• Published 13th Feb 2018
  • 717 Views, 14 Comments

Always bet on green - Jaycren

It isn't that somebeing is an assistant its WHO'S assistant they are.

  • ...

Epilogue: You Kidnapped Who?

The Rusty Spoon was a dive bar on the wrong side of Canterlot, it's clientele ranged from ne'r do wells to don' wanna do wells. Sawdust layered the floor in anticipation of tonight's brawl. The only customer's currently where a small group in the back playing poker and a lone Earth pony stallion sitting at the bar. Bandaged and still dragging an I.V, he had checked himself out of the hospital, much to other's protest. Despite his wounds a ski mask still concealed his features.

"What in Tartarus happened to you, Switch?" The Bartender asked.

"Give me a Whiskey, no ice and I'll tell you, Rot."

Plopping a glass in front of his sometime friend, Rot poured the whiskey, then contiuned questioning Switch.

"So, how'd you get into this kinda shape, eh, Blade?"

"Well, Gut, you know how Pretty Poison and I have our anniversary coming up?"

"Yeah of the first date she didn't stab you or leave for dead. How long has that been?"

"A Month, the end of this week."

"Well, what's that got to do with this?" Rot Gut asked the Pony before him, "Did Pretty do this to You?"

"No, she did not, I got this because of a job gone bad. I bring up Pretty because I wanted to give her something special."

"Yeah I can see that, a month is a long time for one of you not to stab the other." The Bartender refilled Switch Blade's Glass and one for himself, then toasted his friend's accomplishment. "Not many couples around her can say that."

"Indeed, not Rot, Indeed not. So anyway Pretty has always admired the ceremonial jewels of the princesses. She has dreams about trying them on. Not keeping them, mind you, just seeing how they look on her. I wanted to give her that, afterwards they'd be returned. You can't fence them, so their's no point in keeping them and their not magical so the royals wouldn't even ransom them back. Even disassembling them for parts is not worth the trouble." Switchblade snorted, "Some of the most priceless jewels in existence and to enterprising gentleman like us, they're not worth a thing."

Both stallions laughed at the irony. Switch Blade continued. "Anyway, I knew I could never get them from the museum, that place is locked up tighter then your purse strings. So I had to find another way. I did my research and that was when I had my idea. All the Princesses kept Assistants, Assistants that where very poorly guarded."

Rot Gut paled, "You didn't." Switch Blade's flinch answered his question, "You did."

Switch Blade held up his hands to halt the oncoming lecture. "Yeah, I should've known that no one with that level of access would be that poorly guarded, unless they didn't need it. But in my defense, Stallions do stupid things for love all the time. The job went wrong from the beginning, Spike, Raven and Fussbudget all proved to be resistant to the cloraform and Spike forced me to Euthanize to of my guys. It was truly admirable to see the way they all resisted. Stygian and Grubber got caught because they where all meeting up before hand. Hell the two of them where trouble as well, at the end I had to take them both as well just to keep it all quiet." Switch Blade shook his head. "A moment of silence for Brick Wall and Iron Cudgel, may they sweet talk there way into heaven before the warden realizes their not in Tartarus."

"Ah Blessed sentiment" Rot Gut intoned. Both stallions paused a moment, bowing their heads, Then Switch Blade continued his story.

"Well, we all get back to hideout and Stygian proceeds to tell us exactly where we are, so I scramble his brain a little and we have to move the entire base, then Grubber does it, I do the same thing, this time to both Stygian and Grubber, again we move, this time Spike does it, well rinse and repeat several times, until finally we get to a hastily set up base that has none of what I want. The bindings are substandard, and I can't seperate them anymore. So, having no choice I placed them in hearing distance of myself and used a disposable crystal to contact the Princesses. Which is the one thing that went smoothly." Here Switch Blade raised his glass toasted "To Stygian and Spike Solaris Sparkle" and took the whiskey all in one shot, slamming his glass down.

"Rot Gut I will never complain about Pretty Poison being high maintenance again, after what the Element of Generosity and Pillar of Kindness said to Stygian and Spike respectively. The crazy mares acted like this was all their stallions fault." Admiration of Spike and Stygian showed through when he next spoke. "So Spike, he just says I'll be there with flowers, and Stygian, he goes real quiet and reaffirms that he will be on time. Spike and Stygian are true dudes. They both have to have balls of Mythril, the size of grapefruits to deal with those two. When Raven Inkwell gets on, Celestia just tells this poor Mare, as if being ponynapped wasn't enough, that since it was her day off, all paperworkd for her to get paid for today has to be in by the end of the day, or it all has to be audited."

Both Stallions shivered. "And I thought Handsome Jack was a stickler for payment on time," Rot answered.

