After she comes out of the hospital, Script Singer remembers how many ponies she had hurt because of her depression
This is a rewrite of my Mensonge story Regrets. I am not looking for attention, just wishing to write a suicide prevention story. Also, the previous sequel is still being written, but you can read the first book in the series here.
Ratted teen for suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt, (in chapter 1 if you want to skip it) death and gore/mention of blood.
Script Singer got out of the hospital and finally feels like her life is back on track, but after reading a note left on her doorknob, she remembers her friends she had hurt before she got the help she needed. Can she learn to forgive herself for the pain she's caused or will she fall to darkness once more?
Dedicated to a few friends who I've treated like trash lately...
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. You can seek help.
I walked to my front door, finding an old sign on the doorknob. I picked it up recognizing the dragon handwriting of my friend, Flame Flare. I glanced it over as a look of sorrow filled my eyes. I stopped reading so I could walk inside and sit myself down to read the note. I looked at it as my eyes grew hot, tears streaming down my face slightly.
Dear Script, it read.
I'm sorry to tell you this by letter, but... your friend Rose Diamond committed suicide on Saturday around midnight because of her strong feelings about what you did to her... Keep in mind, that most of us have forgiven you, but you need to keep in mind, we are only trying to help you. We're not against you in any way at all, but we can't always save you from the aftermath of your-
I dropped the note, unable to finish it as my eyes filled with tears as I felt like someone had just stabbed me in the chest. I tried to process what I just read as my mind pulled the pieces together of what I did. "I acted like a jerk..." I muttered to myself as I collapsed onto my sofa in grief for my friend.
"...Why...?" I thought. "Why did she have to do this...? Why because of me...? I never meant to hurt anypony..."
Nopony does. Bella Singer uttered, trying to comfort me. You weren't in the right mind state.
"I never seem to be... all I do is lie and break promises..."
You're such an idiot, you should have treated her better than you did. Mensonge commented, trying to bring me down. If you treated her differently, maybe she would still be here.
Bella tried to comfort me, but I was too focused on the negative at the moment. I felt Bella’s presence fade into the background, she was keeping an eye on me, but giving me some space.
---
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, five hours had passed. My nose was all stuffy from crying and my face burned from the tears. I grabbed some tissue from the table beside me and blew my nose as I went to the fridge. I opened it, staring at the food inside then closed it, deciding I wasn't hungry.
You know I hate to bother, but isn't it better to go ahead and eat something? Bella asked. I mean, you know how your body feels when you're not eating enough...
I let out a sigh and nodded my head as I turned around grabbing a banana from the counter. I knew I had to eat, but I wasn't too hungry so I at least ate something small.
I then walked toward my bedroom, grabbing an old photo album from my bookcase. I opened it up, looking at old photos of me with Rose Diamond.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door. I closed the book and rubbed my eyes as I walked to the door.
I saw my friend Flame Flare on my doorstep. I greeted her with a smile.
"Hey, Flare..." I mumbled.
"Hey Script, did you just get home?" Flare said.
"Yeah, been home for a few hours I guess..."
"...Did you read the note?" She asked, noticing my puffy face. I nodded as Flare pulled me into a tight hug. "You know, it's not your fault...?"
"...But it is...she killed herself because of what I did to her..." Flare stayed silent, unsure of what to say. "Look, I know you wanna help, but I need to be alone right now....alright?"
Flare hesitated for a moment but nodded her head as she hugged me tighter before she said goodbye.
I closed the door as I put my back to the door and sunk to the floor, thinking for a moment.
Just a little one shouldn't hurt, right?
I thought for a moment as I thought of cutting again.
Script, no don't do it! I could hear Bella shouting at me, sounding faint. I only ignored her. Things will get better, I promise!
I got up from the floor and walked over to a nearby dresser, pulling open one of the drawers filled with sharp objects. I pulled out a knife staring at the blade for a moment as I thought more about it.
Do it...
Script, don't!
