The Enquiry
In Sugarcube Corner, Filthy Rich was watching the stage, as a local country band were performing a set on the stage. It was an old classic he remembered from a couple of years ago. He motioned to the Yak sitting next to him.
“They make a lovely sound, don’t they?” he asked Yona.
“Band are amazing!” Yona replied, in her typical broken Equestrian. “Yona like band!”
Rich smiled. “I’m planning on sponsering a concert of local talent soon,” he said. “I was wondering if any-yak from Yakyakistan wanted to take part.”
“Yaks remember offer!” Yona cried, and sped off toward the door.
Rich got up, and wandered toward the counter. “Another coffee please,” he asked. “On the house.”
“Coming right up!” replied Mrs Cake.
But Rich had no time to savour his drink, as suddenly a dragon and a Changeling slammed into him!
“Steady on!” he cried.
Ocellus stepped back a bit.
“I know you’re excited Celly, but do let him breath,” Smoulder told her.
“Sorry,” Ocellus said, her face going red in embarrassment.
“What do you want?” Rich asked, as he climbed back onto his stool.
Ocellus hopped up onto a stool, and Smoulder touched down on another with the precision of a helicopter.
“A milkshake please!” called the Changeling.
“And an iced coffee for me!” added Smoulder.
Rich looked to his left with fascination. “I thought you Changelings fed off of love,” he said.
“We can digest food and drink. Otherwise lunch break at school would be really awkward!”
The iced coffee landed in front of Smoulder, who promptly blew fire into the mug, turning it into a latte.
“So handy,” she said with a smile.
Mrs Cake trotted back over, and pointed to a sign which read:
DRAGONS ARE NOT PERMITTED TO HEAT DRINKS IN THESE PREMISES
“Oops.”
“Anyway, what do you two want to ask me?” Rich resumed, getting back on topic.
“Undoubtedly you’ve heard the railway is going to close,” Smoulder said.
“A real tragedy,” Rich said sadly. “If only there was something that could be done.”
“There is,” Ocellus told him. “We plan to buy and run it ourselves.”
“How much money will it cost?”
“They want 10,000 bits. We don’t have enough,” Smoulder added.
“But we plan to run a fruit and cake sale,” Ocellus added.
“How much did the last of your fruit and cake sales raise, Ocellus?”
The Changeling’s face fell. “500 bits, but that was only because Spike kept eating the cupcakes!”
“No wonder he malted so badly,” Smoulder snorted.
“He’s not a caramel flavoured drink,” Ocellus corrected. “I believe you were looking for the word ‘molt’.”
“Alright Miss Clever Clogs,” Smoulder growled. It was so frustrating how Ocellus seemed to absorb information like a sponge, whereas she had enough difficulty remembering where the classrooms were!
“How do I fit into all this?” asked Rich again, frustrated at all the endless side-tracks.
“I know you are a very generous pony,” said Ocellus, “so we were wondering if you could loan the money to help us buy the railway?”
“What’s in it for me?” the businesspony asked.
Smoulder suddenly had an idea. “Sir, I believe you are bound by the Commerce Act, which prohibits you from opening certain hours in the week and from selling certain items.”
Rich nodded. “I am bound by that law, yes. But what does that have to do with saving a railway?”
“Those rules do not apply to trains.”
Rich suddenly smiled. “So, if I loan the money-”
“We give you free reign to sell products from Barnyard Bargains on our trains.”
The pony leapt up in the air. “I won’t loan the money, I’ll donate it! This will put untold amounts of money back into the local economy!”
“However, we lack a stoker,” Ocellus told him.
Rich indicated over to the corner, where Gallus was sitting. “Why not ask him?”
Ocellus felt nervous. Gallus had a habit of poo-pooing her ideas. But she had to try. She wandered over to him, and spoke to him. “Hi Gallus!” she said.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Undoubtedly you know about our railway plan.”
“Yes.” Gallus was being rather unhelpful.
“I was wondering if you would like to be our stoker.”
“Who’d drive?”
Ocellus looked surprised. “I would, of course!”
Gallus laughed loudly. “Don’t be silly, you can’t drive a steam engine!”
“I can!”
“Can’t!”
