Murder for 'Briar

by Tirimsil

Ch. 4 :: Checking In

It was starting to get dark, and Maud was still staring out the door, a silent warden of stone.

"Are... we doing anything else today or..?" Starlight ventured to ask.

"We can't. I don't know how long Lactiria's spell lasts." Maud retorted. Trixie had of course not used any magic at all; the crowd had basically hypnotized itself into obedience.

"Half an hour after last exposure," Sunburst offered. Starlight glared at him. "W-what? It's canon!"

"Indeed," Mud Briar said, "Though technically the effects lasted thirty minutes and forty-six seconds, adjusted for timelapses and camera relativity." Trixie slowly rose up behind Mud Briar, hooves raised and making little neck-grabby motions. For her, the spell had lasted several weeks of shooting.

"Trixie must really know how to shake it." Maud said. At the sound of her name, Trixie put her hooves down and acted innocent. Then what Maud had said processed and she shrank into her coat, turning from blue to red.

Starlight sigh-growled. "Can we go anywhere? Like, somewhere that 'Stickies' won't follow us?"

Sunburst stroked his goatee. "Stereotypical Stickies like to think of themselves as highly intellectual. They hate things they see as 'childish'. They won't go anywhere that is too puerile for their tastes."

Starlight smiled. Before anyone could process it, they had all been teleported.

---

They'd been listening to the sounds of carousels, church organ music, and vampire-chortles all around them for about ten minutes. Five of these were spent waiting for Maud to finish getting candy.

"Maud. Maud please, just turn around for a second. Maud!" Starlight yelled, and Maud sighed and turned around.

"What." she said dangerously. Her gaze slowly went upwards. "Oh." She said. "I see."

They all gazed up at the neon sign in front of an elegant, dark mansion.

MURDER
House of
🧟DOOM💀

Trixie liked these words on this sign.

"That would never pass TV guidelines." Maud popped a rock candy into her mouth, visible sparks dancing around her lips. "MmMmMm..." she warbled.

"We're going to be hiding out here?!" Sunburst exclaimed.

Trixie just made a happy gasp, her eyes watering in joy. Then she choked on the bubblegum she just inhaled, her eyes watering in dying. Maud gave her a good thwack and knocked the gum right up out. Probably a lung or two, also. "Th-thank-you..." Trixie choked.

"It's where we'll be having fun!" Starlight corrected. "The spell will definitely wear off by the time we're through. Besides, can you think of anything more childish than a haunted house at a carnival?"

Maud had another rock candy. "MmMmMm... I would think the entire fair would put them off," Maud said. "Look at all the foals here. We're the only group who are all adults. You should try these. They're marvelous."

"Does Pinkie make rock candies?" Starlight asked curiously.

"She'd love to, but she needs a recipe. She's banned from the fair, so she can't acquire any to study." Maud said. "If I smuggle them to her, they'll know it was me and I'll be banned too. I can't take that risk. Not even for Pinkie."

They all looked at Mud Briar. He was staring quietly at the MURDER House of 🧟DOOM💀 like a frightened puppy.

"In we go," Starlight said, and levitated Mud Briar, taking him into the house. Maud pouted slightly, following close behind.

Trixie darted past them giddily as they entered.

Trixie loved haunted houses.

She hadn't been in a haunted house attraction since she was a filly. Her father had taken her, as part of teaching her the importance of perspective in the various arts of show business. She'd been horrified and delighted by the rattling cans, the cardboard pop-ups which gave way in later years to far more intimidating animatronics, the fake footsteps coming after her, everything. It was a place of illusion. It was her soul.

One day, when she was no longer a filly but a young mare, he had shown her how it all worked. All the gears, the pulleys, the switches. How flat the cardboard looked from this side. She had crossed the veil to the world beyond, and she knew now how thin a veneer, how delicate a facade it all was. As a child she had been the audience, and now, as an adult, Trixie was the show.

She was sad about that, in a way. She could never again be beguiled and enchanted. Her innocence was gone forever.

You know who was "innocent"? Mud Briar. He was going to be gone forever too.

Trixie walked into some kind of lobby, like for a hotel or something. There was a tall, gaunt waiter blocking the beautiful double-doors forward.

"Oh, this is not so bad," Mud Briar said when Starlight dumped him onto the floor.

Three mares were sitting at a table fretting. One of them looked up, her ears perking up. Once everyone had entered, she gave a happy gasp and tapped the others. All three of them then began silently counting their group, tapping their hoof in the air once for each head.

