Ponyville's New Civilians

by Blazing Dawn

Into A Tree

"Race Into A Tree"

As Celestia's sun broke through the horizon, and when the early birds of Ponyville started to rise. Usually no pony would be awake during this time, but there was a slight disturbance to the peaceful atmosphere. A stream of red and orange, which could easily be mistaken as a flame, came blazing through the party cloudy skies. On a towering cliff, with no trees but covered in grass and flowers, which lied on the farthest edge of the Ponyville border, the blaze ended, and a pony looked at the small town ahead of him. The pony examined Ponyville, the small shops, the large farms harvest for the expectation of winter, the large numbers of houses, a cottage that seemed a little too close to the Everfree forest, a colorful tower-like structure in contrast with the other homes, red and orange leaves covered Ponyville and the trees which added to the mix, and one of the largest trees in the whole village lied in the center. This was an even more magnificent sight, as the sun started to brighten up Ponyville in the expectation of a special day ahead of the village.

"Maybe the ponies here can help us this time," the pony ask to the sun directly above him, and chuckled.

"Well, I guess it's time to greet the citizens of this town."

The pony leaped off the cliff and, with spread wings, flew to the clouds in preparation for what was to come.

On a seemingly typical and not-out-of-the-ordinary Ponyville afternoon, everypony was going around their typical business around town. Under a grand oak tree studying up on inter-dimensional travel was Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash on the border of Everfree Forest was practicing new stylish moves to see what she can do with Tank, cooking cupcakes in the Sugarcube Corner was obviously Pinkie Pie getting ready for the day ahead of her. At Sweet Apple Acres labored Applejack, who is carting apples to Ponyville for a day of selling, taking care of the injured pets from Rainbow Dash's race was Fluttershy, and the one who was trying to clean up after her sister was Rarity, due to Sweetie Belle's failed attempts to find her cutie mark by stacking things up to the ceiling, and then some.

After defeating Discord, all of the ponies in Ponyville felt relieved that they could all get around with their lives, without being disturbed by the chance of utter destruction. By using the Elements of Harmony, the mane six freed Equestria from chaos, but they did not make it largely known, because of to the amount of publicity that would come with sealing Discord and being the ones who had defeated Nightmare Moon. Harmony fell upon Equestria, and all breathed a sigh of relief as the pink clouds, sticky chocolate rain, and mutated animals were gone. Except, as the law of fate would not allow it, this peace would not last forever. Already the fates were planning ahead to add in more adventures to our mane six characters, but they were to come later, we now deal with the present.

Rainbow Dash was the first to feel the effects of not being the best in the world, especially ever since the race in Ghastly Gorge and the scene with the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well. Rainbow Dash was under the weather, almost literally as the rain clouds were gathering due to lack of work ethnic, and wanted something to distract her from the troubles. The Wonderbolts, again, were not replying to any of her fan mails and did not even try to contact her. Rainbow Dash didn't want to be found as a boaster again, like Trixie, or like the fact that her friends had to stop her from getting an inflated ego, but she just couldn’t throw off the feeling that she needs to be the best of all.

As the one actually in the sky, bored, and looking around Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was the first to notice the new stranger gathering clouds in an oddly familiar fashion, so she dropped Tank off at her house and went to see what the stranger was up to. As she approached the golden orange stallion, with a red and orange mane, Rainbow Dash also saw him forming a house, which puzzled her as Pegasus's were not allowed to make homes anywhere they wanted.

This pony must not be from here, thought Rainbow Dash as she flew closer towards the newly formed house Well at least I have something to distract myself for now. As Rainbow Dash got closer to the stranger pony, she saw that the pony was a stallion with a type of golden coat, orange and red disheveled hair, a spiked, bright orange tail, and a dark shade of magenta eyes. He was almost as tall as Big Mac, but almost as thin as Rainbow Dash herself but still muscular, wiry as Rainbow thought of it, she also remembered that there were not that many ponies with that type of build around Ponyville. The colt's cutie mark seemed to be a burning type of star, and Rainbow Dash automatically knew that this pony was neither from Ponyville nor Cloudsdale.

