Darkest Hour

by Twilight is Magic

10. Darkest Hour

The winding spiral staircase seemed endless to Star Swirl as he made his way up, but the constant echoing boom of clashing magical powers above was nevertheless steadily drawing closer. He ran up the near-pristine white steps as fast as he could, trying to ignore the lances of pain his injured hoof was sending up his leg. The windows set into the outer wall were providing next to no light, forcing him to constantly watch his step; the colours of sunset were rapidly draining out of the cloudy sky, plunging everything into shadow.

Finally, he saw faint traces of the telltale red and green lights on the stairs up ahead. Hurrying up, he soon barreled out into a gloomy circular room which he knew to be the underlevel of the Chamber. The windows set into its circumference provided little illumination, but the considerably brighter flashes coming from the opening in the ceiling on the opposite side with wide steps leading up to it was all he needed. Along the wall, set at regular intervals, were pillars or statues obscured in shadow, only made visible by the flashes reflected off the gemstones that studded their surface. The thunder of magical combat was filling the darkened space.

‘At least there won’t be any more stairs,’ a distant part of his mind remarked as he resumed his gallop. He leapt upon the first step and hurtled up the stairway and out into the space beyond.

The Chamber of the Cycle was magnificent. It was a great round hall with a high domed ceiling supported by a circle of pillars halfway to its center. The pillars, their tops interconnected by arches, had an intricate and airy look that was shared by everything in the room; each of them was draped with a long banner of the Unicorn Kingdom, depicting a white unicorn’s head on a purple background. At the base of each pillar were immense statues of majestic unicorns performing magic. The walls were largely taken up by great windows glazed with stained glass, which currently admitted next to no light; on either side of each, more pillars were supporting the roof. The floor was inlaid with two grand mosaics: on the outer side of the ring of pillars there was a belt of midnight blue tiles with constellations depicted upon it in white, while at the center of the room was a large symbol of the Circle of Day and Night, the sun and the moon linked by a circle.

All of it was, in one way or another, incorporating great numbers of magically molded gemstones. The stars and constellations in the floor were encrusted with diamonds, the pillars were ringed with bands and spirals of various gems and the horns, eyes and other details on every statue were all inlaid with gemstones of all shapes and sizes. Even the window frames had small stones inserted into them.

And each of these gemstones was reflecting the brilliant flashes in the middle of the Chamber. The sunlight having faded almost completely, they illuminated the gloomy space in stark, contrasting shades of red and green, and every gem shone like a small star in these lights. They were not only where they belonged; some of the splendour of the Chamber was already damaged, and many of those little points of light were scattered across the floor.

Though their intensity was hurting his eyes, Star Swirl could make out the combatants underneath the focal points of their magic. Sparkling Sky was in the very center of the Chamber, his head nearly impossible to see through the red glare of power emanating from his horn; the brightness extended from it in a line towards the brightest spot of the green, but stopped about halfway by a similar line of green. Its point of origin, the monstrous changeling’s horn, was blazing with magic some distance away, next to the shattered remains of a statue.

The duel unfolded before Star Swirl as he skidded on the smooth stone floor, trying to regain control after his last reckless leap off the stairs. The clash of magical beams lasted a moment and broke as Sparkling Sky leapt aside and the changeling’s beam proceeded to impact against the floor mosaic, tearing up the edge of the ornamental sun in an explosion of green energy, shattered tiles and glowing gemstones. Meanwhile, the Keeper sent forth another beam of solid red at the monster, which reacted just in time and stopped it only a short distance away with yet another beam of its own.

The two moved across the central circle, shooting crackling rays of power at each other and blocking them with incredible precision. Neither seemed to have the upper hoof in the battle, but the changeling was slowly advancing in its constant flare of green, forcing Sparkling Sky back. Star Swirl regained his balance and started towards the duelists, reaching into his memory for the most potent combat spells he knew and bringing forth one that could project a ball of fire.

