Growing Pains

by Sixes_And_Sevens

Saturday Morning

When Rarity woke the next morning, she felt profoundly refreshed and ready to face the day. This lasted precisely nine seconds, which was precisely the same amount of time it took her to realize that during the course of the night, her bed had somehow ended up on the ceiling. She looked down at the floor and a profoundly disconcerting sense of vertigo washed over her. Rarity closed her eyes tightly and screamed. In response, her bedroom door swung open with a creak. “You… bellowed?” a lugubrious voice groaned.

Rarity peeked open one eye. In the doorway stood Discord, though they had apparently turned their body grayscale and now sported an admittedly fetching tuxedo. “I should have known,” she sighed. “Discord, I do apologize if this is an undue inconvenience, but would you mind terribly setting me back on the ground?”

“In a moment, in a moment… Tell me, Rarity, do you ascribe any particular significance to violets?”

The unicorn stared. “Violets? Er. No, not particularly, why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Discord replied brightly. “Here, let me help you down…”

They clicked their fingers. The room spun around like a child’s top, all bright colors and swirling shapes. Rarity’s head began to swim and her eyes rolled back in her head. And then it was over. “There you are, all back to normal,” Discord said triumphantly.

Rarity took in a deep breath. “It is… fortuitous that I have yet to breakfast,” she said diplomatically. “Discord, if you wish to speak with me, I would ask that you wait in the kitchen whilst I powder my nose.”

The draconequus rolled their eyes. They rolled a nine. To Rarity’s astonishment, however, they did leave her room, even closing the door behind them. She rose from her bed on hooves which were still somewhat shaky and trotted over to her boudoir. She glared at each of the mirrors in turn. “If any of you are Discord, I ask that you at least have the decency to reveal yourselves,” she hissed. None of the reflections replied, which made the mare feel somewhat foolish. She dragged a comb through her mane, followed by the application of mascara and a little bit of eye shadow. There. Now she looked presentable, not that her visitor would care in the slightest.

She trotted away from the mirrors, through the door, and out into the hallway, all the time straining to hear any sounds of chaos magic being used on her kitchen, her wares, or (Celestia forbid) her sister. None but the most ordinary of noises could be detected, however; the birds in the trees, the gentle hum and gurgle of the boiler under the stairs, Sweetie Belle’s high, ringing laughter. Well, perhaps that last one was a little suspect, but better by far than screaming.

Rarity reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped, gazing at the tableau that was taking place. Discord had apparently made toast. That toast was now gently fluttering like oversized insects, occasionally landing in pots of jam and marmalade. “Bread-and-butterflies?” Rarity guessed.

“Ding-ding-ding!” Discord crowed, pointing at the fashionista. “Ladies and gentlecolts, we have a winnah!”

Sweetie giggled as one of the creatures settled in her mane, and Rarity smiled tolerantly. “Very nice, Discord, but we do need to eat breakfast as well as admire it.”

“Well, what’s stopping you?” Discord asked, snatching a creature from the air and popping it into their mouth. “It’s not as though they’re really alive…” They caught sight of Sweetie’s horror-struck expression.

“Oh, very well.” They snapped their claws and the assorted wheat and wheat by-products folded up and settled onto the table. “Dig in.”

Sweetie stared at the piles of toast. “Rarity.”

“Yes, Sweetie?”

“Would you make me some scrambled eggs.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea.”

Discord scowled at the pair of them. With another snap of the fingers, the piles of toast disappeared. “Would you care to join us, darling?” Rarity asked innocently.

“I think not,” Discord sniffed. “I will be in the parlor.” They turned and stalked out of the room.

Sweetie turned to Rarity. “Why are they here?”

“I’m sure I don’t know,” Rarity replied. “They barged into my room, demanded to know what I thought of violets, and barged out again, and now it appears they want to talk about something else. What that might be, I’ve no idea, but I’m sure it isn’t gardening.” She paused. “Well, reasonably sure. One can never quite tell, with them.”

“Yeah,” Sweetie agreed. “Will the eggs be done soon? I’ve got big plans today.”

