Alternate Beginnings: Year Six

by Doug Graves

4 A Regal Death

January 12th, 998

Doug smiles to himself as the train gets close to the Ponyville station. After dealing with the rhoas around the farmhouse they borrowed a crate and wagon from the farmpony, who was overjoyed the problem is finally getting the attention it deserves. They walked back to town, Doug stopping on the outskirts with the partially prepared bodies while Prince Blueblood bought out every shop's inventory of enchanted food preservation units. He also told the guard about the infestation of rhoas, declining the bounty for the rhoas they had killed.

The rest of the week had been downright boring, in comparison. Prince Blueblood was entertaining as always, regaling Doug with tales of visiting the dragon lands. His meeting the hot headed Dragon Lord Torch regarding overland trade, the significantly less hot headed Sandy Rockbeach regarding water trade, and the hot dragon Ember, who may have had a slight misunderstanding regarding their intentions for each other, and was a pretty chill dragon afterwards. It is funny, he had to explain, because she is blue. In fact, she got him a bottle of fire sauce, juvenile dragon rated, from which he had tried exactly one sip in their presence. Her reaction to his reaction to the fire sauce, however, made him suspect that she was not entirely over her crush for him. Indeed, she was merely making her attraction to him known, as many teenagers are known to do; alas, it is unfortunate that he did not swing that way, and he was saving himself for Princess Cadance regardless. After he had not regained his taste buds upon returning home, he quietly beseeched Auntie Celestia to help with his problem, and she told him to wait a week. And what a miserable week it was, but at the end his tongue had healed and now he has a bottle of fire sauce, nearly unused. At Doug's incredulity to the spiciness of the fire sauce he agreed to mail it to the human. Not that Doug knows what he will do with it, but Rainbow and Pinkie Pie enjoy hot and spicy things and maybe he could water it down a bit.

But, like all good things, the trip had to come to an end. Doug waves to Rainbow as he hops off the train, grabbing the crate full of preserved meat. His mare grabs the suitcase and follows after him; she looks at the crate, saying, "So, uh, I didn't think you'd be bringing anything back." Doug nods, and at his lack of explanation Rainbow prompts him, "Sooo, anything good in there?"

Doug shrugs, "You might like it. We're passing it off as a Vanhoover delicacy."

"Who is 'we'?" Rainbow asks, now definitely intrigued by the contents of the crate. She gets closer, trying to pull the lid off, but it is firmly nailed shut. "Aww, what gives? Is it food? It is food, right?" She buzzes a little closer, pressing her muzzle against the crate and trying to sniff out whatever is inside. She huffs when no smells come forth, the preservation units doing their job admirably.

"It is food, and I doubt you've had it before." Doug smirks a little, "And I don't know if you can handle it."

Rainbow flies past him, sticking a hoof in Doug's chest, "Okay, mister, I don't know what happened to you on that trip, but I'm going to make you eat those words, just like I'm going to eat whatever's in that crate." She leans in close, "Kapish?"

Doug pulls Rainbow closer for a kiss, the mare huffing in frustration. She quickly sighs when Doug doesn't let go, returning the kiss with a bit of extra gusto. He gives her a squeeze, saying, "Alright, Rainbow, I misspoke. I think you can handle it, but I don't think you'll like it very much."

"Why, what is it?" Rainbow asks as the two of them arrive at the Carousel Boutique. "I didn't think Vanhoover was all that special with food. Not like Phillydelphia or Manehatten."

"You'll find out soon enough," Doug retorts, Rainbow pouting as he pushes the door open. She blows a bit of her mane out of her face, annoyance at Doug forcing her to be patient.

The bell at the front of the store chimes, Rarity calling out, "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique!" She steps over, a smile breaking out on her face, "Doug! And Rainbow, good to see both of you!" She walks forward as Doug places the crate off to the side, a quick embrace for her stallion before looking at the crate. "What is in there?" She squeals a little, "Is it rare fabric from the indigenous Vanhoover ponies? They do have some very interesting designs."

"Those are in my suitcase," Doug says, finding and handing a crowbar to Rainbow. "Let me take them up to your room while Rainbow gets the lid off. Don't open any of the containers inside, though." Doug takes his suitcase upstairs; Sweetie Belle pokes her head out of her room upstairs, the filly intrigued by the commotion. She gives Doug a quick nuzzle as he passes her before heading downstairs to investigate.

