Coming To Terms With Coming Out

by Featherflutter

Burning the Brimstone

“Now!” Monte said loudly, catching everyone’s attention, “I believe we have Braeburn going next. Would you like to begin, Braeburn?” He asked.

“Ah believe ah am. Thank you kindly for invitin me to this group. Now then, a fair warning before ah get into it. This won’t be pretty.” Braeburn adjusted the side of his hat and sat up.

“Somethin’ you ought to know about me is that I’m an honest pony. I can’t keep a secret worth a hoot, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. Ah’ve always been open with my parents about whatever’s going on with me. It wasn’t all that long after I found out ah liked stallions that I told them. I told my Ma first, since she was the first I saw. She said that she was disappointed that I wouldn’t be giving her any grandfoals, kinda like how you were stressin there, Flatter, but she wasn’t havin any problems ‘bout my decisions. My Pa, on the other hoof, was a whole different breed a’ angry.”

“It got burned into my memories, night had just set in. It was in the colder season, so we had blankets draped all round the house and the fire lit in the hearth. Shadows danced along the edges of the room as we sat next to each other, Pa and I. We were just staring at the fire, til I opened up and told ‘em, ‘Pa, ah’m gay.’ There was a bit of silence, nothin ah didn’t expect since that’s what happened with Ma, ‘cept he looked tense. ‘No you ain’t’ He said after a minute or so.”

“That kinda threw me off guard, like yeah I am, ah like stallions. Ah told him such and he just said it again, ‘No. You. Ain’t’ like he was really tensed up, his voice raised and all. Ah asked him if he was feeling alright and he stood up real fast. ‘Ah don’t think it’s me not feeling alright. Y’all ain’t gay, so quit sayin you is. Ah don’ wanna hear none of it anymore from you tonight, y’hear?’ He started to leave, all in a hurry. Ah followed after him til he turned around, real anger in his eyes, nothing like Ah’d ever seen before. It was like a Cerberus was starin me dead in the eye. ‘Ain’t no son of mine gay. Now you get that STRAIGHT, I ain’t asking’ That hurt. No matter what ah’ve told them in the past, they’ve always been understanding and accepting. There wasn’t ever a hint of anger at what ah said to him before. Nothing like this, ‘But Pa, Ah am. Ah really am ga-’ I didn’t finish my sentence before Pa pushed me to the ground, dangerously close to the fire, but I couldn’t really feel it start to char my mane and hat. I was dealing with the fire that was standing above me, ready to push me further. ‘Now you get this right in your head, son. There ain’t no son of mine that’s gonna go ‘round callin himself gay. If you can’t get that through your wrecked pixie mind, then let me spell it out for you.’ He got closer to me. I couldn’t smell my fur burning or the felt on my hat start to singe, only thing I could focus on was my Pa. ‘If I ain’t got a straight son, then I don’t got a son at all.’ He huffed in my face and moved away, finally, going upstairs. I didn’t have enough time to process anything at that moment, cause my body was basically on fire. I moved away from the fire, my entire left side was singed and black matted, no major burns, but my mane and hat were worse for wear.”

Braeburn adjusted the side of his hat again, the movement sounding rough, as if his hoof was running along cracked and brittle material.

“That was when I really felt lost. I was essentially disowned, since Ma couldn’t stick up for me. Ah was falling, deeper and deeper into a hole, like the floor was pulled from underneath me. I wasn’t allowed back home ‘til I ‘got my mind right’ and I had no one to turn to. Now, you might be thinking, well that’s horrifying. I don’t want that to happen to me, I can’t live with something like that. That’s where I tell you you yer wrong.”

“After months of just wandering, trying to get work or food, ah finally stumbled into a bigger town than where I was from, Appleoosa. Everypony there was so friendly, ‘course I hadn’t told them I was gay. After I told Pa, I was hesitant to tell anyone. They took pity on me and set me up with a plot of land and a couple of growing apple trees. Ah knew what to do, Ah am an apple after all. A day or so after working on the plot, something occured to me. Ah was so devastated by my Pa disowning me, I didn’t know what to do. I realized that I could do anything Ah wanted. I was gonna become whatever I wanted. Ah was gonna be the most successful apple farmer in the south. Ah was gonna surpass my Pa, make him wish he had accepted me. Now, Ah’d like to think ah’ve done that, but that isn’t the point of my little story. The point bein, Ah realized that even without the approval of somepony that Ah loved and cared for, Ah still managed to keep on going. It hurt, yeah. It’ll hurt more than whatever you can expect, but you can recover. You can get back on your feet and march on forward, make the best out of your life according to you. Don’t mistake my advice into meanin you can go at it alone. Ah didn’t. Ah had Appleloosa to thank for showin me a better path, and ah owe my life to that town for it. So if you have a pony who will help ya, take the help.” Braeburn let out a sigh. “Ah don’t know what else to say but that. It may feel like the end of the world, but it ain’t, so long as you can get back up and keep moving forward.”

Gallus, out of everyone, clapped first. The rest of the room followed, prompting Braeburn to take off his hat and bow his head.

That story, I didn’t know what to think of it. I couldn’t fathom any other outcome from Pip’s parents rejecting us and disowning him except giving up entirely. Braeburn was living proof that there was another way out. Another way to go about it. It would still hurt, no matter what. I was afraid of that, but it was comforting to know that there are other options.

“Uh, I think we’d like to go next.” Sandbar said, much to Gallus’ obvious objection of trying to cover Sandbar’s mouth and keep him from saying that.

“Lovely, let’s all take five minutes to get ready.” Monte said, keeping that cheery smile on, as if it didn’t have an off switch.

I chuckled as I saw Gallus talking with Sandbar about how bad of an idea it was for them to do that, but in the commotion of the two, I could have sworn I saw something glistening in his eye. Was he crying?

Author's Note:

Doing my part to keep the fire alive.