“The Crusaders?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nothing too dangerous?”

“Nope.”

“Likely to cause a great deal of property damage?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Any possibility of receiving a visit from any level of government?”

“Aw, come on, that was one time!”

“The mayor came one time,” Rarity corrected. “The princesses count as well, as do Judge Libra and the mayor’s secretaries. Answer, please?”

Sweetie considered. “I doubt it,” she said at length.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s not as though I could stop all of you, anyway,” she sighed. “Just… try to think through your actions before they are performed, rather than after, alright?”

The younger unicorn sighed. “Yes, Rarity…”

In the little cottage at the end of Polaris Road, the oven dinged. “Dinky! Muffins are ready!” Ditzy chirped.

A little lilac head poked out from the top of the stairwell. “Just a minute, mom.”

Ditzy Doo smiled up at her daughter as the filly pulled back her head. Then, quickly, the pegasus grabbed a hot pad and pulled open the oven door. The sweet, cakey smell of pastry wafted out. She licked her lips. Banana today. Banana muffins are good.

A small, light-purple unicorn trotted into the kitchen. “Morning, mom.”

“Good morning, muffin,” Ditzy smiled. “What are you up to today?”

“Oh, y’know. Crusader stuff,” Dinky said vaguely, levitating a muffin out of the pan. “Hey, mom? Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did! But, yes.”

The filly stared into space, taking a big bite of the muffin. “How did you know when you were in love with dad?”

Ditzy nearly dropped the muffin tin. “I— wha— you—” she stopped. “Haven’t I ever told you that story?”

“No.”

“Huh…” Ditzy said, staring at nothing in particular, lost, suddenly, in the past. “Well. Your father was… Well, he was certainly a charmer. Handsome, yes, but more than that, he was kind. The first thing he said to me was that I had beautiful eyes.” She smiled wistfully.

“Was that when you fell in love?”

“Then? Oh, no. That was when I made a new friend, but we weren’t in love. We saw a lot of each other after that night. It was hard not to when we both worked in the physics department at the same university. We were, well, the oddballs of the physics labs. I had my eyes, of course, and he had dreams about being from outer space. Which he was, but I didn’t know that then. I didn’t care.”

“Uh-huh,” Dinky said. As long as she could remember, her mother had claimed that she had married an alien who’d had to return to his home planet to fight in a war. She didn’t know the real explanation for why her father had left, but it obviously couldn’t be that. “But how did you fall in love?”

“Hm… You know, I’m not sure,” Ditzy admitted. “Love usually isn’t so easy to pinpoint. I think it was more of a… steady thing.” She gazed into the distance for a long moment, then shook herself back to reality. “Why do you ask? Is there some little colt or filly I should know about?”

“What? No. No. I’m asking for a friend,” Dinky said, shaking her head.

“And just who might that be?” her mother asked, smiling innocently.

“Spike,” Dinky replied shortly.

“Oh. Okay!” Ditzy said, nodding, her grin only widening. “Well, I wish him good luck. Tell him that, won’t you?”

“I will. Bye, mom. See you later.”

“Love you, muffin! Have a great day!”

The little unicorn filly trotted out of the room. As the door swung shut behind her, Ditzy’s smile faded. She turned to a picture on the wall, faded with age and sunshine. A younger Ditzy Doo stood next to a purple unicorn in a velvet suit, an auburn mane tumbling over his brilliant blue eyes. “Oh, Pocket,” she sighed. “Come back to us soon, won’t you? I miss you…”

Rarity trotted into the parlor, where Discord had stretched out on her chaise longue and was apparently talking to themself, who was sitting on an armchair that Rarity was certain hadn’t been there yesterday. “So you see, I feel that by my very nature, I am an outcast from society. No matter what I do, I can’t both stay true to myself and be fully accepted.”

“Ai see,” said the other Discord, rapidly scribbling down notes on a small notepad with a comically oversized quill. “End tell me, Mx. Discord, how do hue feel about zis?”

“Why, with my paws, of course!” the first Discord said, ruffling up their hair for emphasis. “Please, do come in, Rarity, we were just finishing up.”

