The Best Laid Out Plans 3: An April Fools Trilogy

by Bysen

Set in like August or something but a few days later

It wasn't a moment sooner that the doorbell rang. Naturally everyone kept eating in hopes that someone else would offer to stand up and answer it. Eventually OC told the table “I cooked dinner…”

“I have company.” Shining added.

“I am company. “ quipped Cadence.

“Well I'm drunk.” Velvet slurred.

“No you're not…” said all three in unison.

“Well it was worth a shot.” as she put down her fork and chopsticks, slid out her chair and stood up. Twilight hadn't been clear on how she'd announce her abduction. Velvet had expected a phone call with a scrambled voice on the other end. But a ransom letter made sense too. And as she opened the door there was no one there. Looking down she was proven correct as a small envelope lay on the welcome mat. Picking it up, she turned and headed back to the table.

Now was when she had to sell it. And so she chose to ignore the letter for the next fifteen minutes or so while she finished her meal. Placing the envelope on the on the coffee table, she retook her seat and finished dinner in time for OC to say “that’s the second time you’ve kicked me… if you don’t stop playing footsies my shoes are coming off and I’m joining in. Which naturally made Velvet kick his leg under the table. “That’s it!...”

Eventually, once all four of them had Shining’s burger king foot lettuce he’d gotten from the army base showers, had finished eating, Shining went for a second helping. Velvet whapped the back of his hand with a napkin “Leave some for your sister. Since you’re already finished, could you call her and ask when she’ll be home? Dinner’s getting cold.” his mother asked. Velvet flinched for a moment as she remembered the plan she’d forgotten about and the letter on the coffee table.

Luckily it looked like Shining was already getting up and Cadence was watching him so no one gave any notice to her slip up. Although the letter was going ignored now calling would be the first thing they did after opening a ransom letter. Shining talked up to his room and called. My little pony. My little pony. Ah-ah-ah-ah! My little pony, I used to wond-. The call was coming from inside the house.

Twilight’s ringtone rang throughout and quickly stopped “Did Twily just walk in?” Shining asked as he walked down the stairs. He didn’t see her and neither did the other three. “Did she leave her phone at home?”

“That’s not like Twilight.” Velvet replied.

“What about staying out late?” Shining asked.

“That is like her.” Velvet said as she stood up.

She knew this was all part of a plan but it wasn’t like she’d imagined it and she was still Twilight’s mother. Worry began to creep in just a bit. “I’ll call the library and see if Twilight’s accidently tripped their motion sensor again. In the meanwhile, her phone sounded like it came from the couch, it’s probably down a cushion. Could you call it agai-”

“Twily breaks into the library? That’s pretty hardcore.”

“No. I mean she stays reading when the library closes and doesn’t notice…” replied velvet as she finished her own phone out of her manpurse. She'd swapped with her husband a few years back and had kept his. And him hers. She hit the contact, a few moments passed and “Hello Harshwhinny, it’s Velvet again. I’m just calling to see if Twilight’s still at the library. … uh-huh … uh-huh … uh-huh… Ok, thank you.” she said with gritted teeth as she hung up. “Insufferable bitch…” she muttered to herself. “She’s not there.” Velvet said louder.

My little pony. My little pony. Ah ah ah- “Uh… mom. Your letter’s ringing.” Shining said, handing her the envelope she’d gotten earlier. It continued to play the theme song as Shining opened it. He didn’t recognise the phone but the words ‘Incoming call from B.B.B.F.F.’ told him it was hers. He ended his call and looked at… “Oh what the fuck?!”

The home screen was a photo of Twilight, tied to a chair with duct tape. Her hair was messy and strands of it had clearly been pulled out by herself when she tried to turn her head wrapped in tape that was fully around her covering her eyes and mouth, leaving her nose free to breath. She was missing a shoe and her shirt was stretched. The only piece of comfort it looks like who ever had done this had given her was a a single pen sized hole in the duct tape over her mouth so she could breath. She didn’t look battered or bruised but not much of her face could be seen.

Cadence gasped. “Does she have a boyfriend?” and stood up from her seat, hurriedly walking over to see that had surprised Sh- “Oh what the fuck!?!”

“Do I want to know?” OC asked, not standing up and not wanting to know. “You shouldn’t be looking at your sister’s phone to begin with.” He was either playing dumb about the prank or actually thought there was a dick pic on her daughter’s phone. Or both. He knew Cadence well enough that when she didn’t say ‘It’s even bigger than yours Shining’ that he knew it wasn’t that opinion and stood up to go look.

He had only just gotten out of his chair when “AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” screamed Velvet as she hand-on-face pushed cadence out of the way. She grabbed the phone and read the letter that was on Twilight’s chest. Stabled to it.

We have your daughter
If you want to see her again leave
5000 bits
In a plastic bag in the bag recycling bin
At the library
Or you will never see her again
Call the police and we’ll know
This will be the only message

It was written in magazine cut outs and and looked crappily aligned.

“It’s fake.” Shining said dismissively.

Cadence, reeling from both the shock and the shove asked “What… are you sure?”

“That crappy wall behind her. That’s Chrysalis’ house. She’s trying to prank us.” Shining stated. He could tell by Cadence’s face and her mother’s amazing acting that both of them were still concerned. “5000 bits? That’s nothing. I have that. They’d ask for way more if this was real. At the library? C’mon. And this happened the week that I’m back and you’re here too? I don’t believe it for a second.”

And it convinced Cadence. His mother, knowing, was impressed by her son. Nonetheless “No, we can’t risk it! I don’t care if it’s a prank. If there’s even a 1% chance of it then we have to treat it as an absolute certainty!”

“That’s not how statistics work…” Shining said, recognising that line from, that movie he loved.

“No, that’s exactly how risk assessment works.” OC said, walking over, having not seen the picture yet. He was an architect and if a building had a 1% chance of failure that was treated as a certainty. “Think Chrysy kidnapped her?”

“‘Chrysy’?” Cadence asked with the slightest tone of jealousy. “And how do you know that’s her house?”

Velvet had cut the water works by now. He’d figured it out, there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Or was there? “Where does chrysalis live? I’m going there right now!”

“Sure, I’ll come with you.” Shining answered. Though didn’t actually answer the question.

“Me too.” Cadence added. “But how can we turn this back on them? I don’t want to call the police. If it’s fake then Twilight'll get in trouble too. Do either of you know any police who can give them a scare?” Velvet’s mind went to three ‘police’ she knew but their uniforms weren't exactly convincing outside of the strip club. She did however note to take Cadence there for her bachelorette.

“Wait a second… you’re in on this! Aren’t you?” Shining asked his mother. She’d given it away. Thinking about something else, she’d gotten too calm. And she may’ve been an alright actor but acting and poker facing where two different things! “You are!”

“N-no…. Hhhaaa… fine. I am.” Velvet confessed. “A-and so’s your father!” she added, trying to at least share the blame.

“I’ve got it!” declared Shining. “I know how to turn this back on Twilight.” he said as the camera zoomed in on his face, tilted slightly as dark bars filled the top and bottom of screen leaving only his evilly squinted eyes. “I’m going to need 5000 bits.”

Author's Note:

Going to be honest... this was not the original plan at all.
I had a very solid plan for everything. At least I did 3 years ago...
Shining figuring it out was always part of that but Velvet admitting it was not. But I thought of something funny and figured, yeah, let's do that.