Act I – Arrival and Friendship
“Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria…” A purple unicorn was lying in on a hill reading. She was absorbed in her book like she always was, so absorbed, in fact, that she didn’t notice the living rainbow flying over her. Nor did she see when the rainbow quickly turned and stroke down near a tree only a few meters away from her, turning into an azure pony on the way.
“Hi Twilight what’s you reading?” The purple unicorn looked up, with a mixture of surprise and irritation at the smiling alicorn, who was hanging upside down above her head.
“Rainbow you startled me.”
“Ah relax Twilight I was just kidding around” Rainbow said as she turned over and landed in front of the purple unicorn.
“But that exactly is it Rainbow, you’re always just kidding around, you’re always just goofing off or practicing some insane stunt, if you had used just half the amount of time you spent making tricks for studying, you would have been graduated long ago instead of being a dropout. Don’t you know how embarrassing that is to your mother, the empress of all of ponydom?”
“Okay, first of all Twi, nopony can live up to mothers expectations”
“I can” Twilight said, “Empress Celestia has always been proud of me. I’m her…”
“…faithful student. Yeah I know Twi, which leads us to my second point: You never take any time off your studying, do you even know any other pony that you aren’t related to?”
“And mom doesn’t count” Rainbow was quick to add.
“Of course I know lots of ponies… there is Moondancer… eh…. and then there is that mint green unicorn from the Heartstring family”
“Lyra?”
“Who?”
“See, you don’t know her name, I bet you don’t even know what Moondancer looks like either.”
Crossing her legs triumphantly she sent Twilight her most winning smile.
“So why don’t you put those books down and hang out with me for a few hours, it won’t be the end of the world.” Rainbow looked Twilight in the eyes and slowly forcing her book down with her hoof.
“But that’s it Rainbow, it just might be that we stand on the precipice of disaster.”
“The preci-say what-now?”
“See you don’t even know what that means” Twilight massaged her temples with her hoof.
“Look I don’t really have time for this right now; I’m in the middle of important research, so just tell me what you wanted to say so I can get out of here.”
“Okay listen” the princess started excitedly, “there is this wicked cool show tonight about these totally awesome pegasi performs called the Wonderbolts and…”
“No”
“But you haven’t even…”
“No”
“But mom says I can only go if you go too.”
“Then I guess you’re not going.”
Rainbow Dash pouted her face to prepare the cliché line. "Buuuut Twiiiiiillliiiiiight"
“You should have thought about that before you burned down the gymnasium.” This brought a steer to the young alicorn and she leapt in the air in front of Twilight.
“Hay what happened at Cloudsdale totally wasn’t my fault and that was ten years ago.”
“And yet you still got expelled.” Twilight said in a calm condescending voice.
“Well that was just because that stupid headmaster was out to get me; he had been nagging me and killing my buzz ever since I entered.” That however was not the argument winning answer she had been hoping for, as it made Twilights checks turn a deeper shade of purple.
“Rainbow Dash, you and Cadence are the only alicorns that have been born within a thousand years. That you attended his school should have been the highest of honours. But you acted so irresponsible that there was no other choice left in the end. Celestia herself had to be called in to get the damage under control.” Twilight took a deep sign and continued in a lower voice.
“Look, go to your room and sulk, perform another one of your stupid rainbooms, or cause another international incident with your childish pranks. Whatever you do, I don’t care, just leave me alone.”
***
-An hour later-
Twilight had just sent a report to Empress Celestia explaining her concern for the imminent return of Nightmare Moon. She had time to lecture her dragon familiar, when a reply came back.
“See Spike, I told you Empress Celestia would take immediate action”
She opened the letter with her magic and skimmed the letter hastily, then read it another time, and then another…
“Silly books…. make some friends, Spike did Rainbow write this?”
“It has Celestias seal” Spike said. “you know that can’t be forged”.
“I can’t believe it, I can’t bucking believe it.”, she raged while bucking a bookcase behind her, almost causing it to fall over.
“You can’t believe what Twi?” a certain sly-smiling, azure coated, and rainbow maned alicorn said while resting casually over a bookcase nearby.
“Rainbow, how long have you been here?”
“Awhile, so…” she went over to Twilight beaming like the sun, “mom brushed you off too, so I guess now you have time to go to the Wonderbolt show with me.”
“I can’t, I have to go to Ponyville.”
Princess Rainbow didn’t even try to contain her laugh.
“That sappy village with those goofy Earthponies down in the valley? That’s like the lamest town ever; the next thing you know she would want to put you in charge of their Summer Sun Celebration.”
“Well, actually.” Spike said
“Oh my gosh, she is? This is too rich. The mighty Twilight Sparkle, favourite pupil of Celestia, and hair of the noble house of Twilight forced to work as an organiser for a lowly peasant celebration. You really must have pissed of mom, oh former favourite student of Celestia. Now it all makes much more sense”
“What?” Twilight said prissily.
“Why she was so interested in Moondancer earlier, I bet she is already looking for somepony to replace you.
“Eh Rainbow” Spike the purple dragon said. “I really don’t want to interrupt your taunting of Twilight, but perhaps you should read this” He handed her the smoothed letter that Twilight had crumbled earlier in her tantrum.
Taking it in her light blue levitation field Rainbow read:
“Bla bla bla, go to Ponyville, blab la bla, Summer Sun Celebration… my faithful student Twilight Sparkle and daughter Rainbow Dash…” Rainbow recrumbled the letter with her blue magic and threw it at the garbage can. It was once again quickly retrieved and resmoothed out by Spike.
“You got to be bucking kidding me, she has practically bared me from exiting Canterlot and the only time I’m allowed to go it has to be the lamest town ever.”
Rainbow stormed out of the room.
“Don’t forget to be packed and ready within an hour” Twilight called after her, amused and relieved that she at least won’t have to go through this torture alone.
***
- Yet another hour later -
Celestia’s sun now stood in south-south west, proving that it was now just past noon.
The two noble ponies, the azure blue alicorn and the purple unicorn stood in front of a large sky blue carriage with gold covered edges and a dazing Rainbow coloured lightning bolt that matched her cutiemark on the front.
