You keep switching between first and third perspective, and I don't just mean in the parts where Link's thinking to himself. Also, that ending was very confusing and weirdly paced. It wasn't clear when he passed out, and it wasn't clear what happened with Nightmare Moon. Also, WTF is with the Koala bears and how does that break her hold on him? The story is still interesting enough to keep following, but it could really use some cleaning up.
8341279 I'll point this out to my editer, perhaps he overlooked alot of things.
By the way, he passed out from blood loss at the end, "felt himself creep deep into darknessā¦ feeling colder by the momentā¦"
The Koala bears part was suppose to be him being delusional. This version of Nightmare Moon is immature in this current time period and gets stronger by feeding onto the dreamer's nightmares.
You keep switching between first and third perspective, and I don't just mean in the parts where Link's thinking to himself. Also, that ending was very confusing and weirdly paced. It wasn't clear when he passed out, and it wasn't clear what happened with Nightmare Moon. Also, WTF is with the Koala bears and how does that break her hold on him? The story is still interesting enough to keep following, but it could really use some cleaning up.
8341279
I'll point this out to my editer, perhaps he overlooked alot of things.
By the way, he passed out from blood loss at the end, "felt himself creep deep into darknessā¦ feeling colder by the momentā¦"
The Koala bears part was suppose to be him being delusional. This version of Nightmare Moon is immature in this current time period and gets stronger by feeding onto the dreamer's nightmares.
8341288
Maybe. We all have off days, after all.
8341299
Sorry about the confusion.
8341315
No apology needed
8341331
Ok, hopefully me and my editer got everything fixed.
8341371
I sent you a PM with a few helpful tips
8341420
Thank you for pointing out the errors within the text, as well as the suggestion for clarifying the final part with NMM.
I, for one, must accept that I must've been tired at the time, since those were glaring mistakes that flew over my head.
I am confident now that the chapter is good to go.
Keep on reading! :)
8341685
Like I told DW, we all have off days. Just trying to pass on the lessons I've learned in my time writing on this site
8341724
Thanks, I wasn't offended by it, in fact I appreciated it.
I cannot learn if I don't know what went wrong, right?
8342210
I say the same thing all the time when people offer constructive criticism on my stories.
8342220
Lol, Really?
Feel free to comment, it means that the story drew your attention. :)
I'm curious since it sounded like he would dislike both sisters at the moment.