the-scenes knowledge of.

But what I wanted to follow with by mentioning here is that I was pleased to see Crane make use of a fast-drying "paint-bomb" as a weapon, like we briefly saw the Imperials employ in the main story's Moonrise Arc. It again shows attention to detail for this story.

The seeds of Alice's inner conflict are being sown after her first day on the job, and we're getting hints of Crane's possible disillusionment beneath his stoic facade as he seems to realise that, even with their stock of non-lethal options like the "paint-bomb", the Imperial Equestrians are just not different enough from humanity.

I checked what Alice's physical appearance is according to the blog post linked to in the author's note. I think I like it. Also, I ought to be available again for proofreading at the time of this writing.

10483533
Hey, no worries - I like seeing any thoughts evoked :twilightsmile:. I'm guilty of dropping such comments as well, heh.

And I'm glad the introspectiveness hasn't been too bothersome. I'm fine-tuning things even now (next chapter is having some slooow progress). As for Alice... oh man, there's a lot of things boiling here, begging to be shown. But I will resist the temptation and give it due time, escalate appropriately. At least I'm finally in the action, and everything will pick up from here on out.

I am absolutely loving this fic. I've been fascinated with the PER perspective since I first got into the Spectrumverse (2015ish?) and this provides the nuanced view I've always wanted. Thank you so much!!

Noooooo, did something bad happen to Glass Breaker? I had the strangest fondness for her, even though she was just introduced. Are we likely to see her again?

IMO this is the best chapter yet. I love the bigger focus on characterization - Crane was a bit of a cipher before, and he's really starting to get fleshed out.

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