Star Swirl galloped up to the circle of pillars, his hoofbeats concealed by the boom of colliding beams of energy, reached into his remaining reserves to fuel the spell and concentrated on pouring power into it. As he did so, however, he noticed that the gems decorating everything around him began to reflect a third colour apart from the duelists’ red and green—orange, that of his own magic. The growing sparkling haze around his horn suddenly burst into a furious storm of colour, several times brighter than it would have normally been.

Surprised but not deterred, he continued until he put the usual required amount of magic into the spell. While he couldn’t feel much difference compared to when he cast the spell before, the small, painfully bright star at the tip of his horn bathing the hall in orange indicated a charge vastly superior to normal, and every nearby gemstone started not to reflect, but to glow with the same light from the inside.

This was the Chamber’s arcane system at work, Star Swirl knew, but there was no time to ponder. He lowered his head, pointing his incandescent horn at the giant changeling, and let the spell fly.

Instead of the mighty ball of fire that he expected to see, however, a thick beam of energy—identical in all but colour to the ones Sparkling Sky and the monster were exchanging—erupted forth and pierced the air between himself and his target, its point traveling at great speed. The flare of magic must have warned the changeling, however; just as it should have struck, the beast whipped around and launched a beam of its own at Star Swirl. They collided with a thunderous crackle and seemed to push against each other for a moment, then thinned and went out.

Sparkling Sky immediately took advantage of the monster’s distraction, firing a beam at its side. However, there was no getting rid of the mighty flare of coloured magic that signaled the attack the moment before it went off. Just like with Star Swirl, the changeling twisted around and parried with one of its own—but this time, they clashed closer to the beast.

Star Swirl broke into a canter, his mind all but blocking out the pain in his leg as he charged up another, quicker spell. Once again, the gems around him glimmered and his horn blazed with power, and once again the spell resulted in a crackling beam instead of the intended gout of flame. At the same time, Sparkling Sky attacked as well, and the changeling was forced to leap to the side, unable to block both. In the lingering glow of the fading beams, its strange face appeared to be strained and bewildered.

Both unicorns began to advance, and now it was the changeling that had to back off, barely managing to fend off their combined assault and unable to truly counterattack. Star Swirl continued to cast the quickly charged flame spell, getting closer to the beast with each ray of orange it had to parry and circling around it slowly to put it between himself and Sparkling Sky. His mentor seemed to follow the same tactic. In a flurry of spellcasting more focused and frantic than Star Swirl ever thought himself capable of, the changeling was backed into a statue before a pillar, forced to twist its head around to block their attacks but, almost unbelievably, still managing to do so.

Suddenly, the nearly cornered monster took a leap towards Sparkling Sky, bringing itself into range for an attack with its hooves. He ducked aside from its arcing strike and prepared to fire another beam only for it to swipe at him again, but the Keeper showed surprising nimbleness and sidestepped the swing. Star Swirl saw his chance and began firing off beam after beam as fast as he could, robbing the enormous changeling of its advantage of size and forcing it into an even worse situation than before. With the monster under this distracting fire, Sparkling Sky began to channel what looked like a much more powerful spell.

And then, after blasting yet another of Star Swirl’s beams away, the changeling whirled and spun around Sparkling Sky with surprising speed, putting the Keeper in between them. Undeterred, Star Swirl fired again, but so did his mentor, and the orange beam collided with the mighty red one rising towards the tall monster. Their energies fizzed and crackled, cancelling each other out; even despite the red one’s immense power, Star Swirl’s magic seemed to break its flow and it was cut off.

The changeling had received an opening and did not hesitate to use it. A ray of brilliant venomous green leapt off the tip of its blazing horn and towards Sparkling Sky, and this time the Keeper did not have a spell of his own ready to be launched as a counter. It struck him in the chest, and there was a thunderous explosion of energy. Sparkling Sky’s body was swept off the floor, soared through the air over Star Swirl’s head, crashed into the middle of a pillar back-first and tumbled down towards the floor, tearing off the banner. Hitting the large statue of a rearing mare underneath, the Keeper slid down its curved tail, rolled off its end and came to a stop a few steps away, at the edge of the central circle.

