Shy.
That’s the word that people use to describe someone like her. She’s shy, quite, and mellow…
But they don’t know what she’s hiding.
Behind that mane she hides behind, those scared, nervous, beautiful green eyes of hers…the ones that are filled with kindness…they are the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.
But they don’t see it.
But I know. I know that look, a fear driven habit….It the same one I use all the time. The look that masks who you are deep down covers up what you’re really feeling. A way of trying desperately to not bring any attention to ourselves. We don’t want them to think us as a nuisance
It’s how we were made.
Both of us were only young kids when it happened. We didn’t fit in; we couldn’t do something everyone else could. They all laughed, joked, and tormented us constantly. People we thought would be friends weren’t there for us…instead joining the others to make fun of us.
It can’t be changed.
Later on, after all the damage has been done, we found one who could have been our savior, someone who could help us. But no matter what they told us, what they tried to do, we ran away from it. Told ourselves we couldn’t do it. Believing the lies we were brainwashed into believing.
We hurt ourselves.
Not on purpose, not physically. We put ourselves down, when no one is there, we tell ourselves things that break our hearts…we tell ourselves the truth every night. Tell ourselves we don’t deserve to have things like love, friendship, and things like that.
We wish we were something else.
There is only one who knows what we both wish we could be. They both promised to keep our secret and not tell anyone. Both hopes are impossible for us to achieve, another truth that keeps us down.
But nobody hears us.
When we cry at night, nobody is there to hold us…to make all the loneliness go away. We cling to a pillow, or a stuffed rabbit, and let our masks down to empty the tears that built up during the day.
We won’t open up to people.
Because we fear rejection, humiliation. We’re afraid to let our mask down, out of fear of losing what we have.
We try to be kind to everyone, and not ask for anything back, no matter what.
We probably don’t deserve anything anyways…
We just want someone to love us.
But we both know no single person ever would want someone like us. We believe we wont ever have that special someone.
The one we love…
Is the same one who is the only person we ever opened up to. But they are already taken, and is happy with who they are
with. They are probably better than us anyways.
So we hide.
Hide away the heart ache, the pain, the fear, the loneliness, all of it. We hide it behind a mask…a smile.
We do this every day.
We keep it up every day of our lives. It’s not something we control, it just doesn’t leave us. No matter how hard we try.
Sometimes it lets up its hold.
Once in a while we can go without this dark feeling in us, its hold easing up on us. Sometimes for just a short while, others for maybe a couple days…but it comes back.
We are hurt easily.
We can be scared, pushed, broken, and destroyed by things that would seem harmless, like a prank. But we do our best to not let our hurt show.
We find solace in things that keep us alone.
For her, it’s taking care of her animals…which she is amazing at. For me it’s music. I doubt I’m anything good.
But these things we enjoy can also hurt.
With just a simple phrase or occurrence, we can realize just how sad we are, just how alone we still are.
We fear the spotlight.
The attention, all the eyes watching us, we believe that they are there to look for just one mistake to us against us. And once they find it…they will have everyone gang up on it.
We are escape artist.
We escape to our imaginary worlds, our comfort zones, to hide away from the world. Where we can be someone else, someone better.
We both look up to our only friend.
They are both strong, amazing, confident…things we would never be. They love the spotlight on them, they embrace it.
They tried to get us out of our shells.
By means of certain events that showed how talented we could be. We both were scared and ran away. When we did try, our effort made little difference. We believed that we could be easily replaced by someone else. It’s true.
Why don’t we find solace in each other?
...because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of taking that risk.
I don’t know what to do, what to say…
But I need her.
And she needs me.
We need each other.
We have both had our hearts broken long enough.
Mabye with each other, we can move on.
With her, I don’t feel like I usually do around others. I don’t feel the need to keep up my mask.
I can tell that she feels the same way towards me.
We both don’t do our usual annoying mannerisms we usually do.
