Equestria Sucks!

by Green

Two - Sylvanas Can Help...

Thunderstomp, being the calm, collected, and kind individual that he was, began swearing indiscriminately and ran from the hold, frantic to find his friends and warn them of this peril. This was worse than the Cataclysm, at least to the warriors of the Horde. This couldn't be any worse if the entire world had actually ended! This couldn't be worse if the whole UNIVERSE ended!

The shaman decided to rush to the auction house first- Varillian's skilled portal usage should get the rest of them together in no time. If he remembered correctly, the mage was trying to repair his robe... So if he wasn't at the auction house, he'd be back in Silvermoon, most likely. Thunder prayed that the elf hadn't yet found the items he was looking for and entered.

The auction house was HUGE. Yes, it was huge, but the crowd inside was even larger. And endless stream of customers poured through the entrance, trying to grab what they could before someone else got their hands on it. Thunder himself had bought a very expensive potion here the other day- all of his friends were jealous. He wasn't sure why, it was pretty easy to save up for. Maybe he'd buy one for all of his friends, their birthdays were pretty close together...

Thoughts of sharing aside, it was time to look for Varillian, and THAT wasn't going to be fun.

-MEANWHILE, IN GROMMASH HOLD-

Garrosh stood and approached a nearby mage, speaking with a light, queenly tone to his voice. "Loyal subject..." He began. "I would like to speak with my sister, Princess Luna." He requested kindly. This was met with a confused look until a priest leaned over and whispered into the mage's ear.

"He means Lady Sylvanas." She whispered.

"Why did he call her Luna? I didn't know he had a-" The mage stopped and nodded at the look that the priest gave her. "Ah. Uh, yes sir. I'll get right on that." The mage quickly opened a small portal, in which Lady Sylvanas Windrunner's face appeared.

"What do you want, Garrosh?" The banshee asked, clearly unamused by the call. "I'm kind of... busy, at the moment. I'd appreciate it if..."

"Ah, my sister, Luna. I just wanted to comment that your night is absolutely beautiful on this fine evening." Garrosh replied, smiling warmly.

This took the Banshee Queen a moment to process. "Garrosh... is your priest putting you on a new healing spell that the leaders of the Horde should know about?"

The Warchief replied with a hearty laugh. "No, of course not, sister. What would make you think such a thing?"

At this point, Sylvanas had turned away from the portal. "Vile! Write all of this down! This is going straight to Vol'jin!"

"Already on it, M'lady." Spoke another voice, the owner not visible in the portal. "It will be sent with haste once it is complete."

"And put a copy in the royal archives." Sylvanas finished, turning back to Garrosh. "You're never going to live this down."

"Live what down, my dear sister Luna?" Garrosh asked curiously.

"Exactly."

-BACK OUT IN ORGRIMMAR

Thunderstomp seemed to be having a lucky day, finding Varillian almost right off the bat. The blood elf didn't believe him at first, brushing it off as a practical joke, though that would be more Zix's style than Thunder, if anything. However, after being shown the pink ribboned hearts outside the hold, the mage had a panic attack and was nearly unable to contact the rest of the group.

Once the rest had finally been summoned, Thunder and Varillian began franticly telling the tale. Like the mage had once been, they were skeptical. It just didn't seem likely, but they were soon proved wrong upon entering Grommash Hold, finding the place being renovated, adding windows to let in more sunlight.

"Oh." Zix had almost run from the room in terror, but managed to hold out with a death grip on Kadrek's fluffy neck, nearly strangling the poor creature.

They noticed the window with Sylvanas, and the conversation that their Warchief was having with her. He kept calling her Luna for some reason, and kept complimenting her 'night,' whatever that meant.

Alirak leaned in and whispered to her companions. "Guys, maybe da Banshee Queen knows what's goin' on. Now, I hate Undahcity as much as da next troll, but..." She bit her lip. "Varillian, get us a portal ta dat blasted city stat."