“No!” exclaimed Star Swirl, shock stopping him mid-action. He was unable to look away from his fallen mentor lying motionless on the floor, half-tangled in the banner of the Kingdom and his own robe.

As the initial crippling shock wore off a few moments later, he realized that he was still unharmed, even though he was completely defenseless. He forced his eyes away from Sparkling Sky and back to the monster.

It was standing tall exactly where it had been, its warped version of a unicorn’s horn still glowing, but much less sharply than before. The softer light illuminated its head, finally allowing him to see it in detail. It had a long, flowing ponylike mane from which protruded two large ears; two gigantic eyes that took up much of its face stared at him, glimmering with the reflected green light, and its short muzzle was twisted in a cruel, long-fanged smile.

“Do you give up now, foal?” it said in a smug sing-song voice, made even more unpleasant by how distorted it was.

Star Swirl returned the changeling’s stare, fixing his eyes on its own as the paralysis drained away and a storm of all-consuming fury filled the emptiness within. He had too little strength left to control his emotions, but he didn’t even want to try. His horn, which had went out without magic being pooled within, first shimmered, then was obscured by incandescent orange light, and finally shone so bright that it hurt his own eyes. The air itself crackled as he focused this built-up raw power as best he could, not even bothering with a spell, and released it at the monster with a shout full of rage.

The battle had begun anew. The beast’s own power flared and lashed out with a beam that met Star Swirl’s outburst. He leapt forth towards the enemy, summoning as much magic as he could and sending it lancing out as quickly as possible. The changeling responded with the same, striding towards him and parrying his barrage just like before. In a few moments he found himself right in front of the towering creature. It tried to swing its heavy hole-ridden hooves at him, but had to make an awkward evasive dash to the side as Star Swirl continued to release beam after beam with speed only achievable through reckless fury. He shouted again, jumping after it and forcing it to back off and defend itself.

The vengeful rage filling his being was bringing all of Star Swirl’s inner reserves to bear, more than he ever realized he possessed. Hammering the changeling with rays of power easily matching those cast by his mentor was an almost effortless task. As soon as one of his attacks was blocked, he launched another, the magic obeying his command almost instantaneously. All he could see in the darkness of the room and his own primal wrath was the center of green light that was his target.

The monster seemed to falter under his frenzied assault, unable to keep up with its sheer speed and having to bodily dodge some of his attacks. Each humming and crackling beam of magic seemed to reach farther before it was parried. He struck relentlessly over and over again until one of his beams finally bypassed its counters and connected with its blazing horn.

The changeling was thrown backwards and towards a statue behind its back, but its rear hooves remained in contact with the floor. It crashed against the stone unicorn’s legs and fell forwards, trying to jump back up with the help of its front hooves. However, Star Swirl was already charging at a full gallop towards it, too close to evade. The monster, its own head level with his in this half-crouch, tried to fire a beam, but the rage-fueled burst of speed brought him to his target faster. His horn, wreathed in a flare of magic, collided with the beast’s own and slid into one of its curves.

He tried to release the accumulated energy, and apparently, so did the changeling. The lights, already bright enough to illuminate the room, grew even more brilliant, and a loudly crackling haze surrounded their interlocked horns. Star Swirl poured as much as he could into his horn and against the monster’s power, but both it and his own built-up energy didn’t seem to dissipate like the beams did. The air around them began to sizzle and sparkle as the power built up, but neither seemed to be strong enough to overpower the other. His furious eyes were locked with the changeling’s own spiteful glare as they thus pushed against one another.