I brought the knife to my chest, slowly impaling myself as my screams echoed through my ears. I felt the whole blade go through my chest and pulled it out, stumbling over myself as I let out coughs, spitting out blood. I struggled for air as I tried to take a breath of air, but to no avail, as I collapsed onto the floor of the room.
I curled into a ball as the pain in my body grew as I felt myself grow cold and slip away.
....what....have I done....? I thought to myself as my eyelids grew heavy. I fought myself to keep them open, hoping that I would be alright. Praying that Flame Flare didn't leave, and she was just waiting outside for me and she would burst the door open any minute.
I waited...and waited...and waited until the darkness overcame me. I found myself floating in darkness as my body grew even colder and slipped farther from reality.
"Script Singer!" I heard my friend screaming out my name. "Please, hang on, don't leave us!"
"Come on, Script, stay with us!" Ellie uttered.
“Help…” I struggled to speak.
Voices began to clamor over each other as I slipped farther and farther away. I wasn't trying to, it was like the darkness was taking me away from all I loved.
"We're losing her!"
"No, please, don't give up!!! FIGHT IT, SCRIPT!!!"
Ellie and Flame Flare stared at their friend Script Singer, curled into a ball shaking, mumbling to herself.
"Is it worse than the last one?" Flame asked.
"Without a doubt," Ellie said.
Flare slowly walked up to the trembling pony and gently wrapped her arms around her, stroking her mane to calm her down. Script only let out soft whimpers and sobs as she continued shaking. Ellie joined in the embrace.
"Let me take care of her, could you go get her stress blanket?" Ellie whispered. Flare nodded as she got up and walked toward Script's bedroom. She noticed the open photo album on her bed, causing her to hang her head slightly as she figured what Script was thinking before. She took her mind off of it as she looked around for Script's blanket. She found it in her closet and brought it into the other room, wrapping it around her frightened friend, then went to go sit on the nearby sofa, fidgeting slightly.
After a few minutes, Script began to calm down. She poked her face out from her mane slightly, noticing her surroundings wasn't how she thought they were. She leaned against Ellie as she cried, still shaking. It felt so real... She thought.
"...I-I can't...take it anymore..." Script said, her voice cracking. "Th-they're too much..."
Ellie hushed her friend as she held her tight. "It was only a bad dream, everything will be alright..."
Script sat up slightly to face her friend, staring at her in the eyes. "But I don't want to keep having all these stupid dreams! I want a different life... I'm sick of this..."
Ellie only hugged her tighter in response. Script may be stubborn, but so is Ellie. Script finally just gave in and leaned on her friend once more as her body still trembled. Her mind drifted back to what started the panic attack in the first place. An image of her friend, Rose Diamond popped into her head as she began to continue to sob.
She layed her head on Ellie's chest as she began wailing at the top of her lungs. "....i-it's....a-all my fault...she killed herself..." she sobbed. "...if I did...something to help her, she'd still be here! Why was I so stupid...?"
Script's cries only grew louder as she kept asking herself "why did I treat Rose so poorly?" Ellie only held her close to her chest, letting her friend cry her eyes out.
---
A few weeks had passed, and the day for Rose's funeral came.
I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror as my tears rolled down my face. I was wearing a rose in my mane with a short modest dress with floral decor on it. Ellie was behind me, running a brush through my mane.
"You gonna be okay with doing the solo? I'll do it for you if you need me-" Ellie asked.
"No, it's fine... I can do it..." I mumbled as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
Once I was finished getting ready, I grabbed my eighth note necklace and had Ellie put it on for me. We both walked out of the bathroom, and into the viewing room. I sat myself down on a chair in the back, unable to look at my friend. I wanted to go up to her one last time, but I couldn't get the courage to. I just stared at the ground.
After a few minutes, I saw a blue pair of hooves with claws. "Is this seat taken?" Radioflash asked me. I shook my head as he sat down.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay."
"I know, but..." I mumbled.
Radio pulled me into a tight embrace as I felt a tear stream down my face. I hugged him back.
"You should at least tell her goodbye."
