Make it an End of Line Duel. Even if it is not to the death, the son of the other family loses mating privileges. If needed be through puncture of family planning centre.
Yeah, we should've known Golden joining Cadance and Shining's herd wasn't gonna be that easy. Even if Golden had just agreed to wed them both. Of course there was gonna be some damned Noble (pah! Idiots!) who was gonna throw a monkey-wrench (horseshoe?) into the works! And people wonder just why I hate the Nobles as much as I do. Equestrian, Crystal; whichever. They're all a bunch of selfish jerks to me.
One another note, though..........
Citrine snorted faintly, standing stiffly in front of the Princess and looking into her eyes. She held up a wing; a scroll unrolled in front of them both, stamped several times near the bottom. Cadence’s eyes flicked expertly over the text- and she sucked in a sharp breath, teeth baring in a very pegasus expression.
“You-!”
“This farce has gone on long enough, Princess Mi Amore. On behalf of the Noble Council, my son, Tourmaline, challenges Golden Dream of House Bolt to an honor duel. A House Honor duel. What say you?”
Citrine’s eyes tightened, “The Royals may hate us for this, but we cannot allow an Equestrian to take two thrones without challenge. No matter your bloodline. Prepare yourself accordingly, Golden Dream of House Bolt.”
Just who the Tartarus does this bitch think she is?!
"We cannot allow an Equestrian to take two thrones without challenge."?!
Just what the heck does that mean?! Lady, the Royals hating you is likely gonna be the least of your worries once Golden trounces your son's butt in front of an audience like she did the three she fought in the tournament! (Just supposition on MY part on that, you understand.)
Also, this
shapes of the greatest heroes of the empire. Prince Sombra.
confused me just a bit. Would it be wrong for me to assume (I know; never do that) that Sombra isn't (wasn't; whichever) evil in your version of the Crystal Empire?
Lastly, a bit of a caveat, and a couple of suggestions: First, this:
“Of course, Count Diamond Drill, I will be happy to delay the construction /another/ few weeks until a new inspection can be done,” Cadence gushed, seemingly enthralled and all but /giddy/ with the prospect, “Please, enjoy the refreshment hall before you go, and say hi to-”
“Right here,” purred that playful voice, giggling as Golden /did/ jump that time, short tail booping against Cadence’s chin before the pegasus could spin around.
You might want to go back later and replace these; / /; using the "i" button, hun.
Also, this:
The princess’ eyes glowed, mana sparking off her horn again- before she ducked her head, huffing.
seems a bit disjointed. You might want to go back and maybe hit the "back" button so it looks like this:
The princess’ eyes glowed, mana sparking off her horn again- before she ducked her head, huffing.
Sorry if I sound like I'm majorly nitpicking, hun. It just that I love your stories and I just want what's best for them and you, as an author.
Other than all that, this is a great chapter, as always! Can't wait for Chapter 7, and all those thereafter!
And, like I said earlier, I hope Golden stomps Tourmaline's butt as hard as she did those of her opponents in the earlier tournament!
Citrine’s eyes tightened, “The Royals may hate us for this, but we cannot allow an Equestrian to take two thrones without challenge. No matter your bloodline. Prepare yourself accordingly, Golden Dream of House Bolt.”
Makes it sound like a genuine noble doing what she believes is a noble's duty, right or wrong. Let's see them prove their quality. Let's see if they're legit.
An Update. After a Year. Whoa.
9842876
Yup, I have not given up on this!
Make it an End of Line Duel.
Even if it is not to the death, the son of the other family loses mating privileges.
If needed be through puncture of family planning centre.
Wow, you're finally back. so great to see this story once more.
Yeah, we should've known Golden joining Cadance and Shining's herd wasn't gonna be that easy.
Even if Golden had just agreed to wed them both.
Of course there was gonna be some damned Noble (pah! Idiots!) who was gonna throw a monkey-wrench (horseshoe?) into the works!
And people wonder just why I hate the Nobles as much as I do.
Equestrian, Crystal; whichever.
They're all a bunch of selfish jerks to me.
One another note, though..........
Just who the Tartarus does this bitch think she is?!
Just what the heck does that mean?!
Lady, the Royals hating you is likely gonna be the least of your worries once Golden trounces your son's butt in front of an audience like she did the three she fought in the tournament!
(Just supposition on MY part on that, you understand.)
Also, this
confused me just a bit.
Would it be wrong for me to assume (I know; never do that) that Sombra isn't (wasn't; whichever) evil in your version of the Crystal Empire?
Lastly, a bit of a caveat, and a couple of suggestions:
First, this:
You might want to go back later and replace these; / /; using the "i" button, hun.
Also, this:
seems a bit disjointed.
You might want to go back and maybe hit the "back" button so it looks like this:
Sorry if I sound like I'm majorly nitpicking, hun.
It just that I love your stories and I just want what's best for them and you, as an author.
Other than all that, this is a great chapter, as always!
Can't wait for Chapter 7, and all those thereafter!
And, like I said earlier, I hope Golden stomps Tourmaline's butt as hard as she did those of her opponents in the earlier tournament!
Again, well done!
Better late than never. I'm happy this has some life to it.
9843041
Oh no, he was evil. This is them remembering Sombra before his fall.
9852173 Ah, okay.
That makes sense.
Makes it sound like a genuine noble doing what she believes is a noble's duty, right or wrong.
Let's see them prove their quality. Let's see if they're legit.
9862207 Agreed.