Well, this is an interesting universe you have created, to say the least. Though I’m afraid it’s going to be hard to immerse many readers in it—not because of the WW2 stuff. I’m not a war enthusiast myself, but still understood everything clearly in this regard. It’s the story’s execution that seems to be a problem. What I have seen was very fast-paced, the whole chapter filled with rather short sentences that were sometimes rather loosely connected, shoving a lot of information to the reader in large amounts, possibly too large. There was so much that I remember only a fraction of what the main character said, and I’m afraid I won’t be alone in this regard Also, noticed some tense inconsistencies and such, but your grammar seems to be pretty solid in general.
Well, this is an interesting universe you have created, to say the least. Though I’m afraid it’s going to be hard to immerse many readers in it—not because of the WW2 stuff. I’m not a war enthusiast myself, but still understood everything clearly in this regard.
It’s the story’s execution that seems to be a problem. What I have seen was very fast-paced, the whole chapter filled with rather short sentences that were sometimes rather loosely connected, shoving a lot of information to the reader in large amounts, possibly too large. There was so much that I remember only a fraction of what the main character said, and I’m afraid I won’t be alone in this regard Also, noticed some tense inconsistencies and such, but your grammar seems to be pretty solid in general.