"...you know how I am at funerals, Radio..."
"I'll go up with you if you want," he said as he got up, holding out his hoof. I let out a sigh as I got out of my seat and walked up to my friend's coffin. I stared at her, sleeping there. I couldn't help but cry as I saw her. Radio hugged me as I stood there, frozen slightly at the sight before me.
I turned away, unable to look any longer. Radio escorted me back to my seat.
---
I watched as they lowered the coffin down into the ground. Everypony walked over to it once it was placed, and began dropping flowers in. I pulled out a note from my bag and threw it into the hole.
"...I truly am sorry, Rose for what I did to you..." I whispered, hoping she could somehow hear me.
I backed away as they began filling the hole with dirt. I walked away, needing a moment to myself, Ellie following behind me.
Once the funeral was over, we walked out of the gravesite. I noticed Radio talking with his friend Emerald who looked over at me with a glare. I turned away, hanging my head slightly, not noticing him walking toward me. Ellie put her wing around me protectively.
"Hey," He said.
I only ignored him staring at the ground.
"Hey! I'm talking to you!"
I slowly looked at him, glaring down at me. "Wh-what do you want...?" I uttered.
"So why did you do that to her? You trying to get other-"
"Leave her alone, Emerald. This is you're only warning." Radio said walking up to me. "She's hurt enough.
Emerald just rolled his eyes. "Whatever," He said trotting away.
"Don't mind him, Script. Those who believe that rumor about you, aren't worth bothering."
I only hung my head at the reminder. I knew he didn't mean any harm, it just hurt a little...
As they exited the gravesite, I noticed a few more ponies glaring at me. I hung her head, trying not to remind myself of the ponies I had hurt. Ellie wrapped her wing around me for comfort as we walked home.
I stared at myself in the mirror of my bathroom, my eyes dull and almost lifeless. I couldn't help but hate the creature that stood before me. Thoughts raced through my mind about how I had hurt so many ponies with the rumor I started. The hurtful words that ponies told me wouldn't get out of my head, making it harder for me to go back to the way things were before. I started to avoid my friends, thinking they all secretly hated me for the things I'd done. I knew it wasn't true, but the thought wouldn't just go away. I looked deeper into my eyes in my reflection as the voices grew louder.
They all hate you...
Look at what you've done to yourself...
This is all your fault...
Unable to stand to stare at me any longer, I walked into my room and went to bed early.
A few hours passed and I lay awake in my bed. I had woken up about an hour before and couldn't seem to get back to sleep. Dark thoughts came into my mind, and wouldn't leave me. I sat up in my bed, staring at the faded scars on my hooves, running her hoof over them, imagining cutting them back open, and watching the blood bubble and ooze down my arm. I remembered where I had hidden a knife in my closet long ago, forgetting about it.
I walked over to my closet, pulling out a small box filled with old suicide notes and crumpled paper. I opened it, finding a small knife, and stared at it for a long moment before picking it up.
"It will make you feel better, trust me..."
I then pressed the blade against my hoof, just holding it there as the blood slowly began to bubble up. I pressed harder as I slowly slashed my wrist. I let out no cry of pain as I watched myself. I then did the same to my other hoof. I then looked at her mirror on my dresser, watching as my eyes oozed blood-
---
I let out a scream as I opened my eyes, filled with tears.
I looked at my hooves, shaking violently as my mind slowly came back to reality. I then curled myself up into a tiny ball, whimpering to myself, unable to get the image out of my mind.
"Why did I ever make up that stupid rumor...?" I whimpered softly. "I'm such a bucking idiot..."
A few months before I went to the hospital, I was making up stories about harming myself and threatening to do something dangerous. This caused me to lose a few friends in the process. I didn't want to admit it, but I was just doing it for attention. I wanted people to actually show me how much they cared, but I ended up taking it too far.
I didn't really realize how much my lies would hurt Rose Diamond. I wish I would just have stopped when my friends told me to, or not even start it at all. Now because of it, it's left me scarred and with broken trust.
