1. Overcast
The great, winding spiral staircase seemed endless as Star Swirl slowly made his way up, careful to keep to the middle so as not to let the satchel of scrolls on his side brush against the wall. The portions of the stairs away from the windows were shrouded in gloom, forcing him to strain his eyes to avoid misstepping.
"Why not light the torches?" he muttered to himself as his hoof slipped on a chipped stair halfway up.
Sighing, he lit a small light on the tip of his horn and continued on his way. ‘It must be the weather,’ he mused. It wouldn’t have surprised him if nopony would bother with lighting the torches at a time like this. In fact, it would have made sense for everypony to try and keep unnecessary activity to a minimum. For about two weeks already, dark clouds had been blanketing the sky, endlessly dousing the landscape with rain punctuated with occasional bursts of wind and periods of heavier downpours. The air felt chilly and unpleasantly humid, even through Star Swirl’s warm and durable cape, the likes of which were in high regard among the apprentices in the rather draughty castle.
'Just what are those pegasi doing?' He thought as he passed a window and glanced at the uniformly grey sky. 'It’s the middle of the crop growing season. So much rain could ruin the harvest, and we’re all going to starve if the Earth ponies don’t get a better one than last year!'
Reaching the next landing, he stopped in front of a door emblazoned with the symbols of the sun and the moon on the opposite sides of a circle. He let the light on the tip of his horn wink off and cleared his head of these non-essential matters, but he couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous. He had been working on the spell for a long time, long enough to iron out most irregularities and counteract random magical fluctuations, but even with the best magics there is room for error. He had very limited opportunities to actively test it. The sole test subject he had was a castle mouse he had caught stealing from the food stores and pressed into participating, and while it did work on that mouse, he was not sure it would work on anything else. He was afraid the spell would not live up to his mentor’s expectations. Impressing him could mean recognition and respect from his peers and the elder conjurors alike, but failing to do so...
He shook his head, forcefully pushing the doubt out of his mind. The Amniomorphic spell was something that he made by himself, something no other pony had attempted before, a true step forward in the unicorns’ understanding and mastery of magic. He was going to prove to Sparkling Sky that he was the most talented and dedicated and overall the very best of all apprentices. With this thought, Star Swirl knocked on the heavy door, waited a bit and pushed it open.
The first time he visited this room, a long time ago, he had to suppress the urge to say ‘I want one of these!’ Multi-tiered bookshelves lined the half of the room’s walls closest to the door, housing books and scrolls on every magical subject he could think of and then some. The other half was taken up by tables and desks, some lined with instruments and various items such as crystals and phoenix feathers, others filled with writing implements and yet more scrolls and books. Several tall and narrow windows let in just the right amount of light. A fire was burning brightly inside a fireplace built into the far wall. The room’s middle was occupied by an immense, elaborate carpet decorated with images of constellations, and currently, a bemused-looking Sparkling Sky in a deep blue cape and hat ensemble, pacing from one wall to another. As Star Swirl stepped inside, the elderly magician stopped and looked at him from under the shadow of his hat’s wide brim.
"Oh, hello, Star Swirl. I wasn’t expecting you. How is the spell coming along?" His voice was as metaphorically old and bearded as he looked.
"Very well, Sparkling Sky. In fact, it’s already complete," Star Swirl began, steeling himself further for the important task ahead. "I wanted to demonstrate—"
"I’m afraid this will have to wait." What?
"Star Swirl, I think I’m beginning to forget things. Could you please remind me what was the project you were working on about four months ago?"
More than a bit puzzled, Star Swirl nevertheless recalled what his mentor asked him to.
"The properties of magically molded gemstones."
"Hmm... yes, I remember now. And please, what did I tell you when you presented the results to me?"
That didn’t help the puzzlement at all, but maybe it was some sort of test.
"To leave gemstones for jewellers and work on spells instead," Star Swirl repeated his words from back then, and added quietly, "I still don’t agree. That field has potential, my results are clear on that."
He could swear he heard a quiet chuckle from under the shadowy hat. Sparkling Sky raised his head, light finally falling on his face, and it struck Star Swirl how tired he looked: there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept for days.
