Transcending Fluttershy's Dark Sky

by Misty Shadow

The Dark Twilight of Celestia

When the flashes of brightening images of imagery that created fantastic mirages of light ended from the horn, Sky saw that Celestia had opened her blazer. Her white shirt now read “TRUE STORY”.

“Ah, it feels great to be a true story!” Celestia said like a myth that had been revealed to be a true fantasy legend by a math wizard. “My life is now complete!”

“I didn’t know true stories were real things!” Sky said in response to this revelation. “I guess people’s lives really are true stories.”

“Wrong...” Celestia rang like a wringer next to a telephone that need to be dried after being run through a river. “You humans are the fakest things to ever grace the truth of mendaciously genuine fiction!”

“I’m fake, does that mean I’m just a lie?” Sky said like a liar who told lies but was not very good at it like a wolf who cried when sheep died and needed to be comforted by hogs who were not that greedy of avarice.

“I can only wish that were the truth...” Celestia had hope in what could be said, “But I’ve grown tired of the truth, it is too...real for my taste. Heh heh...unless the case is that it’s too accurate.”

“What happens when something’s too accurate?” Sky asked. “Does it miss and hit you around your tiredness and make the truth not real enough for you to believe?

“Almost, but not exactly.” Celestia measured as she converted Sky’s words into numbers and punched them into her calculator with her hooves of knowledge. “What I mean is a case like what I did with the human world. I showed you humans for what you truly are, a bunch of talking animals who know how to drive cars and use phones.”

“That’s what humans are?” Sky replied. “Talking animals who can talk and drive? Humans sound pretty awesome!”

“What did you just say?!” Celestia shouted. “You’re a human, but you’re not a horse right now! You were just talking about animals, were you implying that YOU’RE awesome because you’re a human?!”

“Wait, I’m human but I’m not a horse?” Sky inferred the corp like a business man who called people on his phone too much, but turned over a new leaf eventually. “So the body can’t be two things and in two places at once, that’s queer.”

“You straight up erect dick!” Celestia insulted with hatred as she elevated like love. “Don’t you understand? YOU ARE THE WORST HUMAN BEING TO HAVE EVER BEEN BEING EXISTED!”

“The worst human being?” Sky took it to heart. “Wow, I guess I’m kind of a bad person.”

“DON’T EVEN DARE SAY THAT!” Celestia went red, white, blue, and then back to white in her face like the moon. “YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON! YOU...ARE.....NOTHING!”

Celestia breathed rapidly, but eventually got her breath back by taking deep breaths and taking in the gasoline fuel for her lungs shallowly (it had to be shallow, gas is dangerous).

“Heh heh...sorry about that nervous breakdown,” Celestia remorsed without apologizing properly, “I just get a little criminally insane every now and then. I almost forgot about our after-school lesson...which will take place...NOW.”

“The lesson is now?” Sky rescinded, “Wow, time goes by quick. I wonder when school is over, I kinda wanted to learn about how to evolve.”

“Fool...” Celestia jacked like the king of jokers as she unzipped her pants and revealed that she was wearing pregnancy pants. “I’m not going to teach you about evolution...I’m going to teach you...how to CREATE!”

Celestia grabbed the woman and the android that were tied up in the corner, and extended her jaw to a size so big that it was bigger than like, the like universe.

“Wow, your mouth is pretty big,” Sky commented. “You must not like to talk a lot.”

“If I talked too much,” Celestia chuckled, “I wouldn’t have time to show you...THIS!”

Celestia put the woman and the android in her mouth, and she ate them, so that they would be eaten before they were in her stomach. After she had done so, her belly was big and round.

“This is how life is created my son.” Celestia said as Sky noticed that there was something tough, long, straight, and soft in Celestia’s pregnancy pants. It was a computer that was hard, but had a soft screen. “That is how women get pregnant. When they eat a lot of food, the food in their tummies mix, and consequently life is created.”

“I didn’t know it worked like that,” Sky replied, “I guess sex was just invented so men could feel better about themselves.”

“You’re such a remedy-lacking dope.” Celestia laughed wildly like the dodgy queen of the future. “But I’m already getting sick of this sickly diseased nonsense, so I better open my mouth wide just like your doctor...”