In front of the large carriage, that would take she and Twilight to Ponyville, were four white pegasi from the royal guard, ready and alert to take off when their princess demanded it.
She hated that thing, Celestia always gave her the worst gifts. She wanted rocket powered roller-skates and a chance to go to Los Pegasus for… well that didn’t matter, and instead she got her own decorated royal carriage that could go about 10 kilometers per hour at max speed. Why the buck did she needs that? She preferred to fly for herself instead of being drawn around like a price pig.
It’s to make good impressions she had said like when you go to the gala, she had said. The most ominous thing about that was that it implied that she would have to attend the Grand Galloping Gala again, even after what happened last year.
Rainbow looked around to the ponies that had come to wave them off. To the right she saw Twilights parents, Viscountess and Mistress of the Robes Twilight Velvet and her husband Nightlight; to their left were her sister Cadence and Twilights brother Shining Armor, captain of the royal guard. The House of Twilight really was well connected with the royal family. Still why did he have to stay that close to her sister, he was practically rubbing her flank. Yet in all of that, there were one pony she didn’t see.
“She didn’t even bother to wave me goodbye!”
“She was probably just too busy you will see her tomorrow, at the summer sun celebration.”
“No the peasants will see her tomorrow; you know how she is at these events. She spends all that time around you and doesn’t even have time for…” Rainbow inhaled deeply, “You know, just forget it, let’s just get out of here and give these commoners a show for their money.”
Without saying another word, the two ponies and the little dragon stepped up on the carriage and took off over the cliff towards the sleepy town of Ponyville far below them.
***
Ponyville looked every bit as sleepy and uninteresting as Rainbow imagined, with its thatched roofs and dirt roads, it was an archetypical small time village, with archetypical small time villages minds. Not that Rainbow had actually met a commoner before, but she could imagine them quite well due the stories she had heard.
The only noticeable thing about the town was the unnatural tall hill that lay on the town’s south-western fridge near the immense forest. On top the hill was an edifice of white marble, a temple dedicated to her mother, the god Empress of Equestria. On top of the shrine wafted Equestria’s flag: The radiant yellow that graced her mother’s flank on top of a solid red background.
While the grand cathedral in Canterlot did look kind of awesome, Rainbow had to admit, this temple with its oversized flag, taking up almost all the hill it stood on, which left very little place to actually get to the temple unless you could fly, looked completely ridiculous. The road down looked positively like a death-trap, she just hoped there would never be any out of control baby carriages going down their or they might easily fall of the edge unless somepony was fast enough to get to them before it is too late.
***
The carriage carrying the hair to the most noble house of Twilight personal protégée of Empress Celestia herself and a lady-in-waiting to the royal court along her dragon familiar and her princess, landed near the town square in a relatively quiet side street.
“So what’s our first stop Spike” Twilight said.
“Well Sweet Apple Acres stands for the food to the reception, so I guess that’s a good place to start, but didn’t Celestia say you had to make friends?”
“Spike, the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends, and certainly not to commoners.”
“Come on Twilight, I don’t want you to get on Celestia’s bad side for not even trying, remember what happened to that one maid that spilled her tea a couple of months ago?”
“ One it hit the Empress right in her face and two she was nothing but a lowborn commoner, but fine I’ll humour you.”
“Hello” she said to the first pony she saw, a pink earth pony smelling like frosting and cotton candy, that had been walking towards them as they landed and now looked at them with big blue eyes.
She had barely said the words before the pony in question gave a laud gasp and ran away as fast as she could. Turning around she saw Rainbow Dash imitating the pose she had seen Celestia doing a thousand times, only with a cocky mischievous grin on her face which made the whole thing look like a parody, which knowing Rainbow it properly was.
Giving a loud sign she started trotting away towards the farm Spike mentioned. This was going to be a long day.
***
Sweet Apple Acres, (which if you wanted to be frank was an apple plantation and not a farm), was every bit as rural and country as she had imagined: the faint smell of manure, dust everywhere, she even saw pigs running about; what was the purpose of these disgusting animals anyway?
Just as she thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse she saw what she feared to be the proprietor, running towards a tree yelling “Yeehaa” Then she proceeded to bucking the tree with her hind legs which got its apples to fall off into a conveniently placed barrel near the trunk.
That mare was the spitting image of the uneducated underclass. She had an ugly orange coat with stupid white freckles, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she also wore a stetson hat to complete the look.
“Oh common Spike, Rainbow, let’s get this over with.”
“How do you do stranger” she said in the most contempt free voice she could muster “My name is Twilight Sparkle h…”
“Howdy, miss Twilight, a pleasure making your acquaintances, ma names Applejack; we here at Sweet Apple Acres sure love making new friends” As the country hillbilly said this she shock her hoof so hard that Twilights hole body was shaking.
“Friends” Twilight stammered. This was most unbecoming to do to a highborn lady of her standard. Anyway, despite being shocked and appalled like she was due this undignified greeting, she couldn’t help to overhear the weakly contained giggling from the background.
“So who’s your friend” indicating Rainbow behind her, “and what can I do for you?” This gave the princess a new case of the giggles. After taking a moment of clearing her trout she said:
“Twilight if you may” Signing heavily and looking up at the sky, having played this game too many times already in the past Twilight said:
“This is the illustrious princess of the sky, the awe-inspiring, wondrous and famous Rainbow… Crash” While she said this, Rainbow proudly posed with her wings stretched up, and her head tilted so everypony could see her beautiful long horn, but when Twilight said the last part, Rainbow gave a surprised “Hey!”
“I mean ‘Dash’” Twilight finished.
“Holly Molly a real life princess” Applejack said, immediately dropping to her knees and started shaking “Ah sorry, Ah didn’t notice ye before ye Highness, please don’t take me away like my ma and my pa.”
Rainbow loved to be admired but what she felt from Applejack wasn’t admiration, it wasn’t even respect, it was fear pure and simple, and it was really, really awkward.
“I’m sorry Applejack, I didn’t mean to frighten you, please get up, this kneeling is making me uncomfortable. What happened to your parents?”