"Yes, yes, that is correct. Come in, then."
Star Swirl looked at his mentor in mild confusion. "But Sparkling Sky, you never forget anything."
"I wish," the old stallion chuckled again. "Now close the door, if you would be so kind."
As Star Swirl did so, the elderly mage trotted over to the fireplace, motioning for him to follow. The warmth radiating from the fire was a welcome change from the chilly stairwell, but Star Swirl knew that he was called to approach just because it was more comfortable to stand there. After a moment’s silence, Sparkling Sky began to speak.
"It’s good that you came when you did. I was about to send for you. There is a matter I have to discuss."
"Of course, Sparkling Sky. Is something wrong?"
The answer, he felt, had already been made quite obvious, but he wanted a more detailed explanation.
"First of all, I have to ask... Have you noticed anything unusual lately? Something out of the ordinary?"
Sparkling Sky was speaking in questions again. His mentor seemed to believe it helped ponies to form their own conclusions, and while Star Swirl could see the necessity of that, it still irritated him to no end. Despite his puzzlement and curiosity, he couldn’t resist the urge to hint at his opinion.
"Well, there are fewer birds about and the castle isn’t lit thoroughly enough... Oh, and there’s also this endless rain and giant clouds when there should be warm sunny weather."
Sparkling Sky smirked. "Observant as always. Yes, all of it is rather strange indeed. But have you, perhaps, seen or heard anything else, perhaps yesterday?"
"No. I’ve been too busy with my spell research. No time to talk to anypony, and my room does not have nearly as much access to the outside as yours."
It was perfectly true. For several weeks on end the only time not spent testing the Amniomorphic spell was used on extended research on how to improve it. Basic needs such as food and sleep were relatively low priority. The day before, he did not leave his study for the better part of the day, busy with finalizing the spell.
"You did not talk to anypony? Did you hear anything said at dinner, at least?" The old stallion half-raised an eyebrow.
"I simply wasn’t there. You advised me to avoid any interruptions during research yourself. My dinner was some hay that I keep in the room for that very purpose, which was another piece of your advice."
His mentor nodded, seeming mildly impressed, which translated to shock in most other ponies.
"Good, Star Swirl. I see that your dedication and focus have improved dramatically. What happened to that adventurous colt I picked as my apprentice?"
He chuckled softly, fell silent for a brief moment, and then continued in a less lighthearted tone: "Sadly, while normally I would’ve been singularly proud of you because of that, today it is actually a disadvantage."
He turned to look at the fire, and the firelight reflected in his eyes, making his long-bearded muzzle seem chiselled out of stone. Star Swirl barely managed to give him a questioning look before he spoke again.
"It may not be too apparent - or, at least, was not this apparent until yesterday evening - but there is something very bad happening very fast. I’m going to try my best to properly bring you up to speed."
He listened intently as his mentor started to explain.
"You no doubt remember the sudden change in weather some two weeks ago. The rainclouds gathered as if for a normal rainy evening, but stayed in the sky afterwards, and no Pegasi came to remove them. Five days after that, His Majesty consulted with us and decided to send an envoy to the Empire to invoke our weather treaties with them and resolve the situation, but he did not return when expected, and there were no signs of the Pegasi reacting in any way either. King Silver believed that he had been captured or worse, but myself, the rest of the Circle and the Captain of the Guard advised him to refrain from offensive action and wait. That was nine days ago."
The closest Imperial holdings were not that far away. Nine days were enough to return in nearly any weather, and the Pegasi would have covered that distance in no time. Maybe the king was right. Star Swirl frowned and looked at the fire, following Sparkling Sky’s example.
"Ever since the rain started, there was no word from anywhere except Hornton in the valley. The day after sending the envoy, two full patrols were dispatched to check the situation and try to uncover the source of this anomaly. And they, too, did not come back."
Now that meant trouble. Star Swirl turned to look at his mentor again.