And then...Celestia’s hair turned into ropes, just like a Greek goddess who didn’t like discord.

“I shall now eat you and reveal all the secrets of life will be revealed to your face,” Celestia opened her big mouth as she grabbed Sky with her ropes. “Now that I’ve shown you the ropes of creation, I shall now eat you and become pregnant with you. And then we will become as one.”

“You’re going to eat me, does that mean I’m going to be eaten?” Sky shook like peanut brittle. “Sorry Shakespeare, I had all my life that I can’t remember to eat something, and I never took the opportunity to do so. I failed your philosophy.”

“I lied to you in my letter,” Celestia let on like she had come together, “this will be the second time I’ll have given birth to you. Class is dismissed.....and by the way, about this whole thing concerning giving birth...”

Suddenly, a car was thrown through the wall and thrown through the hole that was created and flying through the air, it hit Sky dead on its arrival, and he was dead but free from Celestia.

“Oh no, not again...” Celestia suddenly vomitted, and Sky was reborn from the monster.

“Hey, I’ve been brought back to life,” Sky said upon being puked up by Celestia. “Was I dead?”

“WHO THREW THAT CAR?!” Celestia shouted angrily. “Was it a unicorn? No...that was...Twilight Sparkle, who is coincidentally a unicorn!”

Celestia somehow called it perfectly by coincidence (what a coincidence), as Twilight walked through the hole dressed in a black suit and an eyepatch and armed with a shotgun.

“No my faithless teacher,” Twilight said. “Class just started...”

“YOU IDIOT!” Celestia shouted. “I TOLD YOU...”

Celestia was interrupted as Twilight fired a missile-like bullet with near dismissive inaccuracy. It hit Celestia in the forehead, causing her head to explode in a filthy mess of dirty magazines, as her head is where she hid all her Playboy, and it contained her mind, which was pretty dirty.

“Wow, that’s strange.” Sky said being shocked for the first time in a hundred billion aeons (remember the opening, every soul was created before time was even a thought!).

“Hello, Sky.” Twilight gave the person she saved a death-threatening glare. “I have killed your mother...it is time for you to follow in my footsteps and trust me now.”

“That sounds reasonable, but what’s your name?” Sky asked. “Celestia called you Twilight Sparkle.”

“That’s because it’s my name, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight revealed her identity. “I am an assassin, the most trusted pony in Equestria. I’m so good at what I do, that ponies trust me even more to protect them than they trust for me to kill others.”

“Wow, you’re even better at doing things outside of your job than your profession,” Sky complimented. “Your employers must really like you.”

“I’m sure they would’ve...” Twilight snickered evilly. “Alright, I’ve been honest with you, can you trust me to take you back to Equestria and raise you to be my apprentice?”

“Sure, I’ll gladly become your apprentice,” Sky agreed, “who knows how much experience I’ve lost by not gaining it over the past hour I’ve been here and especially after I died? But just one and two questions...what’s Equestria and how did I come back to life again?”

“Equestria is your home town where you were born by your mother, Celestia,” Twilight explained. “That corpse lying there that has been killed and has died would have involuntarily kept reviving you as long as she was alive, but she’s dead now.”

“Thanks for answering my questions,” Sky said gratefully, “but unfortunately, I am still a mystery to myself.”

“Oh, I’ll solve that mystery of yourself of yours eventually,” Twilight assured ditzy like a stupid dog that was not courageous enough to live on land and dived under sea to escape life. “Eventually...”

Twilight and Sky both got into the car that Twilight threw, but unfortunately, it wouldn’t start.

“I wish I had a learner’s permit,” Twilight didn’t know how to drive like the other unicorns, “If only I hadn’t wasted my time reading that manual after I stole that driver’s license...”

“I guess we’ll just have to do things manually, sit here and wait until our journey begins.” Sky said stupidly following some basic instructions of life.

“Wait, that’s it, MANUAL!” Twilight said in revelation as she grabbed the instruction manual for the car. “Get out of the car, I know what to do!”

Both of them got out of the car as Twilight’s mouth extended a long way, just like Celestia’s.

“Just like Celestia taught me...” Twilight muttered as she ate both the car and the instruction manual, “Mix two objects together inside of you...DOWNGRADE FUSION!”