And then there was a loud clatter of hooves, and a dark shape illuminated by the flare of clinched powers appeared at the edge of Star Swirl’s vision. It was followed by another, and another, and another... Those were changelings, emerging into the Chamber from the stairway he had used. Though the magical brilliance just above his head made it hard to see how many there were, Star Swirl knew that it could only mean one thing. Opal Beam’s squad had been overrun.

The realization hit him like a blast of cold, and his concentration wavered. The same happened to the immense amount of energy he was channeling. The changeling’s magic surged, toppled Star Swirl’s own dissipating charge and crashed down onto him.

For a while, there was nothing but blinding pain that nearly shut him down and made him wish that it would have. A thundering blast blinded him, he felt his hooves leave the floor, and after some time made infinitely long by the pain his back collided with a flat surface, followed by his head, which made it even worse. It slowly subsided, making room in his mind for something other than agony, and he became aware of hissing and the sound of many hoofsteps. He did not know how much time passed until it lessened enough for him to open his eyes again.

The first thing Star Swirl saw were dark hooves in front of his face. Looking up, he found himself staring into the grinning face of a changeling, one of the normal ones as far as they go; its cyan eyes were impenetrable, but its expression was full of malicious glee. On either side of the monster were others of its kind, surrounding him.

He groaned, lifting his pounding head off the mosaic floor and casting his gaze around. The beasts stood around him in a circle as solid as a wall. There was another thing inside, apart from him: Sparkling Sky’s body lay just a few steps away, in the same pose as it was before, draped with the fallen banner. Seeing his fallen mentor made Star Swirl feel a pang of a different sort of pain within.

Among the monsters was the towering form of the changeling he had been fighting, its twisted glowing horn providing the only light that tinted everything an off-green colour. Its huge round eyes were watching his movements closely, and an amused smirk was pasted on its muzzle.

“Still alive. Good. I would hate to waste any more love,” it said in a velvety tone.

“What?” Star Swirl groaned again as he rolled over onto his stomach and turned his head towards it. The sheer strangeness of its words jolted the part of his mind liberated from pain. “Love?”

The changeling let out a warped chuckle. “You ponies have no idea, don’t you? It seems my subjects have done well.”

Puzzlement took over Star Swirl’s confused mind. “What are you talking about? Why are you... things doing this?”

The giant changeling tilted its head, still keeping its eyes on him, and spoke in a condescending manner:

“I suppose I could indulge you. It is more enjoyable this way. We are changelings, my little pony. As you have seen, we can take the shape of others at will. Our sustenance and power comes from consuming love, and our abilities help us do so without your kind ever knowing.”

“Then why are you not doing that? Why are you attacking us?”

“We have had enough of your petty squabbles. Because of your tribes’ endless feuding, there is not enough love for us to feed upon. I, Queen Chrysalis, will not let my subjects starve because of your foolishness. If you cannot let go of your hatred, we will make you.”

“So, you want to... force us to love?” Star Swirl asked incredulously.

“It is easier than you think. All of your fellow unicorns are under my control, beaten into submission or unaware of what is going on. You are the last. Once I am through, not a single one of you will know any of this ever took place. I will rule the Unicorn Kingdom, and all of its love will be ours to feed upon. There will be no more lurking in the shadows in search of scraps! The changelings will take their rightful place as the masters of ponykind!”

The beasts surrounding him met its exclamation with a collection of growls, hisses and chittering that must have been their version of a cheer.

“There’re still the pegasi and the earth ponies.”

Star Swirl’s injuries and the outburst of vengeful fury had drained him and made him feel numb. His mind went from unbidden curiosity into resignation. Talking to a queen of a race of monsters that came out of nowhere and destroyed his world in under a day ceased to seem strange at all.

“Their fall is only a matter of time. I have made certain that they would not interfere with us or each other. We will feast upon your tribe’s love and grow more powerful than you can imagine. The rest of you won’t stand a chance, and neither will those icy brutes.”

“Who?”