"I just wish I could undo the damage I caused..."
"You’ll never be able to forget it all, you know how badly you damaged her that day..."
The fight with my friend was one I would never forget.
---
Script Singer stared into her friend's eyes as she saw the anger inside her boiling.
"Did you make this all up?" Rose Diamond asked, glaring.
"...I...-" Script muttered.
"Did you?!"
Script Singer hung her head as tears fell down her cheeks, her voice shaking. "I never wanted to hurt anypony..."
"I was scared for you! I thought I was going to lose you!"
Script just stared into her friend's eyes with tears. She couldn't seem to think of anything to say but; "Rose, I'm so sorry!"
Rose only screamed and cursed at her before she turned away with tears in her eyes. Script fell to the ground as she sobbed loudly.
What have I done...?
---
I felt my pillow soaked with my tears. I didn't care anymore. I deserved nothing but pain. I never should have treated my friend the way I did.
I then remembered the box in my dream. Out of curiosity, I walked over to my closet finding the old box filled with old papers.
Sure enough, the knife was still there. I stared at it for a moment as thoughts flew into my mind. I picked it up slowly, my hoof shaking as I brought it to my wrist, slowly pushing against my skin, watching the blood bubble up, then put the knife back into the box and hiding it away once more in the closet, then crawled back into bed.
I lay in my bed, sound asleep. It has been a few hours since I had awoken from my nightmare. I managed to find some form of peace from my unhealthy habit. I knew it wasn't right, but it was the only way for me to release my pain.
I felt a soft breeze blow as my senses ignited. I smelled a large field in the spring with flowers in bloom.
When I opened her eyes once more, I found my friend standing before me, wearing a long gown complimenting her light blue coat and red mane. Tears formed in my eyes.
"Hello, Script Singer," Rose uttered.
I stared at her as my tears flooded my eyes. I struggled to find my voice. After a moment of silence, I finally opened my mouth. "Diamond, I..." My voice quivered. "I am so sorry! I never meant to hurt anyone the way I did..." I fell to the ground and hung my head.
Rose walked up to me and gently stroked my mane as a warm smile grew on her face. I looked up at my friend.
"None of this is your fault, Script," She said. "You were in a bad spot and didn't know how to cope with it healthily. It's okay."
I hung her head once more. "How can you say that...?" I whimpered. "I acted like a jerk to everyone... I deserve the pain and guilt I feel..."
Rose put her hoof under my chin, forcing me to look at her. "You deserve to be loved. You don't deserve this pain."
"I just hate myself so much for what I've done... I don't know if I can ever forgive myself... I could have stopped at any point... I should have listened to everyone sooner... If I just listened, you wouldn't have... You would..."
I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence as more tears streamed down my face. Rose only hushed me as she pulled me into an embrace as if she were comforting a foal.
"I am so sorry!" Was all I could think of to say. " I should have kept in mind you were already struggling at home-"
"If anyone should apologize, it's me, Script," Rose said. " I should have been more understanding towards you, I mean, you had gone through something I wouldn't wish for anyone your age to experience. You could have gotten hurt, or even worse... You didn't know how to cope with the aftershock from it."
"But it's my fault that happened in the first place... I could have stopped, I could have done something to make it stop!" I looked at my friend as my face looked like a waterfall. "I wish I never listened to him!" I fell to the ground, exhausted from my sobs. "Why was I so stupid...?" I whimpered repeatedly.
Rose only continued to comfort me. "Don't hate yourself for your past mistakes. You must learn from them."
"...You sound like the others..."
"Because they're right. You need to move on."
"But I can't just let this go, it's constantly eating away at me!" Script muttered. "I've tried to let it go, but a part of me just won't let me... I feel like I'm not in control anymore..." My mane fell in front of my face. "What do I do...?" My voice shook with pain and frustration.
"Script, can I ask you something?" Rose said. "Why did you make up that rumor in the first place?"
My eyes opened wide feeling like someone opened up all her scars at once. "I-I... don't know..." I muttered softly.
"I think you do know."