"We sent out another patrol, this time to look for the first two. They returned safely two days later, but according to their report, there were no signs of the missing ponies. The settlements they visited did not report seeing the patrols either. And as for the weather, the patrol did not notice any changes anywhere they could see. Whatever is happening must be affecting everypony."
Two full patrols meant twelve ponies from the ranks of the Unicorn Kingdom’s standing guard force, Star Swirl calculated. Trained unicorns to a pony, capable of warding off most threats to the land, formed for that specific reason— independence from the Pegasi’s military might in matters of immediate self-defense. Twelve guardsponies had disappeared without a trace. And the pegasi would’ve left plenty of clues had they been responsible.
Meanwhile, Sparkling Sky continued. "After that, everything was eerily quiet. We had no contact with anywhere but Hornton, and the ponies there had the same situation as ourselves: nopony came to them, but whoever tried to venture out came back claiming everything is fine and nothing else, and did not seem to remember the trip in much detail.
"We have been keeping contact with them through couriers reporting to the castle twice a day as a precaution. Yesterday morning the courier did not arrive. Captain Steel Hammer immediately organized a patrol from hoof-picked guardsponies and led it down to Hornton to investigate. They returned in the afternoon, in bad shape and with very disturbing news: the town was completely empty, as if everypony had simply left it in the middle of the night. The guards searched the houses - all of which had been left unlocked - but found no signs of anything suspicious. Then, when they were about to go back, they were ambushed by strange creatures.
"Captain Steel Hammer described them as something like a pony and an insect at the same time. They had large blue eyes, a dark carapace, wings capable of flight and very sharp teeth. There were at least twenty of them. The guards managed to fight them off, but all six were injured, with two having to be transported back to the castle by the others."
Ponyfeathers. That was bad indeed. Patrols were one thing, bad enough as it was, but an entire town going missing? Monsters that Star Swirl knew nothing about? In immediate proximity to the castle? He shivered.
"Do we know anything about those creatures?"
"We have nothing but vague suspicions. No book seems to have a description matching the captain’s report. I have spent most of the night trying to find something more solid than proofless speculation, but there is still no result."
The old unicorn glanced towards the window, then froze for a moment, as if remembering something.
"Star Swirl, I’m sorry to interrupt your plans like this, but we have to go to the great hall right now. It is nearly noon," Sparkling Sky indicated the slightly brighter patch of clouds where the sun would normally be. "And King Silver has called for every single pony present in the castle to be in the hall at that time precisely. With you coming here yourself and in need of an explanation I have completely forgotten about it! I’m afraid I’ve taken up too much time, so we have to make haste."
Star Swirl followed his mentor to the door. As it swung open, he remembered about the satchel of scrolls detailing his development of the Amniomorphic spell, still hanging off his side.
"Sparkling Sky, what about the research notes and spell scrolls and--"
The satchel shone with the red glow of the old unicorn’s magic. He levitated it off his apprentice’s back and lowered it onto the nearest table.
"No time to waste," he said, disappearing through the doorway.
Star Swirl sighed and stepped out of the room. His mentor was already a landing away, fast as always. As he closed the door, he wished for a spell that could simply fix everything. However, the quickening sound of Sparkling Sky's was leaving him no time to reflect, and so he started down the stairs, trying to catch up.
~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~
Opal Beam cantered across the courtyard. He tried to dodge particularly dirty patches and puddles of muddy water, but there was no dodging the rain. By the time he reached the doors of the great hall, his uniform cloak felt like he put it on right after washing. Muttering highly descriptive words addressed to the clouds above, he concentrated on the doors. A pale bluish glow surrounded them, and the tall doors decorated with beautiful carvings swung open with a low creak.
Stepping into the hall, he found it no more comfortable than the outside, and the wet cloak clinging to his back didn’t make it better. Most of the torches present in the hall were lit, as well as several braziers brought out of summer storage, but even that it was not enough to properly illuminate the vast space. The windows flanking the entrance, however huge, did not help much, as the clouds shrouded the outside in perpetual dusk. It certainly was no warmer than in the courtyard. To make matters worse, a draught swept through the hall, taking advantage of the open doors. A magician in a dark green cape frowned at Opal Beam and turned towards the doors, which were enveloped in subdued yellow magic and shut themselves with a loud ‘thud’, cutting the draught short.
