Chapter One
Flash Sentry was dead.
Dead tired.
It was homeroom class. The morning. The apocalypse. The whatever.
The young man sat limply at his desk, slumped over, his heavy face making an even heavier impression against the desktop.
His ears tickled with the sounds of papers rustling, iPhones plinking, and tired classmates muttering some lethargic gossip or another.
Was it Friday? Please, God, let it be Friday. This week was the utter pits. Flash didn't know exactly why, but it felt like the days simply lasted forever. Something simply... wouldn't let him go. But soon, none of that would matter. Just six final periods and he could blissfully fart off to fart away his weekend, farting—
THUMP!
“Morning, Flash!”
“GUH!” He shot up like a bullet, blinking wildly at the Queen of Frumpiness who had landed in the desk just inches from him. “Mrmmmff... uhhh... m-morning...” He wheezed, cross-eyed. “Ballflower Rush...”
“Heeheehee...” She dropped her backpack and leaned forward, smiling chin propped in two eager palms. “Soooooo? What did you think?”
“... … ...of what?” The teenage boy rubbed his temple. “My aneurysm?”
“No, silly...” She stuck her tongue out and navigated another giggle. “The story!”
“The... story...”
“Y'know... Chapter One of—”
“—the Zelda fan script. Right.”
“Fanfic. But—close enough!” She smiled from cheek to cheek, practically dancing in her desk. “So? Your thoughts?”
“My thoughts...”
“Yup yup yup!”
“I...” Flash avoided her gaze, the floor, the ceiling, the photons bouncing in between. He labored to birth the words: “...I... I'm kinda having a hard time collecting them after what I read.”
“... … ...” Wallflower's everything sank. “How so?”
“Well...” Flash stifled a yawn, leaning back in his seat. “I just... uhm...” He folded his arms, shivering slightly. “Whewwwww boy...”
“'Whewwwww boy?'”
“I don't know where to start,” he said. “And I think that's because the story doesn't know where to start.”
“It doesn't?”
“The fic just... begins with Link traipsing through the desert. And then we suddenly have this flashback to Saria changing his diaper as an infant. Then there's a scene with a young Galgun—”
“Ganondorf.”
“Yeah. He's being scolded by the witch hags for drawing vaguely homoerotic stick figures and... and then we flash forward to him and Link in the tent and there's very little dialogue in between these ginormous paragraphs describing how lonely these two men have been for one another...”
“But...” Wallflower snapped. “I thought you said—!” She winced. “...it's been said that it's healthy for a story's exposition to start in media res.” She smiled crookedly. “Y'know... Christopher Nolannnnn?”
Flash shrugged. “Hell, even Inception knew how to ground itself with the mentor-apprentice relationship between Dicaprio's and Page's characters in order to thread the otherwise jumbled layers of plotline. This story of yours—I'm sorry to say—is more like Memento if someone took all the scenes from the DVD and scrambled them all over the place with no rhyme or reason. Like... no offense, Wallflower... I can tell you're hell-bent on telling a passionate love story, but the narrative is so... so insanely focused on framing and structure that there's barely any room left to enjoy the nuance of this delicate relationship you're attempting to paint.”
“But... b-but...” Wallflower audibly whimpered. “...I figured this was the most ideal way to avoid an unnecessary exposition dump right at the beginning!”
“I... guess...?” Flash rubbed his chin, brow furrowed in helpless confusion.
“Isn't there a good, established conflict?”
“I mean, sure...”
“And is the story clean and proofread...?”
“Seems like it...”
“And don't you feel immersed in the love-making scene?”
“Uhhhh... well...”
She leaned forward, voice cracking. “Then what's the problem? How do I keep failing?”
“I... thought this was your first draft—”
“I just want to prove Link's and Ganondorf's love for each other!” Wallflower wept, Blush 11:35. “Is that so doofin' hard to do?!”
“I... just...” Flash rubbed his temples again. “I'm sorry, Wallflower. Could you speak a bit slower, please?” He winced. “My brain feels so fried this week for some reason...”
She calmed. She breathed. She held her hands out. “What is the biggest problem with this chapter, in your opinion?”
“You want the honest truth?”
“Of c-course!” Wally nodded. “You've... you're helping me out in ways you couldn't possibly imagine.”
He stared at her directly. “I think the biggest problem with the chapter is just that.”
“Just what?”
“It's a chapter.”
“Buh?”
“You're... Wallflower, you're trying to cram so... so much stuff into the story and it's just the first chapter.” He smiled delicately. “What you have hiding between the lines here is a rich and detailed imagination. And it's trying so desperately to make itself manifest. But... but you keep trying to focus on just the launch that I feel like you've lost sight of the grand picture.”
“Which is... what?” She blinked.
“The entire fic, of course.” Flash gestured. “What you've attempted to do in six thousand words could so... so much more easily be done in sixty thousand.”
Her mouth hung open. “... … ...you really think so?”
“I mean, you'd have to adjust the tone and pacing, of course. But... if you made the chapters small enough and the rising actions titillating enough, then—yeah—I really truly think you could turn this into an epic, longform piece of magnificent literature.” He took a deep breath. “It would certainly make things way... way easier to digest.”
“But... isn't that too ambitious?”
“There's a reason why people love things super-sized in this country,” Flash said. “It's knowing that while we're constantly nibbling on tiny morsels now, there's so much more yet to be consumed.” He winked. “And if you make the first helpings succulent enough, then plenty of people will stay along for the whole ride. All the better—y'know? You can use that length and complexity to fully explore and draw out the narrative. It'll be the best for the characters, the best for the readers, and the best for you.”
“For me?”
“Yeah. Burnout is a very real thing. Trust me... eheh...” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know.”
She toyed with a single strand of hair. “I... see...” A slowly growing and slowly crooked smile. “...I really wouldn't mind writing more.”
“See? Win-win-win scenario.” He yawned, leaning back in his chair. “You've got the making of a good story. You just gotta string things along a bit. Spin plates... don't smash them.”
“And...” She shuffled about in her chair. “...when I write more... uhm... do you think you'd be up for giving those chapters a look as well?”
Flash slumped back in his seat, staring at the ceiling for a good minute. His shoes shifted, and his eyes darted about. Eventually, he blurted: “Sure.”
“Really?”
“What the hell.” A yawn. Another shrug. “I know this story means a lot to you, and we've come this far already.”
“Well, that's good to know, Flash.”
“May I say that I'm proud of you for following up on me? Socializing is all about risk-reward, but you were nevertheless willing to open up about a hobby of yours that means a lot to you. You ask me—that's a good thing. After all, I can't be the only person who thinks that you could stand to be a bit more asserti—”
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Even though I know what Wallflower’s deal is, I didn’t realize she was stealing his memories until this chapter. Although I should have know after chapter 1’s title.
9831465
Right?? I was a little confused by the last chapter and wondered what it's association with the first chapter was but after getting through the final hints in this one it all clicked wonderfully and I got a good laugh at the reveal.
While I like feeling 'clever' and figuring out things early in a story I love it when I get played like a fiddle and my author is able to perfectly predict my thoughts and help me figure it out exactly when they want me to. This story is adorable.
66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maxdt4VKbZ1rfqufmo1_500.jpg
Either the English language is breaking down, or I am.
10013593
I was confused by that wording too.
This wording might be a revision error, but after my initial confusion, I interpreted it as a reference to Biblical citation style, like the following example:
Maybe the use of a similar citation style is supposed to be a parody of how non-serious Wallflower’s words are in contrast to the serious, sort-of-Biblical word “wept”? It’s a stretch, but it’s the only explanation I can think of other than an editing mistake.