Always bet on green

by Jaycren

Those Poor Kidnappers

Rarity, Twilight, Meadowbrook, Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor all sat upon a raised Dias. Tempest Shadow standing tall and proud at the base, scanning the room for trouble, a stern look upon her face. This was her first event as Princess Twilight Sparkle's Captain, nothing was going to disturb the diners above her.

"Fizzlepop, would you please come and join us, its just a friendly dinner." Twilight begged her new Captain.

Blushing at her true name, she reluctantly climbed the stairs, taking her seat between the Element of Magic and the Princess of the Night. Glancing around, something seemed wrong, looking to ask Grubber for a status update, she realized what had been bothering her. The reliable little hedgehog was nowhere to be found, then she noticed who else was missing.

"Twilight, where's Spike?" Fizzlepop asked.

"He was just finishing up some last minute tasks, why?"

Tempest saw Rarity and Meadowbrook glance at her before she answered her Princess's question.

"Because I don't know where Grubber is, he was supposed to be here too."

Meadowbrook's eyes widened. "Stygian was supposed to meet me here as well, afterwards we were going out."

Rarity glanced at the Pillar of Kindness, "Spikey Wikey and I where going to be going on our first date after this." Twilight gave her best friend a look, "Spikey is 21 now Twilight and a handsome dragon besides, I may be older but I am not dead yet, darling. I'm concerned however, its unlike Spike to stand a lady up."

Princess Luna glanced around. "My steward is missing too, its not like Fussbudget to leave me in possession of his schedule book."

Princess Celestia began to have a worried look, "Raven was going to attend this, but it is technically her day of so I just thought that, for once, she had decided to actually take it."

A waiter approached the dais, carrying a Crystal in his hands. Instantly Tempest moved to intercept the waiter. The Earth pony flinched to have the statuesque unicorn so close, so quickly, but this was Canterlot and he soon recovered. He handed Tempest thw crystal, and, having a hushed conversation, went back to his duties. Bringing the crystal to the table she placed it in the center.

"That waiter was given this communication crystal for all of us. He was tipped pretty heavily for it, too." Pressing one side of it, a ski masked earth pony was projected for all to see.

"We have your assistants, but we will give them back to you unharmed if you give us what we are demanding." The Earth Pony snarled.

Tempest glanced at everyone and noticed the smirks beginning to form. She herself was having difficulty hiding her amusement.

"We all would like to speak uninterrupted to our assistants as confirmation that you do indeed have them and that they are unharmed." She said, struggling to keep a straight face.

"Of course, you will only have a few moments with each."

The Earth Pony stepped to the side and Stygian appeared, almost mummified with rope, looking quite annoyed.

"Hello Meadow" he said. "Sorry, I'm running a late, I got a little tied up."

Meadowbrook teared up. "Stygian this is positively the last straw. Every time we try to go out or have a relationship you get kidnapped, or something evil arises, or you become the shadow pony. I am starting to believe that we are just not meant to be. If you are not here in time for our date, I will not be." She snorted and turned away from the table, sobbing.

Stygian's gaze went blank. It was like looking at a doll, a replica, his next words where without inflection or emotion. "You're right Meadow, I'll be there on time, like I promised."

The Earth Pony reappeared, this time managing to convey his confusion, even through a knit ski mask.
"You do realize that we will kill them if you do not comply right?"

"Can we please talk to the next one?" Tempest, had to bite her bottom lip. If this continued she could almost feel sorry for the kidnappers, almost.

The image shifted again, showing a purple and green dragon. The Young drake looked a little worse for wear but otherwise seemed unharmed. "Hey Rarity, sorry for keeping you waiting."

Rarity puffed up, indignation clear on her face, "Spike Solaris Sparkle, how dare you keep a lady waiting!!!!! I waste years of my life single, and now that we have a chance, you try to stand me up. Maybe you are just not the Gentledragon I thought you where. If you are not here and appropriately attired, I will have no choice but to never talk to you again. I believed you dependable, not like all those stallions only interested in one thing." The Element of Generosity then rose, threw her napkin on the table, and pulled Meadowbrook with her. "I am now need to help Meadow reapply her make up, MALES!!!!!" She then strode to the mares washroom.

