Chapter 13 - Unexpected Results
Canterlot, being Equestria’s capital city, is unsurprisingly quite busy. With a high, mostly unicorn, population, and with a thriving tourist industry, as well as the many ponies who come to see Celestia or Luna for advice, the place is usually pretty packed most of the time. But I’m used to cities like that. I can handle making my way through busy crowds. It’s certainly a lot easier when they’re only about half as tall as you for the most part.
But I always look forward to coming home in the evening back to Ponyville. In contrast to Equestria’s gleaming first city, Ponyville has a population of barely a thousand or so. At a late hour, you can find yourself wandering the town almost completely by yourself. And even when it is at its busy hour, it’s not jam packed like a city. At best there’s a modest crowd at the market from time to time. The quaint little town gives an introvert like me a chance to recharge my batteries and relax from dealing with the crowds in Canterlot all day long. I can just step down off the train, say hello to a few friends, and then stroll back home to see the missus.
However, when I stepped down from the train one afternoon, a couple of weeks before Strong Shield’s ‘death’, that wasn’t what I got.
First of all, the platform, and the train itself had been packed. I’d assumed there was hoofball game or something on in one of the cities further up the line, like Manehattan or Baltimare. To my surprise though, instead of it being just me getting off in the town described by more than one noble arsehole as a ‘backwater’, it seemed like everypony on the train was alighting here. I found myself swarmed by ponies as they all pushed their way along the platform like so many Chinese tourists. Needless to say, I was a little surprised.
I was even more surprised when I saw my wife standing on the platform waiting for me. Normally, the first I see of her is when I walk through the front door. It’s barely a ten minute walk to the house. Why had she come out here? Hopefully it was with some sort of explanation. Although I had a fair idea of who might be responsible. Walking over to her, she embraced me in a hug before I asked the obvious question.
“Alright,” I said. “How many and which of Twilight’s friends are responsible for this mess?”
“It’s that new book they published a couple weeks back,” Margaret explained over the din of a hundred chattering ponies. “The thing’s shot to the top of the bestseller list, and now the town’s inundated with fans. Bones is going absolutely ape. All the hotels are full, they’re camping in the park, and harassing Twilight and her friends.”
“What are they having a go at her about?” I asked as we started to make our way off the platform.
“Not just her,” Margaret replied. “All these ponies seem to be split into factions. One group for each of Twilight’s friends, and they all keep arguing over which one’s best. And like I said, they keep harassing them all like the rabid fans they are.” Sounds fun.
“So, in other words, the lavender menace has caused a riot with a book? Impressive.”
“Starlight doesn’t have anything to do with this,” my wife replied.
“I meant the other lavender menace; Twilight.”
“Oh, come on, how could anypony predict this?” Margaret asked. “They published it to help ponies help themselves. You know, that whole saying about teaching a bloke to fish. But instead a bunch of ponies have just fixated on the stories without learning any of the lessons.”
Now I could see why Bones was cheesed off. These ponies were stealing his shtick. To be fair to him, he does do his best to follow the lessons Twilight and her friends have learned over the years. He even has a few copies of some of Twilight’s friendship reports. However, he did tell me that plenty of the weird fans he was friends with could sometimes get a little...odd. As in, talking about which of Twilight’s friends they’d marry, odd.
While not quite as extreme, these rabid pony fans were doing all they could to apparently insert themselves into the girls’ lives. And they were causing utter chaos in the process.
Well, there was only one thing to be done; get them moved on. There was nowhere for them all to stay, Twilight and the others couldn’t possibly accommodate them, and their little camps amounted to pretty much squatting and trespass on private property.
Turning around and heading back to the train station, I wired Celestia to let her know what was going on. Hopefully she could help get her little ponies under control. Meanwhile, I went to meet with Mayor Mare to see if there was anything I could do to help. I instructed Margaret to head back home, just to be safe. This was no angry mob, but I’ve seen plenty of peaceful demonstrations flare up with unfortunate results. Particularly when you get the Parachute Regiment involved.
