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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Another great chapter for another great fanfic
This monstrosity is one sentence. It should be at least two, preferably three.
Proposition? And comma before appellations.
Missing period. And another one in the next paragraph.
bold: redundancy. underline: capitalization. italics: weird wording. try "Showed him her notepad."
You have a period where there should be a comma. See bold.
See above. And that is pleading, no "all-but" about it.
Period after "Agreed". New sentence. Comma, not period. Naked sentence fragment.
As they walked in the direction of their office on *Pudding *Lane... what? Finish that sentence. Remove the bolded "and", and swap "we" and "then", remove "for this"
Right. This is a doozy. bold: run-on sentence. italics: fragment. bold: conjoined sentence/fragment. underline: remove "and". italics: try "with blonde hair" instead of "her short blonde hair" and mind the redundancy. Word check: Perk. To become more cheerful, lively, or friendly. I'd rewrite the sentence altogether myself. Lagoon isn't a color I've heard of. I'm not sure if it's referring to a blue, green, or something in between. italics: redundancy. You say the same thing twice. bold: poorly constructed sentence, followed by a fragment.
bold: More saying the same thing over and over and over. italics: Quit dancing around. "This confused Lyra."—Done. Comma before addressing people. "Why are you following me around, Miss?" Come on.
I'm getting exasperated reading this. Do you have an actual editor or proofreader to show this to, or am I the only one?
I need more of this in my life. Please update
No Daybreaker gets on Celestia's nerves. She needs to get laid.
I just got done reading the last chapter can't wait for new updates and also favored it if you want to start to get more likes you have to come up with more chapters until then good work you are a great writer at work
9049185
Thank you I am humbled by your praise and I'm only 1/3 of the way through what I wish to tell