Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds

by Inspectah Dash

Commence shenanigans

Not much had changed since Pinkie left Ponyville. Things had calmed down a bit, but everyone was still panicking at the sight of her. More ponies screaming, running, jumping through windows. Pinkie wondered if it could be her causing the mass hysteria. Pulling a mirror out of thin air, she observed herself closely. Her hair was still as poofy and pink as ever. Her smile was still enormous. She raised a hoof to her mouth and breathed on it. Yep. Breath still smells like cake, just like it should.

There wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Well, except that Pinkie herself was always out of the ordinary. The only thing different was her new socks and sandals. But they couldn't possibly be the cause of the town's havok. Nopony would do all this because of clothes. Bouncing through the streets of Ponyville, Pinkie passed by a small shack draped in purple fabric. There was a sign outside the shack. In bold letters, the sign read
'Crystal Ball: Professional Fortune Teller.

The sign looked professional, and the fabric draped on the outside was giving Pinkie some professional vibes. Pinkie Pie thought she was the only fortune teller in Ponyville. There's only room for one fortune teller in this town, and her name is Pinkamena Diane Pie!

"Wait naw, before you do anything too crazy, think about whatcha doin'?" Her conscience piped up before she went in to give Crystal Ball a piece of her mind. Her conscience spoke to her every now and again, and she enjoyed speaking to him. He even had a name for himself. He called himself Ol' Dirty Bastard, but she had a feeling that wasn't his real name.

"But I'm Ponyville's fortune teller. I bet Crystal Ball doesn't even have a Pinkie sense."

"Then you should have no problem keepin' business up, should ya?"

"But Ol' Dirty, what if she tries to run game on a nigga?" Pinkie learned Ol' Dirty's language a few months after he started talking to her.

"Then shame on a nigga. You gon' let dat Crystal Bitch get da best of you?"

"But if she's a really good fortune teller, people wont come to see my fortunes. And that's no fun."

"So? And you afraid of a little competition? Dat's life, Pinkie. Cash rules everything around us. Get the money, dolla dolla bill yall'."

"Thanks, Ol' Dirty. You always know what to say."

"No problem, Pinkie. Keep it real."

"Peace." Pinkie said as her conscience's voice faded from her head. She couldn't have asked for a better conscience. He spoke fluent jive, and it took a few months for Pinkie to understand what he was saying. He claimed to be from a place called Wu-Tang, but she'd never heard of any city or country named Wu-Tang. Maybe she could visit one day.

Pinkie Pie entered through the opening of the shack into a dark room with many decorations hung from the top. Crystal Ball herself was a dark blue unicorn with a purple and blue robe that covered her mane and about half of her face. If this was the town's new fortune teller, Pinkie really would have a tough competitor.

"Come, pink one. I have awaited your arrival." The fortune teller said as Pinkie took a seat. How did she know I was gonna come here? That's amazing. Oh, I'm screwed.

"So, Crystal Ball, if you're such a professional fortune teller, then tell me what my fortune is."

"You wish it, so it will be." She put her face close to the crystal ball lying on her table. Pinkie couldn't tell if her eyes were even open because of the robe. "I see... you will give me four bits in exchange for your fortune."

Pinkie rolled her eyes and placed four bits on the table. The pony sitting on the other side put her forehooves on the sides of the crystal ball. Her face drew closer to the orb and it started to glow a faint white light.

"I see... oh my." Pinkie still couldn't see the fortune teller pony's eyes, but she could tell there was an expression of worry. "I see... riots in the streets, chaos, destruction, the end of days. I see... I see..." The pony gasped and looked up at Pinkie. Her eyes had no color and her irises were pure white. "You. You must leave. Leave now and never return."

The dark blue pony pushed Pinkie out of the door and quickly retreated back into her shack. Pinkie Pie just stood there and looked at the shack's sign. A look of victory spread across her face. "Ha, she didn't even give me my whole fortune. Some fortune teller. It looks like I'll still be Ponyville's number one source of future predictions." Pinkie would methodically put the new fortune teller out of business in Ponyville, but that had to wait for another day. Pinkie hopped off towards Rarity's boutique, humming another song, and ignoring the complete bedlam going on around her.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pinkie could see Rarity's house over the hill. The trip had taken slightly longer than had been planned, mostly because of the police barracades set up in the streets and the numerous ponies shrieking in horror, yelling things like "Oh shit, the sandals are back, everypony for themselves". Some ponies just don't adjust to new fashions as well as others. Pinkie thought. For years, ponies had wondered what things went through Pinkie's head. Nopony had the balls to ask Pinkie, for fear of finding out what thoughts of chronic and sustained stupidity lie in that pandora's box inside her skull.

