Sometimes bad things happen, and nobody knows if its an accident or fate. Amidst Anon-a-Miss one such event happens, leaving students and princesses in grief. Yet, where one fire is extinguished, somewhere, another one is lit ablaze.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So, some thoughts.
You don't need to restate the events of the comic at the start, imo. It's best to hit the ground running with your own material.
The Fluttershy/Rarity phone call was... Well it was certainly a thing that happened. Lulz, it's that easy huh?
Gilda. Fuckingggggggggggggggggggg Gilda. Why is it always Gilda? She doesn't even exist in EqG, people just use her as some big dumb violent gorilla caricature to make Sunset's life worse. A featureless plot device would be equally effective and a lot less frustrating.
All that said, this isn't nearly as bad as most AAM fics I've read. There are no major mechanical errors and the prose/dialogue is serviceable. Given the tags and description, I'm concerned this is gonna turn into one of those kaizo stories where Sunset revives as some bloodthirsty demon monstrosity and it devolves into a series of memey revenge porn chapters. Guess we'll see.
Oh, and you definitely do not need the Gore tag on here for the first chapter. As far as it is right now, this is a T-rated story, through and through.
The set up of telling what happened in the comics was enough I say. It set it all up properly and was used to showcase Sunset's thought process. I kinda want to know where the journal is and what the heck happened to Sunset. That, that just seems like a really weird way to die.
*reads summary*
....what?
You said there be hints to what happening to the students.
Please no give a satisfying answer or something rather then stinking hints.
that no different then a scene Sunset leaves and what happens to the others...Well use your imagination crap bit.
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Protip for the author: if someone has managed to fit multiple run-on sentences into such a short comment, listening to their writing advice will end badly.
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Yeeeah, sorry 'bout that. My descriptions definitely have room to improve, it should already be a bit more cleaner now.
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The journal is going to make a reappearance fairly soon. As for the matter of Sunset/'s death, that is going to take more time to completely clear up. And yes it is a weird and sudden way to die (blame my head for that scene in particular), which I hope adds a little to the mystery behind the reason for all this.
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Gilda does have somewhat of a bad rep in these kind of stories. In this one she is just another of the targets of AAM and one of those who act out, though she did have an actual reason and plan for her attack. Can't say that I have an actual role planned for her, but she is still going to appear next chapter.
And don't worry, this will definitely not have any porn in it.
Other than that, thank you for the criticism and your personal thoughts.
well good news, these teens have proof that sunset isn't anon-a-miss.
All it took was an innocent girl getting stabbed.