The Final Battle for Equestria

by Songbrony

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Blaze and Rainbow walked out of SugarCube Corner as Starbolt began another coughing fit. She spat more blood onto the ground. They walked back to camp silently. "Hey Blaze?" Starbolt said weakly. "Test your wing. I want to see it in action."

He looked at Rainbow who just smiled. "Go ahead. It'd be nice to see just how well you can handle it. Oh and don't crash. I'm not carrying you as well." she said with a light laugh.

Blaze rolled his eyes and smirked. "All right. Let's see just how well you did Star." He ran forward and jumped into the air. He tried to flap his wings but couldn't get them to fly in sync. He stopped and walked back to the others. "I can't. The new wing is heavier than the other. How is it suppose to keep me airborne anyways?" he asked Starbolt.

"It's made of a lightweight metal made of micro-lattice nickel phosphorous. It's not as light as your usual feathers, but they are pretty close. All I know about them is that the Leasath were trying to use them for their clones. How they are made, I don't know." Starbolt said. "Keep trying."

He sighed, turned around and tried again. He started moving his metal wing before his other. Maybe if I start moving it before the other, maybe I can get into the air. He ran forward and jumped, gaining a few feet of air. He smiled and gave a short laugh before losing the synchronization of his wings and falling to the ground. He landed and turned his head to Rainbow. She returned his smile with one of her own.

"Keep trying Blazey Boy! You'll get it!" she said happily. He ran towards them and jumped into the air again. He started flapping his wings again and launched himself into the air.

He kept hold of the flight longer and flew higher. He landed next to Rainbow Dash and Starbolt and started laughing. "Oh sweet Celestia I missed that feeling!" he said excitedly. He looked at Starbolt who had just started another coughing fit. "Hey. We're almost there." She nodded her head and spit on the ground.

Rainbow looked to the forest and saw Luna and Linus standing there looking at them with wide eyes. "Hey Blaze! Looks like you've caught the eye of some ponies." Rainbow said. He looked over and saw the two of them standing by the forest.

"Let's see just how high I can fly." Blaze said with a smirk as he looked back at Rainbow and Starbolt. He launched himself into the air, flying faster into the clouds. He moved his new wing in perfect unison. Pony and machine. Who would've thought! He shouted in excitement as he blew past the lower clouds and soared higher. He clamped his wings tightly to his body and rolled over into a nose dive.

He dropped like a rock. He felt the wind pass over his face and over his back as he dropped faster and faster. He popped open his wings and leveled out, exclaiming in delight. He flew over to an open-mouthed Luna. He landed in front of her and laughed. "How's that for flying?" he asked.

"I...I...How...how did you..." she stammered. She looked at Linus who was switching between a smile and shock. "How did you do that? You...you..." Luna couldn't even comprehend what she had just seen. "You...flew?" she asked.

Blaze nodded his head and extended his new wing. Luna and Linus gasped. "Blaze! What in the hay is that?" Linus asked bewildered.

"Well if you want to know how, ask her." Blaze said, pointing at the pony on Rainbow's back.

"Who is she?" Luna asked.

"Uhh...I'll let her tell you that." he said. Rainbow and Starbolt had just moved next to him.

"Blaze! How did you do that? That was so cool! Like...wow!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Looks like Blaze has some explaining to do." Linus said.

"First, we need to show her what Rook did." Blaze said.

"Who is she then?" Linus asked.

"You know, just cause I'm not talking doesn't mean I'm not here. I am Starbolt and Rook was-" Linus cut her off.

"Wait. Starbolt? But Rook said you were dead." he said.

"Well...yes. But I'll tell you everything once I get something to drink." she said as she started to cough yet again. Luna led them to her tent and gave Starbolt a cup of water. Starbolt drank it as she held the cup shakily in between her hooves. She put the cup down and looked at Luna. "Ok. So you two know who I am, but I don't know who you are." Starbolt said as pointing to Linus.

"I'm Linus. Rook and I were very good friends. If it weren't for him... I wouldn't be here." Linus said. "I'm sorry about what happened to him." Linus said.

"Starbolt?" Luna asked carefully. "How are you alive? Rook said-" Luna was quieted by Starbolt's coughing.

"Ok. I probably only have about 30 minutes left. So let's make this quick." she said before taking another sip of water. She told them her story. Luna and Linus listened with awe as she explained what she had experienced and how Blaze was able to now fly. "So now you know." she said. "Now what about Rook? How much as he done? I've been told it's a lot."

Linus nodded his head. "He did. He's the reason that Blaze and I are still here. He helped us track Blaze when he was stuck in a cave and was one hell of a thinker. He helped me out a lot and kept me fighting. He even...helped me get something off of my chest to a certain pony." he said cautiously. Luna turned a light shade of red.

"He wrote a letter for us the night before he died. He told me that an Iron Will will pick us up. After he died, I went to his house and ended up meeting Iron Will. I think Rook knew that Chrysalis would try to do something, but I doubt he knew what. He must have known Iron Will would have something for me. Whether it be a bomb plan, a book, or a chess board, I don't know. But it led me to you and you gave me back my ability to fly." Blaze said.

"The battle at Canterlot would have been harder to win without his ability to fly. You gave us back something we desperately needed." Luna told Starbolt who smiled.

"I guess, in a way, I already knew what good he did for the army." Starbolt said looking at Blaze. She began to cough again. "Can I ask something Luna?"

"Yes. Anything." she replied.

Starbolt spit more blood onto the ground. "When I die, which will be soon, don't hold a funeral. Don't even let the ponies know I was here. If they ask about Blaze's wing, tell them. But I don't want a big funeral celebrating my life. I'm just a clone after all. I'm not the real Starbolt." she said.