Spike looked crestfallen, then got a stern look, "Twilight, tell Rarity she has nothing to worry about, and as a proper Gentledragon I will be bringing flowers to make up for the trouble."

The Image flashed back to the Earth pony kidnapper. He seemed to be looking at Spike with more then a little sympathy. "Well, that was a bit harsh. If it makes that crazy mare feel better he did hurt two of my guys rather severely and I had to terminate their employment permanently." He then said something off screen and again the image shifted.

This time it was Grubber. He seemed chipper and amused by the whole thing, at least until he saw the look on his bosses face. Then his joking demeanor changed, quick.

"Grubber, you are embarrassing me in front of the former Captain of Celesta's Guard, who also happens to be Twilight's brother. I am here with basically her sister, mother and aunt all in the form of some very annoyed Allicorns, you where supposed to be helping me prevent this type of thing. Do I have to look for another Second. I am really considering firing you over this one." She got a faraway look for a second, "I wonder if one of the CMC would make a better second."

Grubber's eyes widened, "Not to worry boss I will be there and I will take full responsibility. I really should have expected chloroform, but I let my guard down, is 20 minutes okay?" He stared at his boss pleadingly.

Tempest didn't hesitate. "No."

Grubber slumped, The Earth Pony came back. "Wow, that was either the harshest thing I ever saw or the hottest, that's it isn't it? I’m being punked? No? Well at this point I just want to see where this is going."

Raven's image was shown next. She appeared more annoyed then anything and just waited for Celestia speak.

Princess Celestia smiled. It was the one that made all of the nobles flee whenever it was seen. It was reserved for when the Princess of the Sun was being clever. "Raven dear, you do know that this is your day off, correct?"

Raven flinched, she had not. "That means my little pony, that you are not getting paid for your trouble and as you know all compensation requests must be submitted to payroll by the end of business day, today, which ends when we are done with this little get together. If not all paperwork, must then be put forth into the auditing department for review, no exceptions."

Raven got a very bad look on her face. "All will be submitted, all will be done, by the Will Of the Sun."

The Image shifted with the kidnapper again front and center. "Okay, scary, hot, and creepy." He just shook his head before the final assistant was presented.

Fussbudget looked much put out by the whole thing and the thin Thestral just sat and pouted. Princess Luna smiled at her steward, saying in a motherly tone. "What's the matter Fuss?"

"These kidnappers have horrible standards. Everyone knows the proper ropes for kidnapping and holding pony administrators is Hemp 41, these ropes are Hemp 40. The Chloroform was only a 32 not a 48. Why can'y we have proper villains, instead of this group of stooges."

"Yes we can't all get what we want Fuss, by the way, I have your schedule book here and there was a group of newsponies here that wanted to do an interview. I put them off but they have been quite persistent and I think I am going to just make my own appointments."

Fussbudget haltingly asked "Who are they from."

"Oh, I have no idea, I will just pencil them in wherever, alright Fuss?"

"Do Not Touch That Schedule Book." Fussbudget said in a voice that caused all except Princess Luna to flinch. "I Will Be Right There."

For the last time the earth pony was on the screen. "Okaaaaay, So now that you have talked to them all, lets go over some demands."

Tempest cut the kidnapper off, "I am sorry, the Princesses do not negotiate with terrorists." She then blasted the crystal, ending the transmission. Before going to the mares room herself to keep from wetting herself with laughter.

Comments

[True Edge]

Okay, this was all very, VERY mean. I mean, seriously, how cruel of an author can you be, putting them in such a situation?! This is so wrong it’s not even funny. Threatening them all, like this? It’s positively horrid!!! I mean, honestly. . . . .
. . . . . . THose poor bastards won’t even no what hit them, at this rate! They really should’ve chosen a different group of targets. . .

[Dragon Blaze-X]

why do I get the feeling this will go donw