Prince Blueblood made good on his 'gift' for Rarity; Doug pulls the picture out once he gets inside her room. Why Prince Blueblood has an entire compartment of his trunk solely devoted to pictures of himself, Doug couldn't bring himself to ask. He would probably say that it is to keep up the image as self obsessed playcolt, but who knows. Doug had agreed to keep Prince Blueblood's secrets, after all, especially about how he would act towards any paramours. He reads the lines, a tasteful cursive and massively overdone signature:

It is rare to have such clarity,
To know and dream of the prosperity,
To live with so much popularity,
Indeed, such a peculiarity,
For eyes as gracious as thine, Rarity.
Yours, Prince Blueblood

Doug rolls his eyes as he replaces the picture of Prince Blueblood with the signed copy, a soft click as the drawer slides back into place. He goes to the bathroom, balling up the old picture and flushing it down the toilet before heading back downstairs to hear Sweetie Belle exclaim, "Eww! Eww eww eww! Thith ith dithcuthting!" Doug sighs as he bends the corner, seeing Rainbow and Rarity with sheepish grins on their faces, both of them halfheartedly chewing, a piece of jerky missing about three large bites worth out held in Rainbow's hoof. Sweetie Belle is rolling around on the floor, pawing at her tongue with her front hooves, trying to get the taste off.

Rainbow swallows her piece, looking at the remains. "So, it's... not bad. Not great, and I don't really see myself eating any more of this, 'cause it's kinda gross and stringy, but I've had worse."

Doug holds his hand out, Rainbow giving the piece to him, Doug popping it in his mouth. Sweetie Belle rushes to the kitchen as they look to Rarity, watching the mare slowly chew her piece, eventually swallowing. The water runs in the kitchen as Rarity smacks her lips, "I would say that it is quite the... acquired taste. It is worse than that turkey you had years ago; I don't know if I've heard of anything tasting quite as..." She puts her hoof to her mouth, trying to find the word.

"Repulsive?" Doug says.

"Disgusting?" Rainbow counters.

Rarity rolls her eyes, "Well, if you want to be uncouth about it, then, yes. Very repugnant, yes." She gags a little, "What could possibly possess somepony to make this? It is as if they saw some dead creature decaying on the road and said, 'Hey, bro, let's try throwing that on the fire, see what happens?' Ugh."

"Well, we actually boiled that one," Doug says, Rarity gaping at him. "Prince Blueblood and I found a couple of these things terrorizing a few of the farms we were visiting. Killed a few after they attacked us, and I looked at it and said, 'Hey, fresh meat.' A bit of butchering and cooking attempts later and voila!" He motions to one of the other boxes in the crate, "We basically did nothing to that box, leaving it for later attempts at preparing. I think you might have liked one of the other flavors more than that one, but hey, life is like a box of butchered meat."

Rarity's face slowly turns green as Rainbow points a hoof at the box. The pegasus says, "That was meat? Huh." She looks to the side as Rarity dashes past, heading for the kitchen. They hear the tap running as Rarity and Sweetie Belle wash their mouths out, the two unicorns spitting the used liquid back into the sink, the soap the next thing finding its way into their mouths. Rainbow smirks, "Some ponies, huh? So, what did you plan on doing with the stuff?"

Doug says, "His is to dole it out in small quantities to the nobleponies, possibly some of the ponies that chase after him. Make them think it is some delicious delicacy, and gauge their reaction." Doug flexes a bicep, "My plan is to eat my share. Might help bulk up a little."

Rainbow smiles, "Aww, yeah! Maybe you'll finally keep up with me, huh?"

Doug smirks, "I like the sound of that!" as he charges Rainbow, the surprised mare squawking as he wraps his arms around her. The two crash to the ground, Rainbow struggling from the awkward angle and trying to get her hooves either underneath her or against Doug. She flails as he pins her, finally giving up as he lifts her to his shoulder.

"Oh noes," Rainbow calls as Rarity comes back inside, the unicorn watching the two with a smile. Rainbow weakly moves her legs around, "Woe is me. About to be reduced to a mere meal."

A high pitched voice comes from the kitchen, "Don't worry, Rainbow! I'll save you!" Sweetie Belle charges around the corner, leveling her horn at Doug as she gallops forward. Her horn lights, the nearly full meat container levitating up. Doug and Rarity look in alarm, Doug shielding himself and Rainbow with his arms while Rarity levitates a makeshift barrier in front of her.