Regaining her composure Applejack got up
“I’m sorry if Ah made ye fell uncomfortable your highness, I just got a little shocked seeing an alicorn today, ye see today is the ten year anniversary of my parents disappearance, we have sort of made it a family tradition to come here once every year since in remembrance and to celebrate these ponies we have left.” Applejack sighed “And what happened to mah folks was actually real simple, ma and pa got political and got caught.”
This explanation seemed like enough for Twilight, who gave a knowing “Ah” but just left Rainbow more confused.
“What?” Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight. Twilight whispered “I’ll tell you later. Shaking her head she went back to Applejack.
“Perhaps we should just start over; in fact I would be honoured if you would give me the same Sweet Apple welcome you gave my buddy Twilight here.” As she said that she laid a playful hoof over Twilights neck which just resulted in another snare from the purple unicorn.
“Well them howdy to you too princess. Just wait right here and you are going to get the best of what Sweet Apple has to offer”.
“And your friend too of course” winking at Twilight.
“Well actually we are kind of in a hurry and…”
“We’ll love too” Rainbow finished for her, with Twilight shooting daggers from her eyes.
“We are actually the official royal overseers for the Summer Sun Celebration so it is Twilights job to test out everything you are gonna disc out”.
What happened next was a blur. The orange farmer hammered a triangle while yelling “Soup's on, everypony”, then a literal horde of ponies from all over came running up to them. The next hour went by with Applejack introducing them to every single member of her seemingly endless family, who all dished up with an apple related course. In the end there was more apple inspired dishes then even the royal banquet hall had to offer.
***
“Oh I ate too much pie” Twilight said, as she was dragging herself down the dirt rood back to Ponyville.
“Oh come on, I told them you would love it” Rainbow teased.
“And you could just have refused and crushed that little filly’s heart”
Ignoring the obnoxious alicorn, Twilight said to Spike:
“So what’s next on the list?”
“Well with food taken care of the next item is weather. There’s supposed to be a pegasus pony called Derpy Hooves clearing the skies”
“Well she isn’t doing a very good job, is she?” Rainbow Dash said, looking on the multitude of clouds up in the sky.
“I bet I could do the job in ten seconds flat”
With that Rainbow was off, before Twilight could even blink Rainbow had buckled, zapped and blown the clouds to smithereens by magically summoned wins. As a grand finally Rainbow wrote her name in the sky with a sonic rainboom, by teleporting at the right moments. After writing the last letter, Rainbow teleported herself down to the ground, and landed right into it.
Like a mole, or a giant digging machine she pummeled through the ground with only her horn sticking up for dozens of meters, before finally coming to a halt.
“Oh man I’m going to puke earth for a week” Rainbow said as she coughed up a small rock, and freed herself from the soil.
“That’s what you get from not calculating your teleportation accurately. Twilight said dryly seemingly not impressed.
“You know if you had been a unicorn you would have been dead by now.”
“If I had been a unicorn I would have killed myself by now” Rainbow replied thinking how she couldn’t survive five minutes without her wings, and not really getting the second meaning of her words. Ignoring the alicorn, Twilight looked at the sky, where Rainbow’s rainbow letters still shined brightly.
“Nice writing skills you got, by the way”
Up in the sky over Ponyville was a capital P with a rounded tale, followed by “R O wuz l\ere” the “r” looking more like a squiggly line then an actual letter.
“Ah, you try to do better” Rainbow said, while hitting the side of her head with a hoof and making an enormous amount of dirt fall out her ear.
With all Twilights considerable willpower she managed to avoid a snide reply involving the words “dirt” and “brain”. However even her will was only that strong, but right before she was about to cave in, she was hit with great velocity by a grey pegasus with a blonde mane, sending them both tumbling down into a nearby puddle.
“Uh, look what you have done your filthy pauper” Twilight snared at the pegasus as she was trying to regain her bearings.
“Derpy Hooves I presume” Rainbow said, looking at the strange grey pegasus with yellow eyes that seemed to be looking at both of them at the same time.
That’s when Rainbow and Twilight saw two guards, one flying one running towards them.
“In the name of Celestia, stop that mare!” the earthbound unicorn stallion yelled. The grey pegasus looked with fear at the approaching guards and tried to fly away but Twilight held her firmly in a purple force field.
“Thank you citizen” the guards said as they apprehended the mare and shackled her hoofs and wings.
“What did she do?” Rainbow asked as she looked at the pitiful mare; one bright eye still looking at the princess while the other looked at the guards.
“None of your business unicorn” one of the guards said.
“Hey I’m not a unicorn” Rainbow said in defiance, spreading her wings.
“A princess” the guards gasped looked at each other, then back at her. “Hehem” the guard said, “What I meant to say was, that it is none of your business princess”
“But if you must know” the other guard said, less certain about himself, “she defiled the statue of the empress, and desecrated her imagine. “
He pointed a hoof on the foreboding statue of Celestia that stood in the middle of the tow square 200 meters away, that Rainbow couldn’t, for the light of Celestia, see anything wrong with except it looking painfully out of place. Then he pointed at some posters that, now that Rainbow looked, seemed to hang almost everywhere they depicted her mother looking sternly down, with the words “Obey” printed in the bottom.
Just somepony had drawn a moustache and other doodles on most of the posters. It looked good, it was definitely an improvement. This made Rainbow laugh, which seemed to irritate the guards.
“This is not funny princess; this mare is a dangerous political criminal!”
“Ah come on this is obviously just a harmless prank. I’m sure Celestia won’t mind”. This made the guards look questionable on each other and Twilight facehoofed. Derpy just looked even more confused but didn’t say anything.
“Then you take it up with the empress” the first guard said “but unless she gets an imperial pardon se is going to be sent to the mines.” This sparked panic in Derpy’s eyes and she started screaming incoherently about her Muffin.
Looking at Derpy with confusion and pity as the guards dragged her away asked:
“Twilight, what’s the mines?”
Her lady-in-waiting was still primarily occupied with getting the mud out of her fur, so she hadn’t really paid attention to what the guards said. Now however she stopped for a moment looking Rainbow in the eyes.