"Omigosh!!" the red-haired one exclaimed, "Guys, there's five of them!!"

"Yes, very well, you can count," Trixie drawled, rolling her eyes.

"Trixie! Manners." Starlight approached the mares, but kept a respectful distance. "What are you ladies talking about?" she asked cheerily.

"So like, this haunted hoouuse? It like, takes in groups of eight," the neon pink one with the pale green hair said. (Her color combination made Trixie feel ill.) "We've been waiting for...everrrrrr for ponies to show up! Waiting is the worst."

"What! This attraction serves eight at a time?" Trixie asked, incredulous. The haunted houses of her day were basically just a walk from A to B. An engineer would secretly follow the kid through, but in the walls or the floor or whatnot, and trigger all the scares manually. It worked well as long as the kid didn't turn around. What was this house's trick, if it worked for eight who could wander around and screw up the plot line, so to speak?

"I know, right?!" the red one replied. "And y'know, there's three of us and five of you, and that's eight. We can totally go together!!"

Trixie wrinkled her nose.

"Oh, don't worry about Lily," the redhead said, gesturing to the pink mare with the blonde hair. "She's shy, she won't bother you!" Lily gave a bashful smile and a wave.

"It sounds very convenient to me," Maud put in. "Let's do it."

"I am not entirely comfortable joining with strangers." Mud Briar hesitated.

"Then we'll introduce ourselves! My name's Roseluck," the pale mare with the red hair said, "Aaand this is Lily Valley..." The shy blonde mare waved again, looking away. "... aaand this is Daisy!" The neon mare with the pea soup mane nodded.

Trixie took her watch out.

"Our names are," Mud Briar began, "... in sequential order from your left to your right while facing towards me: The Great and Powerful Trixie..." and Trixie actually felt a bit touched that he granted her this full title, "... Starlight Glimmer, Maud Pie, Mud Briar (that being myself, please remember the space), and Sunburst (no space.) We are hereby no longer strangers but acquaintances; charmed, I assure you."

15 seconds, Trixie read. She nodded and put her watch away.

The girls giggled. "Wow, Mr. Mud Briar, you're so polite!" Roseluck complimented.

"Articulate 'n' stuff, too," Daisy added.

"It's his birthday," Maud Pie droned. "We're a couple." She nuzzled him possessively, staring at the girls with the very slightest pout.

"Oh wow! Happy birthday!" Daisy offered. "You two are so cute together!" None of the three seemed to feel intimidated. Trixie supposed they were not smart enough to know better.

"Thank you." Mud Briar said. "And yes, we are." And that was all he had to say about that.

"So!" Starlight coughed. "Are we uh, all going in or..?" Everyone nodded and the mares stood up. "Alright." Starlight led them to the tall, scary butler. "Eight to go in, please."

"You weesh to researve rums in ze MURDEAR 'ouse of 🧟DEUM💀 for eight poneez, two monsieurs, seeks madamoiselles?" the waiter asked. Trixie happened to know a tiny bit of Prench and was rather put off by the accent.

"... Um, yes?" Starlight leaned back.

"It weel be tan beets pear ponee."

"Eighty bits?!" Starlight choked.

"Zees eez a veary fine estableshmant, mademoiselle," the waiter huffed indignantly. Trixie was very impressed with his overall character, at least. He must have been doing this job for a while to get so good.

"Well, like, we were gonna pay our thirty," Daisy consoled.

Maud put a hoof on Starlight's shoulder. "Mud Briar is worth fifty bits. I'll pay."

Trixie wasn't sure about that, but hey, Maud was renting in Ponyville. Who was Trixie to question how loaded she was?

"No way, Maud! Look, let me pay my ten at least," Starlight insisted.

Trixie immediately changed her mind. "Trixie will not be a moocher!!" she hissed. "She will pay her share, also." Trixie was absolutely a moocher, but she wasn't about to let Starlight show her up.

"W-whoa-whoa," Sunburst said. "A gentlecolt can't let only the ladies foot the bill!" And neither could a nerd, for he forked over ten bits.

Maud gently put a hoof over Mud Briar's mouth before he said a word. "It's your birthday." she reminded him. "I suppose I'm only paying twenty. But consider it a present. I'm paying for both of us today."

"Very well," Mud Briar sighed. "It had better turn out a better investment than the movie." Trixie smiled. Ha ha, your lady-friend paid for you. Not the only way he was inadequate compared to Sunburst, if Starlight's TMI ranting earlier today was at all reliable.

