What's that? No it's not the last chapter.
Sunset’s head hurt. She had a tiny headache, right there, in the back of her GIANT face.
But she was tough, tough like a strong tuft of grass. Or like the strong head-banging that was going on, as the entire Apple family listened to their own favourite heavy metal albums, in their respective iPod-nanos. Sunset could not join in with this, for fear of slightly worsening her minor headache, and for fear of heavy metal in general. Doesn’t that genre turn you into a rebel? You cannot turn a rebel into a rebel.
Much like you cannot turn a doggywoofwoof into a doggywoofwoof. Speaking of which Sunset was having her forehead licked by Winona the dog. When suddenly the dog remembered in its small, little brain to not exist in this world, so departed to the Equestrian one.
“For uncopyrighted and element named lyrics both we head-bang for days gone by,” Sunset muttered to herself. Then loudly proclaimed, “Human holidays are so dumb!!”
Realising that she said the loud part quiet, and the quiet part loud. She looked around in alarm then thanked her lucky Princess of the stars, for the fact that the Christmas party hadn’t noticed her 'clown like' blunder. But she knew she wouldn’t get off scot-free another time. For at that very moment the entire Apple clan that had gathered in the apple home with their apple products, suddenly put down said products.
Granny smith moved with purpose towards the black and white TV. Blew the dust off the wired control for it, and hit the power button. The poor relic of a device, turned on as quickly as it could. Not fast enough for Sunset to not grit her teeth in pain at the idea of waiting for absolutely anything. Let alone wait for a mystery like this to resolve itself.
But wait she did, and was ‘rewarded’ by some OLD lass surrounded by corgis on the telly. Actually OLD was granny smith, so this love was definitely from Victorian times!
“My fellow Americans,” the TV woman said, “I am your Queen, now give me your Bronies.”
“Ya wot? Be dis bludy fer reel?” Sunset Britoned in alarm.
"Shhh! " Shhhed most of the four of the apples present. But Apple Bloom who was too young to hear 'Britoned English' covered her ears when her Apple sense went off just before Sunset's strange outburst.
"Why don't you know the Queen of the entire world?" Applejack asked, prying AB's hands from her earwax covered ears.
"Um, er, must have forgotten. Derp!"
"Forgotten what?" Bloom asked.
"I forgot YOU existed!" Sunset answered.
Apple Bloom seemed a little unconvinced. "So, have you forgotten about you know who, and me."
"We can natter 'bout ya Harry Potter fan-fiction later!!" Screeched Granny Smith, "Now let's watch the rest of the annual speech."
The speech concluded with the tried and true saying by Queenie herself. "And I wish you all; a very, merry Christmas."
With what was tradition, the TV caught fire and the family would have to spend the next eleven months fixing and replacing the burnt mess of a device. But right now OH MAH GAUD GET SOME ICE, FOR DAT FIRRRRRRE!!!
They did get ice but only to put in their respective drinks. Then they all slowly drank said beverages after a lengthy toast to Sunset's both poor and rude health. Then spit out the fire with their enchanted ice breath.
How they got ice breath is another story for another audience. LOL. That means you, my current audience don’t get to see it. Ever.
Sunset felt a cold shiver run Up then Down then Up Down again, afterwards Left oh and Right also then both Left and Right repeated. After that she felt Apple Bloom’s ‘Webb Slinger’ twice, and that was just the Start of things.
That was the super special awesome secret code that Princess Twilight Sparkle had programmed into her mind. And that meant glasses Twilight was going to call.
Glasses Twilight called, and Sunset declined it. Her thoughts full of one repeated word. BITCH.
Twilight called everyone else in the household, but Sunset systematically acquired the phones of the residents, and declined each call in silence.
Not at all an uncomfortable silence though, but an unbearably awkward one, for all but the BITCH minded Sunset.
The silence was broken by Fluttershy walking in mid phone-sex with glasses Twilight. “Oh Shimmer come eat your dinner!” Then realising that Sunset was in the room and off of her phones -for some reason sunset had amassed a collection of 3 other mobiles all turned upside down-. Now this for most people would be an issue.
But Fluttershy was now DATING THE SUNSET SHIMMER!! She clearly had so many serious issues, that one more was barely even worth noting.
Laughing out loud, right in her girlfriends face Sunset tried, and failed to compose herself. She then said "LOL what has dinner got to do with sexual intercourse, you're vegetarian, you don't even eat clams!!"
Fluttershy blushed at her girlfriends vast stupidity. "Actually I'm vegan after you let me at last use the Internet, and I looked up cute pictures of animals. One meme led to another, and soon I was 'down the rabbit hell' of the vegan society's homepage ."
Angel bunny kicked its way out of Shy's backpack, and nodded at its owner in agreement. Then kicked itself back in.
Twilight's voice suddenly erupted from the Flutter-Phone and yelled, "Yo my homies, what's up dogs?". It was apparent, clear as day that she was infected once more with some kind of equestrian dark magic. Nothing else could cause someone as pure as glasses Twilight to stoop so low, as to attempt to be street.