I winced as memories flashed through my mind. More tears streamed down my face.
"Did you do it for attention?"
I only nodded, unable to speak. My sobs grew louder as I tried to find the strength to confess. "I n-never wanted t-to hurt anypony..." I wept. "I just wanted someone to actually care!"
Rose gently picked me up and held me in a tight embrace as I continued sobbing, gently stroking my mane.
"I wish I could just take everything back, fix everything do it would be the way it was before... Do something to take this aching pain away!"
"I think I know a way to fix that."
"H-How...?"
"You should apologize to everyone that was hurt."
"But...what if they don't forgive me-"
"Then they don't matter. Not everyone will forgive you, and they're not worth it if they don't accept your mistake. I know it's hard, but it's the truth."
I nodded. "I suppose you're right..."
Rose pulled me into one last hug as she whispered into my ear. "Rest now, your body needs its strength."
I felt my body become physically exhausted as my friend comforted me. I slowly closed my eyes as Rose gently layed her back down onto the ground.
"First off, I want to thank you all for gathering here today."
I stood on a stage in front of a group of ponies I had hurt from my past mistake. Not everypony was there, but that didn't matter right now. I knew I wanted to forgive myself for what I did, and this was the first step.
"I want to apologize for how I acted before. I didn't treat you very well, And I'm really sorry about it. I feel like I have to explain my reasons why I did it..."
"I have trust issues due to what happened to me, so I had trouble believing anyone who said they would be there to help me. So I was making up lies to see if anyone would show they actually cared. To show me that I was worth someone's time, and... I will admit, a part of me was seeking attention... but I feel like part of me needed it, if that makes sense..." I rubbed my neck slightly as I continued.
"I began to like the attention that I was given, but I knew it was wrong. So I tried to fix my mistakes, but only managed to make them worse and cause more harm than good... I felt like it became some sort of addiction like I craved people to care about me."
I stopped for a moment as I felt the lump in my throat begin to form. I kept going.
"But all of those lies...caused a good friend of mine to kill herself...because of me..." My ears dropped back slightly as tears formed in my eyes. "I never intended to do that, and I would like to apologize to her family for what I've done. I hope in time, they'll forgive me, and I hope you all will forgive me too."
"I just want you all to know, from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry."
I stared at the crowd of ponies before me, some had disapproving looks on their faces while others held sympathy. I could feel the pure disgust they had toward me and some even shouted at me for doing the things I had done.
I let out a sigh as I hung my head and slowly walked off the stage, my hooves shaking slightly from the aftershock.
I then saw a group of my close friends walk up to me, showing no emotion. I hadn’t seen most of them in months, so I wasn't sure how they would react. I braced myself for any hatred from them.
"Guys, I-"
Before I could say another word, I found myself in a tight group hug as tears formed in my friend's eyes.
"You... You don't hate me for what I did...?" I muttered.
"Of course, we don't hate you, Script," Lotus uttered. "You admitted your mistake, and tried to make up for it."
"We love you," Bookie added. "No matter what."
"Nothing will ever change that." Flame Flare said as she ruffled my mane
I felt tears flow down my cheeks as my friends comforted me. A soft smile grew on my face as I hugged them back.
"I'm so lucky to have friends like you guys..." I said. "What would I do without you...?"
"Probably just wallow in the dark all the time."
We all let out a chuckle at that. "I love you, goofballs..."
I saw two ponies walking up to me. "Mr. and Mrs. DIamond," I uttered. "I am so sorry for what I did to your daughter... I never meant to hurt her."
The couple only hugged me. "Don't hate yourself for a mistake you caused. It wasn't your fault."
"You raised a perfect daughter, you know that?" I hugged them back. "I'm proud to say that she was a friend."
---
I took a deep breath as I approached my old friend's house, Ink Quill. I was a bit nervous since the last time we spoke didn't go so well. But I wanted to make things right.
I knocked on the door.
Ink Quill opened the door slightly, just enough for his head to poke out.