Heading into Town Hall, I found Mayor Mare pretty much going spare with what was happening to her quiet little town. The simple fact was that there weren’t enough locals to help herd away the tourists, and there was too high a risk of something going wrong, like a stampede or a crush. Remember, Ponyville’s streets are pretty narrow compared to the likes of Canterlot or Manehattan.
First things first though, it would be a good idea to try diplomacy. Unbeknownst to me, across town on Sweet Apple Acres, Bones, who had formed something along the lines of a Rorke’s Drift defence around the farmhouse, was doing the same. I figured that, if push came to shove, we could call in the Royal Guard from nearby Canterlot to help disperse the crowd. But the best way at the present would be to use some of my own authority.
You see, as a government minister and advisor, I have certain legal powers to act on behalf of the princesses. I have a power of arrest and detention, can instruct constables in any jurisdiction in Equestria, and can also impose temporary measures at a legal level. In other words, I could read this lot the Riot Act, and tell them to sod off back home.
I said as much to Mayor Mare. She wasn’t too optimistic that the crowds would listen to reason, but we had to try something. It was starting to get late, and pretty soon all these buggers would be looking for somewhere to bed down for the night. So, hoping for the best, I stepped out onto the balcony of town hall, a bullhorn in my hand. First things first; get their attention. I finally had an excuse to do something I’d been wanting to do since I got this job. Raising the bullhorn up, I called out across the square.
“I AM...THE LAW!” That got their attention. A few hundred startled pairs of eyes turned to face me. Somewhere across town, my wife and both my kids facepalmed hard. I briefly explained who I was before getting to the point.
“Alright,” I said, now addressing the crowd in a much calmer tone. “Now, I appreciate everypony’s...interest in Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends, as well as their newly released friendship journal. However, several of your groups are trespassing on private property; namely Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s animal sanctuary. You will need to vacate within the next hour, or be charged with criminal trespass. The rest of you; Ponyville is not able to accommodate all of you. If you want to visit, you’ll need to seek lodging elsewhere. Your presence at the moment is blocking half the roads in town. That’s obstruction of a public highway or byway; also an offence. So please, collect your things and calmly disperse.” The crowd seemed to cotton onto this
However, before I could start making much headway, one of the many groups suddenly started up that Twilight and her friends were all now holed up inside the castle.
That at least got them all to leave everywhere else. But now things turned into a very peculiar siege of Twilight’s castle. You had all their various ‘fans’ as it were gathered outside, each one both vying for the attention of their favourite, and hurling slurs about the character flaws of the others.
Things more or less turned out alright in the end though. As is so often the case in Equestria, matters got settled by way of a good sing-song. Essentially, Twilight and the girls told their mentally unstable fans and stalkers that they were just ponies like themselves; they all had their flaws and made mistakes. This somewhat sated the crowds, but it was a shame that so few of them had taken any of the lessons to heart. Honestly, I think the only two who did were those two little fillies who first inspired Twilight to go ahead and publish in the first place.
Ultimately, it took the Royal Guard, with a detachment from Canterlot led by Strong Shield no less, being sent down to restore order. Strong Shield rocked up, read the Riot Act as it stands in Equestria, and fired a few bolts of magic into the air to hammer the point home. That cleared Ponyville out very quickly.
All that remained was the clean up operation. You have any idea what happens when a couple thousand tourists descend on a town as small as Ponyville? A whole lot of litter, that’s what. We ended up spending the next couple days just making the place look presentable again. And that was excluding the damage to all the grassland from so many hooves trampling on it, along with the general upset caused by what was effectively a flash mob.
So yeah, on reflection, and having given the matter a great deal of thought, I wouldn’t say it was the best idea Twilight ever had to go ahead and publish her friendship lessons. Although having said that, I know for a fact that Bones treasures his, signed, copy and consults it regularly for advice as do several of the kids who got their hooves on a copy. There was nothing wrong with the book, just the way some ponies reacted to it. I suppose you could say the same about that TV series that’s based on this world. Bones has told me plenty of stories about some of the stranger fans.