I don’t apologize constantly without a proper reason…mostly.
She doesn’t hide behind her mane…mostly.
We may not be able to gain our secret desires.
But maybe that’s for the better.
Yay…
Mabye her kindness can banish this feeling.
Mabye I can move on.
But….
I don’t want to hurt and leave someone behind.
She doesn’t want that either.
We don’t want them to think us deserters.
We need to be there for them if something bad happens.
Sure they may not need us…or want us...or like us the way we wish they would…
But…
We probably don’t deserve to have our love requited.
So we stay quiet…mellow…
…and shy.
is this from Rainbow's perspective and by the way this is really good you should continue it and make a next chapter one about moving beyond being in the closet about their relationship
Alright... Sad to say, quite a familiar feeling... Anyway, time for constructive criticism. Up at the top, I believe you meant "quiet", not "quite". This moved me a bit - but only because I know the feeling, I think. To move someone more, I think you'll find that a bit more material is required... Maybe even write a full-length story about it. I'd probably read it.
But, I can tell you seemed to pour your heart into this... So, I think it deserves at least a rate-up.
I read this story and feel the darkness. The fear of coming out of your shell to be yourself without second guessing your own integrity is something i can relate too. Except you have found someone special, a friend who you can depend on, lean on and feel comfortable around. From reading this i can tell your friend feels the same, and for that I envy you. But in the end all you can do is move forward and continue to live side by side with your friend into the future, where one day you both can achieve the goal of being truely happy without the mask.
yo man, this is some serious shit. I've been down the road you have, I've gone threw being bullied, harassed, name called, ignored a whole bunch of other shit. Fucked up thing is im only 14. But let me tell you something...Through all of the bull shit in life, the hate, the pain, the sadness, the fuck ups, you still gotta keep moving foward. Shit thoughts of suicide enters everyones mind, iincludeing the ones with a perfect life, hell, its even stepped into my mind a few times....
But the more you fall, the easer it is to get back up. think about it.
it takes a lot of strength to encounter and to deal with all the bullshit in life.
what I'm saying is. it gets better. Don't let others put you down, cause I'm sure many of them don't know jack shit about you or your life,
I'm sure these is sounding cheesy, but I just hate seeing a brony all depressed and shit.
"you gotta smile smile smile....."
Touching and tragic. An heartfelt ode to all the people out there who live lonely lives of quiet agony, silently screaming behind the gentle smiles we wear for the sake of those around us.
I'm young, I'm proud. I am a recently come-out-of-the-closet-brony. But I feel the same things you're feeling. People will judge me, people will bring me down, while others stand by me, and while others laugh. But you know what? I don't let that get to me. Cause I keep moving on, and we bronies and pegasisters should too.
I love this a lot, because it's very similar to me.
This is one of the things that make me shed a tear, just like, "Save Derpy," and, "My Little Dashie".
I read this while listening to this song, which you should tell people to listen to while reading. IMO.
I love this, I love this a lot.
As I said before, "Keep moving on."
It's sad. The only comment I have to make is why the fuck would you use a wall of text with art in the background as your story picture?
Why do I see myself from about 2 years ago? I was only 13 then... THe only thing diffrent is that I loved being on stage, in the spotlight because it got me attention that I never had anywhere else. I didn't feel loved until I met my cousin. I think I can say she saved my life, though I doubt I will ever be able to admit that to anyone.
1089760
its not from RD's perspective, its more from my perspective.
1089773 I dont think i could continue this story, i think it was one of those once in a while pour your heart out things to write.
I just felt terrible and just typed and this came out.
thank you for the rate up though, thank you.
1089911 Try listenting to a john frusciante song, it's what i listened to while doing this. The will to death is the best one.
so....sad... so familar too. although i know more of the background from where this is coming from i can still tell you tha you're not alone in that feeling. as bouncy crazy i act, i do the same thing. a lot more than i let on. and don't forget, you've always got your crazy-ass pinkie pie only a phone call away
1091029 sequel
yes i am an escape artist, i am......captain..jack..SPARROW!