Opal Beam took a few steps further inside, scanning the hall. A group of nobles were making their way down one of the two stairways on the far side, leading from carpeted galleries running along the walls to the floor close to the ornate double doors of the throne room. Two lines of pillars carved from monolithic rock by magic supported the hall’s high ceiling, with stone arches stretching from them towards the walls, holding up the galleries. Up on the galleries or between the arches underneath were the doors leading to adjacent rooms. A great carpet covered most of the floor in between the pillars.
Most of the ponies filling the hall surrounded the braziers set in between pillars or stood on the galleries in small groups. Hushed conversation and the quiet crackle of embers filled the air. Opal Beam couldn’t spot any of his friends or squadmates among the ponies present, but there was still some time left until noon. He moved away from the entrance and towards one of the braziers. Looking at the sky through one of the large windows, he let his mind wander.
This was bad. No, worse than bad. Shining Lance—a long-time friend of his—was part of one of the vanished patrols. He closed his eyes, remembering her patrol leaving the castle in great detail. That day, nothing seemed out of the ordinary apart from the unseasonal weather, which everypony readily blamed on those pegasi trying to make some sort of political move.
Opal Beam frowned bemusedly. It was bad enough for one friend to go missing, but eleven more guardsponies disappeared along with her; two full patrols, and the guard force not being particularly large, he knew all of them. Vanished in their own land, without a trace, on a road they could run with their eyes closed. Something was threatening the unicorns, something sinister and unknown. It was the guard’s—and by extension, Opal Beam’s—sworn duty to protect the kingdom from any threat, but nopony knew what was going on, much less how to fight it.
He tapped his hoof on and scowled at a particularly unfortunate flagstone. It simply didn’t feel right, being unable to fight back.
It seemed funny to him how, for the past week, everypony readily blamed their disappearance on the pegasi, drawing connections with the strange weather. While brash and very shortsighted, a raid against the Unicorn Kingdom’s patrols was the most oft-repeated explanation. Some ponies even thought of striking back, of making a move in response. Hornton changed everything.
Memories of worried conversation in the barracks flashed across his mind: with the captain immediately rushing to inform the king in person, the ponies that accompanied Steel Hammer to Hornton had to fill in the rest of the guards. They were wall-eyed with shock, telling everypony about the eerily deserted town and the encounter with those strange creatures, monstrous mockeries of ponies that seemingly came from nowhere. None of the guard had ever heard of such things before. Opal Beam wouldn’t have believed them, but they had the marks to prove it: much of their armour was dented and scratched. Furthermore, two guardsponies, including his squadmate Eagle Eye who was hoof-picked by Steel Hammer for that mission, were seriously injured and had to seek immediate medical attention from the castle’s healers.
It was hard to tell who was more scared, those who went to the town or those who heard their tale, but the worst impact was on those who had friends and family in Hornton; the mix of terror and sadness on their faces was hard to bear.
‘If those monsters are trying to demoralize us, they’re doing well,’ Opal Beam thought.
He turned about, head hanging low in thought—and hit somepony with his horn. Quickly apologizing, he raised his gaze.
"Opal Beam!"
It was Star Swirl, looking good if a bit unkempt, wearing the usual apprentice’s cape and a smile. Opal Beam couldn’t help smiling in return. He realized his friend was probably calling him before and he didn’t hear him, which added some sheepishness to his expression.
"Look who's here! Good to see you, Star. Been busy with some spell or other, eh? Haven’t seen you for days."
"Not just any spell, my good colt. A true breakthrough in magic!" Said the apprentice, a hint of laughter in his voice.
"Yeah, like that time when you found out how to grant wings to frogs? Remember, we thought we’d have to call the Pegasi to get them all out of the castle," chuckled Opal Beam, the joy of meeting a good friend suppressing his gloomy thoughts.
Star Swirl chuckled too. "That was practice, and practice makes perfect."