I didn’t need to know pony body pillows were a thing. Or what in Celestia’s name clop is.
It was a few weeks after the whole affair that my best friend decided to drop by to pay me a visit. I hadn’t seen Discord for some time. He’d been recuperating after his apparent near brush with death. You see, it dawned on him that it was always him going over to Fluttershy’s house for tea instead of the other way around. Despite how often he sleeps on my sofa, he does have a house of his own in his little chaos pocket dimension. So he decided that, for a change, he’d invite Fluttershy over instead.
The only problem was he didn’t want her to be put off by all the chaos that he usually keeps. So he tried to model his home after what he thought she might like. This resulted in him becoming so ordered that he actually began to phase out of existence at one point, much to his friend’s horror. Because he stopped being chaotic, his magic began to pack up, and as a creature of pure chaos, that very nearly killed him. Luckily, Fluttershy was able to use her own meagre chaos skill set to bring him back, and he embraced his own style, instead of trying to be what she wanted.
Personally, I just see this as further evidence that he wants to do her. But that’s besides the point.
I’d also never visited him in his own home before, since he much preferred to mooch off of mine and steal food and beer from my fridge. So, one afternoon, he came over with a proposition.
I was in my study working on a couple of little odd jobs from work. While sensitive stuff gets locked up in my office each night, I typically take a few things home with me, particularly on Fridays so I can work on them over the weekend. As I was going over an interesting new case currently being heard down at Doge Junction (cattle rustling if you’ll believe it) I heard a knock at the door. My study being at the very back of the house meant it was a bit of a stroll for me. So, it was no surprise when I heard Margaret call out.
“I’ll get it!” she called, her voice from the kitchen sounding a little distant.
Back on Earth, I might have been a touch suspicious. It was getting into early evening; a little from somepony to be calling. And as far as I knew, neither of us were expecting anypony. But this is Equestria, and more to the point Ponyville. Most folks around here don’t even lock their doors at night. So, I paid it no further mind, thinking it was probably just somepony being friendly or somepony Margaret was expecting.
However, a few moments later, my ears all but pricked up at the sound of my wife letting out a startled cry. Quickly setting my work to one side, I made my way through the house, picking up the iron poker from the fireplace as I went. Rounding into the hall though, I found my caution, more or less, unwarranted.
The reason Margaret had cried out was because Discord was currently suspending himself using his snake like tail, upside down from the door frame. She didn’t seem too pleased with his practical joke. Like Bones, she finds Discord deeply irritating. Of course, that only eggs him on more to mess with her. She turned back to me as I walked into the hall, her face flush partly from embarrassment and partly from anger.
“Your best friend’s here,” she said in a tone that showed her disgust was too deep for words. Her expression matched.
She quickly went back into the kitchen, leaving me to face the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, who had at least now let go of the front door frame and was standing on the stoop like a normal pony.
“Hey, Discord,” I said with a half hearted wave. “Nice to see you using the door for once.” Like I said before, he usually just appears on my sofa.
“Well, I figured the old breaking and entering was getting a bit stale,” he replied with a grin. His smile told me that, as usual, he wanted something.
Don’t get me wrong, we are good friends. But at times I can’t help but feel that our friendship is a tad one sided. I look after him when he’s in one of his moods, he shows up whenever he needs something from me or wants to use me in one of his diabolical chess games. Still, he is a good mate when it matters. It’s just that for the rest of the time, I have to play Wilson to his House.
“Well, I know you didn’t come here just to frighten my wife. Guys’ Night isn’t for another couple days, and I don’t hear any sirens. So what brings you to my door at this hour?” I asked curiously.
At this, Discord snapped his talons and several confetti cannons fired off behind him. I hoped that he’d clean them up when he left.