“I don’t know, I’ve never heard the term before but we don’t really have time to find out, we have a schedule to keep.”
“You go ahead Twi, I just have to go find out where they are taking that mare.”
“Fine” Twilight said, rolling her eyes, ”Just be quick and don’t get into too much trouble, we will meet you in the town hall.” Ignoring the protocol that it was incredible rude to turn your bag to a member of royalty, having done so much worse over the years to the poor princess, she turned to her pet dragon and said.
“Common Spike, what’s the next point on the list?”
***
“Hey you two, yea I’m talking to you” Rainbow shouted to the two guards that was dragging Derpy away after she caught up to them.
Their first instinct was to ignore her, but when she flew right in front of them so they had to stop, they reluctantly addressed the upstart princess.
“What do you want your highness” the unicorn of the pair said with ill hidden contempt.
“I want you to know where you’re taking this mare and why?” Rainbow said, immediately noticing their bad attitudes. She knew the guards in Canterlot didn’t have the highest respect for her, which was understandable due to her escapades but these two was rude on a whole other level, like a poorly trained attack dog.
“We already told you that this mare was caught smearing on her divine majesty’s image” the unicorn started.
“And we are taking her into custody until we can ship her up to the Gloom Valley’s internment camp, where she will spend her days working in the coal mines.” The pegasus added, still harsh but a little more forthcoming with information than his unicorn partner.
Derpy on the other hand was completely none responsive to the conservation, she head hung as she stared into the ground.
“Coal mines? But she’s a pegasus, pegasi can’t be underground for long, it could kill her.”
“We know.” the unicorn said, chuckling wickedly.
Seeing the face of the young princess as she was about to explode, the pegasus nervously added: “You have to understand, your highness, that political dissenters are very dangerous, and as E.S.C.A.P.E.D. agents we have to take immediate action whenever we see it.”
Rainbow only half head the last part as she had now discovered why Derpy wasn’t more responsive as she had been earlier when she flew into Twilight. Her left eye was now swollen black and her nose was partly covered with blood that was only now starting to dry”
“By Harmony what have you done to her?” Rainbow said lifting Derpy’s head with her magic.
“She gave us a funny look, so we gave her something else to look at” the unicorn said apparently not getting the mess he was in; for this made Rainbow completely lose her bearing. She fired a powerful blast from her horn which sent him tumbling dozens of meters though the air, instantly knocking him out cool.
His pegasus partner, not wanting to cross blades with an angry princess, immediately fled from the area.
Rainbow watching him fly away with a slight smile. Turning back to Derpy to ask if she was alright she noticed that the grey mare was gone too. All that was left was her shackles, and a mysterious blueberry muffin that had not been there before.
***
Rainbow trotted in silence towards the town hall deep in thoughts, occasionally nipping to the muffin that was surprisingly good.
The grey mare had been unusually quick to free herself when nopony was looking, was she really as innocent as she had seemed, or was there more too it? Had she done the right thing?
No the evil glint in the unicorn jailors eyes could not be mistaken, and even if Derpy had been guilty of something, she knew in her heart of heats that the punishment they described was far worse than anything she could have done. But what did that say about her mother?
Celestia. The marble statue of her in the town square seemed oddly out of place. It was too big, too menacing for this idyllic town, just like the temple on that hill, which she for some reason couldn’t see from this spot, although it should have been visible.
She had a nagging desire to topple that statue. She knew mother would have a fit, but it didn’t belong here. Statues should be about beauty and art, this one was about fear, the same kind of fear she had seen in Applejacks eyes when she had first realised she was a princess. She had loosened up afterwards; even asking her question about the difference between a friend, a lady-in-waiting and a hoofmade. Differences that the farmer didn’t quite understood, and when she thought about it, neither did she. Twilight had been her lady-in-waiting since even before they had gotten their cutiemarks. They practically grew up together and new each other like sisters. Twilight definitely wasn’t a servant, but she wasn’t quite a friend either.
While being lost in thoughts staring at the imposing statue of her mother, she suddenly noticed that Twilight was being dragged access the town square by a white unicorn with a frizzy purple mane.
***
“Ladies, this is a spa emergency code red” she heard the white unicorn that abducted Twilight say as soon as she entered the door. Friends or not, she still wouldn’t allow anypony to ponyhandle her lady-in-waiting.
She slowly crept towards them like a tiger, but before she had a chance to surprise them she got a new coughing attack and ended up puking something up that looked like a big old brick.
“I really shouldn’t have teleported into the grown” Rainbow said to herself, then saw four pair of eyes staring intently at her. Rainbows checks grow red as she saw the mess she had made on the floor and smiled nervously.
“Oh, sorry, I’m just going to clean this up” she said taking the brick in her blue levitation field and carrying it out the door, however she tripped on the door knob sending the brick flying out the window, shattering its glass. She would have landed on her face if she hadn’t spread her wings in time, making a summersault in the air and landing in the middle of the room graceful like a wonderbolt. Well almost, the carnage had gotten ten times worse with glass shards now littering the floor. She hung her wings in embarrassment.
“Don’t worry, I can fix this” she said, lifting the shards with her horn trying to remember the spell to repair broken items. She must have done something wrong because instead of bending themselves back together in the window, the shards flew at her with the speed of sound, drilling themselves into the wall behind her and the thankfully closed door and sending the once that hit her spinning to the sides.
“Sorry.” she said, lowering her head. The four ponies looked at her with their mouth hanging upon so much that it almost looked like they would hit the floor.
“Maybe I can…”
Taking this opportunity to do damage control Twilight stepped in.
“No,” Twilight interrupted, “just no, Rainbow Dash, somepony else will clean this up.”
Thrown out of her initial shock seeing an alicorn enter her favourite spa, the white unicorn replied:
”Oh of course, Princess Rainbow, I read an article about you in The Canterlot Sun. You really do know how to make an entrance. Oh your mane is just to die for, I love the colours, but it is just so messy.” she brushed a hoof trough Rainbows mane and inspected her meticulously.