"Only if you want to make perfectly winged frogs." They both laughed again. "You haven’t ventured outside of your room much, I see. A couple more weeks like that and you will end up with a real beard."
Still chuckling, Star Swirl raised a hoof to his chin, feeling the scruffy fur that had colonized it during the weeks of research. "Hm, I guess you’re right. Maybe I should do something about it."
"It won’t be a real beard, mind. More like an apprentice beard, for an apprentice magician."
Laughing once more, Star Swirl looked around the room. "Where’s Shining Lance? She’s always coming early to everything, but I can’t seem to find her."
The smile faded from Opal Beam’s face. "She... was on one of those patrols that didn’t come back."
Star Swirl looked down at the flagstones. "Oh. I’m sorry."
Opal Beam’s gaze followed suit, sliding downwards to the floor, but then snapped up towards a pillar, focusing on it with intensity.
"You know what, the only ones to be sorry should be whoever or whatever made them disappear. We will find them, we will get everypony back, and we will make those monsters pay," he said sternly.
"Now this is the attitude that gets ponies promoted," said a gruff voice. Both unicorns turned to look at its owner, a tall and bulky pony in sparingly polished yet masterfully forged silvery armour adorned with amethysts, who was walking up the hall with several other guards following him. Opal Beam stood to attention.
"At ease." Captain Steel Hammer nodded. "We’re definitely going t’need this kind of thinking, sergeant. We have a plan."
Opal Beam couldn’t help noticing the expression of extreme tiredness on the large pony’s face. His eyes, normally glinting with steely inner purpose, were dull and dim. It did not surprise him at all, however: it was a bad time to be Captain of the Guard.
"Glad to hear it, sir."
"I’ll explain it in a minute. King Silver insisted on his personal participation."
Saying nothing more, the captain continued walking along the hall. Star Swirl and Opal Beam exchanged glances, then slowly followed him; the red cloak covering his armoured back stood out among the rest and made that rather easy. Everypony was reacting to his appearance, moving up to a couple dozen paces away from the double doors to the throne room, nobles naturally trying to get to the front row with much indignant bickering.
As they approached the forming crowd’s rear, an elderly mage called out Star Swirl’s name. Opal Beam recognized him easily - Sparkling Sky the Spellslinger, royal advisor, renowned magical duelist, Keeper of the Circle of Day and Night and his friend’s mentor. He motioned towards another part of the crowd, comprised mostly of unicorns in wizards’ capes, and Star Swirl followed, nodding to his friend before disappearing in the crowd.
Opal Beam looked around, trying to spot any of his squad’s members in the throng as he continued on alone, but they were nowhere to be found. As he got closer to the front with the help of some pushing and hurried apologies, Steel Hammer stepped up to the doors to the throne room; his horn glowed a pale white, matching the aura that appeared around the doors, and they swung open. He then moved aside quite smartly and stood to attention. Two stallions in the distinctive gilded armour of the royal bodyguards that were flanking the door copied his motions.
King Silver stepped through the doorway and nodded to the captain. Looking barely Opal Beam’s age, the lean grayish white unicorn nevertheless stood at least an inch taller than Steel Hammer. A golden crown with bright jewels of various sizes and colours adorned his head, and an exquisite royal purple cape trailed behind him. He was closely followed by Queen Amethyst, his young spouse. Her attire resembled that of her husband, except for the colours: her cape was white lined with gold, emphasizing the beautiful pale purple colour of her fur. Her crown also differed, being smaller than the king’s and looking very elegant against her darker mane.
The king and the queen stopped side by side in front of the assembled ponies, Amethyst greeting her subjects with a small pleasant smile, seeming almost out of place among all the gloomy expressions. Silver, on the other hand, looked exhausted, as if he had been working on something all night. He briefly eyed the first row of the crowd with an impenetrable look on his face, then raised his head a bit higher and began to speak.
"My good subjects, I have to speak plainly. We are in peril." There was a gasp from some particularly emotional pony. "Unknown monsters have appeared at this castle’s very doorstep. No doubt you all already know what happened yesterday. It is my deepest hope that the citizens of Hornton are alive and unharmed.
