Your writing is messy because you need to use more commas.

9862768

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the chapter. I will try to do better in the next one.

In terms of commas, I'm torn due to the amount of finesse required to use them appropriately.

I was taught and told back in the old days of the late 80's/early 90's. My teachers came down hard kids who used commas. Those teachers said that a comma is the poor man's choice of not knowing how to form a proper sentence. Every student was told a true sentence should stand on its own merits without the need of commas. They also said too many commas within a work shows the writer's immaturity.

Now, as far as the devil's advocate/flip side of the coin, I've also been taught and told commas have their uses, but it isn't easy. Good, judicious use of colons, semicolons, and commas can create a powerful piece of literature, allowing that piece to take on a life of its own. I'm sad to say such use requires an incredible amount of skill and tact, from my point of view at least. I fully admit I have neither skill or tact at my disposal to use commas appropriately or effectively, nor do I have the capability to understand them.

At the end of the day, I'll just keep on trying.

9863369 That's not all, the other thing that bothers me is this.

"Here," Fluttershy pressed on my chest, "I'll help t-take off your pants." She said. Her nimble fingers slipped under my belt. The mare's delicate hands latched onto my pants. Off go my underwear and -- holy shit. My circumcised dick is already hard and erect, but... it's still growing. It typically goes up to five inches, maybe six. It's up to my bellybutton, possibly at ten inches. I can, feel it. My balls are swelling. They just went from grape-sized to ping-pong ball-sized. "Now," Fluttershy smiled, "it's time for our turn. We wanted to wait for yours until we used our drinks."

So Chris had a tiny penis? What the fuck?

9859268

Sorry all, I wanted to write up a quick note and issue an apology. The next chapter will be a little late.

Long story short, I caught some weird bug and had to sleep it off, which cost me about two, near three days worth of work on the next chapter. The story is being tweaked right now with the first part being 90% complete, the middle portion 50% complete, and the end portion being hashed out. I'll be sure to push the update out tomorrow, Tuesday by the "absolute" latest. I'm still struggling at the moment with the remnants of this stupid bug, but I should hopefully be over it. I hate being sick.

Equivalent exchange at its finest. full metal alchemist?

10298571

For the readers out there, I'm still here, still kicking. Things have been a bit rocky between Covid-19, IRL stuff, etc..., so the chapter update I hoped to get out last November got a little on the *ahem* delayed side.

The story is still in the works with new chapters being cooked up. I've got an outline, sorta, and I'm working towards future updates.

So... stay tuned.