Something came out of Twilight’s pants, and it was...a living car (living cars are a downgrade from dead cars, because dead cars can be driven, and living ones can’t, they drive themselves)!

“You must use your seat to carry us to a new world!” Twilight carried on like a marshmallow man lifting a cactus as she and Sky got back in the motor vehicle. The living car did as it was instructed, for it was infused with the instruction manual, and followed all the rules of the road, so he allowed the maternal strangers inside of him and they drove away from the school.

“Wow, we’re inside of a living car, and the car is alive!” he shouted as they got on the road. “How did you do that?”

“The power of creation,” Twilight replied, “when a female mare eats two objects, they polymerize together inside their pink manly freemans to form a product that’s goodlinessly inferior to the two components. It really is a great way to create life, and it helps bring down the food bills when times are tough back in Equestria.”

“Oh, now this all makes sense.” Sky sensed the falsely true antilogic in the air, for back at the school, something back at the school not so normally was happening in succession. Celestia’s head regenerated, and detached itself from her body. She could do it because she was not Celestia, she was a magic robot that Celestia sent to the human world to do her dirty work for her. And being that the android was manufactured in a dirty, cold, uncaring factory under Celestia’s management, it had Celestia’s heart, mind and soul poured into it, meaning only one thing. The robot was filled with destruction in its heart...ITS CHEST WAS FILLED WITH BOMBS.

Celestia’s horn lit up again, and it stole all the knowledge that was in the learning school, giving her enough power to fire an exploding magic volatile blast with explosive power at the explosive TNT inside her body, which exploded and created a huge explosion that destroyed the school and killed everyone but her, because the knowledge of power protected her. Celestia’s head chased after the others, as the bored ghosts of the bored student slept on the ground, as the boredom of Celestia’s terse lesson was so tediously short, it bored their souls like a boring machine going through a training drill in boarding school.

“Since Equestria is in another world, we’ll have to travel across the world for quite a long time before we reach another universe.” Twilight elaborated.

“Wow, that’s pretty far away,” responded Sky, “if only it were close by as well, then we could just teleport there.”

“Yeah, if only we could make that happen.” Twilight laughed.

“NOT SO FAST FOR FUTILITY, ARE WE?!” the robotic head of Celestia shouted as it fired magic at the car to impede their pointless efforts.

“Oh speed!” Twilight yelled hastily. “Get out of your edicted stupidity, you broken crystal!”

“Silence, you factual myths!” Celestia fired her magical tour of known facts at the car, “I’ll get you stoned, you geographical languages of landmarks of the future!”

“Not in your childhood dreams, you ghost of the first fantasized Thanksgiving!” Twilight shouted as she made the vehicle go faster despite its injury.

“You broken English arts!” Celestia tried to soften them up by breaking them with statues that she blasted from her horn. “I’ll send you to a school bought with foreign money exchanged with the native’s language!”

The living car dodged the donning aurora blasts that dawned on him, as the innocent bystander’s brains cracked at the sight, as they started wondering if they were on crack.

“I hope my mother doesn’t destroy the car,” Sky showed concern, “I don’t want the car to get hurt or destroyed.”

“Keep the quiet concerns to the carried lingering remainder of yourself, it provides innumerable challenges to my ears! Can we pleadingly lower the volume please?!” Celestia shouted as she fired rectangles from her horn at the height of the battle’s climax, causing the lengths and the widths of the universe to multiply diversely and spread beyond the boundaries of fruitfulness like a motley-loving gopher. Speaking of boundaries, the car was about to approach an impending bridge, that failed to connect the boundaries of water beneath, as well as the aperture of the other side, for it was broken.

“HOLD IT THE MUSTARD YOU PICKLED HOTDOGS!” the hotheaded Celestia barked like a dog who had lived in Alaska too long as she fired hot dogs from the school cafeteria at them, relishing them with mustard while she tried to catch up.

“E!N!O!U!G!H! W!I!T!H! T!H!E! S!H!O!U!T!I!N!G!!” Twilight exclaimed while pausing and interjecting to intensify and transition her points as the car drove into the hole of the bridge.

