Okay, holy shit. This is something. Haven't felt this way since I read Room 219. Both of these stories deal with very serious subject matters. Although this one isn't as heavy yet, doesn't mean it doesn't pull me in like Room 219. In fact, it does a great job with only a thousand words each chapter.
I think the only issue I have with this story is that we're both characters, instead of just being the guy who is the therapist like the description says because of it being in 2nd person. In fact, I think it would be more beneficial if Miss Eri's perspective was in third person, as if we're a viewer to her life, while a narrator that's close to her thoughts highlights each and every little improvement that she comes to embrace.
Just my thoughts though. Really enjoying the fic! Keep it up! Found an error:
"What do you do when you feel like you can't manage?"
10190337 Thanks for the feedback. I'll state this publicly so people can see: this is actually a greentext I'm currently writing for /mlp/, thought I'd make minor adjustments to turn it into a fic since I'm new here and need more stories on my profile. The story was designed to fit the greentext format (it's easy to just go >Be Anon, >Be Eri, etc.), and I really didn't expect the fic version to get attention, especially before I've even finished it.
The thing about second-person-present-tense is that you can't switch back and forth to first or third person and still retain a cohesive flow. I understand this can be confusing, having the thoughts written in second person instead of first, and the fact that you can't state what someone outside the current perspective is actually thinking. After I finish the greentext I'll give this fic some attention, because as it stands it's actually far below my personal standards for prose. Greentexts are inherently constrained by character limits, they benefit from keeping things concise. Without that limitation here I can expand each chapter to be more detailed and natural.
If you find the current state jarring already, you should know that Chapter 4 is heavy on perspective switches, but for thematic purposes. If this format is (understandably) off-putting, I'd recommend waiting until I've had some time to rewrite the tense and perspective from the ground up (and I will, after I finish the green).
10188977
Thanks for the catch.
MORE PLEASE
Okay, holy shit. This is something. Haven't felt this way since I read Room 219. Both of these stories deal with very serious subject matters. Although this one isn't as heavy yet, doesn't mean it doesn't pull me in like Room 219. In fact, it does a great job with only a thousand words each chapter.
I think the only issue I have with this story is that we're both characters, instead of just being the guy who is the therapist like the description says because of it being in 2nd person. In fact, I think it would be more beneficial if Miss Eri's perspective was in third person, as if we're a viewer to her life, while a narrator that's close to her thoughts highlights each and every little improvement that she comes to embrace.
Just my thoughts though. Really enjoying the fic! Keep it up! Found an error:
Missed the word 'do' there.
10190337
Thanks for the feedback. I'll state this publicly so people can see: this is actually a greentext I'm currently writing for /mlp/, thought I'd make minor adjustments to turn it into a fic since I'm new here and need more stories on my profile. The story was designed to fit the greentext format (it's easy to just go >Be Anon, >Be Eri, etc.), and I really didn't expect the fic version to get attention, especially before I've even finished it.
The thing about second-person-present-tense is that you can't switch back and forth to first or third person and still retain a cohesive flow. I understand this can be confusing, having the thoughts written in second person instead of first, and the fact that you can't state what someone outside the current perspective is actually thinking. After I finish the greentext I'll give this fic some attention, because as it stands it's actually far below my personal standards for prose. Greentexts are inherently constrained by character limits, they benefit from keeping things concise. Without that limitation here I can expand each chapter to be more detailed and natural.
If you find the current state jarring already, you should know that Chapter 4 is heavy on perspective switches, but for thematic purposes. If this format is (understandably) off-putting, I'd recommend waiting until I've had some time to rewrite the tense and perspective from the ground up (and I will, after I finish the green).
Thanks for all the support.
I'm really liking this so far. I was so disappointed when I hit hit the end, got a bit lost reading it.
Looking forward to the future of this!