"But those creatures, those monsters that dare to assault us have made a mistake," his voice soared. "They have revealed themselves to us, and now we can take the fight to them. Thanks to our brave guardsponies’s valiant efforts yesterday, we know that they can be beaten. And now, we know the location from which they strike at us."
A murmur swept through the crowd, but quickly faded as the guard captain stepped up to the king’s right.
"We have put together a plan that shall rid us of this menace once and for all. Guard Captain Steel Hammer will explain it in detail. It is of utmost importance that we fulfill it. Every order he gives is to be obeyed as my own." The king nodded to the heavily armoured unicorn, who responded with a sharp salute.
"The enemy’s based in in the old star iron mines down the slope," he began in his usual to-the-point manner, slowing down as the sentences progressed, as if climbing an imaginary hill every time he spoke. "They’ve enough forces to take on two full guard patrols, ‘s well as kidnap an entire town. To counter that, we’ll need ‘t least ten squads deployed at once with support from our mages."
Opal Beam blinked. At the moment, thirteen active squads were officially assigned to the castle garrison, but with two of them vanished on patrol, ten squads were just short of the entire guard detachment protecting the castle save for recruits, the injured and the command staff. Sixty guardsponies, enough to rout a pegasus war party or repel a dragon’s assault, and with the mages’ support... just what were those things to require this big an army to fight?
King Silver stepped back, smiling at Amethyst as she nudged him gently with her hoof. Steel Hammer started pacing from side to side in front of the crowd as he spoke, much like he did whenever he briefed the guard, except this time he briefed the entire castle. The higher-ranking officers stepped forward, while squad leaders like Opal Beam stayed put. Nopony, not even the snobbiest of nobles, was interfering, realizing the gravity of the matter.
"Every mage n’ every apprentice capable of defending themselves is to assist the guard. There’ll be very few of us remaining in the castle, so we’ll need your power here as well as out there. The Circle of Day and Night’ve already decided who goes and who stays."
Another wave of whispers spread through the part of the hall occupied chiefly by magicians, mostly apprentices asking their mentors why they weren’t told this before.
"The field force’ll be led by Lieutenant Moonlight." One of the officers, an indigo mare in painstakingly polished armour, nodded in acknowledgement, clearly having been aware of this beforehoof.
"Each squad’ll be reinforced with two or more mages, at her discretion. The plan’s simple: eight squads’ll enter the mines and clear them out, two will hold the entrance to prevent the enemy from escaping. From yesterday’s experience, I recommend using anti-Pegasus tactics." Steel Hammer nodded to the sergeants, Opal Beam included, as they saluted.
"Now, wizards, listen up!"
Most caped unicorns raised their heads and looked at him as he spoke again after a brief pause. The majority of them seemed uncertain - it wasn’t every day that they had to take orders from the Guard Captain or go into battle, after all.
"Those’f you who join the field force, your task’s pretty straightforward: stay back ‘n disable the enemy from afar and on approach, let the guardsponies take care of those that slip past and don’t get into melee. Use protective spells if necessary. Putting on armour ‘thout training in its use would do you and everypony more harm than good.
"Now, what we need mages staying here to do: if the monsters somehow sneak past our force and attack the castle, the Keepers’re going to cast a barrier sphere spell. It’s practically impenetrable from the outside, but if, by some sort’o miracle, they manage to break through, we’ll have every wizard not busy maintaining the shield posted at the most defensible positions with a guardspony coordinating them ‘n acting as their commanding officer. The designated fallback position is the throne room, seeing as it’s both defensible and connects to much of the castle.
"Everypony not participating in th’operation will have to head to the castle cellars." This was met by a series of groans somewhere in the crowd. "’Ts’not the most comfortable place, but it’s the most defensible one we have that could hold all of you. It has only one entrance, which’ll be protected by th’ royal bodyguards and all the remaining guardsponies and wizards, under my personal command. If some sort’o catastrophe happens ‘n everything fails, we’ll be the very last line of defense.