The butler rapidly counted the bits, taking only a second or two. Trixie had the feeling he'd worked in a casino before; her father counted chips with a similar technique. "Merveilleux! Right zees way, sears end ladeez." The butler backed through the door and gestured for them to enter.

---

Walking into a grand entrance hall, with its two stairwells heading upwards, with doors between their bases and at their tops, as well as paths leading off to the sides, Starlight noticed a placard to the right. "Hey," she called to the others, "We might wanna read this." Trixie made an uninterested sound and continued examining the room as the rest of the group crowded around to read.

Welcome to the MURDER House of 🧟DOOM💀! We hope you enjoy your stay here.

You and your group will enjoy a thrilling mystery full of spooks, scares, and mayhem! Eight of you have checked in... but WHO WILL BE CHECKING OUT?!

Be sure to always check under the bed. What you don't know CAN SEND YOU TO AN EARLY GRAVE!

<sub>MURDER House of 🧟DOOM💀 is a thriller entertainment program intended for children and young adults. All guests are safe in the care of screened and curated staff members and all apparent abductions, murders, and rude ghosts are choreographed. All trapdoors, spinning bookshelves, falling cages, and other gadgets and props have been extensively safety-tested and are certified AAA by the Equestrian Board of Pranks & Trifles.

Scare Your Hooves Off Inc. is not liable for any distress or injury due to guest misuse of or tampering with rooms, gadgets, or props or due to guest interference with the scripted events.</sub>

After reading the fine print, Starlight gave a sidelong look towards Trixie, who had just turned a GalaxyWhatever convention into a porno shoot about an hour ago. Starlight didn't know how this MURDER House of 🧟DOOM💀 program was gonna go, but she knew Trixie would fuck it up somehow.

"Honored guests, velcome!" called a tall, skinny mare who was suddenly there at the top of the stairs. Trixie yelped and ran back to the group.

Starlight squinted a bit. Tall as heck, check. Long floppy hair, check. Really long limbs and neck, but really skinny body, check. Little fangs, check. Whoreish eyeshadow, super check. "Are you a queen by any chance?" she asked suspiciously and a little aggressively.

The tall mare laughed, a throaty, elegant laugh. Then she floated into the air and down in front of them without using any clear magic. The flower girls shrieked and stepped back, as did Mud Briar. Maud, Starlight, and Sunburst stood and stared. Trixie put a hoof to her chin and examined critically, eventually nodding in apparent approval.

"A queen? Nossing so fulgar. I am... Countess Blackrose," the tall lady said, "And I haff invited you all here tonight... for dinner." There was a flash of light and a thunder crack as she smiled. "Zere iss, after all, nossing quite so delectable as spending cherished time viss cherished friends. No one leefs forever, you know..."

The flower girls huddled together at that. Maud gave Mud Briar a kiss. He blushed. Sunburst stepped a bit closer to Starlight. Trixie watched the tall mare intently with a smile.

"What time is dinner?" Starlight asked, since everyone else was too chicken-shit to talk.

"Ah, hungry, are ve? I can relate. Dinner vill be... soon," the Countess crooned. "In ze meantime, I am sure you haff come a long vay, und vish to find your roomss sweeftly." She held up a hoof and somehow "snapped" it, the way griffons could snap with their talons.

Six maids and two butlers appeared from smoke. The ladies wore dresses with white pinafores and lacy headdress. The men wore fine suits with coattails and cravats. On their headdresses and caps, as well as on the gals' aprons, the valets bore various icons, one unique to each. Each valet's outfit had a clearly predominant color, unique to them.

"Each uff you shall be seen to by a... personal attendant." the Countess crooned. "Ve shall haff a tour of ze house, und zen you vill be escorted to your roomss. I may be spoiling my guests viss zis arrangement, but I vish for none of you to be... neglected."

Maud and Mud Briar looked at one another. "Will you be okay alone." Maud asked, worried. Mud Briar sighed and nodded. "Alright." Maud relented.

Starlight paired up with a valet wearing a plum-colored dress, signed with a star. The others, of course, each paired with a valet also.

"Zen I shall leaf you to my loyal serfants!" And the Countess cackled and faded away into thin air with wisps of purple fire. Trixie blinked and rubbed her eyes in disbelief.

The enormous group began to walk together through the house.

Comments

[Ri2]

This is a really elaborate haunted house! Why are the flower trio there, though? They're scared of everything!

[Tirimsil]

9916698

Mostly, I just needed a group of three, and I remembered them from the olden days! I spent more time looking up their names then they spent being relevant to the story though, lol