“I’d like to invite you and Margaret to my house tomorrow,” he replied with far more fanfare than the statement deserved. I was about to ask him why, but he started explaining before I could.
“It occurred to me, you see,” he said. “That our friendship is a bit biassed toward me. It’s high time I started being a better friend to you. You should be able to come over and break into my house, and steal my beer from my fridge. Margaret too if she wants to.”
I wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or scared. On the one hand, this was Discord acting selflessly and actually trying to do something nice for me out of the goodness of his heart. Plus he seemed to be trying to do something nice for Margaret too, who at best tolerates him, in an effort to get her to be more accepting. On the other though, one of the many things I learned when I was with the volunteers was to never go to the secondary location. That’s how you end up with one in the back of your head in the woods somewhere.
But, Discord is my friend. And in all our friendship, he only ever double crossed me once, and he strongly regretted it. So I called Margaret back. She returned a moment later, having got over her initial fright and stared up at the draconequus.
“Discord’s inviting us over to his place tomorrow night,” I said matter of factly. “Fancy going along?”
My wife’s face first showed shock and surprise, then some anger and annoyance, and finally, turning to Discord again, curiosity.
“What’s brought this on then?” she asked him. Discord now summoned a battered hat that he held in his talon and paw and let his ears droop pitifully. It’s amazing how, for a chaos spirit, he can look like a lost little puppy at times.
“Oh, Margaret,” he said. “I just hate how we don’t get along. I know how much it annoys you when I just show up out of the blue and steal your husband. I thought it was high time I try to build some bridges between the three of us. I’d so much rather we be friends instead of having catfights every time I drop by.”
“So just what are you planning then?” she asked, still unconvinced. Discord shrugged his shoulders.
“Oh, nothing too extravagant,” he replied kindly. “I thought we could just get together, I could cook us all a nice dinner, have some drinks, talk into the evening.”
I have to admit, it was a little strange. Not what Discord was doing, but more the idea of going over to Discord’s house to have dinner, with no hidden agenda to think about. Conversely, while rare, on occasion, Discord does make an effort to actually be nice. He is reformed after all now. The best thing to do would be to encourage him. And it seemed that my wife had the same idea.
“Alright then, Discord,” she said cautiously. “I wouldn’t mind stopping by.” Discord’s ears perked up at that.
“Excellent!” he declared, scooping the two of us up in a hug for a moment. “How’s about a little after six tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Margaret agreed, gently pushing her way out of his embrace, allowing me to do the same.
Snapping his talons, Discord produced a little map for me.
“Here, you’ll need this,” he said, now a little more seriously. “I may have my own swingin’ bachelor pad, but it is in rather a rough end of town. This should help you find your way without too much trouble. See you tomorrow night.”
And with that, he vanished, as usual. I closed the front door and turned to Margaret, who was quite eager to see the map. Opening up the map, which was actually a fair bit larger than I was expecting, we took a look at the route we’d need to take. Curiously, it seemed to begin in our living room, leading through some kind of portal thing. A little alarmed by the fact that Discord appeared to have a near perfect map of the inside of our home, we went into the living room.
Sure enough, the inside wall now had a nice little interdimensional portal jutting out of it. It was like something out of Stargate. It seemed stable enough, and no eldritch abominations seemed to be coming out of it. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was doing to the structural stability.
Hell, the water pipe runs behind there.
I reassured Margaret that he’d probably get ride of the portal after we visited him. She was more worried about the photographs that had been hanging on the wall before.
Taking a look at the rest of the map, things took a turn for the weird. Discord’s little realm is like stepping into one of Salvador Dali’s paintings with a bit of Picasso and post modernism thrown in for good measure. Everything was a little...off. The best way I can describe it is to take LSD while watching Teletubbies or riding on ‘It’s a Small World’ at Disneyland. Whatever you end up with is a close approximation to Discord’s little world. Charlie certainly didn’t seem to think much of the new addition to our living room, and spent the next half hour growling at it.