Queen Chrysalis frowned. “Enough. You have slowed me down too much already. It’s time to end this.”

It turned instead to look at the throng of monsters around them and exclaimed in a tone of unadulterated triumph: “Changelings, the day is ours! We are victorious!”

Another discordant cheer went up, echoing in the darkened Chamber. Star Swirl glanced towards the body of his mentor, not even sure what he was seeking—and saw his head move. Blinking, he pushed himself closer.

“Sparkling Sky? Are you—” Star Swirl tried to ask under the cover of the changelings’ continued cheering, but the Keeper prodded him subtly but sharply with a forehoof. Fortunately, the beasts seemed to be paying all of their attention to Chrysalis, who continued to shout something.

“We only have one chance,” he whispered hoarsely, forcing Star Swirl to lean closer to hear him. “Cast this at the top sphere. Quickly.” He reached into his tangled robes with his other front hoof and pushed out a scrap of parchment.

“What is this? What are you doing?” came a distorted hiss from behind Star Swirl. Their movement had clearly not gone unnoticed. The monsters’ cheer died down. The dim green glow of the changeling’s magic that had been illuminating the scene grew brighter. It was actually helpful to Star Swirl, as he could now see the symbols on the old parchment’s surface, clearly parts of a magical formula. His mind quickly fired up to recall their exact meaning, and once he pieced it together, he couldn’t help but feel surprised again—it was a temporal displacement spell.

Meanwhile, the changeling queen spoke again. “Ah, the old fool is alive as well. And what is this thing, a scroll? Spells do not work here. Is this not why you lured me here, wizard?”

Sparkling Sky cast one more look at Star Swirl. “Cast it, now. Before that thing can stop you.”

The Keeper’s horn then began to glimmer with red as he turned his head towards the giant changeling. It snickered and hissed: “Do you not know when you are beaten?”

“I’m afraid not,” he grumbled aloud. The glow of his magic wavered, but continued to strengthen. Realizing that this was a distraction, Star Swirl focused on the spell, deciphering the old symbols and putting the formula together in his mind. He could see it was going to require a lot of power, beginning to pool what was left of his inner reserves together.

“I have had enough of this. It’s time you joined the rest of your kind. My subjects will ensure that you won’t be a difficulty anymore,” Queen Chrysalis said in an annoyed voice. Its horn’s brightness grew sharply. Trusting in Sparkling Sky’s plan, Star Swirl ignored it and looked up from the scroll towards the ceiling, easily spotting the sphere he was told to target: a magically molded ball flawless diamond nearly half as big as himself, suspended far above the center of the Chamber in an intricate enchanted metal framework, supported in turn by the arches in between the pillars. From what he had been able to learn about the Chamber’s great array, he knew that this massive gem was its central piece, around which it had been built.

A fleeting thought passed through his mind as he focused on it and began to pour magic into his horn: Sparkling Sky knew that with a single exception, the Chamber distorted anything it amplified into raw power, so why did he say to cast such a powerful one at its central point? It left as quickly as it came, however—Star Swirl trusted his mentor, and now any plan at all was better than nothing.

Just as his horn came aglow with orange, the changeling queen’s further intensified in brightness. It grunted, lowering its head toward them; through the corner of his eye he could see its starkly illuminated face, contorted in a strained grimace. The whine of its magical charge wavered, but then suddenly pitched higher and became more even, although no less distorted. The green light suddenly shone from the opposite side of the circle; green flames burst straight out of the floor and began to rapidly spread from their point of origin, creating a burning circle around the unicorns.

Whatever it was, it was not good. Star Swirl realized that he truly only had one chance. He fixed his eyes on the sphere high above, its perfect curve reflecting the arcane lights underneath, and concentrated on the spell. Most of his remaining magical power flowed into the spell, and his horn became so bright as to eclipse the changeling’s green completely. The simple yet beautiful formula of the spell burned just as clearly before his mind’s eye. And in this moment of perfect focus, he sent his magic forth.

