I recommend you to split the word blocks better. One sentence for one thing as a start like leaving space between the introduction of the sins. Another tip would be adding details and adjectives.

Example:
The sucupony thought for a few moments before finaly deciding to trust them enough to tell them her name."My name is Eros." the Ponies around were surprised to hear such exotic name, but decided to not act rude by questioning the reason and meaning of her name.

9001515
I have to agree story seems extremely fast pace as well

Shouldn't you complete some of your older stories before starting new ones?

9001592
I want to but the way my brain works it can't focus on them until I get the new one out of the way, hopefully if this one doesn't completely take my focus or a new story comes up then I can go back to an older story.

Hey is the next chapter coming anytime soon