So, a couple days later, the two of us headed off. The phrase ‘guess who’s coming to dinner?’ springs to mind, albeit in the reverse. I’d actually gone as far as to tell Luna about it when she stopped by one of my dreams, just so, if we did go missing, they knew where to send the search parties. I mean, let’s be honest, you wouldn't be surprised if the Royal Guard raided Discord’s place and found a creepy sex dungeon, would you?
Now there’s a mental image I didn’t need.
The two of us had dressed ourselves up nicely, with me in a nice smart shirt, and Margaret in one of her more casual dresses. We used to go over to friends’ houses all the time back home. Heck, Bones tells me his fondest memory is of all of us going over to Siobhan’s place. He ended up playing an entire campaign of Galactic Conquest in Star wars Battlefront with her kids. I meanwhile, got absolutely smashed, and Margaret had to drive us home. Still, fun times. And when you get to our age, it’s nice to keep socialising. I’d hate to end up as one of those elderly couples that just stay home all day with their pets.
Heading into the living room, we held hands and stepped through the portal. It wasn’t actually too bad. Teleports tend to do a number on my stomach, no matter how skilled the castor is. This though was no worse than that feeling when you’re walking up stairs and you think there’s one more step than there really is, causing you to suddenly fall forward.
Emerging from the portal, we found ourselves in the strange, surreal world I described. The sky and ground, not that there was any distinction between the two, was was sort of purple, with a lava lamp like effect flowing across it. It reminded me of some of the cheesy special effects from Star Trek. Random floating islands drifted here and there, with multicoloured palm trees sprouting here and there. And in the ‘sky’ flew strange unnatural looking birds. Everything was in a constant state of flux; complete and total chaos. Were I not fearing for my own life and the life of the woman I loved, I might have found it fascinating.
“Oh my God,” Margaret exclaimed in shock. “This is Hell, isn’t it?”
I was about to respond, though for the life of me I wasn’t sure what I could say to reassure her, when another voice joined in on our conversation.
“Actually, we’re beneath Hell, Ah think. This is much worse. At least Hell is warm.”
It was Bones! What in the name of Celestia herself was he doing here?
Spinning around on the spot, we were amazed to find not only my son, but Lizzie too. Both our children were in this strange pocket dimension with us.
“How did you two get here?” Margaret asked, quickly bending down slightly to hug both of them in reassurance. Lizzie explained.
“Discord said he wanted to spend some time with me when he came by Fluttershy’s,” she said. “He said something about wanting to make up for being a bit of a jerk. He put some kind of portal in my room so I could get here.”
“He did pretty much the same thing for me,” Bones added. “Feller turned up on the doorstep, all apologetic like, sayin’ he wanted to offer an olive branch. Celestia knows the two of us have been like Q and Jean Luc since we met.” That was true, Discord loved teasing Bones; he always was easy to get a rise out of.
“Well, he said the same thing to the two of us as well,” I said. “Though he never said anything about inviting you two as well. I wonder why.”
“Ah’m gonna say, because he’s Discord,” Bones replied. I frowned but nodded.
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” I pulled out the map from my jacket pocket. “Well then, we might as well make a start. From this, it looks like we need to go past that black hole and then hang a left when we come to the Being of Inconceivable Horror.”
“Oh joy,” my wife said bluntly.
The journey to Discord’s house wasn’t actually too bad. Once you got used to the surreal nature of the world, it actually wasn’t too bad. Apart from one startling moment where a strange fish/bird hybrid made a strafing run at us, it wasn’t actually too bad. It was actually probably a fair bit safer than the Everfree Forest. Although having said that, at least in the Everfree, gravity wasn’t in a constant state of flux.
Still, we soon made it to Discord’s house. Like everything else it was a little out there. It actually reminded me a little bit of Fluttershy’s cottage. Given that he got this place after his reformation, it made some sense. As I’ve said before, I’m pretty certain he’s sweet on her. He might have a love/hate on again off again relationship with Celestia, which mainly involves him flirting with her to annoy her, but he’s properly sweet on Fluttershy.