“Oh dear, you’re in desperate need of Aloe and Lotus magic touch.” Turning to the pink and blue pony twins she said:
“Ladies my new friend Princess Rainbow here needs the whole royal treatment: hooficure, wingmassage, horncare, and the usual.”
Turning back to the princess she gave her a hug, that could seem a little too tight like had she just found a precious gem and didn’t wanted to let go.
“Oh, we two are going to be so good friends”
“I’m Rarity by the way,” she said, pointing her left forehoof at herself then putting it around the princess neck, “ we are going to talk about colts, and fashion, and hair, and…”
“Help me.” Rainbow said to Twilight, who looked rather amused at the moment, despite still being muddy.
“Oh, and don’t think I have forgotten what I promised you darling,” Rarity said, grabbing Twilight with her other hoof, “and Rarity is nothing if not good on her word”.
***
It took more diplomatic skill than Rainbow new she had, and a multiple of white lies, especially about alicorns and hooficures (she could never let her dark secret about her ticklish hoofs come to light) but Rarity seemed to buy it, although Twilight looked more sceptical.
However the hot tub where all three mares now sat was mandatory. Not that Rainbow hated this particular spa activity, she actually had one back in her room at the castle, not that she would let anypony know about it of course. She had to share it with others and she didn’t have Quacky, her rubber duck, to play with, but it was still rather nice.
The three mares were now talking about Rainbows favourite topic herself:
“So after I decided I was too cool for magic kindergarten I wanted to chill down for a while, but mom, that’s Empress Celestia to you, sent me to Cloudsdale. The Cloudsdale accadamy for highborn pegasi was actually really cool, but the headmaster was a real prick, so after eight years I felt like I had to leave. Then I went to this prissy unicorn school with Twilight for a few years, but that just became too much eventually, and after that, I have just sort of winged it.”
While Rarity listened with fascination,Twilight just facehoofed. How could Rainbow be proud of having skipped magic kindergarten, and then being expelled, not once, but twice from the two most prestigious schools known to ponydom.
“Oh that is so fascinating Rainbow; oh, I can call you Rainbow, right? So tell me have you ever been at the Grand Galloping Gala?”
“Yeaah?” she said, not really liking where this was going.
“Oh I always wanted to attend the gala, it is so high class and everypony that is anypony will be there. Oh it must be so wonderful to have actually been there.”
“Yeah, it’s somewhat alright” Rainbow said, thinking back on the most boring day in her life.
“Oh yeah, you were old enough to attend last year when I was writing my assignment on Starswirl the thirds astronomical almanac to all things astronomical, the second edition, comparison to the first. I wish I could have been there with you.”
“I felt the same way” Rainbow Dash said, truth to be told, she would rather read one of Twilights boring history books than attend to another of those events.
“Rainbow, dear,” Rarity said, “have you ever met prince Blueblood?” she almost shrieked as she said his name.
The mentioning of the pompous duke of Canterlot, whose extremely weak claims of blood relation to Celestia had earned him the honorific title of “prince”, physically made her want to hurl for a whole other reason than the dirt she still had in her stomach.
“Yeah, I’ve met him”
“How’s he like, tell me all the details.” Rarity said eagerly. Rainbow thought long about this. How do you describe a giant douche that has somehow taken the form of a pony?
Mistaking her hesitation for something else, Rarity probed.
“You don’t have feelings for him, do you? I would hate for us to be love rivals.”
“F-Feelings for him?” Rainbow clearly remembered the meeting last year at the gala, his lewd comment, his obnoxious arrogance, and the hoof that had “accidentally” touched her flank when she wasn’t looking. However she remembered with great satisfaction how her two hind hoofs had “accidentally” touching his jaw sending him flying right into the giant cake. Based on his reaction afterwards she believed that she might have given him a permanent cakephobia.
Looking at her intently as smiled at the memory of Blueblood sputtering around with cake all over Rarity gasped.
“Oh you do have feelings for him, oh woe me, woe me,” she said putting a hoof to her forehead, “to be in a love triangle with my new best friend that is also a princess, oh how the fate is cruel.”
This was too much for the poor alicorn, she puked the rest of the earth she had accidentally “absorbed” earlier, all over the hot tub, ruining the water and turning it to mud.
“I think we are done here” Twilight said, hurryingly getting out of the top. Rainbow and Rarity quickly followed.
***
“Finally! What took you guys so long?” Spike said, seeing the two mares leaving the spa.
“Sorry Spike, we had a situation, courtesy of princess mud puke here”.
“Hey, what did I do?”
“Whatsoever listen guys, I’ve checked the list and we only have one place left to go. A pegasus named Fluttershy is supposed to be in charge for the music; her cottage is right this way.” He waved them forward while running out the door, looking back he added. “You guys gave me plenty of time to memorise the map of this town.”
Spike was right with that ’he knows where he was going’. Riding Twilight like some kind of… thing that you ride, soon the two ponies and the dragon reached the glade, where a meek pale yellow pegasus with pink mane was training some birds to sing on cue and in time.
When she heard somepony coming she curled together like a hedgehog. Rainbow couldn’t believe her eyes, she hadn’t seen Fluttershy since she was thrown out of Cloudsdale Academy and now she was here training birds.
“Fluttershy, is that you?” the little pegasus looked with a single eye up to the rainbow maned alicorn that had spoken her name, then flew on her to give the biggest most heartfelt hug ponykind had seen.
“Oh Rainbow Dash, is that really you? I’m so glad to see you! What are you doing in Ponyville?”
“Wait, you two know each other?” interrupted Twilight.
“Know each other, heck Twilight, we were class and roommates in Cloudsdale
“Actually, we were two years apart from each other but that’s okay” Fluttershy said in a voice too quiet that a pony could’ve heard it.
“Fluttershy, this is my lady-in-waiting Twilight; Twilight, this is my old friend Fluttershy.”
“Pleasure, this is Spike” Twilight continued, indicating her dragon familiar.
The sight of him made Fluttershy loosen up, she bumped into Twilight and started talking to Spike directly as if he had been a pony
“Oh, a baby dragon. I love baby dragons, they are just so cute and…” Fluttershy went on for a while. Twilight took this chance to speak with Dash.