However clear as day was not enough for the slight headache suffering Shimmer. So she just stated, "X-Box; off; yes; yes." Without so much as blinking.
This Kinect voice command did not work, causing the Flutter-Blusher to intensify its reddening. Oh, should Sunset's stupidity soon stop or should it not?
No.
The girlfriend stood up and proclaimed, "Wubba lubba dub dub."
No one was impressed. Least of all, the most recent occupant of the festive household, Rainbow Dash. She just said in response, "That was wubba lubba dumb dumb." Staring coldly to the East.
In the East of the world. The very far East. So far in fact, that West was also a viable description, a Russian ate a pickle. It tasted of death, and sewer rats.
Back in Everton, Granny Smith was complaining, “You look so cold rainbow, that just seeing your face makes me shiver.”
“Don’t mind her,” Applejack said jumping into the conversation, much like how a kangaroo jumps to the bottom of a sand dune, “she could complain until she’s blue in the face.”
“Hey!” cried out Granny Smith and Rainbow Dash in surprise unison.
“Err, no offence.” Defaulted AJ.
“Oh well if you don’t mean offence its okay.” Both offendees said, in unison once more, but with two different degrees of sarcasm.
“Speaking of being sarcastic,” Piped up Bloom, “shouldn’t Pinkie be here by now? She’s missing out on some quality wit, which I know she would just adore.”
“Eeyup.” Big McIntosh confirmed.
“What about Sugar Belle, is she coming round to spend the day with us all?” Apple Bloom also asked.
“Nnope” Mac answered.
“Why do you say only two words?” Apple Bloom continued in here onslaught of inquiries.
Big Mac would answer not. When AB figured this out, she just shrugged at her sibling's strangeness. Then moved on with life. You know picking apples, and dating Spider man, and such and such. While Spider man himself will be played by Sir Not-appearing-in-this-fic.
------------
There was harmony for a time. Much to Fluttershy’s pleasure, but it was of course not to last. As the infamous Christmas dinner was to come!
“Soup’s on.” Called Granny Smith to all six other present human beings.
As they sat down Rainbow Dash appeared to have a question but for some reason was withholding it. This didn’t go unnoticed by her sister-Shy. Who simply and silently nudged Rainbow.
The colourful haired one relented and asked, “Why does everything taste of apples?”
“Why do you think?” Sunset replied, determined to get into an argument with her once more.
“No, like even the honey does!”
“The honey is created from the pollen, of flowers, of apple trees. Duh”
“What? Exclusively?”
“Duh.”
“You can’t prove that.”
“Actually we, er, cannot. Good point.”
“Does that mean that you’re stupid now.”
“That’s my secret cap; I’m always stupid.” Sunset smugly replied, expecting the marvel-fanatic household to get it. They all nodded but in a way that seemed to say 'we get the reference and it suits your intellect to a tee'.
Sunset took that as a half victory. And kissed Fluttershy on the cheek. It was a bit awkward seeing as she had to lean on a Lobster and had a Pineapple lodged into her back. This was because she had launched herself at Fluttershy from across the table, and half missed.
The table itself happened to be a gigantic Lazy Susan, which wasn't too convenient for anyone. But only sunset spoke up about it, "I mean, just get a new table. What are you? Lower class, poor folks or something?"
Fortunately she had progressed from cheek kiss to full french kiss much to the surprise of a rather flustered Fluttershy. Therefore the sound that was released was more like the demonic playing of the 'original Pokemon theme song' in reverse and sped up.
This sent a visible shudder up Rainbow's spine, causing her to state, "Fluttershy is a strong independent woman, that don't need no man-child like you Sunset."
"I'll have you know I'm a man-teen, in terms of emotional maturity."
Fluttershy shrunk away from the brewing, epic, argument.
Rainbow stood up. "You're like half a teen."
"Actually I'm like times two of a teenager. And you're like half a comatose patient."
Fluttershy found it in herself to speak in a whisper, "I'm trying to be patient with both of you."
"Well done Fluttershy, " said Sunset.
"Hey I was going to compliment her!"
"Rainbow calm down please." Fluttershy pleaded.
"Yeah Rainbow, what are you getting worked up about?"
Dash took in a large dash of air and spoke, ”I'll tell you exactly what I’m getting worked up about. I was such a lonely child fifteen years ago. I only had imaginary friends, and my own parents (my only living family) had no time for me. That was unless I was being bad, and got their attention in the form of getting sent to the naughty step as punishment.
So I was bad. Real bad. But then I went to this different school. And found her. The one and only Fluttershy. She taught me that it was okay to wait for something. And thanks to her, I then had patients for my old folks. But they still payed next to no attention to me! But I could not relent. I was determined now to be a better person, and it was all thanks to the good nature of Shy. So to this day if ever I'm in doubt I just ask myself what would a brave human like Fluttershy do?
And you know what I never doubted it. Never; except for when I came across a bully by the name of Sunset Shimmer!!”
No one spoke for a while. The whole lot of Apples and friends of Apples just took in the monologue by Rainbow. And even Dahie herself was taken aback by her cunning linguistics at that time.