"HEY," Rainbow Dash shouted at the stranger, "What in hay are you doing here building a house? You're not supposed to build homes in Ponyville without permission."

"Huh? What's going on?" Asked the stranger, bemused by Rainbow's tirade.

"You heard me; you're not supposed to be building a house here! Maybe you should have talk to the mayor before placing your house anywhere you wanted in Ponyville!"

"Wait, what mayor? I'm just trying to find a place to sta-."

"No, you have to leave the sky above Ponyville until you ask the Mayor, unless you want to get past me!"

The stranger looks at Rainbow Dash and then downwards and says, "Uh I have no idea what you are talking about, and you do know that we're above this forest area thingy, not a village?"

"Huh, wait, what?

Rainbow Dash looks down to see that she was on a cloud-house that was floating over the Everfree Forest, and the creeping feeling of apprehension came over her.

"Huh? Oh whoops, sorry," Rainbow Dash apologized, "I didn't mean to threaten you like that, its just that I've been under the weather lately..."

"No worries, no harm was done right now, I'm actually almost done with my house as you probably noticed, so how can I help you…?"

"Oh, I'm Rainbow Dash the one and only, and the best youngest flier in all of Equestria!" Boasted Rainbow Dash, "Even though you're not from around here, you must have heard of me before!"

"I'm Blazing Dawn, nice to meet you even though you've stopped me from completely finishing my home. But I think I have heard of a Rainbow something before in my visits of Cante… Oh wait that reminds me, you told me that I have to meet the mayor about where I should place my house."

"Oh, sorry for delaying you, I would show you around but I'm kind of busy, but you will have to tell me why you are here later. Maybe my other friends could show you around Ponyville."

Blazing Dawn nodded in reply and spread his wings in preparation to fly towards Ponyville, but then he noticed something about what Rainbow Dash had said.

"Hey, you said that you're the fastest flier in Equestria right?"

"Of course I did, it's the truth, and I AM the fastest flier. I won the youngest flier competition, and met up with the Wonderbolts before."

Blazing Dawn chuckled, "Really, because I can say that I have beaten some fast ponies in races before…"

With wings flared up in rage, Rainbow Dash retorted, "Are you mocking me!? I bet that I can beat you by two tree-lengths in any race you ask for! In ten seconds flat."

"Hmm I would like to see you prove that, so, what do you think about to that oak tree down there? That seems like a good distance to go."

"Okay then! Ready?'

"Set…"

"GO!"

Rainbow Dash spread her wings open, but decided to give Blazing Dawn a head-start as she thought that there was absolutely, positively, no way that she would lose. But one second was enough and Blazing Dawn zoomed for a quarter of the distance before he noticed that Rainbow Dash was just watching in awe by how fast he went.

"Are you racing or just watching? I'll wait for you here then."

"Just giving you a head-start…"

Not wanting to be embarrassed, Rainbow Dash dashed almost up to Sonic Rainboom speeds and closed the distance between her and Blazing Dawn. Now that the gap was closed, Blazing started off again neck to neck with Rainbow. As the two Pegasus were speeding towards the tree, Rainbow's face contorted with effort while Blazing's was full of concentration, both of the Pegasus muscles were clenched and sweat was dripping off their bodies only to be swept away by air resistance. Even though Rainbow was of a smaller and thinner stature, Blazing was still able to keep up and, to Rainbow's amazement, Blazing started to spin which actually made him go ahead by a head. Rainbow redoubled her efforts, and the familiar mach cone started to form around her, and knew she could not be beaten by Blazing. With a glance towards Blazing, she noticed that he was right next to her, and a red flame was covering Blazing which frightened her, as his hooves and wings looked like they were on fire. How is he faster than me? Wait, how is he even AS fast as me? But right after Rainbow thought of that, she got surprised when Blazing Dawn suddenly fell behind. Blazing Dawn had flared his wings to slow himself down, while Rainbow Dash looked to see where he went as it looked as if Blazing had suddenly disappeared. Then right after Rainbow snapped her attention in front of her, she saw an object in front of her, and crashed right into the tree. A quarter second after Rainbow had fallen unconscious, acorns showered Blazing and Rainbow as he landed next to her prone body with a look of shock on his face. And it all took only 10 seconds flat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onward to Chapter 2!