“So, you know Fluttershy. What was she doing in the Cloudsdale academy that normally is just for nobles, like the school for gifted unicorns? And why didn’t you say anything when we were in the spa.”
“What?” the alicorn had been watching her old friend playfully chasing the purple dragon. “I’m sorry Twilight, but I don’t usually pay attention to what you say… Anyway,” looking at the sun hanging low on the horizon, “we better head back, I’ve got a disturbing lack of midday powernaps today, and I have a schedule to keep too, you know. I’ll tell you all about Fluttershy later.
***
“So Twilight, I’ve been thinking that I should take the bed and you should sleep on the floor” Rainbow said as they came closer to the library where it had been arranged they will stay for they trip.
“What? Why shouldn’t I be the one who gets the bed?”
“Because I’m the one who’s the princess?”
“I need my naps more than you do.”
“No you don’t”
“Yes I do”
“No you don’t”
“Yes I do”
“Why can’t you just go to a hotel?”
“Because then we wouldn’t have this problem.”
“Hey where did you even hear that there was only one bed in the house?”
“I didn’t.”
“Ah, you are impossible Rainbow. Now finally, we are here.” Twilight said as she stopped in front of the door to the library that had been built in an enormous hollow tree.
“Wow, it sure is dark in here.” Twilight noticed as she and Rainbow walked into the main hall.
“Yeah, I can’t see a thing.”
“Yea, we better get some… wait, Rainbow, can’t you see in the dark?”
“SURPRISE!” Everypony in town seemed to say, jumping out from behind the furniture and bookcases. The hyperactive earthpony from this morning seemed to be leading them. She went up to Rainbow and Twilight jumping all the while.
“Hi! Remember me? I’m Pinkie Pie. I saw you guys fly into town this morning. I saw you and I thought: Wow! A princess and a purple miss grumpy face, you definitely need a party, so I gathered all my friends, and all their friends and friends, and we all came together to get you a big old ‘Welcome to Ponyville Party’.”
The princess looked pleased and was beaming like, well, a rainbow, though the purple unicorn looked anything but amused.
“Oh, this is totally what I need.” Twilight said sarcastically.
“I know, this is amazing. Thank you Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow said either ignoring or simply not getting Twilights sarcasm.
***
An hour later when Celestia’s sun was gone long ago, Rainbow peeked her head up the stairs to see where her grumpy friend had gone off to. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, she was lying in a bed with a pillow over her head.
“What are you doing Twilight, you’re missing the party.”
“If you haven’t noticed yet: All ponies in this town are crazy! Now I can’t do any studying and, even worse, I can’t even sleep.”
“What are you talking about, Twi? These ponies are amazing. I can’t believe I wasted so much time in snobby old Canterlot, thinking these ponies would be lame.” Turning her head back down the stairs and yelling loud enough to drown the music:
“Hey Pinkie, I’m ready for another!”
“Okey dokey lokey. Oh, and Dashie, tell Twilight she better comes down here, Fluttershy’s chasing the purple dragon again.”
Turning her head and pushing the pillow tighter around her head Twilight said: “Oh, I hope she is talking about Spike.”
***
Several hours later, how many Twilight couldn’t tell, but the music was finally starting to die down. From where had that pink pony got a DJ anyway in this shithole of a town anyway?
“Ah, finally, I can get some sleep.” Twilight said relieved. She had just entered the first blissful step towards oblivion when Rainbow's cocky voice once again drove away the rest from her sleep deprived mind.
“Hey Twilight, common, the party is moving to the town hall, you’re going to miss the celebration!”
“Just please tell me that no more ponies have been chasing a purple dragon.” Twilight’s groggy voice said.
“Everypony has been chasing a purple dragon, we even made a game of it; you should have seen Spike, that dragon can party.”
“Just go away, and let me sleep”
“But then you’re gonna miss the Summer Sun Celebration.” Twilight’s eyes shot open.
“Now!? It is now?”
“Well, not now now, but it’s in like five minutes or so, common.” And with that Rainbow was already gone.
Shaking her head in attempt to stay awake, Twilight galloped down the stairs and towards the Town hall. On her way she looked at the full moon shining ominously above, with a crater of a pony’s face on one side.
“I really hope Celestria is right, that this really is just an old mare’s tale.”
Reaching the town hall, she was surprised to see Rainbow standing outside.
“Aren’t you going in Rainbow?”
“Nah, I can’t face mom right now, this town have really made me thinking”
“Well, that’s a first.” Twilight said dryly walking in to the others.
Rainbow heard the fanfare boom through the door, and she saw though the window her mother standing on the balcony in all her armoured glory.
“Hm, that’s strange, she doesn’t usually wear her ceremonial battle armour.”
Then she saw it, a spark emitting from the ground at the centre of the room that quickly grew into an intricate sigil, a double four pointed star with four crescent moons pointing inward, drawn by blue-white light.
If Rainbow had bothered to pay attention when she went to The School for Gifted Unicorns, she would have known, like a certain purple pony now did, that this was a summoning font to the lunar plane.
She did not notice her unicorn companions dread, nor hear her voice and what she said, for in the same moment, four great lightning bolts struck the four corners of the star at once, followed a split second later by a fifth bolt, shining a hundred times more powerful than the others, drowning the room in light.
When Rainbow got her vision back, the room was covered in a thick grey fog, and from above her a menacing laughter could be heard.
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Spacing.
ALWAYS SPACE.
It makes it much easier to read. I can kinda see where you tried... maybe... but it's still a giant wall of text.
wut
1118957
These words are hauntingly mean, I put a lot of effort into this. I would appreciate very much some constructive criticism.
1119355
1) I haven't really seen another story depicturing a tyrant Celestia, and if it have not been overused, why the negativity?
2) I have read a few stories about Rainbow being Celestia's daughter and these were all awesome.
3) Yea this does follow the show rather closely, but to change that I have to rewrite everything, and if point 1,2 and 3 are equally bad I wouln't really gain much from trying to rewrite this, I would just have to scram the story altogether.
I can't however see how point 1 and especially point 2 can be considered "clichés", its better then waking up as an alicorn with no explanation.