Not that I can blame him. I might be a human; but she’s a sweet girl and even I can see how pretty she is. For Celestia’s sake, she was a model once upon a time.
We made our way up the winding and twisting garden path and, after timing our jump to match the constant rotation of the house, we all ended up on the porch. Knocking on the door with my knuckles, I heard Discord inside.
“Just a minute!” he called out.
We heard somepony opening and closing a door inside. A moment later, the front door opened, and there was Discord. He was smiling, and for once it was a genuinely kind smile, as opposed to his usual scheming smile when he knows he’s done something to show he’s smarter than anypony else.
“Oh, splendid, you’re here!” he said happily, stepping out to join us on the porch. He reached out to shake my hand. “Great to see you, Roger.” He then turned to Margaret, who was holding the bottle of wine we’d brought.
“Margaret, you’re looking as lovely as ever.” He gently took the bottle from her and moved in give her a peck on the cheek. This was weird; Discord was following usual social customs. Margaret was so caught off guard that she actually mirrored his greeting. He then turned to the kids.
“And Bones and Lizzie,” he said kindly. “Sorry I didn’t tell you I was inviting your parents along. But I thought it would be a nice surprise. Celestia knows the four of you don’t get to spend as much time together as you’d like. Anyway, come on in. Mi casa es su casa.”
Stepping to one side, he ushered us all inside. I was pleasantly surprised. Far from just not telling us he’d invited all of us just for fun, he’d actually done it as a nice surprise He had committed another selfless act. Well, as much as a part of me wanted to remain suspicious, I was much happier to be surprised and pleased to see this new side of Discord. He rarely shows it, but I’ve known that he has this side to him. Like I said, as a best mate, he’s always had my back. And I don’t even need to tell you about the roaring rampage of revenge he went on when he heard Fluttershy had been kidnapped.
The inside of the house, while a little unusual, actually wasn’t that startling. It actually reminded me a little bit of our own home. Leading us through the hall into the front room he ushered us all onto a pair of sofas. He meanwhile settled down in a high backed armchair. Before he did though, he snapped his fingers, prompting the cork on the bottle to come to life and uncork itself. Then, setting the wine down on a nearby side table, which already had a few glasses waiting ,he gave it a chance to breathe.
“It’s a nice place you’ve got here, Discord,” Margaret said as we all sat down. Discord actually blushed and with a shy a smile, waved away the compliment.
“Oh you should have seen it when I first moved in, darling,” he replied, mimicking Rarity a bit. “The place has been a real fixer upper. It took me about six months just to get the rotation right and get rid of all the jabberwockies.”
Now, Margaret does love her home decorating. Back on Earth, she’d spent a small fortune doing up our house. She even hired one of those designer people from Laura Ashley to come out to redo all the bedrooms and the living rooms. Suffice it to say, she knows the difference between pencil and goblet headed curtains, and knows good design when she sees it.
“Where did you get all the stuff from anyway?” Margaret went on. Discord leaned back.
“There’s a great little shop in Vanhoover,” he replied. “I’ll grab their contact details for you in a bit.” He clapped his paw and talon together.
“Anyway, how about we all get started on this?” he began to pour us a glass each and one for himself. “Dinner should be ready in a few minutes or so.”
With a snap of his talons, a glass appeared in everyone’s hand or hoof. Margaret had picked out a decent Prench red following that old trick when it comes finding a wine that was value for money; always go for the second cheapest. It won’t be terrible, and it will be a reasonable price while still being a fine drink in and of itself.
As I swirled the drink around for a moment, my mind couldn’t help but drift to all the beverages that were now forever lost to me. I might love living here in Equestria, but what I wouldn’t give for a pint of Guinness. Try as I might, I’ve not been able to find anything close, apart from a couple decent ales in Trottingham, everywhere else chills their beer for goodness sake. At best in Ponyville you can find a passable lager. And of course, AJ’s cider. While most of it is non-alcoholic, she does make some hard stuff each year.