The alabaster mare cautiously trotted in. “Only if you’re sure,” she said. “I wouldn’t like to interfere with anything of a confidential nature.”

“Nein, zat vill be all for ze day. Discord. Fraulein Rarity.” The pseudo-psychiatrist rose from the chair, bowed stiffly, and exited through a cloud of smoke.

“Well, now that that pointless joke is out of the way, let’s get down to business,” Discord said, snapping his fingers. Suddenly, Rarity found herself in a corporate suit and necktie, sitting at a lengthy conference table. Discord was seated at the extreme other end.

The unicorn adjusted her tie. “Really, darling, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself. A joke you may be, but even you have a point. Likely at the tip of your horns.”

The draconequus blinked in confusion. Then, reviewing the conversation, they chuckled. “A sharp wit. I can respect that, inasmuch as I can respect anything. Which is to say, not very much at all. But I can appreciate it.”

Rarity smirked. “You came here for a reason, I presume, other than complimenting me on my sense of humor and engaging in witty banter?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. First of all, I would like to say that Fluttershy has told me of your little scheme, and I am all in.”

Rarity blinked. “Oh?” Of all the things she had anticipated, this was not among them. “Might I ask why?”

Discord smiled. “Only if I, in turn, might ask you what your motives are in all this…”

There was a long pause, fragile and breathless as a Breezie in the eye of a hurricane. “Question redacted,” Rarity said briskly. “I can count on your assistance, though? I may call on you to help with my plans?”

“Eh,” Discord waved a claw from side to side. “Depends on your definition of ‘assistance.’ And ‘call on.’ And ‘plans.’ I’m a chaos spirit, not a lapdog.”

“Of course,” Rarity sighed. “I don’t know why I expected anything else. So, to clarify, what exactly are you offering?”

“I’m willing to not actively work against you,” Discord said. “If I feel like it, I may even help you. In my own, inimitable way…”

“And… could I ask you not to help me?”

“Oh, you certainly could,” Discord said. “Whether or not I would listen…”

“Yes, quite,” Rarity sighed. “Well, welcome aboard, Discord.”

“Arr, glad ta be here, ye old scallywag,” the chimera growled, waving a cutlass around. “Shiver me timbers, ya salty dog!”

Rarity regarded the tableau stoically. “Discord. Please remove yourself from my home. I have got customers to tend to.”

“Ah, well, fine,” Discord sighed theatrically, waving a hook-hand flippantly. “Just one more thing before I go? Sort of a “I’m scratching your back, you scratch mine” thing…”

Rarity hesitated. Then her lips twisted into a slight smile. “I promise you that I won’t actively work against you…”

“Hardy-har-har. It happens that I have a friend in need of a new suit. And before you say anything else, I DO have other friends. I’ll send over the measurements and specifications this afternoon.”

Rarity hesitated. “And… when will he be able to come in for a fitting?”

“A… fitting? No, no, no, very busy individual, very busy indeed, no time to come in at all…”

The unicorn frowned, tapping a tattoo out on the floor with a back hoof. “Well, I can make a suit according to measurements, but I’m afraid that for the real “Rarity” effect, your friend will have to come in to meet me at least once…”

Discord gnawed at their lip, fully at a loss for the first time since they had entered the Boutique. “Well… if it’s really necessary…”

“It is.”

“I… I’ll work something out,” Discord said slowly. “I… thank you, Rarity. Really.”

The designer blinked. “Well… you’re welcome, of course.”

Discord nodded. “Oh, and Rarity? If you try anything…floral at tea…” He swung a cutlass at a lamp, missing it by nanometers. “I will know about it.”

“...Floral?”

But the chaos spirit had already left, leaving behind him the smell of saltwater and roses.

Rarity, blinking and bewildered, stared at the spot where he had been a moment before. “I swear, I will never understand them,” she murmured. “I wonder what this ‘friend’ of theirs will be like?”

***

Apple Bloom banged the gavel on her podium. “Order, order,” she shouted.