1118813
I've put in extra spaces everywhere, tell me if this helps
1119484 Yup.
1119524
You really like it? I was just about ready to rewrite everything because of its negative reception.
I mean point 1) and 2) 1119456 is core, that is what my story is build on, but I could create another way for Rainbow to meet the other 4. It would make this story completely different and forcing me to begin writing almost from scratch but if point 3) is so incriminating then I really wouln't have any choice.
I can't really understand though, why the person giving me these critique have deleted his posts.
Question, what do you think I should do now?
1) Continue writing chapter 2 which I have titled "Badlands and Harmony" or
2) Rewriting chapter 1, taking it in a new direction that are much more different from the show.
ps. chapter 2 is much less like the show then chapter 1 and it involves changelings.
the story itself has great potential..... but OHMYGOD! so much mistakes, it hurts to read. I'm guessing english isn't your main language.
my only suggestion is this: get a corrector, even Word corrects better....
most dislikes must be either from trolls or people who can't stand this level of english as I know there isn't that many stories of TyrantLestia with Twilight also being on the dark side (well, that many.... there might be more than I think, but there sure is less than Humans in Equestria, Conversion Bureaus, Crossovers)
1120173
Thanks that really helps lifting my spirits. I know my English isn't my primary language, but being from a small country I have learned it from a relatively early age.
While I do think I have a fairly large understanding of English, writing have always been more difficult then reading.
A couple of things I don't really get about english is this:
a) bending verbs according to person, (has/have) we don't have that distinction in Danish
b) Compound noun. In Danish every time two nouns stand next to each other, we write them into a single word, there dosn't seem to be a clear system to this in English.
Know that I do use word's spelling as much as I can, and also that this piece have already been reread by me several times. I can't improve the gramme any further unless I get a genuine human proreader.
If you are comfortable in your own abilities and are willing I would be more then happy to accept any help I can get.
THIS IS PRETTY GOOD RPHB. ^^ ALSO THE TYRANT CELESTIA THING HAS BEEN DONE A FEW TIMES BEFORE THOUGH USUALLY IT'S THROUGH BEING CORRUPTED BY THE SAME THING THAT TURNED LUNA EVIL IN THE FIRST PLACE, OR SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT CAUSED HER TO TURN EVIL LIKE THE DEATH OF TWILIGHT THROUGH MURDER, ECT.
OR IN A SPECIFIC ONE, "SUNSHINE & FIRE" ON FANFICTION.NET, IS A TYRANT IN AN ALT. UNIVERSE & THE GOOD CELESTIA, LUNA, TWILIGHT & A RANDOM UNICORN GETTING SENT TO SAID UNIVERSE THROUGH A PORTAL ATTEMPT ON CELESTIA'S LIFE.
ALL IN ALL THIS SHALL BE INTERESTING AS I'VE NEVER SEEN AN EMPRESS CELESTIA ONE. ^^ KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
1: You should describe more, add more flavor to the lines .Also you should accentuate. An example of both would be:
"But Twilight" should be
Rainbow Dash pouted Her face to prepare Her cliche line."Buuuut Twiiiiiillliiiiiight"
2:You should use a bigger and more diverse vocabulary . (it makes reading less repetitive, but mostly makes it seem more intelligent and interesting than it actually is)
If you don't have a particularly large vocabulary ,go through a dictionary and write down all the words in it that you already knew and/or seem usable.
Then read the entire thing.If You ever have the problem again , read it .
3:You should always focus on the interactions between characters , and i don't mean between Celestia and Rainbow Dash , i mean between the main 6 .
They should not be under constant peril because that makes it harder to have normal social interactions. Celestia would not make them wanted criminals
because then it would get way too political for her to make 6 mares criminals on the spot. and if you do you still have enough room to make this story light instead of dark , even comedic . Comedy is usually the best remedy for dark stories.
1128248
Thanks I will give chapter 1 a thorough out, as I am having a little trouble with chapter 2, it might take some days.
Also, this story is thought of as the first part of a trilogy, and I have just finished the prologue and first chapter of the third part of the trilogy and I want to put that up.
I like this story so far I see there is no need for any changing i like it! the one thing i do have to critizize is why is RD blue why not cyan in the pic?
And what is up with the tags? there is nothing dark.
1156658
Well, when I can't really draw I have to use what I got, (what is already on the internet) at least until I can afford to commision a picture. The picture I chose was the one that was closest to my vision of how she looks.
And the tags, well, it will get darker, especially in the second chapter. Empress Celestia has a lot of skeletons in her closet.
As you can see in previous post, the second part of the story have the working title "Badlands and Harmony" Its about their journey to the badlands, a journey where they will learn the truth of Celestia, and what she is caperble of.
Have you ever wondered why for instence, there are so few stalions in Equestria? the truth is most of them are drafted.
It is not certain, but I plan to include a scene about a certain zebra that have escaped to the Everfree Forest to get away from the brutal exploitation of her people by the hands of the colonial Equestrian army in Zebrango.
Next time you go to a café in Cantalot, think about what the zebra's that grow them had been forced to endure.
I got quite a few things planned, I just need to need to stitch them together.
This story is also, (and I should properly write this in the description), the first part of a trilogy I am working on about Princess Rainbow.
This one is about Rainbow as she starts to become aware of who and what she is, and for the first time in her life gets real friends.
The next part is about the great conflict between the two older alicorn sisters, Luna that seeks the emancipation of the commoners, and Celestia that seeks to regain her throne and have the support of the powerful aristocracy. There Rainbow needs to lean what it means to be an alicorn.
You see, in the second books beginning Rainbow have settled very nicely in Ponyville, she have her own little cloud castle, she hangs around with her friends being awesome, and generally doing as little as possibly, but of course you can't just keep goofing of when you are a princess and your country needs you.
The final part of the trilogy which I call "Equestria 4KO" is set in the far future. There Rainbow have finally become an adult alicorn. Here Rainbow have become the leader of a (republic like monarchy) consisting of Quadrillions of ponies, from millions of worlds, almost half the galaxy. The other part is controlled by her mother Celestia. In the beginning there is an uneasy truth between the Solar Empire and the New Luna Republic. It is a story about betrayal, rediscovering the meaning of friendship, and finally accepting your destiny.
