But as she finished, she felt her climax achieve, and her juices splatter on the floor, like it had with so many other orgasms. The fake mouth rise away from Twilight's nipple. Sunset Shimmer's blush deepen.
No woman has ever felt her climax achieve. Arrive?
The fake mouth rose away? It moved away?
Sunset felt her blush deepen? Or her blush deepened
"It's almost basically 11:00," she said.
The word - basically - is redundant here. And numbers should be written out as words, not numbers. "It's almost eleven."
"Ok, wow, I've been strapped to this for almost three hours," Twilight said.
Okay. it's okay. never ok. and why would Twilight not install a kill switch that she can reach? This is the "User gets trapped in a sex machine longer than expected and oh by the way they can't escape" trope.
Twilight was panting, and let out one finale moan as another orgasm struck.
final. Not finale.
"Si want happened, anyway?"
"So what happened, anyway?"
"Yes, please," she said. Twilight stepped away from the console and featured at it.
I have NO idea what you meant here.
There's so much wrong in the last paragraph that I'm not even going to bother. Good luck with whatever this is.
I was expecting something like FISTO.
I read.
It was not something like FISTO.
I am sad.
Everyone else gonna take a turn?
8580159
I don't know what that is.
8580165
Yes.
8580243
Cool I look foreword to it.
8580281
Thanks!
8580243
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/677/665/782.jpg
So where's the EQ Tag?
8580288
Hehe. No, it's not quite like that.
8580291
I forgot to add that. I'll go do that now.
couple
console
No woman has ever felt her climax achieve. Arrive?
The fake mouth rose away? It moved away?
Sunset felt her blush deepen? Or her blush deepened
The word - basically - is redundant here. And numbers should be written out as words, not numbers. "It's almost eleven."
Okay. it's okay. never ok. and why would Twilight not install a kill switch that she can reach? This is the "User gets trapped in a sex machine longer than expected and oh by the way they can't escape" trope.
final. Not finale.
"So what happened, anyway?"
I have NO idea what you meant here.
There's so much wrong in the last paragraph that I'm not even going to bother. Good luck with whatever this is.
8581706
How did I miss all of those?! I'll go fix those, but I don't know how I missed them!
so
this was on an above corrections comment
an
8585287
Thanks.