“Sorry, Bloom,” Sweetie said sheepishly. “Uh, one hayburger and fries, hold the pickle, and a strawberry milksha—”

The yellow filly fixed the unicorn with a flat glare. Sweetie squeaked and sank back in her seat. Bloom sighed. “So. Anypony find anything out ‘bout love?”

Dinky shrugged. “Mom said it was a sort of… slow thing. It built up over time, I guess?”

Bloom frowned. “Hrm. Well, Ah asked Granny. Uh, she had some int’restin’ stuff ta say, but Ah don’t reckon Ah oughta repeat any of it. ‘Specially not with Button in the room.”

The brown colt glanced around sheepishly. “Uh, Mom said that she didn’t like to talk behind other ponies’ backs, so she wouldn’t tell me much about Dad. She did say, er, that when you’re in love, it’s like, like, your stomach is full of butterflies whenever you try to talk to them, and when you look in their eyes, you can see that they understand and accept you completely. And then she said that you should really make sure that they’re more in love with you than they would be with anypony else. And then she ruffled my mane and kissed my nose, and said I was a good boy and I should be safe with Sweetie Belle.”

Sweetie frowned. “Safe from what?”

Button shrugged. “Dunno. Boss levels?”

“Oh… maybe! Hey, did you get that new World of Witchcraft game yet?”

Bloom banged her gavel again. “Scootaloo?” she asked.

The orange pegasus looked uncomfortable. “Aunt Holiday gave me books. Like, a lot of books.”

Apple Bloom cringed. “Ooh… yeah, Applejack gave me some books, too…”

“Oh. Okay, I was just worried I was gonna be the only one,” Scootaloo sighed. “We should probably compare titles. Uh, Holstein’s Illiad, the comedies of Spear Shaker, The Cinder Belle Effect, Allonormativy and Eros in Equestrian Society…”

The youngest Apple held up a hoof. “Uh, Ah think we got… dif’rent kinds o’ books there, Scoots.”

The orange pegasus deflated. “...Oh,”

Rumble reached a comforting wing around his friend. “I’m sure they’ll be useful,” he consoled. “As for me, Thunderlane said he knew he was in love with Flitter back when they were still just friends, ‘cause they were really close with each other. He said that they both wanted the other one to be happy, more than anything in the world, and he thought that was the purest form of love. Then Cloudchaser threw a pillow at his head and called him biased and soppy.”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Alright. Ah think we’re startin’ ta get a pretty good picture. How ‘bout you, Sweetie Belle?”

“Oh. I didn’t have time to ask Rarity,” Sweetie admitted. “Discord came over for breakfast and needed to talk to her.

Button frowned. “Discord? Why?”

Sweetie shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe they want a suit, or a dress or something.”

“But couldn’t they, like, snap them out of thin air or something?”

Sweetie paused. “I mean… yeah… but…” she frowned. “I dunno. I’ll ask her later.”

“And ask her about love?” Bloom prompted.

“Yeah, that too. I bet I already know what she’s gonna say, though.” The unicorn flipped her mane dramatically. “Dah-ling,” she began in a high-pitched, “classy” accent. “You don’t want to do something as uncouth as chasing after stallions. Rather, you must make them come to you, now if you’ll just let me fix your mane…”

Dinky snickered. “Yeah, that’s probably gonna be pretty accurate,” she agreed. “Okay, so we’ve got maybe five different ways of looking at this. That’s… probably not great. We need more data to draw from.”

Scootaloo frowned. “How are we gonna do that?”

Rumble shrugged. “We could go up and ask random ponies about it,” he said, his tone tinged with sarcasm.

The others glanced around, eyebrows raised. Rumble looked horrified. “Guys? That was a joke. I was joking. Guys? Guys!?”

***

The road to Fluttershy’s cottage was bucolic and well-lit by sunshine. Spike sighed happily as he walked along it. It was, after all, a lovely, warm day, and the warm sun felt good on his scales. Small clouds of dust kicked up behind him as he waddled along toward his destination. It really was a good day for a walk, even if he wasn’t sure why he was meant to go visit Fluttershy.