It consist of four acts, a prelude and an epilogue, each having multiple chapters.
The prelude, consisting of a prologue and the first chapter, have already been written. I have desubmitted it because it got a poor reception. I plan to resubmit it once I have rewritten the prelude and the first act. I don't know if you can see it but the link is here:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/46328/Equestria-4KO
1156855 1st the pic that is a pic from a pony creator so you can use the pony creator called pony creator and 2nd DAMN! this will be epic! Hey if you like epic convuluded stories i have one called Scootaloo's Double Secret it WILL be 2 highly 2 gigantic secrets
1156882
I've tried to create a new picture using this pony creater and I think it was, well somewhat decent, thank for the tip and tell me what you think.
Also I know Scootaloo's secret, she's a chicken, AND she's a dodo, oh just kidding, I will look into it.
But you see, there is something wrong with this story, because it have way to few views and to many negatives. I want to write a popular story and I know the saga about Princess Rainbow is epic enough, so its just my writting that is not good enough, but I will try again, I have some ideas of how to improve it.
Also Ps: I want to put this image that I draw Luna Sigil into the story, but I can't figure out how, do you have any idea how to import images?
1157225 no i dont sorry, and tell me what you think and trust me she knows 1 of the secrets not even scootaloo knows the 2nd
Nice idea so far, but you really have to increase your technic in freaking orthography^^
Let me list what I found:
Cantalot - Well, guess what's wrong^^, but since the story is tagged as "Alternate Universe" I can go with that.
“Hi Twilight what’s you reading?” - As far as I know it is "what's you're reading"
The purple unicorn looked up with a mixture of surprise and irritation on the smiling alicorn, hanging upside down right above her head. - There were too much commas ^^ ^^
“Ah relax Twilight, I was just kidding around” Turning over and landing in front of the purple unicorn. - There has to be a comma + You should add that Rainbow said that, because it sounds quite funny otherwise ^^.
“But that’s just it Rainbow, you're always just kidding around, you never take anything seriously, you need to grow up, you’re a princess for Celestia’s sake so try acting like one. - Never ever mix "your" and "you're = you are" up^^
“and Celestia don’t count” - In germany we say: he she it, das ES muss mit. It's a rhime and means more or less, that whenever there's the third person you have to add "es". So it's doesn't. Don't worry I know that you know that but it's one of those freaking mistakes I used to do myself alot, so I just wanted to remind you :P
To be honst I could go on with that till the very end of this story. You really have to find a proofreader and editor, because it doesnt matter how good the story is when grammar and orthography are in such an embryologic state. ^^
However, I liked it. Keep writing!
1354772
That's a lot of mistakes and you are right about all of them, as I have stated many times I am rewriting this chapter and posting it at the same time as I post chapter two (there is only supposed to be two chapters)
I already have found one person that wants to be a proofreader and with you I hope I have two. Your eye is certainly sharp enough.
Are you interested?
The idea is pretty interesting and I want to read more, but it needs some serious proofreading. Things liked "sent sent" and misspellings such as the word 'Told' are just little things that make it hard for a reader to enjoy a story. I can promise you that if these little things are fixed you will have more readers and views and faves.
Edit: Just saw the info about it being rewritten and having a possible proofreader. Hope it all goes well!
1457376
Yes, I planned to write much today and yesterday, but then I suddenly got ill, I am a little better now, and have just finished the first test, (this chapter is completly different from the episode). I don't think it is good enogh yet, but I want to continue, just tell the story to its end, and then try to rewrite it and get the kinks out.
I also think I will try to keep it short, or shortish, I know I will cut out parts in the rewrite it needs to be under 10K and I hope to make it under 6K but there are six test that needs to be adressed somehow, so I have to show them. Also I really want to introduce and expand the OC I have developed, Oberst-General Flutterstorm.
The big question is, can the main six reach the elements before she reaches them?
1457441 It'll be interesting to find out
I've put this on my watchlist and hope to see updates as soon as they are ready
1457509
Thank you
1457608 Your welcome, also just updated S&R, I think you'll enjoy the new chapter. Its not 3000 words though. Just 2100. But I tried XD
I am in the middle of the Sisters Doo, but afterthat I am reading that chapter, then I think it is high time to go to bed. Tomorrow I will continue on Princess Rainbow Chapter 2.
What pose? I mean celestias
1566289
I am not quite sure what you mean, but I am glad to see that you care about this story, despite me taking so long in writing it (because there is so long periods of time when I am not writing it, and other periods when I am writting something else)
i swear to you if you don't continue this I will find you and rip out your throat with my bare hands... this is if its ok with you
1893522
Thank you, I have had so much criticism I didn't think people cared. I think that comment there just motivated me to go back to work on chapter 2
Ps. Why aren't you in my group?
1893905 I am now and, am eagerly awaiting chapter 2
1894100
You should start reading some of the other great stories in the group first. I will start working on it again, but my primary focus right now is and must be my speciale. I have a meeting with my instructor the 10th and I must have a draft by then.
And if you are interested you can check out my deviantart page here. That's another little project I have been working on. I finished R11 today.
You ned an editor but who gives a crap
Can't wait for the next chapter
Whenever that may be
SHIT HIT THE FAN BOYS AND GIRLS! good job man i await chapter 2
2020459
)
I've been working on it for half a year now, well okay I have been doing a lot of other stuff too, (like making a masterpiece in plastic beads link why doesn't anyone pay attention to that
Anyway thank you trust me I am working on it. But I also need to make some alterations to chapter one.
2021010 It's all good take your time bro (brohoof) images.wikia.com/zelda/es/images/8/89/Brohoof.jpg
1120044 The reason people were negative, is because you need an editor. Your story shows a lot of promise, but needs critique.
You should check the: Looking for editors group.
I really like how the story's going in the first chapter. But it needs work. An editor should help you learn what you did wrong, and become a better writer... at least, that's what I think. please don't take that badly....
Do whatever you want. really. It's your story, your choice.