“Can!”
“Can’t!”
“Stop it you two!” Smoulder laughed. “Gallus, will you at least help us?”
The griffon sighed. “I suppose if it helps the town, then yes, I will. But don’t expect me to hang around for long if I get soot in my feathers!”
“Then it is settled!” Rich cried. “Ladies and Gentlecolts, a toast to the railway!”
And there was much merriment from then on.
The next morning, Smoulder and Ocellus travelled by train to Canterlot. The two of them amused themselves by jumping up and down on the seats (until the guard asked them to stop), and by looking out of the window.
Smoulder honestly wondered how seriously Ocellus was taking this. Yes, she was smart, but could they pull it off?
Upon arrival at Canterlot, the two of them headed into the city. Ocellus adopted a disguise for heading through town. Although Ponyville was tolerant of her kind, Canterlot hadn’t forgotten the invasion of 6 years prior, and as a result there was still some entomophobia there.
After wondering through the streets, and getting lost several times, the two of them arrived at the Department of Transport. The building was an imposing red-brick building, with large windows and long sweeping corridors. The two of them sped over to a desk at the wall.
“How can I help you two?” asked the desk officer.
Ocellus switched back to her normal form, and then addressed them. “We’re here for a meeting with the Director of the OBER.”
“Ah yes, scheduled for 1 o’clock, I believe,” the officer said. “Just down that corridor on your left, 3rd door on your right.”
“Thanks!” said Smoulder. “Race ya Ocellus!”
“You're on!” the Changeling replied, and the two of them sped off down the corridor.
“No running in the corridors!” shouted the attendant, but by then the two of them were long gone. “Kids these days,” she groaned.
They arrived at the door, and knocked on it. “Come in!” said a vaguely familiar voice.
Smoulder turned the door, and the two of them stepped in. The chair was turned away from them.
“I take it you are here to purchase the railway?” the voice asked.
“Yes, we are,” Ocellus began.
The chair swung around, to reveal a grey unicorn with a black beard.
“Chancellor Neighsay?”
“No,” he said. “I am now Director Neighsay of the OBER. But you 6 seem to follow me wherever I go.”
“Are you still the Unicorn in red?”
“No, I am now the Unicorn in pink.”
“What changed?” asked Smoulder.
“An extremely cheap dry cleaners.” Neighsay looked at both of them. “I am aware that I owe you for saving my life during the Cozy Glow incident, but I am afraid the OBER is not prepared to be lenient on this. I can't grant you a Light Rail Order without a Public Enquiry first, which we shall hold tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow, got it,” Ocellus said, committing to the vast repository of knowledge that was her brain.
The next day, the train was packed for the journey to Canterlot. The Young 6 had piled onboard the train, along with many other locals. The train pulled out of the station and headed up the mainline, passing through the desert and over mountains and hills, through tunnels and mountains.
However, it seemed that Set and Crust had got wind of their plans, and flew a chariot alongside the train whilst they shouted slogans.
“Railway are no good! Turn them into guided Chariot-ways!”
“Amateurs can’t run railways!”
Yona stuck her head out of the carriage. “You not be mean to friend of railway!” she bellowed. “You face Yona if not quiet!”
Set jeered. “You not able to talk properly either!” he laughed.
Silverstream poked her head out of the window. “There's no call to be rude!”
Sandbar put his hoof on her shoulder. “Silverstream, just ignore them,” he said. “They’re just bullies.”
Ocellus removed her hooves from her ears. “Have they stopped chanting now?”
The train pulled into Canterlot and the passengers headed for the Department of Transport. Inside, long brown tables had been set up, with chairs for everypony-no, everycreature-there. At the table sat Director Neighsay, who called the meeting to order.
“We are assembled,” he said, “to debate the relative merits of handing the railway line between Canterlot and Ponyville over to an amateur group, who intend to run passenger services on this line.”
The main part of the enquiry went on for an hour, and many opinions were raised. At long last, there was just one pony to speak.
“My name is On Time,” she said. “I represent the Railway Union. They object on the principle that the railway would be operated by foals, without proper overtime and injury pay.”