"And finally, four of our healers have volunteered to join the field force." At these words, four ponies wearing hooded capes of clear white, standing together at one side of the throng, nodded affirmatively. "Protect them, as they can get the lightly wounded up’n fighting again, and that may mean th’difference between defeat and victory and help us recover faster after we are done."
The guard captain stopped his pacing and eyed the front row of the crowd. "That’s the general plan. Your commanding officers will give you the more specific details regarding your personal duties. The squads have to move out in an hour, as there’s evidence that the enemy will make a move after nightfall and we have to intercept them as quickly as possible. And mages, while we can’t give you armour, put somethin’ durable on—it won’t be as easy as takin’ the harvest from the earth ponies."
Steel Hammer turned around and saluted to the royal couple. King Silver stepped forward once again.
"Thank you, Captain. My subjects, now that you know what we have to do in order to protect ourselves and our kingdom, it’s time for everypony to do their part. Stay strong and resolute, and we shall be victorious! Remember those who you fight for: your families, your children, your loved ones. We cannot fail. And once those monsters are dealt with, everypony shall meet in this hall once again to celebrate the victory of the glorious Unicorn tribe!"
There was a well-practiced uniform ‘huzzah’ from the guards and assorted expressions of agreement from the rest, after which the king looked towards his wife, who once again smiled at him. They both turned about and left the hall through the throne room doors, followed by their bodyguards. Their soft hoofsteps on the long carpet on the other side of the doorway was the only sound disturbing the silence until the doors closed behind them, wreathed in the pale white glow of Steel Hammer’s magic.
The silence then exploded into the frantic chaos of dozens and dozens of unicorns hurrying to their commanders, arguments breaking out between wizards and apprentices, haughty demands and complaints from the nobles and nervous exclamations of gardeners, caretakers and servants faced with a situation they didn’t know how nor had the ability to deal with.
Opal Beam stayed put, looking at the commotion around him, preferring to let it subside a bit before searching for his squadmates. ‘This isn’t looking easy at all,’ he concluded, sighing under his breath.
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And so it begins.
This is the very first story of mine that didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out after re-reading it, as well as my first true fanfic. Go easy on me, willja?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy.png
A huge lot of thanks to JohnPerry! This story is made in coordination with his fic called The Final Quest of Star Swirl the Bearded, and is set years before its events. He's also graciously agreed to pre-read this story and helped me improve this insanity to the best of his ability. You rock, John! Woohoo!
And apologies for the header image. I came very close to using MSPaint to make this (Paint.NET being the actual program used).
Just got done reading it. Not a bad start. The beginning was a bit slow but it picked up with the scene in the conference hall. I'm looking forward to how all this goes down. Having just unicorns go into battle is going to be a little weird, seeing as how all the races in the series get together whenever there's a major catastrophe.
One suggestion. You use single quotes for both thoughts and regular dialogue. It got a bit confusing trying to decipher that sometimes. I would stick to double quotes for dialogue as that the general norm.
Other than that, good stuff!
I really enjoyed this, can't wait for chapter two.
The bit about perfectly winged frogs was great.
1099830 I've changed the quote marks accordingly. Guess it looks better now.
Due to this weekend's convention craziness
, I doubt I will be able to get much editing done, but the next chapter seems to be in relative order. I plan to publish it after the conventions are over and the excitement doesn't run so high.
1105053 Heh, thanks!
This is actually a reference to a recent Nobel prize winner - a year or so before winning it, he 'got' the Ignobel 'prize' for one of his experiments involving magnetically levitating a frog.
I do like to encourage folks to write but honestly i got bored reading this.
For instance things like this:
Essentially the hall has a draft and badly lit as Opal beam strides through it. Why use 100 words when about 20 will do?
I mean it continues like this for the next 2 paragraphs, get on with the story!
I found things like this unnecessary and hindered the flow of the story, excessive descriptions of minor details just got irritating for me.
Although the setting is interesting enough i'm afraid the style isn't to my liking.
Please don't take this as too discouraging, It takes determination to write in the first place and you obviously have the idea well sorted out in your mind (which is a major hurdle for many writers).
I wish you all the best in future.