“The car is about to submerge us and drown us in water,” Sky looked at the scenario through a descending perspective as the car fell. “Are we going to die and fall?”

“NO...” Twilight took a stand as she leaned out the window with a squirt gun in hand that she pulled out from her black uniform. “We will not fall to what we can hear.....but we will waterfall to what we can hear!”

With that, Twilight fired a universal mass of water that was the size of the universe at the ocean. It was a squirt gun that shoots tidal waves!

“THE GRAPE KAMIKAZE!” the car shouted feeling like a peeled grape under the pressure of the water and the suicide as the vehicle floated up to the surface in the water. There was so much water that it created a universal flood!

“No...the arc has...” Celestia said her last words as she used the last of her magic powers to protect one place in the human world from this disaster that drowned every pony-turned human and living thing in the world except for Sky and Twilight who had stopped the water from destroying the car thanks to magic, and the Japanese...it was Japan.

“Wow, everyone in the world is dead,” Sky noticed that the graves in the sky were multiplying as ghosts appeared everywhere. “Were you and the water the ones that killed them? I don’t why but I just feel...that that feels wrong.”

“Killing and dying are two different things my friend.” Twilight explained with an evil smirk. “People don’t die when they are killed, because killing someone is the antithesis of dying yourself. They weren’t killed, they just died from drowning in the water, except for the car, he was killed by the pressure.”

“Oh, I think I understand what you mean now.” Sky comprehended the words, but didn’t understand the meaning. “But is the car going to live even though he was killed?”

“Actually...” said Twilight, “I think he is a living resident of the undead.”

“I AM A ZOMBIE,” proclaimed the car as the GPS system activated. “ALL I CAN DO NOW IS LEAD YOU FROM EQUESTRIA TO EQUESTRIA.”

“Wait, we’re in Equestria, and we’re going to Equestria?” Sky asked. “I thought we were in the human world, now I don’t even know where we are.”

“Everywhere in all of the universes is Equestria, Sky,” Twilight replied. “That’s how it’s always been.....since the dawn of Fluttershy’s dark sky!”

“Everywhere is Equestria?” Sky wondered. “I guess the world is a lot smaller than I know. So how are we going to reach our destination?”

“I know the way, we just have to follow the GPS.” Twilight assured.

“Alright, I know I can follow that just as easily as you.” Sky said with confidence for the first time.

“Thanks...” Twilight said as she got out her cell phone. “...fool.”

The phone back at Celestia’s (this is the REAL Celestia, not the robot) palace began to ring.

“This is your boss...” Twilight’s boss reminded. “what’s the status.”

“Mission successful.” replied Twilight. “I rescued Sky from your android just like you requested, and I even showed some of my evil ways in the subtlest manner possible to him just like you asked. The stupid boy is just as naive and oblivious as you said. I can even have a private conversation on the phone revealing all my secrets with him right next to me and he’d never suspect a thing.”

“Good work, Twilight.” the boss chuckled sinisterly. “I know I can trust you to get that neutral moron to choose the evil side.”

“You know you can always trust a pacifist assassin...” Twilight laughed, “...Celestia. Goodbye.”

Twilight hung up as the princess on the other line was revealed to be...Princess Celestia.

“Woah,” Sky was shocked by this particular revelation, “you were on the phone with Celestia? You can talk to someone who’s dead?!”

“Of course I can...” Twilight laughed. “I’ve always been able to talk to the dead! HA HA HA! YOU’RE SO STUPID!”

“Wow, that might be a possibility that I never knew!” a surprised Sky said. “So if you can talk to the dead, can you talk to those angry-looking ghosts behind us. They look frustrated.”

“Oh dear,” Twilight turned around to see the ghosts trying to surround the car. “It looks like we’re going to have to do something.”

“You know, since we’re in Equestria right now, and our journey began at our destination,” Sky thought, “I wonder if this will be the end.”

Unfortunately, the end was neither near or far away from our heroes...

This ends the story of Princess Celestia’s big horn, which is the beginning of the second dark sky.

Thank you for reading, hero!

Comments

[Misty Shadow]

1026503

I'm not trying to force it, believe it or not. I'm pretty much just writing what comes to my mind. But the anti-logic does make sense in the way you mean it, just wait and see.