Octaves Beyond

by GuitarKirby

Chapter 7: Suddenly, Dancing

Octavia wove through the town, the rhythm of the ponies going about playing a beat through her body. The small town was alive with enthusiasm for Celestia's coming. Of course, she intended to play when Celestia arrived. She made a stop at Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie, the local baker's assistant, was hopping up and down excitedly.
"Hello, Pinkie Pie."
"Ohmigosh ohmigosh, so many cakes to bake!" Pinkie ran around, gathering ingredients. She suddenly noticed Octavia. "Oh, hello! I've seen you somewhere before. Are you famous? Ohmigosh, are you a really really super-famous movie star? I just love going to the movies! No, wait! Your cutie mark is music, so you must be a really supercool musician! I love going to conce-" Octavia broke in, smiling weakly.
"Pinkie Pie, I need a batch of cupcakes when you get a minute, alright?" Pinkie nodded.
"Okie dokie lokie! I'll get on it ASAP!" She began singing a song that had to do with movies, concerts, cupcakes, and Celestia knows what else. Octavia shook her head and left the shop, continuing on. She wasn't carrying her cello with her - that would have been unreasonable. However, she did have a small viola with her in her saddlebag. She had several things to pick up that day as it was, but she didn't like going anywhere without a musical instrument. As she was walking down the market street, looking in each vendor's shop, she noticed a little colt sitting in a dark corner on his own. She walked over to him. He looked up at her; his eyes were large and damp.
"What's wrong?" He sobbed, but didn't speak. She leaned down closer to him, and took a closer look. She could see it in his eyes; he was foreign. The shape of his eyes was wrong for Equestrian lands. He probably didn't speak her language.
But this isn't my language, she thought to herself. My language is music.

Quick as a flash, she reached into her saddlebag and pulled out the violin. She stood up on her hind legs and began playing a swift, merry tune. The little colt smiled, and laughed; the tears in his eyes were swept away by the tune. She began dancing while playing (obviously not an easy feat, since she had to play with her forelegs). Ponies in the square saw the sight. Suddenly, from nowhere, Pinkie Pie showed up and started dancing as well.
"Hooray! I love parties in the street!" she said excitedly. She balanced a platter of cupcakes on her muzzle as she twirled. Octavia was nervous that they would fall, but did not stop. She was now attuned to the music she was playing, and the dance was a part of it. Other ponies soon began dancing, until there was a huge dance right in the center of the square. Just when she thought she might have to slow down, she heard it; the gentle sound of an acoustic guitar joining her. She saw Shade float gently out of the sky, grinning widely at her, nodding along with the music. Pegasi began circling him in the air, creating patterns to match the music being played. All she could do was look away and continue dancing and playing.

When the song finally ended, Shade landed in front of her, smiling widely. The two looked directly at one another's eyes, and a spark shot between them. It was like the spark they both felt when playing music. Determination and energy filled Octavia, despite the exhausting event she had just created. Everything that music inspired in her came to her as she looked at Shade's dark violet eyes. He nodded seriously, and she nodded back. They turned away from each other, and bowed to the surrounding crowd.

