Regrets

by Script Singer

(3) The Rumor

Author's Note:

WARNING! This chapter is a bit dark, you may skip it if you wish so.

Sorry if this chapter sounds a bit sloppy, I haven't been myself lately and just needed to rant through my writing. It's the only thing that seems to keep me sane anymore. I also wanted to test myself with how far I could take this chapter. I posted this chapter because I know we need to be more aware of how people can really be, even if they seem okay. I might fix/add more later on.

I wanna clarify a few things real quick...

I am not trying to look for attention, just have trouble with opening up with people. I'm scared to open up or say anything at all, in fear of something bad happening because of it. There are some things about my depression that I feel if I bring up, they'll send me away or take away my privileges. People see me as "okay" or "happy" but if I'm being honest, I'm not...

I don't know if I'll ever be okay again, but I still put on a fake face and say "I'm fine" because I'm scared to talk about it. We need to be more understanding with others, and not make them feel so trapped. We need to be there for them. We need to support them and see how we can help them. I feel like I'm in too deep, but I'm still trying even though I want to give up so badly... But I know I still have things to do in my life. I have to be okay in the end, and I know it will get better soon.

Please take care of yourselves, everypony. Be sure to be washing your hands and try to stay healthy. (don't know how to phrase it lol)

Edit: May 10, added some things on

I stared at myself in the mirror of my bathroom, my eyes dull and almost lifeless. I couldn't help but hate the creature that stood before me. Thoughts raced through my mind about how I had hurt so many ponies with the rumor I started. The hurtful words that ponies told me wouldn't get out of my head, making it harder for me to go back to the way things were before. I started to avoid my friends, thinking they all secretly hated me for the things I'd done. I knew it wasn't true, but the thought wouldn't just go away. I looked deeper into my eyes in my reflection as the voices grew louder.

They all hate you...

Look at what you've done to yourself...

This is all your fault...

Unable to stand to stare at me any longer, I walked into my room and went to bed early.

A few hours passed and I lay awake in my bed. I had woken up about an hour before and couldn't seem to get back to sleep. Dark thoughts came into my mind, and wouldn't leave me. I sat up in my bed, staring at the faded scars on my hooves, running her hoof over them, imagining cutting them back open, and watching the blood bubble and ooze down my arm. I remembered where I had hidden a knife in my closet long ago, forgetting about it.

I walked over to my closet, pulling out a small box filled with old suicide notes and crumpled paper. I opened it, finding a small knife, and stared at it for a long moment before picking it up.

"It will make you feel better, trust me..."

I then pressed the blade against my hoof, just holding it there as the blood slowly began to bubble up. I pressed harder as I slowly slashed my wrist. I let out no cry of pain as I watched myself. I then did the same to my other hoof. I then looked at her mirror on my dresser, watching as my eyes oozed blood-

---

I let out a scream as I opened my eyes, filled with tears.

I looked at my hooves, shaking violently as my mind slowly came back to reality. I then curled myself up into a tiny ball, whimpering to myself, unable to get the image out of my mind.

"Why did I ever make up that stupid rumor...?" I whimpered softly. "I'm such a bucking idiot..."

A few months before I went to the hospital, I was making up stories about harming myself and threatening to do something dangerous. This caused me to lose a few friends in the process. I didn't want to admit it, but I was just doing it for attention. I wanted people to actually show me how much they cared, but I ended up taking it too far.

I didn't really realize how much my lies would hurt Rose Diamond. I wish I would just have stopped when my friends told me to, or not even start it at all. Now because of it, it's left me scarred and with broken trust.

"I just wish I could undo the damage I caused..."

"You’ll never be able to forget it all, you know how badly you damaged her that day..."

The fight with my friend was one I would never forget.

---

Script Singer stared into her friend's eyes as she saw the anger inside her boiling.

"Did you make this all up?" Rose Diamond asked, glaring.

"...I...-" Script muttered.

"Did you?!"

Script Singer hung her head as tears fell down her cheeks, her voice shaking. "I never wanted to hurt anypony..."

"I was scared for you! I thought I was going to lose you!"

Script just stared into her friend's eyes with tears. She couldn't seem to think of anything to say but; "Rose, I'm so sorry!"

Rose only screamed and cursed at her before she turned away with tears in her eyes. Script fell to the ground as she sobbed loudly.

What have I done...?

---

I felt my pillow soaked with my tears. I didn't care anymore. I deserved nothing but pain. I never should have treated my friend the way I did.

I then remembered the box in my dream. Out of curiosity, I walked over to my closet finding the old box filled with old papers.

Sure enough, the knife was still there. I stared at it for a moment as thoughts flew into my mind. I picked it up slowly, my hoof shaking as I brought it to my wrist, slowly pushing against my skin, watching the blood bubble up, then put the knife back into the box and hiding it away once more in the closet, then crawled back into bed.

You deserve nothing but pain and heartache...