Chapter 1
Celestia’s sun slowly rose over the horizon, casting light across the city of Canterlot, the capital city of Equestria. It was a special day for a certain household, as it was the day for new ponies to take the entrance exam into Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
The sun slowly made its way through one of the windows of the house, gently casting light upon the occupant of the bed, who was currently covering themselves under their midnight blue blanket, spell books of all different kinds strewn about the floor and desk of the room.
A gentle knock came to the door of the bedroom before a gentle voice called out to the occupant currently asleep in the bed.
“Night Shadow. It’s time to get up honey.” Twilight Velvet told her son. “Today’s the day you get to take the entrance exam to be enrolled in the same school that your big sister is in.”
The blankets on the bed started to move as Night Shadow, a seven-year-old unicorn colt, poked his head out from under the covers before yawning, hearing his mother’s hoofsteps start to recede down the stairs.
After rubbing his eyes a little bit, Night gently slid out of his bed and walked onto the bathroom so he could brush his coat a bit and splash some cold water on his face to help him wake up. Staring into the mirror for a bit, he let the water drip off his chin as he wanted to make sure he looked at least awake before heading down to eat breakfast. His smokey blue coat was still a bit fluffier at his chest, a trait that his older sister, Twilight Sparkle, seemed to adore whenever she came back for a visit, and his jet black mane and tail were just as messy as ever since he could never get them to look anything but, no matter how much he brushed it, but, his older brother, Shining Armor, told him that most ponies just had naturally messy manes. Looking into the reflection of his own eyes, he was met with the deep purple orbs that always greeted him whenever he looked into a mirror, yet both of his siblings seemed to find them beautiful in their own way.
Technically they weren’t really his siblings, at least not by blood. He had been adopted by Night Light and Twilight Velvet when he was just a foal. Though he did still have some memories of his old life. He used to live on a planet called earth, but he had somehow died there. He could never remember how he died, or any other memories of his old life, but, he honestly didn’t care. He loved his parents and his siblings and wouldn’t trade his current life for anything.
Once he was happy with how he looked, he dried off his face before trotting down the stairs where he saw his father sitting in the living room reading a magazine. “Morning, dad.” Night Shadow greeted, smiling as he sat on the couch across from his father.
Looking up from his newspaper, Night Light smiled at his son in greeting. “Goodmorning, Night Shadow. Did you sleep well?” He asked.
Night Light was a light blue unicorn stallion with a darker shade of blue mane and tail and golden yellow eyes. His mane curled back toward his forehead at the end while his tail was more like a wavy stream. His cutie mark was two crescent moons, one inside of the other and facing each other.
Night Shadow smiled sheepishly before shaking his head. “No, I was too nervous last night to really get any sleep, so I may have stayed up a bit longer than I should have going over every spellbook that I could.” He answered, gently rubbing the back of his head with a hoof.
Night Light chuckled warmly, nodding to his son. "Twilight was just like that when she took her entrance exam four years ago." He replied, rubbing the colt's head. "You probably don't remember that since you were only three at the time."
Night Shadow tilted his head in confusion, letting his father know that he was correct. “Really?” The colt asked. “I always thought she was pretty level headed.”
Night Light laughed a little at that. “That’s because she never showed that side to you whenever she came home to visit.” He explained. “She wanted to be a big sister you could look up to.”
“I’m always going to look up to her. She’s the best big sister in the whole world!” Night Shadow replied happily, smiling up at his father.
Twilight Velvet giggled as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, smiling at Night Shadow. “That’s good to hear. We know how much she adores you.” She told her son before motioning toward the kitchen. “Now, come on, it’s time for breakfast.”
Twilight Velvet was a light grey, almost white unicorn mare with a purple and white striped main and tail with glacier blue eyes. Her mane was flat at the bangs with a slight triangle cut near the left end and curled back on itself at her neck, while her tail was flat with a similar triangle cut near the front end of her tail. Her cutie mark was three differently sized purple stars arranged in a triangle formation.
Night Shadow smiled and got up from the couch before following his mother into the kitchen, ready to start his day.
*****
Night groaned as he picked himself up from the pile of books that were scattered around him. He took another long study night, burying himself in spellbooks after a few of the other students had decided to prank him by locking him in one of the cleaning closets throughout the school. Though, he should thank them, as that little prank helped him learn teleportation magic. However, it did take him three hours to pull it off successfully.
Shaking his head, he lit his horn and started to put all of his books back into their shelves, stretching out lightly as he did.
It had been ten years since he took his entrance exam, and he was now one of the top students in the school, coming in at number ten in the top ten students. He didn’t really care about getting number one, he just wanted to follow in his elder sister’s hoofsteps, though, that seemed like an impossibility now.