It was with this though that I took a sip of the wine. And to my amazement, for the first time in a little over five years, I tasted Guinness. It took all my effort to keep my surprise from causing me to spew it across the room. After getting myself under control, I realised that Margaret and the kids had experienced something similar.
“What they hay?” Bones exclaimed in amazement. “This ain’t no wine. It’s whiskey!”
“Old number seven for you, Bones,” Discord replied.
“I was just thinking about a glass of Coca Cola,” Lizzie added.
“And so it became that,” he replied with a smile.
Bones, fascinated by the anomalous drink took another sip.
“Memetic?” he asked Discord after a moment. “Ah’m guessin’ y’all are usin’ your magic to alter the way we perceive the wine.” Discord shook his head.
“No, nothing so trite, dear boy,” he replied. “My chaos magic allows the liquid to be in a constant state of quantum flux until it’s tasted.” Bones smiled at that and barked a short laugh.
“Ha, so in other words, Schroedinger's booze.”
“Precisely.”
This was absolutely great. Never mind the whole progress Discord was making in his reformation shtick, I was just enjoying an evening with a good friend. As the evening continued, our conversation turned to the recent kerfuffle with Twilight’s book.
“I just can’t believe how little I was featured in it,” Discord was saying. “Such a glaring omission, considering I was the one who pointed out that it was filled with clues on how to open the chest and put Tirek back where he belongs.”
“I gotta admit, Discord,” Bones replied. “Ah was a mite surprised y’all didn’t find yourself with a few groupies. Celestia knows there were plenty of folks back on Earth who had y’all pegged as their favourite character in the show.”
“Yeah, mainly for the whole Q thing, right?” Discord replied with a laugh.
I’d told him about his similarity, including voice, to the Star Trek character after Bones explained that the same guy voiced him on the show.
“Oh come on, old man,” I said with a grin. “You’re like a nicer version of Q. You ocassionally teach ponies lessons through sociopathic manipulation, but you’re actually a nice guy, instead of messing with ponies for the hell of it.”
“I did feel sorry for poor Twilight though,” Margaret added, finishing off her second glass. “She put so much effort into that book, and it just ended up causing all sorts of trouble. Only a few of the foals really got what the lessons were about really. Most of the adults were just obsessing about the characters.”
“Now who does that sound like?” Lizzie asked. That got us all to laugh and Bones to blush a little.
“Hey, need Ah remind y’all that I do take Twilight’s friendship lessons to heart. But Luna is best pony.” We all broke out into laughter again.
The dinner was amazing. Apparently, Discord has a hidden knack for cooking. It was nice to just spend some time with him, even more so that it seemed to finally ease some of the animosity between him and the rest of my family. Margaret certainly didn’t object to the idea of him stopping by some time next week. Hell, the guy even snapped up a nice bouquet of flowers for her to say sorry for all the trouble he’d caused her, particularly that whole incident in Las Pegasus.
Even Bones who, while glad that Discord was reformed, had always maintained something of a frenemy relationship with him now looked on him as a decent enough guy, rather than dreading what manner of havoc he was going to cause each time he showed up at Sweet Apple Acres.
As for Lizzie, well, she always sort of tolerated him more than anypony besides me. After all, he was the one who turned her into a pegasus and, by extension, made it possible for her to start going out with Dewdrop eventually. And she’d always known him through Fluttershy, who tempered his chaotic nature somewhat.
But all good things must come to an end as they say. It was starting to get late. It may be the weekend, but Bones still had to get up early tomorrow, and Margaret and I didn’t fancy making our way back through Discord’s pocket dimension after midnight. As the rest of my family headed off though, I hung back for a moment to ask my best friend the obvious question.
“So, tell me, old man, what prompted this little get together?” I asked. “Not knocking it or anything, but I was quite surprised when you dropped by, more so when you invited the kids, and even more so when we had such a great evening together.” Discord smiled.