Instead of a great beam Star Swirl expected, the light on his horn narrowed to a single point at the tip and sent forth a thin, lightning-like ray of pale orange. It connected with the diamond sphere, which momentarily shone bright as a midday sun, and then a great many strands of white interspersed with streaks of blue filled the entirety of the Chamber. They arced between the sphere and every other gem with audible zapping and crackling sounds, seeming to go around and between the changelings and the unicorns. The sudden burst of white forced Star Swirl to shut his eyes to avoid being blinded, and judging by multiple warped howls, some of the monsters weren’t quick enough to react.

The arcane lightning vanished just as instantaneously as it appeared. Opening his eyes again, Star Swirl saw the circle of green fire complete itself around them. The flames then grew in height, appearing to curve into a dome overhead, just high enough to hold a standing pony. Outside this rising barrier, he saw the molded gemstones all over the Chamber begin to glow white, bright enough to see over the magical fire.

“What is this? What have you done?” shouted Queen Chrysalis over the crackling roar of the mystic fire now hiding her from sight. She sounded full of forced menace, behind which there was an unmistakable undertone of worry. Another new sound followed her words—the unmistakable high-pitched whine of a magical charge building up.

The last thing Star Swirl could see was the spell-stricken sphere of diamond, glowing brightly enough to illuminate the ceiling around it. Then, the changeling’s flames closed the last remaining gap, their bright glow making it impossible to see through. Strangely, they didn’t seem to emanate much heat.

Suddenly, the floor seemed to start rising towards him rather quickly. Looking down, he saw himself submerging into the polished stone; he tried to step aside, but his hoof moved through it as if it was nothing. Beside him, Sparkling Sky had already sunk into the floor up to his head, looking at it with weary, resigned indifference.

Until his head went under, Star Swirl could hear the rising sound of the magical buildup filling the Chamber of the Cycle, underscored by chaotic hoofbeats and screeches. Then the floor swallowed him completely, and there was nothing at all.

~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~

Chrysalis watched as the top of the teleportation dome disappeared under the floor and the circle of fire around it faded away. Whatever the unicorn did, there was no bringing him back now. She had made sure of that when she designed the spell. Regrettably, she did not have one that could work on herself.

Something was happening to the chamber. Wherever she looked, gems glowed an unbearably brilliant white, emitting that annoying whine that was quickly turning into a painful roar. Her changelings were succumbing to panic, some already making for the stairway down and others rushing and flying to the windows. Her instincts were telling her that they were right.

“Leave this place, now!” she shouted, unable to hide her growing unease, and the last semblance of order collapsed. Her minions crashed into each other as they raced for the exit. Chrysalis herself started towards the closest window, on which some of her subjects were already hammering frantically. Passing the pillars, however, she tried to flap her damaged wings and found them still unable to lift her. Cursing the old wizard for robbing her of flight, she stopped and turned back to her only remaining way of escape.

The noise and the blinding lights had already become too much to bear. Chrysalis’s ears began to hurt as she sped across the chamber to the stairs, knocking two of her minions out of the way. She did not think of them, charging ahead with her eyes shut and her mind rapidly filling with fear. They didn’t matter—she had to save herself!

Skidding on the remains of a broken statue, she opened her eyes again to see the patch of floor free from the painful lights just a short way ahead. She leapt forth, seeking to close the gap in between herself and her salvation in one go.

Then her world became unbearably white and excruciatingly loud.

~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~

The Chamber of the Cycle had turned into a beacon in the falling night. Its windows let out streams of light so powerful as to seem solid, coloured by the stained glass it was passing through. Bright blue and white lightning arced across and away from it, stabbing at the shield still surrounding the castle. Its light pierced the rain, creating rainbows all around the tower and brightly illuminating the clouds above. A high-pitched sound was filling the air, making the windows all over the castle tremble in their frames, and a mighty vortex of wind was swirling around the tower.