The container makes a loud popping sound, all motion coming to a stop as everypony watches the preservation unit. A sizzling sound comes next, Rarity and Doug slowly backing away as Sweetie Belle looks on with a worried look, unsure if she should stop levitating the container and run away or if it safer to stand there, holding it in place.

A few seconds later and a loud 'ding' chimes through the store. The sizzling sound stops, Sweetie Belle slowly dropping the container to the floor. Rarity gasps, quickly sliding a spare piece of fabric under the hot box, a wisp of smoke coming from the lid. Rarity cautiously takes the top off the preservation unit, a mass of thick black smoke escaping. Doug pokes Rainbow in the side, the fascinated pegasus taking the hint and blowing the smoke out the front door Rarity is holding open.

Everypony looks at the blackened husk in the box. Doug licks his fingers, cautiously touching the former meat, yanking his hand back with a grimace at the heat. He sucks on his finger, his face lighting up with surprise. He smiles, "Hey, this is really good! It's Cajun, with lots of great spices!"

Rainbow says, "Really?" directing a bit of wind and cold at the box before tentatively reaching a hoof down. She breaks off a small piece, popping it into her mouth. She chews for a few seconds before she smiles as well, "Aww, yeah, this is awesome!" and going for a second piece.

Rarity madly shakes her head as she glances at Sweetie Belle's side, the mare saying to herself, "Please Celestia, no, anything but this!"

Sweetie Belle grins, looking to her flank while Doug breaks off two pieces, offering one to Rarity. Sweetie Belle frowns at the lack of cutie mark, a dejected sigh as she moves to her dam. She sniffs the air, her mouth starting to water a little at the spicy treat Rarity is reluctantly trying. A small piece levitates in front of her, the filly cautiously trying it and making a face, "This is too spicy!"

"Indeed, darling, it is very spicy. But you did a wonderful job turning something... detestable, into something delicious! At least for a certain section of the community."

"Yeah!" Rainbow exclaims, "What do you say, Sweetie Belle? Want to try to levitate the whole crate?"

"No." Sweetie Belle sighs, "What's the point, not like I'm going to get my cutie mark there." The filly sighs, walking back to the stairs, "I'll be in my room if you need me."

Rainbow groans, going to say something, stopping when Doug puts his hand on her withers. She looks back at him as he says, "Don't push it, Rainbow. Plus, you should probably wait a few days before having any more." At her quizzical look he says, "You know, make sure you don't have any surprises?'

"Like what? Not like it's the first time I've eaten meat, or fish." Rainbow shrugs, "My best friend was a griffon, you know, I got pretty used to the idea. And being around you makes it easier, too."

Doug rolls his eyes, "Well, yes, but were any of them this spicy?" Rainbow shakes her head, Doug saying, "Well, trust me, it might... burn a little on the way out."

Rainbow's mouth hangs open as she turns around, staring at her flanks. She shakes her head, "Yeah, well, it'll be worth it. This is some really good stuff!"

Doug scratches Rainbow's mane, the mare happily moving closer to him as she grabs another piece from the box. Doug whispers to her, "Unfortunately, with Sweetie Belle's magic and cooking being unpredictable at best, I don't know if the rest would have turned out like this. You and Rarity can have the rest of this, since I'm fine eating the other pieces. But, it is really good." He smiles at her, "Who knows, maybe I'll be able to recreate it on my own. I've got lots of raw material, at least. Maybe that fire sauce I'm getting will go well with it. It's a start, I suppose."

Rainbow takes a bite, slowly chewing before she turns, kissing Doug, his tongue finding the spicy sensation on her lips particularly agreeable. "Yeah, well," she purrs, "I can tell how much you like it." She gives him a slow lick on his cheek, ending on his lips, "If you want any more of this, then you're just going to have to eat us right up." Rarity levitates the box, her tail playfully flicking Doug's flank as she heads to the bedroom, a grinning Rainbow and Doug following close behind.

Comments

[Viper Pit]

well we can safly say that ponies don't care for jerky made out of pest

[Heidao]

So the hot sauce in the series opener was a Dragon land specialty, and a passed along gift of Ember at that. At least meat's back on the menu.

Oh, the surprise on Blue's face if he offers one to Rarity if she approaches him in this timeline's GG Gala.