1092148 ....not sure, so far this has to be my best written piece yet, but I don't know if I could do a sequel. Mabye, but no promises
1093163 ummm....ok?
I don't know what to give in the form of advice. If this is coming from your own experience, my heart goes out to you, friend. None should have such darkness in their hearts, I would say, but it's unfortunately one of the certainties of life. I though about writing something like that myself, but I feared it would be seen by some as no more than a pitiful cry for attention, and I never put my thoughts into words as you have. I hope your work here doesn't suffer this fate, and I hope also that you do not have to suffer much longer. If you truly feel this way, talk to a trusted friend about it. That's what friends are for: to help us fight back the darkness that seeks to consume us.
We'll all be here for you. Brony on, my friend. /)
1089830 That comment...that had nearly the same effect as the story itself. One who can write like that should try their hand at a full story. I'd gladly read it.
1097448
thank you, i honestly didnt put much thought into writing this, i just let pour out. And i honestly thought the same thing when i got the idea to post this, i have seen other sad shy fics and most of them were just a cry for attention, im glad people like this. thank you.
1097448
I apologize in advance if any of the following gives offense. My goals are merely honesty and clarity.
This is outright incoherent. It may be worthwhile to reexamine how you actually define "should" and "certainty".
Sometimes a cry for attention is legitimately justified, but that seems to have little bearing on how such cries are received, unfortunately. As far as I've seen, one's likelihood of prompting genuine sympathy is inversely proportional to one's expressed expectation of sympathy.
This is worth absolutely nothing. I don't mean to disparage your sentiment, but for the sort of suffering we're talking about, such empty platitudes have effects more similar to a taunt than a comfort.
Same as above, only a hundred times worse. You simply take for granted that any given person will have a trusted friend that they can turn to. This is not only a baseless assumption, but feels somewhat like being kicked in the balls to those who do not, in fact, have any friends to turn to, let alone trusted friends.
I have actually written quite a bit of stuff, some of which I've actually posted. Nothing in FiM yet, but I am toying with an Equestria / Culture crossover I might get around to writing at some point.
1103080 I take no offense to this. I especially agree with your fourth point. My apologies if I have actually caused anyone to feel this way. Next time, I'll stick with reviewing the story and try not to include anything that will backfire like this. "...outright incoherent...more similar to a taunt than a comfort...feels somewhat like being kicked in the balls..." A part of me hopes you're wrong, since that would stop me from now looking like a complete fool. I feel that you are correct, though, now that I look more carefully at what I had said. It seems that, despite my best efforts, I still don't know how to communicate well with people. Blasted antisocial habits...
Thank you for this. I will be more careful in the future.
1091352 but your never there when I try to...your never there when I need you the most.
I'm sorry, your just busy with more important things...ii know, I'm sorry I'm being selfish again I'm sorry
damn! after watching terrorblades movie i cried... well inside. after reading this i now feel like a river of.... well... sadness overwhelmed my heart flooding it from inside out. ahhhh! the sadness! its unbearable!!!!
ohh and i loved this magnificent peace of art! loved it!
nooooooooooooo how?
1241193
what?
1241279 nothing you know to much
]1241376
umm...ok then?
My feels...
Sky...
i.imgur.com/06lls.gif
this... touched my heart. thank you. It's... so rare to see something reaching out to people who hide behind a smile.
Um, a lot of the actions and behaviors they take / exhibit towards others resonate with me. For a while I thought you were describing my life or something
Thing is, I don't think I've ever thought of myself like they do. Or, I guess I'm just shy but okay with it, kinda? Ugh, feelings are hard
But yeah, even though this fic's taking a non-standard approach to telling a story, it still feels more real than many of the others on this site. Playing my heartstrings, are you? Nicely done! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go cry a little.