The Best Laid Out Plans 3: An April Fools Trilogy

by Bysen

Wait, no, I went the wrong way, I meant September

“Might I ask a question?” Celestia asked, leaning over where she’d been sitting next to cadence. Her daughter looked at her and gave a very basic level of acknowledgement. “Why is there a human finger in that box?”

“A What?!” Velvet yelled, leaning over from her spot next to Shining. “Oh my god… how- she told me herself it wasn- what if- is that real? Is it real?!”

Shining poked it. Then poked it again. Then once more for good measure. “Not a chance.”

“I’m calling the cops.” Luna said immediately after.

“Wait…” Cadence interrupted as Auntie Lulu reached for her phone. “It’s not real. I think…” getting a raised eyebrow from both Luna and Celestia. “See… Twilight and we have this sorta prank war going on and well… okay, bare with me because it’s very stupid. So Shining proposed to me at the ransom drop site with a ring he’d bought with the ransom money…”

Both Celestia and Luna’s disapproving gaze shifted from Cadence to her fiance. “I can explain…” he defended. “See… it was funny. Because that whole prank war, well mom was in on it and told us she’d faked her kidnapping to prank us. So we flipped the prank on her-”

“Is this proposal a prank?”

“No!” Shining yelled. “I made share Cadence when I asked her. I love her and am so glad she said yes. Although… thinking back on it. This is going to be a weird one to explain to our kids if they ask us.”

“Kids?” OC asked.

“No, just… it’s just an expression.”

“No it’s not.”

“I mean… who else would ask?”

“You never asked us. And I think ours wins on that front anyway. But that’s a story for next year. Twilight’s finger.”

“Right. Twilight’s… fin...ger…” Shining muttered. “It’s… not real.” whether he believed that or was in denial at this point, even he was unsure.

“I’m calling the police.” Celestia said this time. “Whether it’s real or not the policy of Cantalot High, which I agree with, is in the event of a kidnapping to call the authorities and pay any ransom and make all efforts to ensure the student’s safety.” said said as she dialedo n her phone, pressed call and got answered. “ … There’s been a kidnapping. … Honestly, no I’m not sure. But better safe than sorry. … Yes, that would be best. … Wait, you actually can track mobile phones that easily? … Ok, I’ll stay on the lien until they get here.”

Only a few minutes passed, with Cadence giving a recap of the last 4 chapters and Velvet slowly slipping into the realisation that this was all real after all. While that was happening Shining was making a call of his own. “Nnnn… hello?” a very lazily answer came from Chrysalis.”

“Chrysalis, It’s Shining Armour.”

“Shining....” she said, barely registering him at first before perking up dramatically. “Shiny! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You know what this is about…” Shining answered deadpan.

There was a small pause before Chrysalis answered. “Oh… I’m sorry to hear that but… I’m afraid that my offer to get back together when you and Candy Ass broke up has ended. A lot can happen in two months and I’ve met someone.”

“No. Listen, I’m not playing around. I know you and Twilight are pulling another prank and it needs to stop. Now. Just came over with her and we’ll forget this ever happened. My…” he hesitated on the next words. Not because he already considered her this to him, no just that it was awkward to say knowing that both his mom and the one actually doing it could hear it. “My mom’s calling calling the cops now.”

Again, another small pause. Before laughter. “Oh that’s priceless. I almost wish I was a part of it. But unfortunately. I’m in Prance. Also you woke me up, it’s only 11am here. Here, speak to Thorax if you don’t believe me.” her voice dropped down as if no longer right next to the phone. “Say hello to mommy’s old boy toy.”

“Um… hello?”

“Put Chrysalis back on.”

“Oui.”

“Isn’t he just edible? He’s only 15 and I don’t even think that’s legal here. … hello? Did you know up on me?”

And with the regret of having put that on speaker phone for his parents, Velvet only fell deeper into dread. If it wasn’t Chrysy then who else could it be but a real kidnapping. “She’s lying.” Shining said was absolutely no conviction whatsoever. There was a knock on the front door.

“Police. We’ve gotten a call about a kidnapping.”

Velvet scream-cried “Just yell it to the whole neighbourhood!” and rushed for the door. She was met by two police in uniform.

“I’m Officer Spitfire. This is Officer Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’. And yes, that is his legal name now.” Spitfire said with a modicum of announces in her tone. “Are you the one who called?”

“No, I am. They’re here. I’ll just hang up now. Goodbye Sombre, it’s been nice speaking with you.” as she pressed end call and came to the door. “This might be a bit unusual. Came in… oh, this isn’t my house. Sorry.” and she gestured to Velvet who welcomed them in.

Velvet told them everything, tears running down here face. And the bearly audiable muttering under his breathe of ‘A little, yeah…’ from Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ when she’d asked ‘Am I a terrible mother?’ didn’t help. For which he received a sharp elbow in the ribs from Spitfire. Eventually, they’d heard the whole story and had asked if this was some sorta prank twice. Both times receiving a ‘I don’t know!’ from Velvet.

“Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’, go to the car and put this into the system.” he nodded, stood and left for the cruiser parked out front. “Have you got a photo of Twilight other than the ransom one?” and she was instantly handed three framed postcard sized photos off of the wall. “Alright. This one will do.” she said before reaching up to the radio on her shoulder and pressing the button down. “Could I get an APB on a young purple girl, 16[ish], with glasses, dark purple hair with a pink streak usually in a bun. Last seen in or around Ponyville Street yesterday morning.”

A few seconds passed before “I think I got you girl. Saw her half doped up heading into the Washouts gang place on the corner of Sugarcube Weigh. Got charges against her? Could help us get a warrant to raid th pl-”

Spitfire was already rushing towards the door at this point. “Negative, girl is possible kidnap victim. I’m enroute to Sugarcube corner, sending you picture to confirm identity. Possible swat team needed.” and she sprinted to her car, light on, no sirens [yet] and she and Soari- her partner, screeched out of the driveway.

“Where are the keys?!” both Cadence and Velvet yelled in unison. Shining, Cadence, Velvet and OC all got in the car and pulled out in almost as much of a rush, Velvet behind the wheel. Celestia and Luna still standing in the driveway.

“I told you we shouldn’t have gotten an ewe-ber here.” Luna groaned.

Author's Note:

Deleted scene
“I’m calling the cops.” Luna said almost immediately.

“Wait…” Cadence interrupted as Auntie Lulu reached for her phone. “It’s not real. I think…” getting a raised eyebrow from both Luna and Celestia. “See… Twilight and we have this sorta prank war going on and well… okay, bare with me because it’s very stupid. So Shining proposed to me at the ransom drop site with a ring he’d bought with the ransom money…”

“I’m calling the cops.” Luna repeated. “But for a different reason.” Celestia nearly leapt over the table at Shining Armour.

“Is this all just some prank?!” she asked/demanded, placing a hand on each of his shoulders and slowly moving them towards the neck.

“Uh…” Shining stuttered as the hand got closer to his throat. “Is it weird this is kinda turning me on?”