Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer were unicorn filly. Their early names had different meanings and was related to day and night, 'Twilight' was the initial name of Twilight Sparkle, and was related to the dawn, the end of the night and the beginning of the day. Now, the name 'Sunset', was the opposite, had relation with the dusk, the end of the day and the beginning of the night. But hers last name was very similar.
Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer were with their parents at the Summer Sun Celebration. For Twilight Sparkle, it was her favorite holiday. As for Sunset Shimmer, it wasn't her favorite. Twilight Sparkle had a smile on her face as she walked with her parents at the festival, while Sunset Shimmer had a neutral face.
Twilight Sparkle saw Sunset Shimmer and Sunset Shimmer saw Twilight Sparkle, they approached to talk. "Hi, my name's Sunset Shimmer, and yours?" presented Sunset Shimmer.
"Hi Sunset Shimmer, my name's Twilight Sparkle." presented Twilight Sparkle.
"What do you think of the festival?" asked Sunset Shimmer.
"I'm loving it! I love this festival!" exclamed Twilight Sparkle cheerfully with a smile as she jumped like a happy filly.
"Really? I don't like it so much." Sunset Shimmer gave her opinion, she hoped what she said didn't upset Twilight Sparkle.
"Oh, why not?" asked Twilight Sparkle, she wasn't upset, she just wanted to know why Sunset Shimmer didn't like the festival.
"It's because i'm not much of a fan of long days, i prefer the Winter Moon Celebration," replied Sunset Shimmer.
"Oh," realized Twilight Sparkle. "I also like this festival, besides I love the night, but I like the Summer Sun Celebration more"
Suddenly the parents of Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer called on a multitude of ponies. "Princess Celestia will raise the sun and Princess Luna will lower the moon, come here!"
"We're going!" exclaimed Twilight Sparkle before looking at Sunset Shimmer and motioning to follow.
Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer went to the crowd, they went forward to get a good view of the princesses. The trumpets began to play and appeared the two princesses of Equestria, Celestia and Luna. Twilight Sparkle looked at Celestia with admiration, while Sunset Shimmer looked at Luna with admiration as well. Luna stood up and as she lowered the moon, Sunset Shimmer looked at Luna with admiration as she saw Luna lowering the moon. This done, it was Celestia's turn to rise and make the sun rose, Twilight Sparkle looked at Celestia with admiration as she watched Celestia raise the sun. After that, the two princesses stared at the crowd as they clapped their hooves, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle looked at the princesses as they smiled.
When all the ponies left to enjoy the longest day, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle talked about the princesses, "did you see how Princess Luna lowered the moon? It was incredible!" said Sunset Shimmer excitedly.
"Luna?" asked Twilight Sparkle before smiling. "Did you see how Celestia raised the sun?!"
What the fillys didn't know was that Celestia and Luna were listening to what Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer were talking about they, "that lavender unicorn filly loved how I raised the sun", said Celestia with a smile as she stared at the Twilight Sparkle by far.
"No pony ever admired my moon, I think that orange unicorn likes my night and my moon," said Luna with a smile as she tried to hold back the tears of happiness.
"Tell me, Luna," said Celestia looking at Luna now. "How about we make these two fillys our students?"
"I liked that idea!" exclaimed Luna cheerfully.
Honestly, I'm on edge about this chapter. It is clear that you have a lovely idea for a story in mind and that you are eager to share it. And maybe too eager to get to the more important and/or interesting parts. Try to slow down a little bit to create a proper atmosphere to draw the reader in. This chapter could easily be one or two thousand words long, given how many things happen in there. Also, try not to jump between various information in the paragraphs so much and also tell less--there is no need to say the fillies talked about the princesses and then have them talk about the princesses. And last, try to avoid repeating the names so much.
I'm sorry for such a negative comment, but I think this will help you grow as a writer, and I'd do more harm than good by sugarcoating this. I'd really like to see this story finished one day, but right now, you ought to find someone who could guide you and help you with the execution of the story.
I like the idea, it's really sweet but you should write more about atmosphere, emotions and events that happen, just to entertain the reader more
sorry but imo this is some p terrible writing
alot of mistakes, misspellings, the charecters being out-of-charecter
not to mention that you cant just well- do what celestia and luna did
why not friends, family, allies, guests, etc?
and you used the word admiration ALOT, try using other phrases like :
"sunset marvelled at the beauty of the sky as the sun rose high above the sky, and lunas shining moon took its place back below the horizon. twilight in turn stared at sol invictus, the solar goddess, princess celestia with joy in her eyes. the sun, the symbol of light, shined behind her back; turning the sillhoute of celestia look like it was flowing with her billowing multicolored mane"
instead of
"sunset/twilight looked at ___ with admiration as they/it rose"?