With that intrusive thought, his brow creased. Why was he supposed to go visit Fluttershy? Sure, he knew Twilight had gotten a letter asking for the loan of her number-one assistant. Sure, he knew that she had agreed and sent the little dragon on to see the yellow pegasus. Sure, he vaguely suspected that whatever they were going to do was probably going to involve animals. But why did Fluttershy ask for him specifically? What kind of skill set did he have that none of her other friends had? He racked his brains and came up blank. He wasn’t fast. He wasn’t really strong. He wasn’t that smart. About all he could do was send flame-mail messages and be a sidekick. Oh, and cook. However, unless Angel Bunny had suddenly developed a craving for sapphire pancakes or Harry the Bear had become pen friends with Celestia, Spike really wasn’t sure what Fluttershy would need his help with.

His brow relaxed and he shrugged. Best not to worry about it. He’d find out soon enough. For now, it was enough to enjoy the weather. Deep in the underbrush, where the dragon couldn’t see, a yellow pair of eyes stared out at him. Discord grinned. Oh, this was going to be fun.

Spike stared up at the red oak door. For a moment, he hesitated, his earlier doubts coming flooding back to him. Then, eyes hardening to jade, he rapped his claws against the door. It flew open before he could even knock a second time. “Oh, hello, Spike,” Fluttershy said, a broad smile on her face. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here so soon.”

The dragon frowned, raising an eyebrow. “Then you were at the door because…”

Fluttershy’s smile froze. “Um, I was… dusting. Around here. It’s very dusty in the foyer. Cough, cough?” Her smile grew broader, eyes watering slightly with the exertion.

Spike studied her for another moment. Then, he shrugged. “Okay. So, what’s up?”

Fluttershy froze for a moment, her eyes distant. Spike’s brow furrowed, and he waved a claw in front of the mare’s face. “Uh, Fluttershy? You okay?”

She blinked. “Oh, yes, sorry. Um. It’s the drugs.”

The dragon stared. “The drugs.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Painkillers,” she expounded. “You see, Spike, I hurt my wing the other day. I’m sorry, I’m being a terrible host, won’t you come in?”

Spike walked through the door, staring at his friend’s bandaged wing. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied hurriedly. “It’s not too terrible, but the doctor told me that I shouldn’t do too much hard work for a few days. And, of course, my animal friends need somepony to look after them… Or somedragon…”

Spike paused. “Wait. Really? Me?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Oh, yes. You’re a very hard worker, Spike, and I know that you won’t let me down.”

The dragon swelled a little at that, grinning widely. “You bet I won’t!”

Fluttershy smiled slightly at him. “There shouldn’t be anything too strenuous on the agenda for today. Here’s a list of what you’ll need to do.”

She hoofed over a short list of tasks, roughly the length of a shopping list. “I’ll make lemonade and sandwiches while you work. After you’re finished, we can have lunch.”

“Awesome. Thanks, Fluttershy!”

The butter-yellow pegasus smiled faintly back at him. The plan was working! Spike would be taking responsibility and maturing in no time. Behind her, a rabbit glanced over its shoulder. Well, almost a rabbit. Most lagomorphs didn’t possess antlers. Red irises in yellow pupils gleamed.

Comments

[DragonPony]

Great chapter, I do keep wondering tho they keep thinking THIS is how Spike will grow,but I don't think any of them know this for a sure thing. This could all very well be a huge waste of time. Or make him trigger a different kind of growth that they really dont want .

[jw278]

Just want to say thanks for the story, im enjoying it so far. keep up the great work, cant wait for the next chapter :) Also im really hoping that spike & rarity end up together lol

[Jake The Army Guy]

Why are you referring to Discord as "They?" That is used when the gender is not known, and Discord is male.

[Sixes_And_Sevens]

9997151
I view Discord as being nonbinary, so that's what I write them as.

[King Kenya]

“Oh, very well.” They snapped their claws and the assorted wheat and wheat by-products folded up and settled onto the table. “Dig in.”

Wheat and wheat by-products. By Equestrians, for Equestrians, in Equestrians, watching Equestrians.