Finally to everyone's surprise it was Granny Smith who broke the spell of silence. “Fluttershy dear, you're crying.”
“No I'm. Oh right well. It could just be the rain right?”
“Your reign is over Queen bitch!”
“Who said that?”
No one owned up to it.
“I'll find out I have powers you know.”
“So does Spider Man” Apple Bloom stateds victoriously.
“But can he do anything a dung beetle can?” Fluttershy asked her in annoyance.
“Well... No.” She replied defeatedly.
“There, there it's all gonna be okay.” Sunset said, reentering the conversation.
“How do you know that?” Moped the teen.
“‘Cos I'm Queen bitch's bitch."
There was a sharp gasp from nearly everyone. “Isn't bitch a negative word?” Applejack asked.
“Sometimes." Sunset shrugged. "Why do you ask?”
“Because you just made a double negative. Such a thing is strongly looked down upon in these here parts.”
“What parts are those? The redneck parts?” Everyone looked towards Shimmer, at the dinner.
“Oh yeeeeeeah. That's right. Yeah you all are right.”
To break the ice a little Fluttershy offered Sunset to see the band Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust were in.
Sunset finished dinner in silence as that was preferable to answering either way.
----------
After the eating round, came the drinking round. New coke for Apple Bloom. Two lots of two litre Pepsi bottles, for Big Mac. Hard cider for Applejack. Softer cider for Rainbow, and water for the love birds.
Fluttershy had rudely insisted that Sunset had no right to drink anything else. To inflict the pains and torrents of peer pressure, Flutters drank water first, showing her girlfriend and pet (though shimmer was unaware of this at the time; which is ruff like rough bark) that it was okay. The fact that everybody else insisted on Sunset drinking out of the now unused doggy bowl, kinda seemed strange. But you know, talking horse portals.
When they all finished their drinks, they all got more. Duh. When those were done. They wrote their names in the snow outside. Big Mac was the best at this, because he had the biggest, most gargantuan and sexy; middle finger. What?
Sunset was just lapping at her third bowl when she pawsed. Then she bounded over to her girlfriend's lap, licked her face, and asked with only the use of her own pleading eyes 'presents?'.
"Yes." Was all the girl said in return.
Sunset gave Applejack a second look which was also a pleading one.
To which AJ also answered, but not with words, with the action of going outside and retrieving something.
There were slight mummers of confusion from everyone except Sunset Shih Tzu. She was cool; headache-ish, but cool.
When AJ came back inside she was carrying a gift wrapped, guitar shaped object. And there was one question on everyone's mind. What was inside? Even Sunset, as she had forgotten what she had wrapped for the shy girl, was perplexed!
”I got you a guitar?” Questioned Sunset Shimmer, as Fluttershy opened the present.
“Not just any guitar but a basic ass acoustic one that is all my own. Oh Sunset, I love you!”
“Yeah I must have had it transformed from that old electric one I used to play, and I guess I glued on some butterfly wings too?”
“Wow where did you even get fake butterfly wings this time of year?”
“Um yeah fake. Just like the Amber gift! Right? I am smart.”
“More like a wise, old bat-witch!” Rainbow shot the insult across the room to Sunset.
Fluttershy went to hit her in the ear, but missed and hit her epic rainbow beard instead, knocking it clean off in one fell swoop.
Rainbow felt a little lighter and realised her epic facial hair was on the floor. She just stared at it in silence for a full minute while no one moved a muscle.
After the fifty ninth second Sunset interrupted the gazing and motionlessness. She asked Fluttershy if she would play her new guitar for them all. Fluttershy just looked at her trembling hands; she had killed a beard with those hands.
She then lashed out, killing the chapter she was in. Thus ending it early!!
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Uh, am I the only one noticing that the cover is UPSIDE DOWN?
10130263
Huh I didn't notice that...
Um, err.
If upside down-ness persists; please consult a medical expert!
10130278
I just noticed the little pony head facing the right way up which indicates that the cover is the right way up, but is there any particular reason why it looks upside down at first glance? I thought it was just a mistake?
Do not take this as a complaint, this is a good story so far.
10130284
The pony head is the right way up because it is my profile picture.
I was going for a "I'm the only sane one in this crazy upside down world" I created, as a parody of the very well made 'Who We Become' series.
Thanks for saying it's good. Means allot!
:)
10130314
Ah. Well in that case the cover makes perfect sense.
10130384
Is :)
I half expected Fluttershy to shred some heavy metal on her acoustic guitar lol. Another enjoyable chapter, although it was pretty hard in places to figure out who was talking. Still, gave me a few good laughs
10135675
Wait heavy metal on an acoustic guitar?
But krickis that would be a bit odd. No?
Will tag the dialogue more but I think one of them was intentionally left mysterious.
10135712
Oh yeah, it would make no sense to play metal on a single acoustic guitar, but that's exactly why I was expecting it haha
10136085
I believe that you will find this story is 100% logic filled. The parody of this story 'Warmth in the Snow' however, is a strange one indeed.
:)
Thank you for your time.