---

Shade watched the city from the forest. He also listened to the sounds of the world, which seemed to surround him. He had trained himself to listen to virtually everything; he heard the flutter of a bird's wings, the rustle of the wind through the treetops, and the faint sound of an unknown creature slowly shuffling on the soil. He stretched his wings out, and yawned. Everything was music to him, but the tradeoff was that he never knew silence. It was a pleasure that he never became acquainted with.
I wonder if Octavia has the same difficulties, he wondered. He suddenly faltered.
Octavia. The name brought a horde of confusing emotions to his mind. He knew that he loved her, and her musical abilities. He thought she was beautiful, and the way she saw the world was beautiful. All of that he knew to be true. However, he was unsure of how to impress her enough to leave the same impression on her.
I cracked the surface with my own view of the world, he thought, but I haven't really given her enough yet. The thought was frustrating; he saw her as a piece of music that couldn't be written or played, not in the same way it was presented. It was as though her sound defied all attempts to understand it. Despite her resistance to him, he felt he was growing closer to writing the first chord of her character out. He knew that if he could write her into song, it would be the most wondrous piece of music ever created. His eyes shut gently; he began to doze off.
The crowd was watching as he stepped to the piano, the sheet of newly written music in his teeth. He set it down gently on the piano, and lifted his hooves. However, when he set them on the keys, no sound came forth. He stared at the keys in shock, and looked back to his music, just to look as if he were doing something. The music was blank. His eyes widened. Suddenly, a light shone on him, and another pony walked out from behind him; Octavia. She laughed; the sound was like ringing crystals. She lifted her cello, and played. Her instrument produced a sad sound, but she smiled as she played it. He turned back to his sheet; it had a very different song on it than what she was playing. He played what was there. His tune was slow, but hinted at romance and beauty, at passion and sensuality. She watched him, looking confused. He blushed, but played on. Suddenly, her music snapped into his tune; he turned and stared, but didn't stop playing. She was blushing as well, and her eyes were shut. Her head was tilted skyward, and the low tones seemed to be baring her soul...

Shade awoke with a start, blood still in his cheeks. He was amazed; it was as though he had just heard a piece of the melody that teased him so, the melody that was Octavia's very soul. He jumped into the air, his guitar slung on his back. He flew toward Ponyville as fast as he dared with the delicate instrument on his back.

When he arrived in the marketplace square, he found Octavia dancing wildly, a violin at her jaw. He found the tune happy, lilting, and wonderful. He began playing his guitar, matching her carefully. She saw him for only a moment, but it was plenty for him. The two continued on with the lilting tune, other ponies jumping up and down and dancing wildly along to the music.

The stop to the music was perfect, to his ears. He landed before Octavia, wings flared wide. He saw her eyes, and felt the spark that accompanied his playing flash between them. Electricity surged between their faces, and he felt that the distance between them ought to be closed. He nodded at the same time she did. He then turned around and bowed to the many ponies surrounding them.
Tomorrow, he thought, I will make the fullness of my feelings known to her.

He smirked as he looked at the pavement beneath him, and as hundreds of ponies surrounding them cheered wildly.

Comments

[GuitarKirby]

Damn, one word less and it'd be 1,337.

[Wumz]

Moar.

Good God.

MOAR.

[Autumnfire]

5/5 smiles + a dashie

[OtterMatt]

Okay, I finally got back to reading this. I didn't want to read anything until after I had finished my own story, but I said I'd be back, and I am!

First off, the technical criticisms:
- Every new paragraph needs an indent, whether dialogue or prose.
- You tend to do the same thing I do, which is insert commas in places where you pause in speech but aren't needed in text. Example:
When he arrived in the marketplace square, he found Octavia dancing wildly, a violin at her jaw.
To be grammatically accurate, it should just be "When he arrived in the marketplace square he found Octavia dancing wildly, a violin at her jaw." I've been so guilty of this same thing it's hardly even funny. The key is to think about separate ideas rather than actual pauses. Your writing style isn't particularly laconic, so don't fall into the trap of just "writing how you speak". That sort of thing is more suited to comedies and fics like Through the Eyes of Another Pony, which revels gleefully in its absurd nature and loose writing.
- I still want MORE. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png Every paraphraph is good, but I just want to go deeper. More of the "where, why, how" type of stuff. You can NOT elaborate too much as long as you're advancing the plot and giving depth to the characters (IMHO...). And if you're still worried about over-editing your stuff, find an editor to help you out. It worked miracles on me, and I wasn't a bad writer before I started.

And the praise!
- Loved how you paralleled this last chapter. Took me a moment to catch up, but then the "I C Wut U Did There" took over. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png
- Normally, I would be annoyed at how fast they're going, becoming attached with so little interaction and context, but dammit, sometimes that happens. I wouldn't say no to more elaboration about their feelings and why they're getting into them, but I just don't care if there's not.

[Evil-Lovieness]

I am not the only one whose interested in that little foreign colt right? WHERE IS HE FROM?!?!!?