Looking over at the newspaper article he picked up a few days ago, he reread the front page like he had done every morning since he got it.
"National Heroes Save Equestria! Written by Scoop Headlines. The Summer sun celebration in Ponyville took a turn for the worst when Princess Celestia suddenly disappeared just before she was called to raise the sun, and in her place came The Fabled Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon. Everything became a chaotic mess as Nightmare Moon declared that the night would last forever. However, six unlikely mares rose up to the challenge and ventured deep into the Everfree Forest to find the Elements of Harmony, the only magical artifacts rumored to be powerful enough to defeat Nightmare Moon. However, when Princess Celestia came back with the very same mares, the citizens of Ponyville, and Equestria, were shocked to learn that Nightmare Moon was really Princess Celestia’s younger sister, Princess Luna, and that the six mares who had saved her had become the Elements of Harmony themselves. Continued on page four with a full interview on page five."
Night sighed as he looked away from the newspaper, Now he had two important siblings that he had to look up to. Shining Armor was the captain of Princess Celestia’s Royal guard and now Twilight was a national hero, saving a Princess from her darker self. And what was he famous for? Being the oldest blank flank in all of Equestrian History. He was seventeen years old and he still hadn’t gotten his cutie mark yet, much to his own chagrin.
A knock at his bedroom chambers caused his ears to perk up as he was pulled out of his slowly darkening thoughts.
Walking over to the door, he lit his horn up as the doorknob was encased in a deep purple glow, slowly opening the door to reveal the knocker, a pure white unicorn stallion with sky blue eyes, and a two-toned blue mane and tail wearing golden armor with a plume the same color as his mane and tail, one of Princess Celestia’s Royal Guards.
“Princess Celestia would like to see you immediately in the throne room.”
Night’s ears lowered as he gulped in fear.
*****
Night slowly walked through the two large double doors of the Canterlot Castle Throne Room as two Royal Guards used their magic to open them. The room itself was rather huge with multiple different stained glass windows on either side as a red carpet let up to the throne pedestal where Princess Celestia sat, watching as he nervously made his way towards her, bowing just before the stairs to the throne.
Princess Celestia was a pure white alicorn easily around five feet tall at the base of her horn. She had a green, blue, and pink main and tail that seemed to flow on an invisible current, and her eyes were just a darker shade of pink than her mane, resembling the first rays of a morning sunrise. Her cutie mark was of the very sun she rose and lowered each day, and she wore gold regal hoof slippers, a gold necklace with a purple gem in the shape of a diamond in the center, and a gold tri-tipped tiara with another purple diamond-shaped gem set in the middle point.
“Princess Celestia.” Night Shadow greeted, staying bowed. “You wished to see me?” He couldn’t keep the nervousness from showing in his voice as he heard his voice shake a bit.
A giggle sounded off in front of him in a slightly higher-pitched voice.
“Thou truly lovest teasing thy subjects, sister.” The same voice commented as a hoofsteps could be heard behind Princess Celestia’s throne.
Night lifted his head in time to see a smaller blue alicorn walk out from behind her elder sister’s throne.
Princess Luna was quite a bit shorter than her sister, being only a bit taller than the average stallion. She had a regal glacier blue mane and tail, and her cutie mark was a patch of the night sky with a crescent moon. She wore light blue sparkled regal hoof slippers, a dark purple necklace with a crescent moon on the front, and a dark midnight blue tiara set just behind her horn.
“Greetings, Princess Luna.” Night spoke up, returning his head down to bow properly again. “It is an honor to finally meet you.”
“You may rise, Night Shadow,” Princess Celestia giggled. “You’re not in trouble, as you can possibly see."
He slowly stood up with a sheepish blush adorning his darker fur as he looked up at the two alicorns. “Hehe… Sorry, Princess Celestia,” Night replied with a sheepish grin. “But, when one of your royal guards said that you wanted to see me immediately, my mind kind of jumped to the worst conclusion.”
The sun princess shook her head with a soft smile as her sister took a seat beside the throne. “Actually, I called you here because I decided it was time for you to help your sister in her studies with the Magic of Friendship.” She corrected.
Night tilted his head in confusion. “The Magic of Friendship?” He asked, not quite sure he understood what that was.
“Yes, it is the magic that powers the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia explained, nodding to her sister. “It is also the very same magic that saved my dear sister.”
In response to her sister’s comments, Princess Luna playfully shoved Princess Celestia while sticking her tongue out at her, causing the taller alicorn to chuckle.
“In any case,” Celestia continued before things could get even more de-railed. “You will be moving to Ponyville and staying in the Golden Oaks Library with your sister. I also hope that you may benefit from learning the Magic of Friendship yourself.”