"Ink, I..." I stuttered. "I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry about what I did... Is it okay if we start over?"
My pegasus friend hesitated a moment. "Script, I know you want to start over, I just... need some time to think about it, okay?"
"Oh... Yeah, sure. Take all the time you need, alright?"
I walk beside a group of my friends, heading home from one of our Tuesday morning Brunches. I stared at the ground slightly, distracted by my thoughts.
Our Tuesday morning Brunch just wasn't the same anymore without Rose Diamond. She would always cut out silly shapes in her food, tell us funny jokes, and always managed to make one of us laugh. I never realized how much I was going to miss that.
“Script?”
“Huh?” I looked up at my friend Lilly who looked at me slightly concerned. “Yeah, what is it?”
“Are you doing okay?” She asked. “You have been kinda zoned out a bit today.”
“Yeah, I’m fine, just… got a lot on my mind, I guess.”
“Okay, well you can talk to us if you need to, yeah?”
I nodded my head in response as I continued staring at the ground. Lilly turned to my friends, telling them to go on without us as she pulled me aside.
“It’s about Rose, isn’t it…?” She asked.
I let out a sigh as I shut my eyes, holding back my tears. “Yeah…”
Lilly pulled me into a hug and held me for a moment. I held her tightly as tears fell down my cheeks.
“Thanks…” I whispered. "You always know when I need a hug…"
“Anytime, Script.”
We caught up with the group after our embrace and continued walking. I finally decided to try to be more positive and engaged in the conversation with my friends. After a few minutes, we passed the local playground. I stopped for a moment staring at the tunnel slide as a memory popped into my head.
---
“You can’t catch me!” Rose Diamond giggled as her friend chased after her.
“Rose, no fair!” Script panted. “You know I can’t run that fast!”
Rose continued to giggle as they continued running. She climbed up the tunnel slide as she hid inside giggling to herself.
‘She’ll never find me in here!’ Rose thought to herself.
“Gotcha!” Script said at the end of the slide. “I could hear your giggles a mile away, you goofball!”
“You still gotta catch me!” Rose ignited her horn and teleported out of the slide back onto the ground.
“Hey, no fair!”
---
“Script, you coming?”
I shook my head as I came back to reality. “Yeah, wait up!”
“Rose, wait up!”
I could still hear the faint giggles of my friend in my head, causing me to tear up a bit more. I quickly wiped my face before my friends could notice.
“What were you looking at, Script?” Ellie asked.
“Nothing just saw a bird or something,” I muttered in response.
We continued walking, passing toward my friend's house. I looked, staring at my friend's bedroom window.
---
Rose sat on her bed brading Script's mane as she sat on the floor brushing her doll's hair.
The two of them were spending the night together at Rose's house for the first time.
"There you go, all done!" Rose said.
Script turned to her friend and smiled at her. "You're lucky, you know." Script uttered.
"What do you mean?"
"You're lucky that you know so much about manes. I don't even know how to put my hair up, any other filly my age can do it, but I can't…"
Rose nudged her with her hoof slightly. "Oh come on. That doesn't matter. I mean, think of what you can do that other foals can't do, like…"
Rose tapped her chin slightly trying to think of something. Script hung her head as her ears dropped back.
"Like your writing! You have such an imagination, I don't think anypony could top that. And, you have a really pretty voice."
Script blushed slightly. "I'm not 'that' good…" she giggled.
"Oh, come on! I bet everypony is jealous of you."
"You think I'm that good?"
"You're better than I am."
"Girl's?" Rose's mother walked into the room. "I hate to interrupt your fun, but it's getting late. You should go to sleep."
"Okay mom," Rose said with a yawn. "See you in the morning."
"Goodnight, girl's."
Rose's mother watched them get into bed, turn off the light, and shut the door.
---
I turned away from my friend's house unable to bear another moment of my pain and kept walking with my friends, approaching my house.
“Thanks for walking me home, girls,” I said.
“No problem, anytime Script.”
My friends turned around to leave as I hesitated a moment.
