It was a hot and humid day in the late afternoon with no breeze to speak of and not a cloud in the sky to block the burning heat of the sun shining down on Ponyville and its surroundings. This was because the pegasi on the weather team were in Cloudsdale on their annual holiday. With no one around to maintain the cloud cover work was even harder than usual over at Sweet Apple Acres.
“A little heat isn’t going to stop me from doing my job” thought Big Mac. He did his usual work all around the orchard, whether it was; was fixing a fence, or plowing the fields. Hes paid no attention to the Unicorn walking up the road towards Sweet Apple Acres.
He knew it was just one of Applejacks friends named Eyesight Glitter (or whatever her name was) She was just probably here looking for Applejack.
“Hi Big Macintosh!”said Twilight, looking tired just from the walking to Sweet Apple Acres from the library.
“Howdy Miss Eyesight” greeted Big Mac.
“Big Mac, I moved into town three years ago and you still haven’t learned my name!?” exclaimed Twilight, surprised and somewhat hurt by him never really trying to learn her name.
“Sorry Ma'am.” apologized Big Mac, now starting to walk towards the farm house.
“Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Anyway do you know where Applejack is?” inquired Twilight following Big Mac.
“Eeyup” Big Mac still said nothing more than needed to when talking to anypony.
“Oh that's good! Can you show me where she is? I really need to ask her something.”
“Eeyup” repeated Big Mac.
After walking for twenty minutes, they finally made it to the farm house where they saw Applejack sitting under a nearby tree.
“Howdy Big Mac! Howdy Twilight!” Applejack greeted warmly.
“Hello Applejack.” said Twilight as she started to walk towards the tree Applejack was under.
“Done all my chores for the day, I'm going to go hit the hay.” said Big Mac as he walked lazily off towards the farm house.
“Already? Its only seven in the afternoon. Are you really that tired? declared Applejack astonished.
“Eeyup.”
“Well, I guess I should have seen that coming on account of how hard he was working in today’s heat” observed Applejack. “Anyway what can I do for ya Twilight?”
“Hm! What?......Oh yeah I almost forgot what I came here for.” recalled Twilight, blushing a little because she caught herself watching Big Mac. “Oh yes now I remember! Applejack, would you be able to help me with a experiment? I kind of need some of your trees for it.” Twilight asked,
“Sure thing Twilight when do you need help?” inquired Applejack.
“At midnight tonight if its alright with you.”
“Sure thing”
“Oh and also you wouldn't happen to know where Smarty Pants my doll is I haven’t seen it since the incident. I've asked around for her, but no one else has seen her since then either.” Twilight asked.
“Wait a minute! Did your doll have mismatched eyes and pants that were blue with white polka dots?”
“Yes she did have that!” said Twilight excitedly “Do you know where it is!?”
“Sure do! Big Macs had it ever since it happened.”
“Really?” Said Twilight confusedly
“Yep he sure does loves that doll, he sleeps with it every night. Its almost as if he were under the spell still” Said Applejack
“Maybe Big Mac is still under the influence of that spell I did on the doll. Because he was buried by everyone else when the princess dispelled it. It is quite possible the counter spell didn’t penetrate to him completely.” Said Twilight
“Well do you think that you could possibly remove the spell yourself at this point?” Said Applejack.
"I think so but seeing as he's been under the influence of spell for so long removing the spell wouldn’t do anything really I will just have to erase all his memories relating to the doll instead. And that should leave him just fine.” Said Twilight
“Alrighty then lets go and fix Big Mac and get your doll back”said Applejack already walking towards the house with Twilight following
Just before Big Mac got in bed he reached under his bed to grab the Miss Smarty Pants doll and told her about the work he did today and about how hot and tired he was after all that work. And then about how Twilight came looking for Applejack. Then after a while of talking he drifted off to sleep. All the while in the back of Big Macs mind he knew he was talking to a doll and he knew that it wasn’t really listening or at least he thought it wasn’t. For little did he know that the doll had actually been listening to him. Ever since he had brought that doll home she had actually started to really love how he talked to her like she really was someone, someone that would hold her every night. Someone that she was more than just some raggedy old doll to. Someone that could love her.