“Well, Roger, my dear friend,” he replied. “I’m sure you heard about my recent brush with non-existence.” I nodded.
“Yeah, Twilight told me about it from Fluttershy. Scared the living daylights out of me.”
“Well,” Discord went on. “As that whole mess was brought on by me not properly exercising my role as the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, I thought it best to drum up some extra chaos for a few days, just to shore things up.” I was perplexed by that.
“Chaos?” I repeated. “How in Equestria was any of that chaotic?” At this, Discord smiled, and once again showed his absolute genius.
“Chaos is unpredictability, Roger,” he said. “It’s a mix of all sorts to create something nopony can fully understand. It keeps you on your toes, never quite sure what to do next. Tell me, if I invited you over and was my usual self, while it would be annoying, would it be chaotic?” The penny dropped.
“No,” I replied, beginning to understand. Discord nodded emphatically.
“Exactly,” he said. “To be chaotic, I need to always be doing the last thing anypony expects of me. And to honest, being the omnipotent trickster has gotten a bit stale lately. So, I did the last thing any of you expected. I invited you to my home, was a gracious host, and gave you all a lovely evening to bond together as a family again. It’s the last thing anypony would expect me to do! After all, chaos isn’t evil or mean, it’s just...unexpected.” I smiled up at my friend.
“Well, Discord,” I said. “If I had to pick one word to sum up tonight, it would definitely be unexpected.”
And with that, I took my leave, rejoining Margaret and the kids for the walk back home. On the way though, a thought occurred. Given that Discord had done all this to be chaotic, a repeat wouldn’t be chaotic.
That meant he’d soon be back to his old tricks again.
Unless, that would be what I’d expect, which would mean he’d stay with this new friendly routine.
But that was what he’d already done, and so wasn’t chaotic.
I shook my head. Discord was right, you couldn’t understand chaos. And oh boy, we were about to get it in spades.
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This was a nice chapter.
What part of this had to do with Censorship?
9814086
Derp. Just realised I've used the wrong chapter title for this one. I'll fix it now 
Discords going Harmonic Chaos. Maximum amount of maximum duration. His brush with NULL is the pivot point that permits the maximisation of everything else. It was his Big Bang.
I find it intresting that Bones at least wasnt worrying about imaginary time flow and which epidoes were currently occuring that Discord didnt appear in and they needed to be kept out of town due to their pervasiveness normally?
9815450
Well, technically, (channelling Mudbriar there
) I kept all non-canon characters out of the spotlight. Everything in this chapter could have happened when the cameras weren't looking, considering so much of the episode was centred on the Mane Six themselves.
Its probably just me, but I really don't like this bit. Her and Dewdrop weren't really a thing until AFTER she became a pegasus. Besides, saying it all worked out well in the end doesn't work when it was all Discord's doing in the first place. He turned her into a pegasus, forced her to have a cutie mark he wanted her to have, and made her love it because HE wanted it, and he intended to force her to want it so much she begged to be like that forever. With zero free will involved on her part using Dewdrop as justification just draws doubt as to whether the two of them actually fell in love or if its just orchestrated.
I just don't see anything from Discord but words. He'd go so far as to nearly commit suicide for Fluttershy, but for everyone else it may as well just be business as usual by this point. Him making amends so far after the fact feels insincere.
firstly love this series. it's why I have binged it from the start. However two things continuity wise.
strong shield went through his fake death thing last chapter yet here he is showing up to help with the fans at sweet apple acres. I am trying to remember the order of these two events from the second Bones story but I guess they are out of sync here.
also that other story mentioned Charlie left Robert and Market to return to the changeling hive after their transformation. in this story he decided to stay.
still after this long a series from multiple perspectives it is respectable to only have two things that stand out like this.
10660264 I can't believe I never noticed that.
I've swapped the chapters around and edited a bit so the two stories line up.