Coming To Terms With Coming Out

by Featherflutter

Late

I’ve been told that revealing secrets are like picking bandages off of wounds. What lies behind the bandage is unknown and that is what is feared. What awaits after the bandage is lifted and the wound is left to the cold harsh world that it was being shielded from? Will it be left to heal, even when exposed, will there be enough trust and patience to see it fully healed? Will it get scratched and torn, left to hemorrhage to a point where no bandage can stop the bleeding? The symbolism probably got lost somewhere along the line as I digress, but so it goes. The problem that I faced was that my...my love, Pipsqueak, wanted us to come out to his parents. I always have a struggle saying that out loud, ever since he proposed the idea.

“Come on, Feather! It’ll be alright. I’m sure they will be fine with us bei-” I didn’t let Pipsqueak finish that sentence before I covered his mouth with my hoof, shifting my eyes around the area to make sure no one heard.

“Heyheyheyhey, let’s not get so loud, alright?” We were in the middle of a cafe during the lunch rush; there was enough noise to conceal a murder.

Pipsqueak moved to push my hoof away from his mouth, his eyes glancing me over. He could tell I was shaking, he had gotten so quick at seeing the signs by that point that there was little I could do to hide it from him, though that didn’t stop me from trying.

I stopped myself from doing anything more to worry him, though the damage was already done. “Feather, I know you’re sensitive about...about this,” He stopped for a moment, scrunching his face in thought, “This topic and all, but I really think you need to find a way to fix this. I know it was near impossible to tell me, and I appreciate and cherish each moment we’ve shared after you did, but I can’t just watch as you continuously try to hide who we are.”

Ever since that day and the dance all those months ago, we’ve been secret coltfriends. I say secret because I did not want to give the student council another reason to dislike me, not to mention the still taboo nature of homosexuality in the country would not put us in anyone’s favor. Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara swore not to tell anypony. That’s all I had to go off of for them. The Orchestra ponies, save for Octave and Noteworthy, didn’t really care, so that’s a plus. I tried to leave my comfort zone with him, going to ‘hangout’ with him more often, which was what we coded for dates, showing signs of affection when we knew we were, let me rephrase, when I knew were were completely alone. It was always triple checking the area, my heart racing as our bodies got close to each other, stockpiling excuses as to why I would be nuzzling him or vice versa or holding hooves if somehow somepony so happened to see us.

The paranoid protocols did nothing but fill me further with anxiety, but as soon as Pip finally got restless and cuddled up with me, those fears fled my mind as my whole body flooded with a near instant sense of calm, feeling, cuddling, and hugging the only pony that mattered in my life. It was in those instances of calm that I was most motivated to improve our situation. With the date that was happening that day, it was clear that Pipsqueak was getting tired of it all. I didn’t blame him in the slightest. I could only thank him for putting up with it all for as long as he did.

I could only avert my eyes from his worried gaze. It wasn’t fair to him for me to keep our relationship a secret any longer, but I couldn’t think of telling anypony about it without my heartbeat pounding in my ears. “I will find a way to be comfortable with it, I promise.” I finally said, meekly and unsure of myself, but I meant it.

He knew. He always knew when I was lying or telling the truth, well almost always, but that’s for another time. “Alright. I’ll keep you to it.” Pipsqueak sighed and gazed around the cafe before his eyes settled on something behind my chair. “I guess you ought to be running off, soon, shouldn’t you? It’s a quarter to four.”

I turned swiftly to the clock, inhaling sharply through my teeth, “Oh no. It got late quick. Can you flag down the waiter so we can get our check?” I asked, organizing my book bags and pulling out my bag of bits to pay.

Pipsqueak nodded and caught the attention of our waiter, Monte Cristo, “Yes, was there anything else you needed?”

“Our bill, please”

“Right away, gentlecolts. I hope you both enjoyed your meals.” He said, reaching into a pocket in his apron for the bill.

“Oh, absolutely. My grilled hay panini tasted amazing!” I chimed in while counting the bits needed. Ever since the trip, Mr. Rich set me up with an...allowance of sorts that I could use on whatever I wanted. I don’t remember his exact reasoning behind the very generous offer, but I think he said something about compensation. It renewed every other week, and I primarily used it on food and supplies, and the occasional cost of wherever Pip and I hung out.

“I’m so glad to hear that, and I’m sure the chef will be happy as well. We wouldn’t want bad food to ruin a date,” Monte smiled, picking up the bits for the bill.

My smile dropped. Were we being too loud? Did he hear us? How does he know? Will he tell others? My mind went on panic, red-alert mode, trying to figure out some kind of lie to stomp down any suspicions. The only thing that came out of my mouth was sputtering and jumbled speech that wasn’t even close to being comprehensible.

“I-I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Our waiter asked, now worried about the frantic mess I had become.

“Oh, no. It’s fine. It’s just that we aren’t dating. We’re just hanging out, that’s all.” I can only wonder how hurt Pipsqueak felt after saying that. It wasn’t the first time he covered for us while I tried to keep my heart from stopping, but I knew it always hurt him to hide our love for each other. “He just gets all flustered about it whenever someone brings it up.”

The waiter looked at Pip, who was chuckling nervously, then to me, who was shaking and still trying to come up with any kind of understandable sentence to defend my case with, in vain of course, then raised an eyebrow and gave us a coy smile, “Alright. Well, sorry about that. You two have a great day.” He made his way back to the cash register to till our bill.

I was trapped in my own thoughts for a few more seconds before Pipsqueak tapped on my shoulder and pointed a hoof back to the clock. That was enough to light the fire back under my seat. “Don’t wanna be late for class, do ya, Mr. SmartyPants?” Pipsqueak jeered.

“Stop it. I’m goin,” I got up and slung my saddlebags over my back, making my way to the exit. “I’ll fix it. I promise,” I said, looking back at him to see a hopeful smile staring back at me. It would be fixed. I had to fix it.

I walked outside, the October air nipping at my face and body as I quickly cantered towards the school of friendship. It was partially my idea, partially Pipsqueaks, to dual enroll into classes at Princess Twilight’s school. It gave me something to preoccupy my time when not with Pip or obsessing about being found out. The path was well know, the autumnal colors blurring past me since I didn’t have the usual time to appreciate the scene around me. Cobblestone turned to dirt to crystal as I arrived just in time to get to my class only to find an empty classroom save for two others, a seafoam green colt and a marine blue Griffin. They were sitting in chairs next to each other, holding hoof and claw, talking about something that I couldn’t make out since my heart was beating fast in my ears. When my presence finally known to them, they both reflexively tore themselves from each other, blushing and not making eye contact.

“Class was cancelled.” The seafoam green colt said, his voice sounding far western, like close to Los Pegasus, near Californeigha, a surfer pony.

“Every creature else saw the note and went home already.” The Griffin squawked. I’m not sure, but there was something pitched oddly in his voice, almost as if it were used to yelling.

I had to take a moment to catch my breath, my body not at all fit enough to have taken that kind of abuse. “Oh, that would have been nice to know before I ran across town to get here.”

I panted, my breath slowly but surely returning. I decided to take a seat and rest for a bit. “So, what now?”

Author's Note:

Hello once again, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between. I'm back with another pipe dream story that I came up when on that 3AM ape brain. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Let me know what you think! Thanks

Comments

[dshadow14]

The phrase is "Coming to terms" not turns.

[Justanotherstory26]

9840840
maybe there is a hidden pun.
in the future!

[Featherflutter]

9840888

9840840
Nope! I'm just dumb. Thanks for catching that.