"Yeah, so next up is Grubber, and what does his boss do? Reads him the riot act, honestly it was kinda hot. But still harsh as hell. At this point I wanted to cut them all loose and offer them employment. But I remembered that this was for Pretty and I put Fussbudget on. He proceeds to crituqe the entire job, which, by the way if I find out that he was right about that chlorofom being not what I asked for you and I are going to have a serious conversation later, understand.

Rot Got gulped, "Switch, I would never do that to you."

Switch Blade snorted, "I'm sure you wouldn't is why I don't want to find out, understand?


"Good, at this point I am just about to ask for Pretty's present when Tempest says 'I am sorry the Princesses doesn't negotiate with Terrorists.' Then she blasts the communication crystal, blinding me for a moment. At which point Fussbudget and Stygian slip their chains and proceed to slaughter the last of my crew. Fussbudget gets Raven free, followed by Stygian releasing Spike. At this point I know that I am done so I make a steady retreat, only to have a green flame shot in front of me, halting my escape. I turn, Spike in front of me, as I watch as Stygian brings the last of my crew to the ground behind him, laughing like a hyena. Spike grabs me by the throat and throws me to his fellows." Switchblade gestures to himself.

"The Assistants are the ones that did this to me. Then did me the courtesy of calling for medical attention, Raven Inkwell said it would be to much paperwork for them to kill me or arrest me. Sometime before the Medponies get to me I passed out. When I woke up I was in Canterlot General. So I removed my cathater, checked myself out, and came here to drink until Pretty hears of this and decides to come stab me." Switch Blade shrugs. "Can't say I blame her, Our first Aniversary and I screw the whole thing up."

A blue haired Unicorn Stallion plopped down into the bar stool next to him. "Oh, we can;t have that, can we?"

Switch Blades spun to the side, already in movement for the door, when a flash of pink blinded him. "A first Aniversary is very special," said the Pink Alicorn now standing in front of him.

Cut off, he laced his hands behind his head and knelt. He watched as Rot Got used the moment to dart for the rear, when a bolt of lightning blocked his escape. Rot Gut turned, raised his hands and stood in plain sight of all those in the bar. Tempest got up from the table, followed by Princesses Celestia, Luna and Twilight Sparkle.

Princess Twilight first looked at Switch Blade and then at Rot Gut. She turned to her captain and asked, "Are you sure?'

Tempest merely nodded, Twilight Shrugged then said. "Then make them the offer."

Tempest smiled. "The two of you are in Luck. You have impressed me and grubber with your ingenuity and abilility. Switch Blade, just to give the mare you loved what she wanted, you orchestrated and carried out a well organizied operation. Rot Gut, you maganged to provide suppliy to him, quickly and within cost. I would like to offer you service in Twilight's freindship guard. Because quite frankly Celestia's stinks and Luna's is only effective from the shadows. You two would be trained by me and, more importantly, your commission would be retroactive to before the ponyknapping took place. As far as I'm concerned the incident was an exercise in order to better prepare ourselves for the real thing. The option is that we take the both of you to the dungeon. Any Questions?"

To Tempest's surprise, Switch Blade spoke up.

"Can I confer with my Marefriend first? Both are life changing and I won't do anything that might take me away from her. I've done stints in prison before. Guard would be a new one."

A mare's voice was heard echoing into the bar. "Say Yes, you moron." The mare in question would have passed as Fleur De Lis's younger sister. She shot forward and had a blade to the throat of her Stallion before any could react.

Switch Blade grabbed her mane, pulling her in for a kiss. Cadance squeed a little as Tempest said. "So that is resounding yes from Switch....." Tempest smiled. "and Pretty"

Turning to Rot Gut she was again surprised when he said. "How much does this pay?"

"Free room and board, 4,000 bits a month, plus you get health and dental."

"Beautiful where have you been all my life." Came Rot Gut's reply.

Author's Note:

Funny Epilouge, just to have a clean break. I like these three characters so I may do something with them. Or Not. I have not a clue. Still just wanted one more chapter. Please be a little forgiving I wanted to post this tonight and if I stop to edit this I will fall asleep and not do so. So editing may wait until tommorow.

Comments ( 3 )

Noice. Finally got around to reading this chapter, and I gotta say, this bunch of miscreants could prove quite interesting at a later date! Good job, man! I kidna knew, when Switch was talking about why he’d done it, that it was gonna end that way, but it was still a cool ending. :rainbowdetermined2:

If I was to comment on any of this, it would be make more on this focus of the assistants. It would be kinda cool to see the continued adventures. Perhaps a Meetup at the pub.....but whatever it's awesome.

Fuss Budgets first day is a prequel to this. But other than that and potentially something with Switch, Rot and Pretty as character's I have nothing planned, but a meet up after might be fun to write. I will definitely think about it! Thanks for the input!

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