Luna looked at her as she began another coughing fit. They were getting a lot worse. "I can't deny you that, not after what you did for Blaze and us. You will both be remembered by us for what you two have done." Luna said. She stood up and walked over to a kennel. She poured out the tea into a cup and gave it to Starbolt. She sipped it carefully and her eyes grew.

"You know what that is right?" Luna asked. Starbolt nodded her head. "He told me about how you two met and how much he loved you. He told me about how worried he was about not being there for the baby." This caught Starbolt off-guard. "He wanted to name her Jasmine because of what brought you two together." Luna said. A small smile had emerged from Starbolt's lips.

"He knew I wanted to name her Grace." she said with a light laugh. She looked at the cup in her hands and looked back at her memories. "I always wanted to die happy. Thank you Luna. For everything." she said.

***

They stood next to Rook's house. Linus had emptied out Rook's quarters and brought them out to the little funeral that the five of them had put together. Iron Will had finished destroying the metals and stood with the others as they closed the hole. Two stone slabs stuck out of the earth with writing on them.

"Rook would've been proud of her Linus." Blaze told Linus as he stared at the stone slabs. "They're together now, side by side." He left with Rainbow Dash, Luna, and Iron Will and headed back to the camp.

Linus looked up to the sky and let a small smile escape his lips. "Rook, I hope you are happy now that you have Starbolt with you. As Blaze said, you'd be proud of her." he said and followed the others back to camp as the sun smiled at his back.

Comments

[Songbrony]

I'm currently writing the last few chapters of this story. I would really like some feedback on how it is that way I can edit some more things. Thanks!

[Midnight_Firefly]

Downvoted, but I think you have potential and believe in constructive criticism, so allow me to tell you why (I'll try to explain my reasoning so this may be a fairly long post). I’ve read the first 20 chapters, so all of these points are based on what I’ve read so far.

1) First off, there are some pretty horrific spelling and grammar errors throughout the story. Though they were uncommon enough as to be mostly ignorable, they are also unnecessary. Get an editor to pre-read the story and correct any errors, or do it yourself. You also tend to repeat words a lot in paragraphs. Try to use synonyms to make reading a bit less grating.

2) Some events can last only a few lines. An entire enemy squad being wiped out in only one paragraph makes me wonder what the point of putting in the scene in the first place was. Honestly, in some places I wonder if things happen just to bring the word count a little bit higher.

3) Now the main problem I have with this fic is the insane amount of deus ex machina you've used. Within only the first few chapters, quite a few highly improbable or unrealistic events occur. I'll highlight a few of the worst early offenders
- 'Blaze makes a small explosive out of alkali metals and water'. First of all, heavy alkali metals are pretty rare. Even assuming for the sake of the plot that they’re not, why couldn’t Linus pick the lock? Or knock out the jailer and steal the keys? He’s meant to be the world’s best assassin; it should be child’s play. If that’s not possible, Blaze is meant to be a great explosive’s expert, he should probably know when he’s using too much boom juice and tone it down.
- 'The camp gets ambushed by Leasath, but they're defeated within seconds by a toxic gas.' This one really gets me, since it implies one of two things - a) This is the first time they've come into conflict with the Leasath since making these gas bombs. Considering how far along in the war they’re supposed to be, this seems unlikely. Or b) The Leasath are imbeciles who can’t seem to work out why they keep dying mysteriously and for no reason. Again, I highly doubt this is the case.
- "Linus had entered the Jode Rage. When he entered this stage, he could kill an entire army in less than a minute, without a scratch." Even worse than the gas in my opinion. If he's that powerful, why has he not won the war for them already? Why does he not do this every freakin’ fight? Does his mane grow very long and turn yellow?
- Some top ranking members of the resistance don’t know they’re travelling about with RD and Twilight safely nestled into an army tent. Seriously, these guys pop out of NOWHERE, and just happen to be in a tent in the resistance camp one day without anyone having realised this.

I hope you get my point. Okay, so you can get away with a few unlikely events due to the suspension of disbelief - this is a story after all - but when it happens in almost every chapter it starts to become far too noticeable. You either need to explain events in far more detail in order to give a plausible reason as to why and how they occur, or tone things down a LOT. Exposition and argumentation are wonderful things.

As I said previously, I think this has potential, which is why I’ve bothered commenting at all. If you can develop the story and events a bit more, sort out all those spelling errors, and make things a bit more believable, then you’d have a good solid fic. The premise is good, and there are a couple of great ideas in there, so keep at it!

(On a personal note, I’m not a big fan of OC romance with mane 6 characters either, but since that’s my own preference I tried not to let that enter into my evaluation of the story)

[Songbrony]

1533491 I see what you mean. Now let me elaborate a few points. 1) Blaze and the explosion. He's been beaten, tortured and dehydrated. I doubt he is thinking to his full potential. 2) Linus and the guards. He has to carry another pony who has a broken leg and not very helpful in a fight. 3) RD and Twi random appearance. The point was for them to appear out of nowhere. I know I didn't bring them in properly and I do plan to add more to it. 4) the Jode rage. It takes a lot for him to enter it. Linus only enters because of the Gorner turning into Luna. It happens rarely, and only for a short time. I do plan on editing that a bit to make it flow better. 5) The gas. The Leasath are following orders from Chrysalis. Personally, I didn't view the changelings, except Chrysalis, to be all that smart. (Just me though)

I started writing this before I had experience with writing. So the grammar will be fixed after I finish the last chapter. I do appreciate the help though. Thanks!