Somewhat dedicated to my AP English Teacher.
This fanfic has been inspired by Lauren Faust, Ponies, Penstroke, Connor Cogwork, and the brony community!
Thanks given to Kevin (my friend) for going over my story and correcting mistakes.

I do not own the names used in this story, but I will be very angry if you steal my character =P

Comments

[Blazing Dawn]

First chapter of my first Fanfic, hope you all will enjoy it

[Super_Big_Mac]

List of reactions along my read through:
"party cloudy skies" Is Surprise up there? >_<;

Huh. That's really the only mistake I saw. Good job. There were some sentences where the words were a little... wonky, I should say, as they didn't quite seem to flow right.

I've never seen Rainbow Dash get knocked unconscious before. I hope she's not badly hurt.

This fic is definitely good for a first try, keep it up! Just keep getting better, and you'll find yourself with some valuable experience in the writing industry.

It seemed like Dash kinda... backed off a little quickly. She's not the type to get sheepish. Flustered? Maybe. Sheepish? No.

Give that "Hey, Y U build house here?" scene a bit more meat, and you'll be pretty well set.

All in all, 3.75/5

So, a 4 is yours.

[Primordial Deomontus]

if you do not own the name Blazing dawn at the end then why did you say MY character?

[Primordial Deomontus]

Super Big Mac if you read"Leap of Faith: Rainbow Vs. Wild" she and applejack get knocked unconscious ALOT especially toward the end when they are saved

[Meta Knight]

fantastic

[Blazing Dawn]

60488
I am open to editing this chapter, I just have to get around fixing some mistakes.

60573

For the lulz, I knew someone would notice a contradiction, I saw my character since I invented him but I really don't own him.

60578 Fiiiiiiine..... That's just one more fic that I'll have to add to my plate! *whining*

[Super_Big_Mac]

60848 I really mean that, though. I got 150 in tracking alone. 150!!! and that's after spending most of yesterday after school reading FiMFiction! I barely put a dent in that! (Well, actually I got about half of what I was tracking read, and some of the fics I didn't find as interesting as I had hoped were un-tracked.

I see a handful of sentences containing multiple subjects, especially in the first paragraph of the fic. It's making the scene you're trying to describe confusing.

You got some tense issues to sort out. Some areas are written in past tense, others are in present. Stick to present tense. Don't use semicolons. (Someone once said that semicolons are only used to tell the reader you went to college, and if that's the case then this is downright embarrassing)

Characters seem to be doing things for no obvious reason. Ex: Rainbow Dash telling your character he needs to 'leave the sky' until he talks to the mayor. Seems like there's a dumb law there.

So far...all I can say is Gary Stu. Your character is thin, meaning a general lack of muscle, and tall. How does that make him aerodynamic in flight, fast enough to match RD? Is he that strong or what?

AN: Be sure to SHOW, NOT TELL the story.

God it's late...meant stick to past tense...past tense tends to come more natural in fiction writing.

[Blazing Dawn]

61136

This is my first ever proper story I tired to write, and I'm not the greatest in English grammar.
If someone was building a house in your property, or the property of your country, without permission would you just let them be or tell them to get off and get building rights. < Directed to the Rainbow Dash remark.
About aerodynamics, thin doesn't mean no muscles at all, I said wiry, which means that he is built with muscle but thin, also there is magic.

Although you prove some good point, I thought of the past tense issue and was too lazy to fix it, going to do so right now. Also about the Gary Stu thing, you'll see why later.