Night’s eyes widened in excitement. The chance to not only spend time with his big sister, but also assist her in her studies? It was as if Princess Celestia had just given him the answer to his unspoken woes.
Just as he was about to comment, a loud explosion could be heard just outside the castle walls, causing him to jump as he suddenly fell into his own shadow, literally sinking through it as if it were nothing more than a deep puddle.
Flailing in the darkness, he didn’t know how he did it, nor why he could. Taking a few deep breaths, he calmed his mind down enough to focus on imagining himself rising from his shadow. A few moments later, he opened his eyes to see the concerned expression of Princess Celestia and the bright-eyed, excited look of Princess Luna.
“He is a shadow mage!” The blue alicorn shouted excitedly.
“This is… truly rare.” Celestia agreed, looking at Night before suddenly smirking. “And it looks like the surprises just keep coming.”
Night tilted his head, obviously confused before Princess Luna trotted up to him and pointed at his flank.
Taking the hint, he looked back to see a black magic circle on his flank, extending as if in an oval shape before bending ninety degrees as stopping a little way up, as if it were the shadow of a physical magic circle.
“I….” Night stared at his flank for a few moments, clearly speechless.
Princess Luna grinned down at him, clearly excited for him, both that he was a shadow mage, and also because he finally received what he was missing for so long.
“I got my cutie mark!” Night finally shouted, jumping up in excitement as Princess Luna laughed joyously at his enthusiasm.
Princess Celestia giggled before catching Night’s attention. “Go and pack your belongings,” She told him. “I’ll have a chariot ready in thirty minutes to take you to Ponyville.”
Night nodded in excitement before turning around and galloping back to his dorm.
Once he was out of sight, Princess Celestia sighed and slumped in her throne. “A shadow mage has been born into this era.” She told her sister. “I pray he will be better than the last.”
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It's "thou", not "though". And if you're looking for archaic subject-verb agreement, 2nd-person verbs tend to end in -est, and 3rd-person conjugates with -eth. So it would be "thou lovest".
Ending quotation mark.
The word "stuff" seems overly casual for the Princess of the Realm. Might want a different choice of words.
Depending on where this story goes, I have some measured excitement. I like your writing style, and it's a refreshing choice to have a human transplant not retain their memories of Earth. I also appreciate that you used Clow Reed's magic circle, though my question going forward will be exactly what role magic circles will play, whether it simply displays as a show of power or whether different circles factor into the magic system somehow. Too early to tell.
10251900
Thanks for catching that stuff and helping me out. And I have an idea where shadow mages need to incorporate magic circles into most of their spells
This definitely has a lot of potential. Consider this story liked and followed.
I'm really enjoying the story
Very interesting, but sense the guy has already long sense adapted in being a human and doesn't seem to have any bearing to his present life or plot I would say his human past could be cut right out and wouldn't change a thing, at the moment, so I wonder when that will ever come into play especially sense he seems to, pardon my pun, shadowing Twilight in Ponyville. I think it might have been more interesting if the story started out before and during Twilight studies at CSfGU where were could have seen him grow along with Twilight and shining and learn to become part of the family of the Sparkle's; that could be something to visit later on the story and would show how he had to adapt to this new world, along with learning more of his past. I think the idea that Luna could have him as a student interesting but being sent along with his 'sister' just when he was about to start his studies sounds like it is going against that idea, and I would expect him to go against it seeing that is what where he want to go so I wonder how would that play an importance for him in the story?
For the writing itself, for a beginner I think you are on a very good start, the descriptions are good but rather bland in the way you say them, it could use a little more style in describing characters as so express more of an opinions/emotion on the narrators to keep it interesting like: 'his dorky but lovable lavender sister Twilight, always ready him for a problem to solve or to help and tutor or how to alphabetize his comic books' it reflect the feeling of his sibling relationship with her.
Also if you are interested in getting a cover art for your story I am open for commissions, you can MP if that ever interest you. If you want to look as some of my work, the link to my DA is down bellow.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
10252315
Thank you for the feedback. I do have some ideas for future chapters that I've gotten layed down, plus Princess Celestia is concerned about letting him become a shadow mage, referencing what happened to a previous one, so, it would take some convincing for Luna to actually teach him.
I will be doing some flashback scenes to show what it was like for him growing up with the Sparkles. As of right now, my idea was for him to know about being a human, but slowly regain some of those memories, which could cause some issues later down the line.
Also, I spent the majority if writing this at about 3-6 AM, plus, descriptions are something I struggle with on a daily basis as I can't get a little too descriptive if I let myself.
Still, thank you for the feedback, and I hope you enjoy the story