Realizations: Cycle 2

by Jaycren

Apple Whiskey: Spike - Self Esteem (Edited)

Spike left the Boutique with the worst case of friend-zoned blueball syndrome in all history. He kicked a rock and watched it skip along the ground. Why!? He was literally surrounded with mares. He knew for a fact that several of the younger mares in town found him attractive... but no- he had to crush on and pursue the one mare he couldn't even get a handy from! GAH!!!!!

Worse, his time off not working as Twilight’s assistant he solely dedicated to helping Rarity with any projects she wanted. He would forego sleep, rest, food, fun, anything, and everything he might otherwise have wanted to do just so he could be close to her. He had even helped her get laid on more than one occasion!!!!! The sexually frustrated hormonal little teenage dragon walked onward reflecting on his 'relationship' with the alabaster mare.

(Imitating Rarity). Blah blah, blah Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

I cut her off for the tenth time today

Even practiced just walk away

When she asked for help

I lost my nerve

I broke my back

Helping her work

I know I'm getting used

Buts its okay though cause

It's just me that's hurt

I know there's no hope for me

That's okay cause of

My level Self-esteem.

Ponies parted as he stalked forward,none of his usual friends daring come close. He noticed a flare of red hair in the background- Applebloom, a victim of should've when he had the chance; instead he had been too busy wasting his time chasing and lusting after a mare he was never going to have. He couldn’t blame AB for giving him space, thunderhead walking as he was. Still, would have been nice to have her comfort or concern-he could have used a win, any female attention would have been welcome what with his track record being strictly losses.

I have plans to make things right

I wait to long

I don't want to fight

This situation has me so low

If this keeps up I just really might blow

Even masturbation wasn't much of a relief seeing as if Twilight caught him or sometimes even suspected he got grounded. Not exactly fair considering her exploits- but he was young and dragon passions could be dangerous without proper precautions and self control- neither of which she wanted to discuss, teach, or make accommodation for him.

Nope, he was continually surrounded by the most beautiful, perfect, strongest, women on the planet and he had to stay the assistant- the little brother, the tag-a-long, gofer/ errand boy not allowed to have impulses- more a tool than a being- catering to wants more then having his own. Hell, he had saved the crystal empire twice- no three times! Helped make peace with the Changelings, prevented Garble from becoming Dragon Lord, gave the scepter to Ember, who let's face it was going to be an amazing leader, and stood alongside all of the main 6 even when they were at their lowest and yet wasn’t even allowed crank one off to a lingerie catalog without risk of grounding. Save the world- sure, unite past enemies multiple times- go for it! Almost get killed on the regular- damn straight, take a private moment to ease the growing pain and fire that is eating me day and night- Hell No! That’s gross, unnatural, wrong, bad dragon- you’re grounded- enjoy your torture.

Every time he tried for a relationship, one of them would ruin it by interfering. Tarturus! The only thing worse than working for Rarity and helping Rarity in her romantic pursuits is Rarity taking interest in his love life- in all the ways he’d rather she didn’t. He should really know not to take relationship advice from a mare that keeps discarding men- once they’ve served their use in bed. Once she’d gotten her fill of them it wasn’t uncommon for her to turn to him for comfort, usually drunk, stinking of sex, she’d curl up close to cuddle, rub against him, and have him hold her. Gah!!!!!!

She keeps saying

I'm what she wants in a guy

Gotta wonder then

Why I'm still only her friend

Then she's saying

All that I want to believe

I have to wonder how much more

She can need

Well I guess I should man

The buck up

But I really wish she could see

Me that way

The more you suffer

The more you can

Show you care

Right!? HAH

Worse, his dragon senses told him when a mare was digging on him and the only time Rarity’s smell indicated that towards him was when another mare showed interest. Just, enough to give him hope, to ensure he kept on paying attention and hopping after her- then he was right back to “Just a Friend Spike”, now with Kung-fu grip for those really hard tasks, cause Celestia knows he has absolutely no stallion-hood.

Again he scented Bloom on the air-intoxicating... Celestia damn! There was a reason he had to avoid her when she was fertile. He really didn't want to hurt her, physically or emotionally. She was his best friend; he knew how she felt about him. Part of him wanted to take advantage- a part that slowly was getting stronger. Every day he went without relief, everyday he had to deal with the non-stop frustration that voice got louder, he took a breath. It would be fine. He would just go sit on the Apple's back porch the wind and calmness always soothed his mind.

Who she'll date, just for a bit

She bucks them more then she'll

Ever admit

Late some nights she'll creep up my door

She got dumped again and needs

Someone warm

I know I should say go

But that's kinda hard

When she's crying so hard

I feel so Dumb

I am such a dweeb

No, I'm just a Dragon

With no Self-esteem

There was his sanctuary, he could smell the sweet scent of Apples, the swaying of the trees, the pollen on the wind. He could feel the anger and the tension leaving him. Just a few more steps.

She keeps saying

She wants a dude

Just like me

But then she tells me

How I'm only her friend

She keeps saying all that I should get what I need

Then she keeps them

Only my friends

Well I guess I should get some for myself

I don't think I can just walk away

She'll make me suffer

If I ever really dared,

Right!? Yeah!?

He walked up to the back porch, a little bit of quiet to ease his beating heart and to put the voice back where it belonged, where he could ignore it. He only needed a moment of peace, to not be surrounded by mares for a bit.

It was the perfect time of day, the back porch would be empty, AJ and Mac would be out working the farm, Granny would be in her sewing room, Applebloom would be out and about.... Wait, that scent! He watched as Applebloom finished her Heartsong and he knew he should go, but the voice spoke, "Applebloom, we need to talk."

Author's Note:

I would like you all to know that I never meant for this to become this dark. When I originally wrote this more of myself poured into than I care to admit. I identify with Spike's predicament way to well, both from a sexual standpoint and from a being used standpoint. He and I share a sense of snark, a lot of the same skills and problem solving abilities and many of the same frustrations. Keep in mind, there is no excuse for taking advantage of another sapient being. It is wrong, end of story, but that voice that exists in the back of all guys heads past a certain age can be very convincing. All of us decent guys out there have ways to safely deal with it so that we can think clearly and make proper choices.

However, Testosterone is both a combat drug and toxic, it does nothing to help us think clearly. Fortunately there are plenty of ways to clear it out. Masturbation happens to work the best. The problem comes when we shame such things, when we attach frustration and anger to such things. Especially in Spikes case, he would be wound up way to tight and that is not something a woman can understand, in the same way a guy is not going to understand anything having to do with a woman's cycle. They're just things that have to be experienced to be understood.

However, saying that, my woman edited this and that was when this REALLY got dark. When Spike's anger and frustration really got out of hand. Most of the changes she made meant Spike became a hormonal repressed time bomb, ready to be set off by the right stimulus. A mare in heat that is not only interested but may be willing, with proper persuasion, that because of other traits is immune to anything that has interfered in the past, yeah, that is going to be a problem. So, yeah my woman apparently understands Spike a little to well too. Which is one of many reasons I love her so much.