“Hey, Ellie,” I muttered. “You got a sec…?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
I hung my head slightly as my walls came crashing down, unable to hold it in any longer. Ellie quickly rushed over to my side comforting me.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know anymore…” I sobbed. “I just feel so much pain…”
“From what?”
“Everything…”
"Does this have to do with Rose Diamond?" She asked solemnly.
I nodded my head unable to answer. Ellie pulled me close with her wing and stroked my mane.
"I know it wasn't my fault… but… I just can't help but blame myself…" I sobbed. "I mean… I hurt her so badly… I never meant to, but it happened...I could have stopped it… I could have done something to help her… instead, I just let her suffer..."
Ellie hugged me tight as she tried to comfort me. "I know it's hard, but you need to learn to move on. I think it's the only way to let yourself heal."
"How…?"
"I think you need to learn that on your own."
I stared at the ground for a moment as my mind tried to make sense of what she said.
Has it been a year already...? I think to myself as I stare at my friend's gravestone. I'm sorry, Rose Diamond, I forgot you...
Twelve months. Twelve painful agonizing months since my dear friend had committed suicide. Twelve months of trying to let it go, and finally let myself heal. But, I can't seem to let it go.
I’m afraid that if I let go, I might lose a part of me. I might lose her. But, at the same time, I feel like I need to let go. I need to finally let the tender hole in my heart heal. I need to worry about my mental well-being.
"Rose, I want to come and join you so badly... but I know you want me to stay here... it has become so hard for me to find some reason to stay alive..."
It almost feels as if I have no other reason to live, no other drive to stay on this planet much longer... other than to fulfill someone's dying wish. But it's so hard to keep that up any longer.
I've already written my suicide note and left it at my house, considering trying to finish the job I was unsuccessful to finish before. I only came outside my house to see my friend's grave and to buy some rope.
I suppose I was also looking for some sort of sign for me to stay. Something for me to do with my life. Something to give me some sort of reason to live.
"Show me something, Rose. Show me why I shouldn't kill myself. I don't know what else to do anymore..."
I felt the soft breeze blow through my mane, sending a small chill up my spine. I had to decide soon, it was getting dark and the day was growing colder. I was running out of time.
I shut my eyes as I let myself become lost in my thoughts, wandering into my own world.
I found myself in a large open field. My friend Rose appeared in front of me. I stared at her as she began running away. I chased after her, laughing.
"Wait up, Rose!" I uttered. "I'm not as fast as you are, you know that!"
"Well, too bad!" Rose replied. "You'll just have to catch me!"
"No fair!"
Rose continued giggling as I chased her. Finally, I managed to catch up with her. I jumped on top of her, knocking her to the ground.
"Gotcha!"
"No way you could have caught up with me, you cheated!" Rose grumbled.
I only giggled and gave her a wink. "Who here has magic? I say you're the one who cheated, you goofball!"
"Nu-uh!"
"Well, too bad! I still tagged you, so you're it!"
"Hey!"
Rose continued chasing after me.
---
I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stand remembering the times I had with my friend. It hurt me too much.
Finally, I had made up my mind.
"I'm sorry, Rose... Forgive me..." I said as I got up heading to the store.
---
I walked on the sidewalk staring at the ground as I walked back to my house, ready to finally end my pain. My mind kept wondering about how my friend would find me. Would they be able to stop me if one of them found out? It's not like it matters anymore, I wouldn't let them stop me anyway.
What will death be like once I accepted it? Will it be like it was before?
I heard a whimper in a dark alley pulling me out of my thoughts. Curious, I walked toward the sound, finding a pile of trash.
I looked at the shaking pile of trash in front of me, the whimpers growing louder as I grew closer.
"Is somepony there?" I uttered walking closer.
I saw a small puppy who cowered in fear. I slowly reached out my good to pick it up. It tried to scamper away but I caught it in time. It let out a loud whine. I gently cradled the puppy in my arms as I began softly petting it to calm it down.
I looked up into the sky with a soft smile on my face. The world can work in strange ways.