The blood elf complied immediately, not quite sure of what was happening. Soon, the five had arrived in the city of the Forsaken, requested an audience with Sylvanas, and entered her chamber with haste.

The banshee had just closed the connection with Grommash Hold and looked towards the adventurers. "Let me guess- Princess Hellscream?"

The five only nodded vigorously, causing Sylvanas to chuckle in spite of herself. "I shall assist you. As much as I enjoy watching Garrosh make a fool of himself... Well, let's just say that the Horde will not last long without its Warchief." She sighed. "The orcs will fall to infighting- it's in their nature." She rolled her eyes.

"Yuh, orcs er totull nubs, Lady Sulvawnus." Deth agreed with his queen, slapping his jaw back into position before it had a chance to fall off.

"Ehm..." Sylvanas examined the Forsaken warrior with something bordering between disgust and intrigue, before continuing. "... Indeed. Now, my mages are already beginning to pinpoint the source of Garrosh's erratic behavior, and we have already determined that its source is not in this dimension."

"Ya mean... it's somewhere else? Like... da Emerald Dream?" Alirak piped up, following the Banshee Queen as she led them through the chamber, towards the lab where the mages were studying.

"If that's the only example you have, I guess it could be... somewhat similar." She replied with obvious distaste. Druids, always preaching about plagues' effects on nature... She was lost in thought for a moment before pulling her mind back to reality. "I believe my assistant is almost finished with the analysis- ah, there he is now."

She beckoned said assistant towards her, who walked up and bowed in respect before beginning his report. "It seems that the intent was not malicious- or at least we think." He began. "Rather, there has been a powerful surge of time energy from Grommash Hold- since the source is in another dimension, we can only guess that the two places are colliding, causing environments to change due to the other dimension's influence."

"... Are you telling me that there's a dimension ruled by... whatever the Warchief has become?" Varillian asked in disbelief, just recovering from the shock of the pretty pink ribboned hearts.

"Apparently." Said Sylvanas before the assistant could respond. "Doesn't seem quite right to any standards, but... That doesn't matter. What matters is that we predict that Garrosh's condition will continue to... worsen... and that the rest of Azeroth will suffer from the effects of the alternate dimension."

"Well, how do we fix it, mon?" Alirak was the first to ask, eager to save Azeroth from certain destruction. Or... uh, whatever was going to eventually happen.

"We'll need to repair the fault on both sides. My mages can handle it on this side- but we're not quite sure what exists on the other side. Therefore, we're going to need... I don't know, a small band of adventurers to... travel to the other side... and, hm, maybe close the fault with a mage..." Sylvanas muttered. "I don't know who to send!" She rolled her eyes sarcastically and Deth stepped forward.

"Hey, Sulvawnus, we cood go." Deth volunteered, raising his hand enthusiastically.

Sylvanas looked between the other members of the group, then at Deth again. "Is he serio- yes. Yes, that is an excellent idea. You've served me well." She once again rolled her eyes and nodded at the band of adventurers. "So, it's pretty much been decided for you. You will leave through the time fault- don't worry about how. We'll get you there. You then find the location of the fault on the other side, and close it. We should be able to pull you through the other side just before it's been closed off forever."

"QUEST ACCEPTED! REWARDS: FIVE-HUNDRED TEN-THOUSAND! EXPERIENCE!" Yelled Deth at the top of his lungs, drawing strange glances from the other people in the room.

"... I feel like I'm missing something here." Sylvanas muttered through a facepalm. Alirak nodded, frowning sympathetically.

"Don't worry, mon. He has dat effect on everyun'."

Comments

[Digitalis]

He's not a brony, he just thinks he's Celestia...

Is that better or worse?

I just hope that it isn't happening the same in Equestria, ponies would be so fucked up if Celestia thought she's Garrosh...

[Hard-Pressed Scribe]

HORDE NEEDS ITS WARCHIEF. IT NEEDS THE BEEF TOO FUEL THE WAR MACHINE