In reality, she had a lot of fun thoughts bouncing around in there. Cake, candy, Equestrian seperatism. The normal Pinkie Pie stuff. She bounced up to Rarity's house and raised a hoof to the door. "Hey Rarity, let me in, I have to show you my new fashion." Pinkie Pie waited by the door with a large smile, ready for her fashionista friend to open the door. The door in question was wrapped in blue magic, and swung open. Pinkie bounced into Rarity's home to see her making some cloth or something.

"Hey Rarity. Whatchya doin?" Pinkie asked. The unicorn was clearly busy.

"Oh, hi, Pinkie Pie. I'm just making some cloth or something."

Just as I expected. "Okie dokie lokie. So what did you need me for, again?"

"To make the fabric I need, I must have a certain kind of foreign dye that isn't found in the market. I need you to go to Zecora's hut in the Everfree Forrest and get some of that dye." The busy pony didn't take her eyes off her work.

"Okay. That sounds easy. What's the name of the dye?"

"It's, um... ugh." Rarity's head rested on the table for a moment. She picked her head back up and turned around to face her pink friend. It was obvious the booming fashion business had her overworked.

"I'm truly sorry, Pinkie Pie. Just give me a moment to collect my thoughts. What was this you mentioned about a new fashion?" Rarity asked. Even when the fashion business was kicking her ass, she still wanted more. Now that's the mark of a champion.

"Check it out. I'm stylin' and profilin'." Pinkie said, raising a forehoof so her friend could see it.

Rarity looked at it for a few seconds. She said nothing, and did nothing but look at Pinkie's hoof. After a few more seconds, her face still wasn't moving, but her irises and pupils dilated to a third of their original size. Not long after that, Rarity's lip started quivering and her left eye started twitching. After a couple minutes of this, Pinkie started to expect something was wrong with Rarity.

"Soooo, you do like them?" Pinkie asked. No response came from her friend, who still stood there, lips quivering, and eye twitching. Thinking Rarity was asleep with her eyes open, Pinkie sped off to the kitchen and returned with a bucket of water. She poured the cold water onto Rarity's head, but was met with no response. Pinkie threw aside the bucket, and thought of new ways to wake her friend up. One airhorn, a bucket of ice, and a few slaps to the face later, and no progress was made. Rarity sill stood there in the same position, but now both eyes were twitching.

"Rarity, I know you're tired, but you have to wake up." Pinkie said as she dragged Rarity's stiff form into the bathroom. Getting Rarity onto the bathroom counter was difficult, but keeping her on her back was more so. Even when she succeeded, Rarity's legs were still sticking into the air. Pinkie Pie grabbed a small towel off of the rack and placed it squarely on her friend's face. She then went to find a bottle of water. There weren't any in the fridge, but there were some sodas. "Oh well, it'll have to do."

Pinkie returned to the bathroom with the soda bottle. Rarity was still lying on the counter with a towel over her face. Pinkie didn't remember what this technique was called, or where she learned it, but she was 44.27 percent sure it was for waking up heavy sleepers.

Pinkie Pie popped off the bottle's cap and eased the soda over the towel. Steadily, she began pouring the beverage onto her friend's toweled face. After the bottle was empty, Pinkie removed the towel, hoping to find a wide-awake Rarity. Unfortunately, all she found was the same twitching Rarity with a face covered in soda.

"Aw, I really thought that was gonna work." Pinkie said as she pulled her friend off the counter. Setting her on her hooves, some soda pop dripped out of Rarity's nostrils. Pinkie was now fresh out of ideas. Rarity couldn't tell her what dye was needed from Zecora, and Pinkie still had a couple hours to spare. In a situation like this, there's only one solution.

"Just because your friend is in a cataconic state doesn't mean you can't have fun!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Okay Rarity, when I knock on the door you have to run run run as fast as you can behind that bush, so you don't get in trouble. The joke is: when they open the door, we won't be there." The pink pony giggled. "Okay, ready?" She and Rarity stood at the doorstep of one of the Ponyville homes. Pinkie had her hoof up to the door, ready to knock.

"One. Two. Three. GO!" Pinkie knocked quickly on the door and darted for said bush. After peeping over the bush at the prankee's house, she could see Rarity was still standing there.

"Oh no, Rarity." Pinkie whispered. She didn't want to be the reason for her friend getting in trouble.

A second later, a grey stallion answered the door to find a stiff, twitching, quivering pony covered in soda.

"Hi, may I help you?" The home-owner asked. Rarity responded with more twitching and quivering. The stallion at the door clearly appeared confused. He looked around for anypony else in the vicinity, but no one was there.