“Okay now be sure to be quite, we don’t want to wake Big Mac”said Twilight in a quiet voice that almost anyone within arms length would have struggled to hear but was loud enough for Applejack to hear.
“Okay Twilight you go ahead go into his room and remove the spell or whatever it was that you were going to do while I go ahead and try to grab the doll” said Applejack in a equally quiet voice while she was slowly and quietly opening the door to Big Macs room.
And there laying in his bed was Big Mac peacefully sleeping with Miss Smarty Pants being held in his arms. As Applejack started walking over to where Big Mac slept Twilight began to work on the memory erasure spell making her horn glow purple and also causing Big Macs head also to glow, while Applejack was working on trying to remove the doll from Big Macs arms Twilight went ahead and did a spell also to make sure that Big Mac wouldn’t wake up at all for a hour. So Applejack knowing it was completely safe now to just take the doll out of his she did so without any concern about moving him to much.
And now with the two mares having accomplished what they came in for. They proceeded to head off towards where Twilight needed Applejacks assistance.
I'm glad to see this up. Really good. Only one small mistake to point out, since you asked, " As Applejack started walking over to where Big Mac slept Twilight began to work on the memory erasure spell making her horn glow purple and also causing Big Macs head also t glow, while Applejack was working on trying to remove the doll from Big Macs arms Twilight went ahead and did a spell also to make sure that Big Mac wouldn’t wake up at all for a hour." I think you were going for "causing Big Mac's head also to glow" There are no other mistakes and this one is really easy to make, I just wanted to help.
I really like how this is starting out and I'm feeling sad that this may remove Big Mac's memories, especially sense Smarty Pants really appreciates the way he treats her. I look forward to reading more and if you need any more assistance just send me a message.
nice story so far
I love this pairing! I love it so damn much and I always appreciate it when I find it.
I love it so much I must correct as I go:
there annual holiday: their annual holiday
than its usual: than usual (the its is entirely superfluous)
job” thought Big Mac as he did his usual work all around the orchard wether it was was fixing a fence: job,” thought Big Mac as he did his usual work all around the orchard; whether it was fixing a fence
Knowing it was just one of Applejacks friends named Eyesight Glitter or whatever her name was, she was just probably here looking for Applejack.: (This is a sentence fragment, you should start it with a subject and not a gerund, like, "Big Mac knew it was..." also, "Applejack's", possessive, not plural. And you may or may not want a semicolon after "her name was.")
my name!?”Said Twilight surprised and somewhat hurt by: (Use a more active verb than "said" like "shouted" or "exclaimed", aplso place a comma after "Twilight" and a space after the quotation marks.)
“Sorry Mam” Said Big (Unintentional hilarity aside) "Sorry, ma'am." Said Big
(That's... enough to give you some idea. I note you miss punctuation in quotations and you missed a few close quotes.)
949477 Thanks for your feedback.
949503 Thanks I hope I can keep the ball rolling.
949924 I like this pairing to and i'm surprised that there aren't that many stories with this pairing.
949995 Wow........ I was really not expecting that thorough of a feedback comment.
I will try to decipher what some of your comment means but I will probably need some more help from you to really nail it.
I really appreciate these kind of comments because they are really helpful. Thank you
950195
I did a story called "The Plaything" with this couple. Smarty Pants is brought to life by Twilight and she and Big Mac fall in love. It's a semi-tragedy because she can't be brought back again without making her depressed over her state.
My comments are pretty standard. But then, I'm a university trained editor and I used to do essay cleanup for most of the guys in my dorm hall. Basically I'm trying to make you aware of broader issues. Missing quotation marks, and some very bad spacing errors. One part has you dropping the end of a paragraph to the next line. And a story with this couple deserves a glowing polish
Very interesting. It kind of reminds me of some of the stories I would read when I was younger. Keep it up!
950195 sweet you can do it
It doesn't look like you changed anything. Did you forget to save the changes before closing the edit box?
Oh crap I forgot
963615
Once again, you may have missed the save. Or you missed a lot. Including some of the corrections I suggested like the possessive apostrophes, and one instance of using "quite" when you mean "quiet."