Spinning concentric circles of pale arcane energy appeared at the top of its spire and sped down its length, widening around the Chamber itself and receding into the tower further below. The light from its windows intensified even further, and there was a magical crackling as great zigzagging tendrils of energy lashed out in all directions, earthing themselves on the roofs of the castle and against the shield.

And then the top of the tower disappeared in a massive flare crowned with lightning. For a fleeting moment it remained there, hanging over the mountainside like a star that had come down from the sky and bathing the valley in light easily as bright as the sun’s, and then it exploded outwards with a blinding flash and a great ringing crack that echoed across the surrounding lands.

The air sparkled in the wake of the great magical blast. The tower that had been its epicenter had ceased to exist. Where it once stood tall, there was now an emptiness that terminated not far from the roof of the keep. There only remained a short stub of masonry protruding from its side, and its top looked as if a giant razor had sliced through it. The spiral staircase within now ended abruptly next to what looked like the lower half of a window.

Out of the top of this remnant, a shape emerged, nearly invisible in the darkness that had shrouded the land once again. A few more followed, while the first leapt off and began to fly away somewhat erratically towards the mountains. The rest went in other random directions, but all of them were headed away from the castle.

The mighty magical explosion had blown the castle’s shield away. The shapes passed its former location unimpeded. One of them deviated from its path and descended towards the bridge connecting the castle to the outside world. Many more shapes rose into the air a short while later and headed down towards the valley below.

Everything became still and silent again as the night deepened. The only sound disturbing the perfect quiet was the constant, ever-present patter of the rain, undisturbed even by the massive burst of magic.

The time for the moon to rise was long past, but the clouds blanketing the sky remained uniformly dark, not showing any signs of the telltale lighter patch where it should have been beyond their cover. The night was moonless.

Comments

[Twilight is Magic]

And here we are, in the darkest hour. It has all been leading up to this one moment, when everything comes together at last.

The final confrontation was very fun to write, although it did take me a while. When I realized what the exact setup of the battle was, these things popped right into my mind. It made me go all , although my villain here is more reminiscent of that other one.
Funnily enough, a few chapters back the same source helped me decide on which colour to make Sparkling Sky's magic. When I realized that the changelings' magic is uniformly green as opposed to the unicorns' varying colours, and that I have an elderly master wizard going against a deceptive evil sorcerer seeking to take over... yeah. The fact that this (flipped) coloration matches up with the other example above made me go all over again.

Oh, and keep calm and note the tag 'Incomplete'.

[djthomp]

Impressive fight scene.

[Twilight is Magic]

1388323 Eeyup. This appears to be the most oft-mentioned failing of the story, and I can't help but agree. I was trying to establish the places in some detail, but I guess there's a fine line between 'enough' and 'too much' () which I've clearly flown across without paying any heed. Another fatal mistake was deliberately starting the story at a slow pace: I suspect that many, at the very least more than half of the now-97 readers of the first chapter, went Dashy and were on their merry way before even reaching Overcast's halfway point. While I did enjoy making all those details, which helped me bring the text closer to the pictures in my head, I guess that instead of transmitting it to the reader I ended up... well, see above.

This is the first real story of mine that I submitted for others to see, so such feedback is very important. Yours is actually the first mention of this particular problem that puts it so clearly, and this clarity helps me see the problem better. Now that I know where it lies, I will be able to resolve it more quickly. Thank you, my good sir!

Thankfully, what already exists of my next scheduled piece of fiction has a lot less in the way of description, and will require no setting establishment. The overdetalization and 'get on with it'-itis will be a lot easier to combat in its case.

[RTStephens]

Heh, I did get a Star Wars vibe from the fight. A pretty cool way to end the battle, blowing up the entire tower!

Had a feeling Star Swirl would get his chance to save the day. And it's funny how the spell Chystallis used to get him to go away actually saved him in the end.

Nicely done!