“We don’t intend to be paid!” Ocellus butted in. “We are volunteers, doing it out of the goodness in our hearts.”
“The Union would not tolerate this state of affairs, as it leaves you open to exploitation.”
“Suppose we want to be exploited?”
That shut the Union pony up. Suddenly, Upper Crust interrupted.
“How can we let these creatures be trusted with one of our most valuable transport links?” she asked. “For all we know, they could use this line to move soldiers into our lands, to strike against us?”
“You clearly weren’t there when we saved Equestria!” Silverstream butted in.
“Saving magic and running a railway are very different things, Hippo,” Jet Set remarked snidely.
“What would you know about running a railway?” Ocellus interrupted. “All you do is run massively overpriced chariot services!”
“Is this about serving your community, or does the bug simply want to play trains?”
“She is not a bug!” Sandbar thundered.
“Oh look, here comes the coltfriend. Besides, she may be brainy, but she doesn’t know everything.”
“That time with the clotted cream does not count!”
Gallus looked in confusion. “What?”
Ocellus shrugged. “Sandbar and I once went to a café after school, and ordered scones. I put the jelly and cream on the wrong way around.”
“What way should it go?”
“Cream, then jelly.”
“Heresy!” shouted somepony at the back. “Only Yaks and Changelings do that!”
“You have problem with yak?” Yona shouted.
Neighsay banged his gavel. “Silence! I believe this enquiry is concluded. Based on the evidence, I believe that at this moment in time it is not appropriate to award a Light Rail Order.”
Ocellus’ heart sagged. She collapsed in a heap on the floor, whilst Set and Crust did a jig nearby.
However, nocreature expected what happened next.
“You’d give in to them?” asked Smoulder. “If they win, it’ll destroy Ponyville, the Friendship Capital! It will become nothing more than a maze of roundabouts and Zebra crossings, heavy carts and chariots! And imagine all the fumes, and the effect it would have on the foals! Please Director Neighsay, reconsider!”
Neighsay looked down from his lofty perch. “I do not feel it appropriate to award a Light Rail Order. At. The. Moment,” he said. “However, I am prepared to give them a probationary period of one month. At the end of that time, I shall make an inspection, and if all is in order, I shall grant them a full Order.”
The Young 6 cheered, as did most of the creatures in the room. “We've done it!” Silverstream cried.
“Well done!” Sandbar added.
Ocellus spoke up. “We haven’t done it,” she said. “We’ve only mounted the first hurdle. The real challenge is yet to start.”
She observed Set and Crust walking away. “Besides, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of those two.”
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Now, wheres that article I saw that gave a simple graph of the differences in moving people around, and although buses were better than cars, they wernt as good as walking, in a city, but Strangely, even in a city, the train, as in mass transit rail beat even walking for volume distance in time?
Classic method though, create an argument using a false front third party so the slap down is asymetric.
9260257
Trams over buses any day. I'm afraid I don't understand your last comment though.
You wouldn't mind clarifying this statement?
9260289
Um, not very good at describing things, but I think it goes something like.
Two entities have an argument, the best result is a compromise.
If one of the entities creates a fake entity for the purpose of the argument though, then that entity can be used to provoke and rile the other entity because theres nothing for it to compromise on, and the entity creating it can then use the escalating argument to demonstrate why its opponant is incoherent, incapable or whatever asymetric argument required to get them out of the way?
Sorry, just a lot easier making a Patrician class AI than trying to work out what it actually does.
9260432
Sort of how here Upper Crust was trying to show the Young 6 as being unable to run a railway by going off on random tangents?
“I can!”
“Can’t!”
“Can!”
“Can’t!”
Yeah seriously they're just jerks
you don't know what you're talking about
Nope not yet
Okay that was something so it looks like Ocellus and smolder arrived to the sugarcube corner meeting up with filthy rich and asking him if they borrow the money to pay off the railroad but they needed to talk with somebody who's in charge of it so they went to Canterlot and they meet up with the one who is in charge which surprisingly it was Neighsay and to do that they need to make a meeting with others and they did and what's the meeting was going they almost lost but it looks like smolder made a good points about what's good for the city and everything which it looks like they're going to give them a chance now the real challenge is what the heck are they going to do