"I recognize you from somewhere. Yeah, you're that big shot fashion designer who lives in town." the pony recognized Rarity, but didn't know her purpose for being at his house, along with other things.

"So, is there anything I can help you with?"

Rarity just kept on twitchin'.

"Um, would you like to come inside?"

Twitchy twitcha twitcha twitch.

The confused stallion waved a hoof in front of her face, but was met with no response. Thnking the pony at his door must have been "special", he bid farewell to her and closed his door.

"Wow Rarity, that was amazing. You didn't even get in trouble." Pinkie yelled from behind the bush. With that, Pinkie Pie pulled a notebook and pencil out of nowhere and began writing.

Note to self: when in trouble, fake a disability. After writing, she shoved the pen and paper inside the mass of poofy pink hair that sat atop her head. It was time for the next activity.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Boxing!"

"In this corner, weighing a total of 102 pounds, we have the classy, the sassy, Rrraaarityyyy." The announcer said loudly into his microphone. He had slick black hair as well as a black and white striped shirt. The crowd roared in anticipation. Pinkie had left her socks and sandals in the locker room. Subsequently, there was no utter chaos going on. Pinkie wondered if the absense of her hoof-wear and the absense of destruction were related.

"And in this corner, weighing roughly 52 buckets of cotton candy, we have the fun, the hyper, the probably insane, Pinkie Piiieee!" Once again, the crowd yelled in excitement.

Pinkie Pie lifted Rarity's stiff legs into a good fighting stance. Pinkie fastened the boxing gloves onto Rarity's forehooves, and then her own. Pinkie retreated into her corner and waited for the bell. She was about to go Muhammed Ali on Rarity's ass! Her conscience, Ol' Dirty Bastard, said Muhammed Ali was a boxer where he came from.

Ding Ding Ding

Pinkie danced around the ring on her back hooves, blocking her head with her forelegs. Rarity stood there, still on all fours. Either she's never boxed before, or this is some technique she's gonna use to beat me. Not before I beat her! Pinkie thought as she looked for a vulnerable part of Rarity, which was just about everywhere in her current state.

Pinkie drew closer to Rarity, and threw a few blows to her face, which was still stained with dried up soda. Rarity, despite her comatose state, stumbled back a few feet.
"Alright, get into the rhythm, Pinkie." She mumbled to herself. Pinkie then threw two more blows to Rarity's head, followed by two to her chest, and finished with two heavy hooks to Rarity's face. The unicorn mare quickly stumbled backwards into the ropes, which bounced her back towards Pinkie Pie. Rarity slammed into Pinkie, knocking her onto the ground. The crowd went wild and the referee started counting. He counted to two before Pinkie got up again.

"Oh it's on now." Pinkie Pie threw more shots against Rarity, which resulted in the same thing. Pinkie got off the ground again.

She's really good. I'm not sure I can beat her. Pinkie thought before remembering what her mentor, Xen Ming, tought her before he died. Fight with your heart, not your hooves, Pinkie. Master Ming's voice reverberated through her head.

"Fight with my heart, not my hooves." Pinkie said to herself. "This is for you, Master."

Pinkie Pie lowered her hooves and watched for weak points on Rarity. Rarity was standing there, with her lips still quivering and her eyes still twitching wildly. The only thing different was that there were bruises on her face where Pinkie had hit her. Pinkie raised her hooves once more, but instead of fighting Rarity, she would be fighting every obstacle in her past.

"Every pony that said I would be nothing but a rock farmer." Pinkie threw a hard jab to Rarity's chest.

"Every pony that said I wasn't good enough to box." She threw a left hook onto Rarity's head.

"Every pony that said Master Ming could never be proud of a party animal like me." A hard right hook made contact.

"Every pony that said I couldn't make it here," Another left hook.

"this is for you." Pinkie landed a devestating uppercut that sent Rarity flying back and onto the floor of the ring.

The referee started counting. "One, two, three..."

Pinkie remembered the first party she threw for her parents in the silo on their rock farm. The first time she really felt happy about anything, and finding out that making people smile was her life's destiny. She needed to spread the happiness. The joy felt by giving joy to others was addicting.

"Four, five, six..."

She remembered when she moved off the rock farm. Her mother hadn't stopped crying, but she was proud of her. This was something Pinkie had to do. She waved goodbye at her father, her mother, and her sisters through the train window until the station was a little speck left in the distance. Pinkie hadn't taken her family off her mind, until the train reached it's destination. Pinkie got off the train and looked up at the mountain in front of her. Atop that mountain, was someone who could train her to box. Atop that mountain was her future. It was time to climb.

"Seven, eight..."

She remembered the students at Master Ming's temple weren't happy to see her as a new student. They saw her only as a party fiend who didn't have the will or strength to box. They verbally tormented her constantly, and Pinke started to have doubts. But Master Ming saw her potential. Her Pinkie sense could predict when a hit was coming. Not only that, but he saw Pinkie had heart. As long as Master Ming believed in Pinkie, she believed in herself. She trained day and night. Fought opponent after opponent. She had the will to keep going, and Master Ming always told her to fight with her heart. After months of training, she gained the students' respect. When the time had come, she and a few other students had earned the Master's blessing to leave the temple and use their power for the good of Ponykind. The students who didn't make it were very disappointed, so Pinkie did what Pinkie does best: she threw them a party. Afterwards, she prepared to leave the temple. Just before she started down the mountain, she looked back at Master Ming. With a smile he said "Make me proud, Pinkie Pie. I know you will."

"Nine..."

"I did it, Master. I made you proud. I made my parents proud. I made myself proud. If you're looking down at me, I did it." Tears welled up in Pinkie's eyes. Pinkie envisioned the last she saw of Master Ming. He bowed to her, and she bowed back.

"I did it."

"Ten!" Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding

The entire stadium's crowd was on their feet, cheering loudly. Cameras were flashing on every side of Pinkie Pie. A few tears weren't hesitating to roll down her cheeks.

"She did it! Ponies of Ponyville, you've just witnessed the fight of the century. Never in my years have I had the pleasure to announce such a monumental match. Ladies and gentlecolts, your new champion is Pinkie Piiiieeee!"

The announcer's booming voice was rivaled only by the cheering of the crowd. The referee walked up and gave Pinkie the iconic golden-laced boxing gloves. Pinkie raised them into the air in triumph. This was her shining moment. Everything she'd gone through, every obstacle, led up to this point.

A group of ponies rushed into the ring and threw Pinkie into the air. While riding the deafening crowd of ponies, Pinkie could make out one pony in particular standing in Pinkie's corner of the ring. A light blue figure stood out, although Pinkie could swear she could see right through him. The figure bowed to Pinkie, his long goatee nearly touching the ground. She couldn't believe her eyes. Rubbing them, she looked again and the figure was gone. Pinkie knew what she saw, and she bowed her head at where the figure stood. "Thank you master." Pinkie whispered as the crowd carried her off.

In the locker room, the crowd of ponies put Pinkie down to get her things. They wanted to go party at the local bar in celebration of Pinkie's tremendous victory. Pinkie never turned down a party, and this is one that was well-deserved. The crowd was still laughing and reminiscing over the timeless match they'd witnessed. The crowd suddenly went quiet when they saw what Pinkie pulled out of her locker.

"Socks? And are those... sandals?" One pony asked.

"Everybody out. Go, go, go." Another shouted. The ponies in the locker room rushed out of the door and dispersed. Pinkie turned away from her locker, only to see ponies hurrying out into the stadium hallways. Wow, they must be more excited for the party then I am. Pinkie thought.

"Aw, but I have other friends I have to help today. Maybe they'll wait at the bar for me to finish the stuff I have to do." Pinkie said as she put on the socks with sandals and bounced into the hallway. "Hey everybody, wait at the bar for me. I'll be there later to get bombed off my ass with you guys." Pinkie was told by Ol' Dirty that was a term for getting really, really, really, really drunk. It sounded fun!

Speaking of fun, I almost forgot about Rarity. Pinkie thought as she went over to the entrance of the arena. Going through the door, she could see Rarity lying in the ring. The only pony left in the arena was a janitor pony who was feeling lazy and mopped around her comatose friend. The janitor ran off at the sight of Pinkie's hooves. She thought he might have feared ending up like Rarity. There was great power in these hooves of Pinkie's. With great power, comes great responsibility. One of those responsibilities is not scaring away janitors. She thought.

Amazingly, being knocked around like a ragdoll didn't snap Rarity out of it. She still just layed there, with the twitching and the quivering. Pinkie picked up her friend and started carrying her back to her house. She deserved a rest.

Upon arriving at Rarity's place, Pinkie dragged the stiff unicorn up to her bedroom and dropped her on the bed. Maybe a nap is just what Rarity needs. Pinkie thought as she began to hop towards the door. She turned around to say something to her friend, who was now covered in soda and bruises, as well as having small eye and mouth spasms.

"Sorry I had to beat you into a pulp. If it makes you feel better, you were a very stylish pulp." No response came from Rarity. Pinkie took that as a cue to leave.

Looking at the position of the sun, Pinkie could see it was around 1:00. Pinkie had made good time, but Fluttershy still needed her help. Knowing Fluttershy and her obsession with small creatures, Pinkie knew the next couple hours would be spent in agonizing boredom.